Accidents happen. We all know that. We can’t prevent everything because we can’t predict everything. That’s probably what the thought process was behind the age-old adage, “there’s no sense crying over spilled milk.” Sure, that phrase has been said to death, but it’s still important to remember it anytime you screw up unintentionally.
The only thing worse than an accident is doing something dumb on purpose, then claiming it was an accident. You’re not fooling anybody when you do that. When you tell someone you “accidentally” jumped from the roof to the trampoline and broke your leg and two plant urns in the process, don’t expect anyone to buy that excuse. Somebody should have told that to the people who took these 15 “accidental” selfies that were in no way accidental.
15. Lying lips
Okay, let’s do a quick run down of the process of taking an “accidental” selfie. You pull out your phone and, somehow, you turn it to front camera and you see your face. Then, without warning, your phone mutinies. Suddenly, it’s the one calling the shots, and out of nowhere it just takes a selfie of you.
Guys. You do realize that even if you did take an accidental selfie—like, your phone totally took a picture of your face all by itself and you had absolutely nothing to do with it—even if that happened, you don’t have to post the picture. You do know that, right? So the next time you post an “accidental” selfie, don’t. Or at least, don’t try to convince people that you hadn’t done your lips yet.
14. The toddler took the picture. Riiiiiiiiiight
Sure. Right. Uh huh. You played no part in this. The toddler took the selfie. Of course. The small child, who can’t even figure out which shape goes into which hole on his sorting cube, miraculously figured out how to work the camera on your iPhone and snapped a picture of you both. And what’s more is that he managed to do all of this without moving his arms. Yeah, that sounds legit.
Look, girl. You want to take a selfie of you and your baby, that’s cool. Just don’t try to convince us that he’s the one who took it. We can see quite plainly that his arms are by his sides. Unless his forearms are the size of an ape’s, there’s no way in hell he took this picture.
13. Cheesy selfie
This “accidental” selfie, has a lot going on, and it raises a sh*t ton of questions. Who sets their phone down at precisely the right angle to capture them warming up before exercise? Who then uploads that picture to social media? Also, as the commenter said, why the hell was this guy talking to himself while stretching? That’s just weird.
And another thing. If you feel the need to walk us through the process of how you accidentally took a selfie, you didn’t actually take an accidental selfie. We mean, if you have to tell us that your phone is voice operated, and that, for whatever reason, you said “cheese” while you were stretching, then you’re lying. Oh, and by the way, you don’t look “smart.” You look like a friggin’ jackass.
Another “accidental” selfie taken by a toddler? It’s more than just a stupid cover story for taking a selfie. At this point, it’s a downright trend! Before you know it, Snapchat and Instagram are going to be overflowing with selfies taken by toddlers.
The funny thing about all of these “accidental” selfies is that they don’t look accidental at all. Could it be that these picture are all *gasp* staged?! In case you couldn’t tell, that was sarcasm. Heavy sarcasm. We know this lady’s son wasn’t trying to snap a candid pic of his mom. He’s four. Amateur photography is probably not what’s on his mind. Besides, if your toddler stole your phone and you were trying to get it back, we bet you wouldn’t look so pretty and composed in your “accidental” selfie.
11. She is her own “worst angel”
You’ve heard of the expression, “you are your own worst enemy,” right? Well, we would like to make a motion to change that to, “you are your own worst angel.” Why? Because it sounds ridiculous. Girl, you crazy. You said this is your worst angle, being a pregnant woman. If this were your worst angle, then why is your makeup on fleek and why can’t we see your pregnant belly? Something’s not adding up.
This mom-to-be claims that her phone snapped a picture of her all by itself. Huh. Really? Is that right? Because it looks like what happened was you had your camera on front view and you discovered that you looked super fly when your selfies were taken from the floor of the backseat of your car.
10. Bruh, no one believes that
Sigh. This poor dude. He just doesn’t get it. Does he not realize A) that nobody cares about a mirror with the letters “E” and “F” carved into it; B) that there were better ways of taking a picture of the mirror without taking an “accidental” selfie in the process; C) that neither of those things matter because nobody buys his “jacked up mirror in a sketchy bathroom” story anyway?
The guy says he’s twenty-four, so he’s still young enough to be making stupid mistakes. But he’s also at that age where you actually need to start thinking about what you say and do. You need to consider the consequences of your actions. For instance, when taking this “accidental” selfie, this guy should’ve considered the fact that we would be calling him a punk ass idiot because of it.
9. Nobody’s falling for this excuse
Do these people just saunter around with seductive looking faces all the time? It seems like that’s what they would have us all believe. Because in all of these supposed “accidental” selfies, they’re always wearing sexy expressions. If we didn’t know that all of these selfies were actually deliberate, we would be totally creeped out to think that these schmoes are all walking around their houses, carrying on with their day-to-day lives while wearing such provocative expressions.
We love how this girl is like, “oh, I was actually scratching my neck, but my finger slipped.” Sweetheart, ain’t nobody falling for that. You better think up some better excuses for all of your “accidental” selfies, because this one is flimsier than a tissue paper house in the middle of a hurricane.
8. Haven’t you heard of mirrors?
So this woman says that she was just checking her makeup on her phone. Hasn’t she ever heard of mirrors? We mean, we read her comment. We know her husband is in the shower. It could be that the only mirrors in the house are in the bathroom, and she can’t get to them right now. But, you know what? We don’t buy that. Doesn’t she have a compact mirror in her purse? Couldn’t she check her makeup in the reflection in the side of the toaster? Don’t hand us that paper-thin excuse and expect us to take it unquestioningly.
7. Selfie courtesy of weird stranger
Shouldn’t this guy be a bit more concerned that the passenger who sat in front of him on his flight thought it was totally normal to take a picture of a sleeping stranger? Is he just going to ignore the fact that that is creepy AF? Well, whatever. It’s not like a stranger actually took this picture anyway. This pretty boy just shut his eyes, held his phone out and took one of those “LOL, bae caught me sleepin” type selfies.
Although… do we smell a trend? How long before strangers start taking pictures of sleeping people and posting them to social media? We mean, we live in a world where people wear jeggings and think Harambe’s death was an inside job. Sleeping stranger selfies are not out of the realm of possibility.
6. Sure. Blame it on the phone
We don’t know about you people reading this post, but the only time we ever genuinely smile is when our phone goes on a picture-taking tirade. We just love it when our phone takes a bunch of pictures randomly! It’s so funny, and it makes us so inexplicably happy, that we just can’t help but smile real big and pretty, just like the girl in this “accidental” selfie!
This is a new low. Blaming it on the phone? It’s not your Galaxy’s fault that you can’t get your crap together. Next time, just suck it up and own up to having taken a selfie. Saying that you took a selfie is always a billion times better than taking a selfie and telling everyone it was just your phone acting weird.
5. This selfie is as real as her nails
Dammit. All of these people are so photogenic in their accidental selfies. We can’t be photogenic in any picture we’re in, including selfies. We spend, like, fifteen minutes trying to get a good angle on all of our headshots. Meanwhile, these gorgeous people are getting awesome pictures constantly, and they aren’t even trying! It’s just not fair.
We’re happy for this girl. We really are. Getting cute messages from your boyfriend? That’s awesome. Good for her. But if she could just not try to convince us that this picture was unintentional, that would be nice. Also—and this goes for everybody—before you take a selfie (“accidental” or otherwise), always make sure you get the lipstick off of your teeth. Seriously, can we get this girl a tissue? That smudge is very distracting.
4. You wish you looked like Luna Lovegood
What was that? What the hell did you just say about Luna Lovegood? “The dopey blonde one”? You listen here, you little twerp. You will never be half as awesome as Luna Lovegood, and she’s just a character from a book! If a real person is worse than a literary character, that’s just sad. That’s right, you are sad. Because you will never know love or friendship. And we feel sorry for you.
Look, just keep taking your stupid, dumb not-on-purpose-but-really-on-purpose selfies. We can’t stop you. But you had all better shut your whore mouths about Harry Potter characters. If you can’t say anything nice about them, you had better not saying anything at all, got it? ‘Cause next time, we won’t be asking nice.
3. At least he was “awared” of the camera
Wow. It was hella nice of this guy’s camera to use that focus effect while taking a totally and completely accidental selfie. Which version of the iPhone takes candid pictures of you without telling it to do so? All our phone camera ever does is make us look horrible and ugly (which, you could argue is the way we always look, but we’re having self-esteem issues right now, so could you not?).
*Facepalms, sighs, takes out a cigarette* Gaw lee, you guys. We don’t even smoke, but after seeing this post, we feel compelled to. After all, we have to do something to relieve this tension. And it’s too early in the day to drink. Besides, we’re at work. Anyway. We’ll be right back. We have to go find a lighter.
2. Well, she’s right about one thing
Alright! That does it! We can’t take anymore of these stupid selfies! You absolute effing wankers need to take this sh*t someplace else. We like to think that we’re patient people, but we have had it up to here with your “accidental” pictures. We never want to see you or your phones or your selfies sticks ever again. You all need to go to your rooms and think about what you’ve done.
Still, this girl was right about one thing. She definitely does look like the cover of a romance novel. We like to think it’s a really sappy romance novel. A book with terrible writing and a horrible storyline. We hope that the book she’s on the cover of doesn’t sell at all. That will teach her to take “accidental” selfies and post them to the internet.
1. Well, he’s right about one thing
‘Kay, we don’t believe for a second that this picture was accidental. This guy can claim that all he wants, but we aren’t buying it. However, we are behind him 100% when he says that this is the most “f**kboy picture” he’s ever taken. We would even go so far as to say that this is the most f**kboy picture in the history of ever. That’s right. He’s the #1 f**kboy. He probably wouldn’t want that fact paraded around.
Here’s a tip. If you don’t want your phone to snap a picture of you while you’re stretching and looking like an idiot, don’t hold your phone directly above you. It’s really not that hard not to take a selfie. You should try it, because we can’t take it anymore.