Life is hard. We have found that the reason this is the case is mostly because other people are idiots. To be sure, life is much easier when you’re smart. But even if your level of intelligence rivals that of Einstein’s or Elon Musk’s, there’s still no guarantee that everything will go smoothly for you. Maybe you’re smart, but other people aren’t, and they can, and will, come into your life to eff sh*t up.
Accidents happen. Just like these 15 annoying people who make us die a little inside. And, yes, just in case that wasn’t clear enough for you, we are saying that these people are accidents. Sure, it sounds harsh, but once you see these pictures, you’ll agree with us. So go ahead and check them out…if you dare.
15. Parking is hard
“My parking job stinks, right? Sorry about that. Parking’s hard enough for me, what with my depth perception issues and my imbecility—both of which run in the family. But to make matters worse, they insist on painting those lines all over the asphalt! What is this, geometry? Stop putting lines all over the parking lot. It just makes things even more confusing. I don’t need that.”
Those lines aren’t self-explanatory. How are you supposed to just automatically know to park your vehicle in between them? But, uh, next time, try to put a little more effort into your parking job, because this makes it look like you’re not even trying. In fact, it does worse than that. It makes you look like a jerk for taking up three spaces with one car.
14. A new kind of cookie monster
*Offended British guy voice* “How dare you, sir! Your Oreo icing eating antics offend us, old chap! Remove yourself from our line of sight, governor! And take your useless, stale, disappointingly empty chocolate cookies with you when you go, old bean. They’re of no use to us now, dear fellow.” Okay, thus ends our offended British guy skit. Thanks for sticking around for that. Hope you enjoyed it. We know we had fun!
We love the icing inside of the Oreo, too, but you can’t just lick the icing off and put the two cookies back in the package! We are not animals! The same laws of cookie eating apply to all of us. If you want to enjoy the sweet taste of Oreo icing, you eat the entire Oreo, just like everybody else.
13. Let’s all chip in and buy this guy a foot bath
This happened to us once. It was the last time we ever used public transit. Are you happy, disgusting barefooted jerks? You’re the reason we had to buy a car, and you’re the reason why our carbon footprint has gotten so big. When scientists find out that hole in the ozone layer has expanded, you’re going to start seeing a lot of fingers being pointed toward you. Actually, we bet this person already sees a lot of fingers being pointed toward them, but it’s probably not the same finger, if ya know what we mean.
We can’t make you wear shoes. You want to run around barefoot, that’s your business. But keep your filthy feet the hell away from us, do you understand? And do something about those toenails, for Pete’s sake!
12. Go be stupid someplace else
GAH! Why do we let idiots drive?! There has to be some way to prevent them from getting on the roadway. Hmm. Aha! We know! How about if we make everyone take a test before they’re allowed to drive? Yeah! That’s perfect! Now, if people want to drive, they’ll have to be qualified! Brilliant! What’s that? People already have to take a test to drive? Oh. Well, then how the heck are idiots like this managing to pass it?!
Our parents told us that if we can’t say something nice, we shouldn’t say anything at all. That’s a hard motto to live by. We often fall short of it, too, but we at least we always try. Sadly, “You’re an ass” is the nicest thing we can think to say about this person.
11. A “pizza” us is dead inside
Gary thought that it would be funny to play a prank on his friends. So while Steven and Bert were in the kitchen, Gary carefully cut a circle out of the middle of their medium sized pizza. When Steven and Bert returned, ready to enjoy a slice of extra cheese pizza while playing video games, they saw what Gary had done. Then, calmly, they went into the garage, found their baseball bats, and gave Gary a beating that he’ll never forget.
Gary made a part of his friends die inside, so they made him suffer, too. Now, Gary’s legs don’t work and he can’t feel his face. That’s what happens to annoying people who ruin pizza for no reason. So for your friends’ sake, and yours, don’t be like Gary.
10. What the actual hell, lady?
We’ve been having a pretty rough day. Ever since we looked at this picture, it’s all been going downhill. First, we remembered all of the times we drank from public water fountains, and wondered how many of those had been used as a doggie bidet. We then proceeded to throw up all over ourselves. Shortly after that, a small part of us died inside. We’ve made several attempts to revive it, but with no success. It’s likely that we’ll never recover from this. Anyway, enough about us. How are you doing?
So this is where we are as a society. We’re at the point where people are cleaning their dogs asses in fountains where other people drink from. This is so…so disappointing. Maybe things will get better once the aliens invade.
9. Gee, wonder how it ends?
They called him “The Green Pen.” He was mysterious. Elusive. His mark could be found in nearly half the books in the Beddington High School library. And woe to anyone who checked out one of the books he’d marked as his own. The Green Pen didn’t just read books and take them back to the library. No, no. That wasn’t enough for him. He couldn’t be satisfied with reading a good story. He had to ruin it for everyone else. So that’s exactly what he did.
For weeks, The Green Pen managed to slip by undetected. Of Mice and Men, Little Dorrit, Animal Farm—all of the classics were returned with their plots spoiled in big green letters on the front page. Eventually, The Green Pen was stopped. But the damage he inflicted lasts to this day.
8. Ain’t nobody got time for that
Whether you prefer the toilet paper to go over the top of the roll or under the bottom, we think we can put aside our differences long enough to agree that people who place a new roll of toilet paper on top of an empty roll, without doing the right thing and changing it out, suck on toast.
This is just wrong. What does this say about you as a person? Don’t you think that this kind of lazy, annoying move will reflect badly on your character? People are going to come into your home and use your bathroom and see this disaster, and then they’re going to walk out on you forever. People are going to stop loving you because of this. We’re not trying to scare you, but yes we are.
7. Stay in your lane. Literally
Can we all agree that people who ride their bikes on roadways are arrogant jerks? They act like they’re the only ones in the world! They don’t obey the traffic laws even though they’re supposed to, they pull out in front of you and go slower than molasses in January and when they’re all in a group together, they ride beside each other instead of in a line. It’s like you morons want to get hit.
We never liked the bike riders, but this is the nail on the coffin. We bend over backwards to accommodate you self-important people, and it’s still not good enough for you. Look! You have your own lane! It was designed for bike riders! Why must you ride in the center of the road and cause us to suffer?
6. Damn kids
This was done by a kid. We don’t have proof, we just know. Parents, we understand that you have a tough job, and that it can be tempting to let your kids run riot in the grocery store just so can get a little break. But you guys have got to keep a closer eye on your spawn. You were the ones who decided to have kids, not us. We didn’t sign up for it, so we shouldn’t have to pay for it.
Hold on a minute. That apple hasn’t started to turn brown, yet. That means this just happened. The culprit must still be around here, somewhere! Quick, let’s put together a posse and see if we can’t lasso us up some annoying people and bring ’em to justice! *places cowboy hat on head*
5. Slow down, Speed Racer
Oh, okay. We see how it is. We do 31 MPH when the speed limit is 30, and we get a ticket, but when other drivers do something really stupid, they get a free pass. Makes perfect sense. Except that it doesn’t. We’re bitter about this. It’s not like this person was doing 70, or drinking vodka and steering with his feet! Hell, they may not even have had their foot on the gas, they might have just been coasting downhill!
This person didn’t deserve to be ticketed, but there are plenty of people out there who ought to be. Where the heck was this cop when that idiot was blocking the intersection earlier on in the post? How come that person got off scot-free? We know life’s not fair, but come on!
4. Ice cream nightmare
*We see this image of a half gallon of Neapolitan ice cream with the chocolate layer eaten out of the middle. We stare into the distance. Our eyes gloss over. Gunfire, grenades, the clashing of bayonets. Our ears ring with the din of battle. Flashing before our eyes is that one image of the ravaged package of Oreo cookies that we saw earlier on in this post—the cookies licked icing-less, then tossed aside like garbage. It dawns on us that though we are on the side of the angels, we are fighting a losing battle. A tear rolls down our cheek. There is no hope. A part of us is gone, never to return, and it’s all because of annoying people. The enemy greatly outnumbers us. All is lost. War is hell.*
3. Filthy pigs
Filthy pigs, coming into the cinema and turning the whole aisle into a sty. These are the same people who have loud conversations and kick the back of your seat throughout the movie. They don’t give AF about you, or about how their actions might affect you, or about anything, really. They exist for the sole purpose of annoying the ever living crap out of us. With their amazing abilities of irritation, they feed off of our souls until a part inside of us dies a little. They’re like real life dementors.
If this is what the floor of the movie theater looked like after these monsters watched Smurfs: The Lost Village, just imagine what their house looks like. Makes us want to take a shower just thinking about it.
2. -1 for being an anal jerk
Hey, nuh-uh! We call foul on this one! Sheesh, cut the kid some slack, alright? Maybe the reason she can’t align the staples correctly is because she’s blinded by all of this homework. And we thought our teacher was a wet blanket. What a drag this one is! We bet this teacher’s related to that cop who ticketed somebody for going one mile per hour above the speed limit.
Look, we’re perfectionists, too. Nobody loves to nitpick as much as we do, but even we wouldn’t have taken off a point for the supposed incorrect placement of a staple. If you’re so anal that you take off points on a kid’s math homework because of something so inconsequential as a staple, you need to step back and examine your life. It’s time to get some perspective.
1. The garbage ain’t gonna take itself out
Suddenly, we miss our mom. The way she got cigarette butts in our omelette every morning. The way she refused to kiss us goodbye at summer camp because we were “too old for kisses, so quit your crying, you pansy!” The way she always yelled at us to “take out the damn trash!” Oh, Mom, how we miss you. Why’d you have to meet that guy online and leave us?
It turns out “take out the damn trash” was literally the only bit of sage advice we ever received from our mother. But sage advice it is. From now on, don’t be like this ass who let the garbage pile up and caused us to die a little inside. Grab a couple of Hefty brand garbage bags and take that sh*t out. Thank you, won’t you?