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15 Celebrities Who Are Total Slytherins

By: In: Pop Culture
15 Celebrities Who Are Total Slytherins

Thanks to people like Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange, and the Malfoy clan, Slytherin House has gotten a bad reputation in the Harry Potter universe. However, Slytherins aren’t totally bad (even if they do produce the largest amount of Dark Wizards compared to other Houses). In fact, it’s not surprising that a lot of celebrities could be considered Slytherins, since it takes quite a bit of ambition to be able to make it in an industry so competitive and cutthroat. In Salazar Slytherin’s House, ambition, resourcefulness, and creativity are prized, which is why we might find a few bad MF-ers on this list of celebrities who are totally Slytherins (since they’re the type of people who will do whatever it takes to get what they want – for better or for worse). Hating on the House of the Serpent is totally unfair since any of us who have big dreams and the determination and ambition to make them happen might have a little bit of Slytherin inside us – it’s just that these celebs happen to have a whole lot more.

15. Adam Sandler

via rollingstone.com

When we consider the fact that Adam Sandler has essentially been making the same movie with the same old jokes for the last decade or so, we can see why he totally fits in with Slytherin House. Who else would want to inflict that much pain on the public over and over? Hugely ambitious, Sandler first started to get recognition during his stint on Saturday Night Live, before moving onto a successful movie career. Which have grossed over $2 billion all together. To do this, Sandler started his own production company, Happy Madison, which was a cunning move any good Slytherin would make; since it allows for creative freedom (and sometimes lack thereof). While Sandler’s hard work and likability in the beginning may have put him in Hufflepuff, as he’s aged, he definitely seems a lot more at home in Slytherin!

14. Dr. Phil

via sheknows.com

 

Another maybe-Hufflepuff who morphed into full-blown Slytherin, Dr. Phil’s career initially took off with the help of Oprah, who gave him his own talk show. Since then, however, Dr. Phil has used his fame to keep his show going for 14 seasons and put himself as the 15th highest-paid celebrity according to Forbes in 2015! Those are some numbers any Slytherin would be proud of!

In addition to working his public image to benefit himself, he’s also been using his supposed “self-help” talk-show to shill skincare products for his wife. Another indicator of his Slytherin-esque personality: bringing back the “Cash Me Ousside” girl, since she had earned him incredible ratings and got him back into the public eye with her Internet meme. While claiming to attempt to help her, it was really a move to boost his show, which is totally something that fits in Slytherin’s dungeons.

13. Alec Baldwin

via huffingtonpost.com

It takes a lot of balls to mock the leader of the free world every week on SNL, but when they’re a Slytherin like Alec Baldwin, they relish the opportunity. In addition to this recent gig – which has won him worldwide attention and acclaim – he also has the distinction of being the actor with the most SAG Awards to date, plus a few Golden Globes and a couple Emmys to his name.

Clearly, this Baldwin brother is definitely checking the boxes when it comes to creativity and ambition, but he’s also known for having a bit of a temper, which gives him a touch of Gryffindor’s fire alongside Slytherin’s malice. He’s had much-publicized issues with anger, in which he’s assaulted photographers, become belligerent with airplane personnel, and left insulting phone messages to his then-12-year-old daughter. Sometimes, when celebrities a Slytherin, there’s definitely some bad that comes with the good.

12. Demi Lovato

via fuse.tv

Demi Lovato is a Gryffindor in a lot of ways, specifically in her willingness to speak out against her own personal demons. With that being said, the actress, singer, and TV host is also happy to engage in her fair share of public feuds, which ensure she’s kept in the public eye even when she’s busy working on a new album, on tour, on doing some of her philanthropic work. A true testament to the belief that not all Slytherins are bad, Demi’s ambition and creativity are remarkable, even though she’s willing to step on the toes of others to make it happen. From fights with Kathy Griffin, to Perez Hilton, to Mariah Carey, Demi isn’t afraid to throw herself in the ring, even if she’s using a subtweet to do it (just look at here remarks regarding Taylor Swift).

11. Angelina Jolie

via today.com

Okay, hear me out! I know a lot of readers are going to say that Angelina Jolie is clearly a Gryffindor, just look at all her humanitarian efforts and her gaggle of children! To that I say, exactly! She’s managed to convince us that she’s a Gryffindor, which is exactly what makes her such a good Slytherin.

Before Jolie became the Earth mother we know her to be, she was edgy, carrying around vials of blood, and making out with her brother. That sounds pretty over the top, and it seems like she realized what she needed to do to be taken seriously, which was a complete personality 180. However, since her divorce from Brad Pitt, she’s gone on an unceasing crusade to destroy his name and reputation among his colleagues and children, while portraying herself as a domestic and devoted mother. Sounds like a Slytherin to us!

10. Rihanna

via aaronng88.blogspot.com

Rihanna may be brave when it comes to fashion, but girl is also a cold hard b***h who doesn’t take it from anyone! She’s also a badass, and we all know the baddest of the bad are likely to be found in Slytherin. She’s hugely successful, but has also had her fair share of controversy, including when she was rumored to have had an affair with Jay-Z – a rumor that she helped stoke the fires of, which is a Slytherin move if we’re looking to cut our losses to get where we need to be.

Additionally, if we look at Rihanna’s romantic relationships, we can see how she’s a total Slytherin. When she and Drake were involved, it’s obvious that she had the upper hand, since he followed her around like a puppy. The way she was able to use him for her needs has Slytherin written all over it.

9. Ariana Grande

via magazine.nicktv.it

You can pretty much tell that Ariana Grande’s innocent act is exactly that – an act – but it’s one she’s been able to leverage throughout most of her career to catapult her to platinum status in a pretty short period of time. There’s that trademark Slytherin cunning and ambition! Add to that the fact that Grande is a self-professed Slytherin, according to the results of her Pottermore quiz!

However, Grande also showed her youth in the Slytherin house, when she let her carefully crafted persona slip by licking some doughnuts, said she hated America, and cursed her fans under her breath. That nastiness seems like she would get along great with another mean-spirited Slytherin girl: Pansy Parkinson. Another clear marker of the talented singer’s spot in Slytherin: that diva attitude she has, which doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, and would probably flourish in the Hogwarts dungeons.

8. Nicki Minaj

via dailymail.co.uk

Um, hello, she has a song called “Anaconda,” so clearly Nicki Minaj is a total Slytherin! As a crazy ambitious (and crazy talented) MC, Nicki is a rapper whose been able to earn a great deal of respect from the hip hop community for her ability to spit scathing rhymes that effectively eviscerate any of her enemies. That talent has the scales of Slytherin all over it! Additionally, Nicki has also been able to work her physical appearance to her advantage, transforming herself into a buxom, candy-coloured cartoon character with a level of creativity that totally belongs to the house of green and silver.

Remember “Miley, what’s good?” and her Twitter blast to Taylor Swift? Nicki’s public feuds seem to work to her benefit, enhancing her image as a rapper who can duke it out with the dudes and proving that while she’s fearless, she’s also cunning as hell.

7. Zayn

via instyle.com

When a person chooses to ditch their ultra-successful boy band to start their own solo career, only to publicly diss said boy band, get in online feuds with its former members, and watch them go on an indefinite hiatus without them. they pretty much belong with the snaky Slytherins. All of that is clearly the case for Zayn, who hasn’t been hurting for fame after leaving One Direction, while its other members have yet to receive a modicum of his recognition. With his records being well received, Zayn’s creativity is evident, but the fact that he waited until the timing was just right to ditch 1D (after first claiming that he just wanted to live a normal life) is a Slytherin move that Malfoy would be proud of. While Slytherins are known to look after their own, Zayn preferred the solo life. Ssssss!

6. Kanye West

via rollingstone.com

Kanye West is a hard one to pinpoint and put into a Hogwarts House, because he could fit into a few. That being said, if he was given the choice of joining a House that would help him get ahead, we can probably bet that he’d happily sit at the Slytherin table. Kanye’s level of ambition is insane, moving from music to fashion, and then there’s his ego, which belongs in Slytherin’s House more than anywhere else. Since Kanye regularly compares himself to Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, and Pablo Picasso, we can safely assume that his ego is pretty much allowed to run free. More on the evil side a lot of the time, Kanye’s narcissism makes him a good fit for Slytherin. Plus, once we’ve listened to his rants, it’s clear that Kanye belongs in the house that all the ambitious serpents call home.

5. Kim Kardashian

via huffingtonpost.com

Along with Kanye West, we have Kim Kardashian, but there’s no guesswork involved as to which House she belongs in. In fact, Kim’s such a Slytherin, she could even be the Head Girl! How else do we explain that much ambition and cunning nature that she was able to build a family empire off of a few well-placed connections and a sex tape? Speaking of family, Kim is also mad loyal to hers, just like any good Slytherin. She’s willing to get dirty when it comes to protecting those she loves, like when she publicly exposed Taylor Swift over the truth behind Kanye West’s song “Famous.” Ultimately, though, it’s Kim’s ambition that put her in the Slytherin dungeons, because how else do we explain the success of a woman who has had a hand in clothing, TV, cosmetics, accessories, and an app? It’s all about Slytherin, baby!

4. Kylie Jenner

via wallpapermade.com

Taking after big sis Kim, Kylie Jenner is like Slytherin Head Girl 2.0. While Kim used her PR know-how to become famous, Kylie’s worked for the next generation, shaping her public image to appeal to become a social media celebrity. In a shorter period of time than Kim (although she did have the boost of Kim and the Kardashian-Jenner name), Kylie’s become one of the most popular Insta-celebrities, and used her followers to score major endorsement deals with brands like Puma, plus her own line of cosmetics and clothing, which sells out every time they’re added back online. That’s ambitious, which is Slytherin. But Kylie also has a bit of the nasty Slytherin in her, too . With Kylie Cosmetics, she’s faced numerous allegations of copying other artists’ work, and producing shoddy products with hefty price tags. Hey, Salazar Slytherin wouldn’t have it any other way!

3. Taylor Swift

via extratv.com

The arch-enemy of two major Slytherins on this list, Taylor Swift made it through the early part of her career by portraying herself as a Hufflepuff: sweet, loyal, hard-working, goofy. But, as time went on, the badger suit came off and the snakeskin came on. Taylor is a shrewd businesswoman, leveraging her heartbreak into multi-platinum success while positioning herself as the girl who can’t help but fall hopelessly in love. Of course, we know this now to be more of an act, but an act that’s worked for her until recently. In fact, Taylor’s so aware of her image and the success it brings, she’s gotten legal with it, trademarking her lyrics and taking her music off Spotify (and briefly, Apple Music). With her eyes always trained on the prize, Taylor is the snake in badger’s clothing.

2. Kris Jenner

via etonline.com

If it seems like most of the Kardashian-Jenner clan belongs in Slytherin House, that’s because they do. For Kris Jenner, she’s been able to manipulate her family and the media to become one the most recognized faces in the world. Consistently pulling the strings behind her daughters’ success, Kris is remarkably cunning in a way that borders on sociopathy. Her willingness to sacrifice the emotional and mental stability of the ones she loves for the sake of profit are definitely the mark of a Slytherin, and her ambition knows no bounds, spreading her family across multiple TV shows and giving them the ammunition and knowledge to create their own empires. A momager and a Slytherin, it’s not hard to imagine Kris feeling right at home decked out in silver and green.

1. Kellyanne Conway

via vogue.com

I mean really, where else would Donald Trump’s spin-doctor extraordinaire belong? The woman would probably defend Voldemort himself! Kellyanne Conway is the definition of ambition, hitching herself to the winner after her original choice, Ted Cruz, was booted. In choosing to work with Trump, Conway has become the master manipulator for both herself and her boss – even if it means having to make things up. Remember the Bowling Green Massacre that never happened? Just another example of Conway’s cunning Slytherin tactics!

While not all Slytherins are evil, we could probably give Conway that trait, because how could anyone with a good heart still manage to be the customer service to the President after everything that’s happened so far? We have to put his right hand woman – who is willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead – firmly in Slytherin House!