Can we really blame the sober version of ourselves for the stuff that our drunken selves pull? Well, as much as we’d like not to, we kind of have to. There’s no way around it. When we do something after a few drinks, we kinda have to live with the consequences of it when we’re sober. Still, no matter how crazy we get after too many vodka Red Bulls, take solace in the fact that we have all been there from time to time.
Yes, we have all done stupid, crazy, dangerous things when we were drunk. It’s all part of being a human and there’s not a whole lot we can do about that. If you don’t believe me, check out some of these mistakes. I’m sure that we’ve all been down that long and wobbly road.
15. Thinking that we’re a pro on the dance floor
Most of the time, you probably know the truth about your dance moves. You know that it’s not your area of expertise, and so you avoid public dancing at all costs. No matter how much people try to get you to throw some shapes, there’s just no way that you’re going to do it. After all, the very last thing you want to do is end up making a fool of yourself in front of everyone for no damn reason. But then, you have a few drinks, and something changes. The logical part of your brain switches off and is replaced by an actual party animal. You just can’t help yourself. Before you know it, you’re up on the floor shaking what your momma gave you. It might be awkward AF but don’t worry… You so won’t remember in the morning.
14. Fixing our makeup and getting messy AF
Getting ready to go out for the night is something of a ritual for us ladies. We pop on our favourite tunes, pour out some bubbly, and get going. We will watch every YouTube tutorial out there if it means that we get our makeup just right for the night. What we don’t realize is that it really does not matter how long we take on this little step. When we look back at pictures of the night, we will have one major regret.
That’s because we always carry makeup in our bags. So, the minute that we head to the bathroom, it’s time to redo our makeup. the only problem is that our hands are shaky AF and we can hardly hold the lipstick. Ugh! Before we know it, we’re a less than hot mess.
13. Woken up the next morning to a smashed phone
My phone screen is that smashed that all my fingers are cut 🌚 #drunkenmistake
— Jade dalzell (@jade_dalzell1) April 12, 2016
These days, we all have rather snazzy phones that we want to show off to the world. These things are basically like mini computers and you can do just about everything on them. From booking your train to finding out where the best pizza in LA is, there’s nothing that these little beauties cannot manage. That’s why they are so very precious to us. Though most of us don’t care to admit it, we don’t know what we would do if we had to go without our phones.
Still, this little faux pas has happened to the best of us. We’ve all woken up to find that we somehow smashed our phone the night before. It’s a horrible feeling. Those smashed pieces of glass may as well be the broken pieces of our hearts.
12. Spent money we don’t actually have
Oh, we’ve all done this one. You might have a budget before you head out for the night but you just know that there’s basically no way on this planet that you’re gonna stick to it. You might tell other people (and, yes, yourself) that you’re going to be ‘good’. You may say that you’re going to just spend the $20 you got out of the ATM, but that never happens. Nope, the moment that first glass of vino touches your lips, you basically know that it’s game over.
For some reason, alcohol makes you think that you’re some kind of millionaire. You seem to be under the impression that you have endless money in the back, and so you can just go ahead and keep on spending. Then, when you wake up the next morning, and look at your bank, you can’t believe what you’ve done.
11. Bought WAY too much junk food at the end of the night
Why did i buy a £12 combo family bargin bucket with 14 pieces of chicken for just myself last night 😪 #drunkenmistake
— Tasha (@StreetlightGlo) January 22, 2016
Junk food. It’s as bad for us as we might imagine. Most of the time, we all try to avoid eating a bunch of this stuff at every chance we get. We can ignore the tempting smell of Taco Bell or sweet, deep-fried scents of KFC. It’s easy enough to pretend that these things don’t exist when you’re sober. You just remind yourself that you love your body and you want to be healthy AF. Simple.
Still, after having just a little too much to drink, everything goes down hill. Suddenly, all you can think about is eating something tasty and eating it right now. You don’t care how much it costs or how awful it is for you. All you care about is that it’s in your tummy and it’s in there right about now!
10. Arguing with the bouncer for no damn reason
Now, usually, we would never fight with a. bouncer. We know that these people are just doing a (hard) job and we respect them. Well, that’s before we’ve had a few drinks anyway… We’ve all had those stupid moments when we’ve ended up arguing with a doorman for no real reason. Whether it’s because he doesn’t want us in the club or because we’re too drunk to go in, it doesn’t really matter. All we care about is that this man or woman is standing in the way of something we want and we just can’t have that happen.
The next morning, we usually regret the stupid arguments we ended up having with way too many bouncers. We start wondering if we can ever show our faces again in public. After all, that kind of humiliation is a whole load to live down. Awkward.
9. Got a dumb tattoo because someone dared us to
Let’s get one thing straight here, guys… Getting a tattoo when you’re drunk is never a good idea. Oh no, this is something that will always end seriously badly and, for the most part, we know it. We might pretend that we have no idea what the consequences are. We might say that it will be a ‘laugh’ and act like it’s no big deal. Still, deep down in the most logical part of us, we know that this is one of the dumbest possible things that we can do.
Just type in ‘drunken tattoo’ on Google and you will see what I mean. There are hundreds, no thousands, of people out there who have made this stupid mistake. Remember the golden rule here: Think before you ink. Oh, and if you’re too drunk to think, just don’t ink at all, yeah?
8. Lost items of clothing!
Lost my hat last night #drunkmistake
— Anthony Simar (@thatwhitekidMN) June 6, 2015
Oh dear me. Let me take this rare opportunity to tell you a story. Once upon a time (okay, five years ago), I had this navy blue raincoat which I basically wore everywhere. It was the perfect jacket. It was smart enough to wear to work, but also casual enough to wear on a night out (which I did… a lot!). What’s more, if it ever did actually rain, I was seriously well prepared because I had a raincoat on me at all times. In short, it was the kind of coat that every girl out there dreams of having. And, I like to think, that it became something of a trademark of mine.
Then I wore it on a night out to a 90s bar. The next morning, I woke up to find it was gone… It was one of the worst experiences of my life. But hey, we’ve all been there, right?
7. Making best friends in the bathroom
When you go out with a group, it’s seriously easy to get lost in the crowds. Losing all your friends in a club is nothing short of a nightmare. It’s the stuff horror stories are made of if you ask me. Should that happen, though, you can always head right on to the bathroom and find yourself a whole load of new besties for the night. Why? Because we all make BFFs in the bathroom; well, at least, all us ladies do.
When you meet that special someone, you’re sure that you’re going to have a lasting connection with them. You can just tell. You swap numbers. Maybe you even add them on Facebook too. Then, in the morning when you’ve sobered up, you realize you don’t know who the hell this person is and delete them. Don’t lie… We’ve all been there. #ToiletBesties
6. Spending way too much on taxi fare
Really glad I just realized I spent $40 using Uber on Friday night by getting a black car instead of uberX. #drunkmistake 😔
— Ryanne Jareece (@friedryyce) April 14, 2014
Sometimes, you reach a level of drunkenness like no other. At this strange, woozy point, you know that there is only one place you need to be; at home, tucked up in bed. But wait just a darn minute here… How on earth are you going to get there? What are you going to do? All your friends are still having the time of their lives and you seriously do not want to kill the mood with your needs. So, you order a taxi, just for you. Pretty soon, you’re back in bed, watching the room spin around you. Ah, bliss.
When you wake up in the morning, though, you’re not so serene. You check your bank to find you spent a small fortune on cab fare. Why? Because you weren’t paying proper attention when you booked it. Oops. That was one expensive journey.
5. Drunkenly text your ex (even though you said you wouldn’t!)
Me: *don't drunk text tonight*
Also me: pic.twitter.com/mrnzrwP1Sk
— Kels (@kelsymj) March 7, 2017
Eek. This is one that most of us have done at some point. Here’s a major life rule: After a messy AF breakup, the last thing you should be doing is going out and getting completely hammered. Sure, it may make you feel a little better in the short term, but that feeling will not last. Before you know it, you will be hungover and lying in bed on your own. There’s nothing like that to make you truly feel the loneliest that you have ever been.
What’s more, texting said ex when you’re out will give you the worst regret of your life. You think that it won’t be ‘so bad’ or that it won’t really matter. But it will. You will regret that little message for weeks, months, and maybe even years to come.
4. Promise to do things you have zero intention of doing
Most of the time, when someone asks you to do something that you just don’t want to do, you’re polite but say no. You might use some transparent excuse and say that you’re busy or just can’t right now, but the message is clear. Us humans have our ways when it comes to wriggling out of situations that we would just rather not be in. It might not be the nicest thing in the world, but at least it means that you don’t have to do the same old boring nonsense time after time.
When you’re drunk, though, you end up agreeing to pretty much anything someone asks you. Whether they want you to look after their dog or drive them to work each day, the answer will be a big fat yes on your part.
3. End up texting your mom utter nonsense
When ur friends drunk text ur mum 😭😩 pic.twitter.com/K2er54OF2s
— soph (@soph_margaret) February 12, 2017
Now, hands up if your mom is your number one lady in life. We all love our mothers, and so when we start to get a little tipsy, there is just one person that we will be dying to speak to. Of course, drunkenly texting your mom isn’t half as bad as texting some other people we won’t mention (see above!), but it’s still pretty damn weird. Your mom is probably lying in bed relaxing and then her phone starts to buzz like crazy. Thinking it’s an emergency, she reaches for it and panics…. Only to see that its YOU being a pain and going way too over the top with texts.
If you’ve never drunk-texted your mom before now, you are seriously missing out. After all, it’s one of the best ways that you can let her know just how much you care about her.
2. Ugly cry about your ex / your job / your life
No doubt, there are things in your life that get you down or even make you cry. You know, the things that you push deep down into your darkest side and never let free. It could be the fact that you don’t love your boyfriend. It could be the idea that you will never see your ex again. It could be the way that you hate your job but are too damn scared to just quit it. We all have these secrets that we keep to ourselves and hide from the world.
When alcohol is involved, though, there are just no secrets anymore. All of that goes out of the window. Before you know it, everything you were trying to hide, bubbles to the surface and come out in a. massive ugly cry in front of everyone.
1. Head out to the casino at 4am
Finally, when you reach a special level of drunk, this will happen. It starts out as a whisper. One of your friends mentions it in passing but you try not to pay too much attention to it. After all, it’s a bad idea and, at this point, you’re still sober enough to recognize that. Still, as the night goes on, your mind starts to shift. Suddenly, going to the casino after the last bar shuts seems like a genius idea. Why on earth didn’t you think of this one before, eh?
Then everything is a blur. You’re not quite sure what happened, but you know that it was something pretty darn bad. You check your bank account. You were right. You gambled more than your month’s rent and you don’t even know why. Yikes. Oh, what a night.