Many people see cats as the perfect pets. They are low maintenance, they can basically take care of themselves and only need to be fed, watered and taken to the veterinarian when necessary. You may have seen cute cat videos online or watched that adorable kitten play with yarn in the pet store and thought, “That’s the pet for me.” Then you brought the cat home and it lost its mind and turned into a hyper, eating machine that scratches you at random and scrapes all the litter out of its box for no reason. Think cats make terrible pets? Just think of what kind of people they would be. Here are 15 hilarious photos that show why cats would make awful people.
15. They Have Attachment Issues
If there is one thing every cat owner knows, it’s that what’s yours is theirs and what’s theirs is theirs. Cats do not like to share and they basically have no understanding of boundaries. If they want to lick something, they lick it. If they want to sleep on something, they sleep on it. If they are use to something of theirs being in a certain place, you had better not move it or heaven forbid, throw it away. As you can tell from this photo, cats have attachment issues and they don’t like to share. If they really want you to leave their stuff alone, they might just mark it. When is the last time you peed on something you didn’t want someone else to touch?
14. They Will Steal Anything
Cats can’t be trusted, especially around food. Even when their bowls and tummies are full, if they see an unsupervised plate of food on the table, chances are they are going to check it out and either spill it or eat it. If you get mad when people steal your lunch from the office fridge at work, just imagine if they left cat hair behind in its place. The cat in this photo is being smart about his thievery and has come up with a plan to get that cookie off the table and onto the floor. Do cats even like cookies? Who knows, but they like being jerks so as long as the human doesn’t get to enjoy it, this cat is happy.
13. They Fall Asleep On The Job
One of the worst qualities cats have is laziness. Cats would sleep all day if they could and many of them do. They aren’t nocturnal, but they will wait until their owners go to bed to start running through the house and knocking everything off the tables, counters, and shelves. Then, after a long night of hell raising, they want to lie on the back of your couch drifting in and out of sleep and occasionally swatting your ear. Even when they should be well rested, cats seems to prefer being lazy and sleeping on anything they can find. This cat doesn’t care if his owner needs to use the computer for work or school, for now, it’s his bed. Go ahead, try to move him.
12. They Don’t Respect Your Personal Space
If you don’t already know it, you are just a puppet to your cat. When your cat is hungry, you feed it, when your cat is thirsty, you give it water, when your cat wants to be petted, you pet it and when your cat wants to use you as a chair, you are going to allow it to happen. Cats either love you or they hate you and when they love you they want to be all over you. They want to be held and petted and sometimes they want to sit on your head just to make sure they are the center of your world and have your full attention. What was that book about? That’s right, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that should matter to you is your cat’s happiness.
11. They Have No Shame
What’s that? You need some privacy to relax in the bathtub? Your cat just won’t allow that to happen. Cats are moody and if you want to hold them and pet them, they have other plans and can’t be bothered with your desires. If you want to be by yourself and don’t have time for your cats however, they will want to be right on top of you. Cat’s laugh at rules and boundaries and personal space means nothing to them. They will take their baths right in front of you and they expect you to do the same thing in front of them. If you aren’t uncomfortable, you should be. That’s the way your cat wants it.
10. They Are Promiscuous
How many times have you caught two dogs humping? Now, how many times have you caught two cats humping? There’s a reason you never see cats getting it on and that’s because they are freaks in the bedroom and want to keep their sex lives private. Not only do they have incredibly loud sex, but they will do so with multiple partners. If you don’t get your female cat fixed she will end up with numerous baby-daddies and your male cats will wander all over the neighborhood hooking up with every stray they can find. Have you ever seen a male cat raising kittens? Cats can’t use protection so if they haven’t been spayed or neutered, chances are they are happy to reproduce. Why do you think cat STDs are on the rise?
9. They Have No Sense Of Style
Cats have no sense of style and why should they, they are cats? But if cats were people they would be horribly dressed people. If you do a quick Internet search for “cats in clothes” you will see what I mean. Cat owners love to dress their cats up in ridiculous outfits and cats just aren’t amused by it. Sure, they let it happen but did you ever wonder why your cat insists on treating your favorite purse like a litter box or has scratched up your brand new suede boots? It’s just their passive aggressive way of getting even with you for dressing them up. Cats don’t wear clothes, people wear clothes and if your cat was a person he would have his own sense of style that wouldn’t match yours.
8. They Start Fights They Can’t Win
Think about your relationship with your cat. You are the one who feeds it, waters it, shelters it, and gives it affection. Now, think about how many times your cat has scratched your hand or attacked your foot as you walk by. Cat’s are instigators and they are always up for a fight. They don’t care how big you are, they will throw the first punch and the last punch and send you down the street with bloody scratches. Cats are ferocious and fearless and they don’t need a reason to attack. This poor dog didn’t want an altercation, but he ended up getting his butt handed to him by a cat that is half his size. That will teach him to mind his own business.
7. They Have No Manners
Cats are messy. They don’t like to have dirty paws but any other part of their body doesn’t seem to bother them. If food is involved, they will do whatever they can to get it. If that means digging in the trash can or snooping through the refrigerator, they don’t mind. You may notice your cat licks its lips a lot. That’s because it always has a dirty face. And cat’s aren’t only mess with their own food. They will jump up on the table just to swat over a glass of water or kick off a bowl of cereal so they can lap the milk up off the floor at their convenience. They can’t be taught good manners either and as many times as you punish them for making messes, they will do it again as soon as they get the chance.
6. They Don’t Like To Show Affection
Remember when your cat was a kitten and it loved to sleep with you and snuggle with you and be held like a baby? Kittens are cuddly and love to be given affection, but adult cats do not feel the same. Something happens to a cat when it reaches adulthood and all that affection it was once so eager to receive is now just annoying to it. If you’re going to pet your cat, you are going to do so on its terms and only when it wants to be petted. There’s no more cuddling and snuggling unless your cat is feeling lonely and initiates the affection. Oh, you got a pet to keep you from being lonely? Too bad; it looks like you should have gotten a dog because your cat is just too busy licking itself and sleeping to show you any attention or be a companion.
5. They Are Extremely Jealous
There are times when nothing you do will convince your cat to hang out with you. Instead of sitting on your lap and enjoying your company, it would rather run all over the house or give itself a bath in the corner. But the moment you bring another animal or a new person into your home, your cat will suddenly have a newfound interest in you. He may rub himself all over your ankles or jump up on your lap unexpectedly. That is because cats are jealous and the only time they want you is when they think you want someone else. You may think your cat is being friendly, but in reality, he is just checking out the competition and waiting for the perfect moment to act out and remind you that you are devoted to his needs alone. How dare you give your attention to someone else.
4. They Are Sneaky
If cats were people they would definitely be the type that lie on their online dating profiles. Cats are sneaky; so sneaky that they can be hard to like sometimes. How many times have you walked out of the room only to hear your cat jump up on the kitchen counter? How often do you catch your cat staring at your from across the room while you are eating just so it knows exactly what to snatch off your plate as soon as you get up to use the restroom? Cats just have a sneaky way about them and if your cat was a person, you definitely wouldn’t be able to trust her.
3. They Party Too Hard
Have you ever given catnip to a cat? Here’s a tip; don’t’! Cats are crazy partiers. They will stay up all night eating and drinking and chasing tail with their friends. They also don’t have any respect for your home and will destroy it overnight with their crazy behavior. Giving a cat catnip is like giving a human cocaine. It makes them crazy. You may see them jumping higher, running faster and just turning up their usual disrespectful attitudes. Cats can party harder than any human and if they were people, they would probably be wasted 24/7. The only thing worse than watching your cat running around high on catnip is watching him lie around while he’s coming down from that high.
2. They Don’t Like Children … At All
Kids love cats, but cats do not love kids. How many kittens have you brought home to your childonly to watch those kitten shred the skin on your child’s arms every time she tries to pick it up or cram it into a play shopping cart. Kids and cats have two totally different ideas of what fun means and they simply aren’t compatible. A cat may put up with a kid’s nonsense for a while, but eventually, it will snap and scratch or bite the child. Some cats put up with kids for so long that when they do snap, they take their crazy to a whole new level. If you own a cat and have kids, there will probably come a time when you have to choose to get rid of one of them. Don’t wait until the cat decides for you.
1. They Hold Grudges
Anyone who has ever owned a cat or who has been around a cat for an extended amount of time knows that you do not want to piss a cat off. Cats can hold a grudge longer than a mother-in-law and they will constantly remind you that they don’t like you. Have you ever been somewhere and had a cat dive at your head? Ever walked by a chair only to have your ankles scratched by a cat that was lying under it and waiting for the perfect time to strike? If you make a cat mad, it will never let you forget about it and if cats were people, restraining orders wouldn’t be able to stop them from getting revenge.