There’s nothing better than reading Whisper confessions on a boring day…especially when those Whisper confessions are based off of Harry Potter and are funnier than hell. Seriously, these confessions will have you rolling around laughing. The best part is even muggles will be able to relate to these! You don’t have to be a wizard or a witch to have a rocking sense of humor.
15. I never knew I could hate someone so much
Seriously, who knew that we were capable of so much hate? There have been nights where we were unable to sleep because of what the villains in Harry Potter did. We’ve thought of ways to kill them off more times than once, and when their death actually happened, we were thrilled knowing that they could no longer harm our favorite characters.
In a way, these books (and movies) turned us into monsters—wishing death upon characters we hate and wishing we could bring back those who we fell in love with. Of course, we would never act upon those wishes (unless we were inside of the book and had a pretty good team behind us and a wand). Come on, though. It’s hard to not hate Dolores Umbridge, Lord Voldemort, Wormtail and so many others that put our favorite characters in harm.
14. There are movies?
They’ve never…what? But how? Where has this person been all their life, under a rock? Have they at least read the books? If not, they really need to get off of Whisper, go to their local library and pick up all seven books, take a week off of work and read until they’ve finished them. The movies aren’t exactly like the books, but they’re still so amazing.
How could anyone be living in 2016 without seeing Harry Potter?! This is such a disappointing confession. We, Potterheads, are literally shaking our heads at this Whisper user. We want to invite them over for a movie marathon and educate their poor little muggle brain. We’ll make popcorn and have loads of tissues ready for them to use (they’ll need them).
13. Library mix-up
LOL, at least he knows which is more important! Seriously, if he left his date at the bookstore, she probably couldn’t hold his interest. It’s probably for the best that this happened. We can’t help but wonder if he at least went back for her, though. My god, this is hilarious. We want to be this guy’s friend. Can you imagine hearing this from someone in real life? Or getting a text from your best friend saying that they did this? We’d probably die from laughter.
We hope that the girl isn’t too upset about this. If he still likes her, all he needs to do is explain that it was Harry Potter and she’ll understand. And if she doesn’t, well she’s not right for him! You go, dude. This was awesome.
Well, we can almost guarantee that if she got a Harry Potter tattoo, Rupert Grint would like it at least a little bit. After all, he grew up filming the movies and created a bond with all the other characters. He’d also probably love to hear why this Whisper user got their tattoo! Remember, it’s silly to get a tattoo without meaning. It’s those kinds of tattoos that you’ll eventually regret getting (even if it’s a Harry Potter tattoo).
In all reality, though, so what if he doesn’t like it? A tattoo is so minor, no one is going to base your personality off of a tattoo you have (unless it’s the dark mark because a Death Eater killed Ron’s brother).
11. Troll in the bathroom!
YES! When are adults (especially teachers) going to get it in their head that we cannot go to the bathroom alone? Do they not remember the scene from The Sorcerer’s Stone where Hermione almost gets killed by the Troll?! If Harry and Ron didn’t check on her, she would have died. We bet that they don’t want a student to die on their watch, right? Right! So, let us go to the bathroom together without being judged. Thanks!
In all seriousness though, it’s ridiculous that teachers get angry when more than one person asks to use the bathroom at one time. What do you think they’re going to do in there? Drugs? It’s wrong to make students wait to use the bathroom. It’s also wrong that a student has to ask permission to use the bathroom.
10. Bad friends
We have some shocking news for this Whisper user: you don’t need friends like that in your life. Who the hell would judge someone for being obsessed with something as magical as Harry Potter? If it were us, we’d come back with Draco Malfoy’s popular insult: ” No one asked you, you filthy mudblood,” and call it a day.
Also, what’s with people judging others for liking a certain book or movie? How low can you get? Is their life that boring that they don’t know what else to do other than make people feel small? Ugh, pathetic. We’re sure that they’re obsessed with weirder things, anyways. The difference is, we wouldn’t judge them. You know, unless they killed mudbloods on the side or something.
9. Dreams crushed
Ouch…we can only imagine how heartbroken this Whisper user must have felt when they woke up. Talk about dreams being shattered, right? This is more like a nightmare! We can’t help but wonder if he kissed her awkwardly under the mistletoe while she was crying (like he did with Cho). Or did they kiss in the room of requirement and then disappear? There are so many awkward kisses in the books and movies, we can’t know for sure if this Whisper user had a normal kiss with Harry or not.
8. A new Bella in town
LOL, yes! Ugh, the fact that people think of Bella Swan from Twilight when they hear the name “Bella” really grinds our gears. She isn’t that great of a character, why the hell would we name our children after her? Bellatrix Lestrange, however…we can work with that. While Bellatrix was Voldemort’s right-hand man (er, woman, we mean), she was still a powerful character in the series that a lot of people liked.
Plus, if you go all out and name your child Bellatrix, we can almost guarantee that no other child will have the same name as yours. That will make their name totally unique and your child will feel so cool that no one else as their name. Good luck trying to find it on a keychain, though.
7. I can fight my demons, too
Aw, this is so important. We’re sure that all introverts can relate with this confession. Sometimes, you feel like there’s no one there for you. So, who do you turn to in your times of need? The characters from your favorite books (and movies). Reading about what Harry went through is bound to make your life seem that much brighter, too. We think that everyone should practice this.
When you’re feeling sad, you should pick up your favorite book and think about what your favorite characters went through. See if they’re going through similar instances and what they did to overcome their challenging obstacles. You’ll start feeling better in no time.
6. They’re real, we swear
We think the real question here is who hasn’t done this? Whether you spoke out loud or in your head, we know you’re guilty of this, too. Everyone needs to believe in something and if people believe that their favorite characters are standing with them, so be it! The worst thing you can do to someone who does this is to tell them they’re crazy for talking to themselves. Haven’t we all spoken to a figment of our imagination before (or, at least, talked to ourselves to boost our own confidence)?
Think of it this way: Would you judge someone who’s speaking to their husband or wife that recently passed away? Speaking to a character is basically the same thing. Don’t judge someone based off what they’re doing with their lives.
5. Sexually attracted to a boggart, nbd
This is one of the weirdest confessions we’ve ever read. How on earth could anyone be attracted to Snape in Neville’s grandmother’s clothes? He looks hideous! He looks like an old grouchy woman that finds joy in hitting people with a cane or running into them with a wheelchair. We literally have no clue why anyone would think this is an attractive look. Are they an older man who’s desperate for someone to love?
Whoever they are, we’ll try not to judge them too much. We understand that everyone has their weird obsessions (although theirs is a little too weird). We’re sure Alan Rickman is smiling in his grave right now, knowing that someone found him good-looking in weird, old lady clothes.
4. What’s Ron with you?!
You should definitely get used to hearing Harry Potter puns. They’ll Neville stop coming and there’s nothing Ron with that. You might think we have a Sirius problem or that we’re riddikulus, but we don’t care. The truth is, Sirus is our home dog and we’ll do anything to honor him (and every other character)…even if that means annoying the crap out of you until you want to…muggle us.
If you ever want to be considered a keeper in our eyes, you’ll have to deal with these puns. They’ll grow on you one day, we promise! So, quit moaning like Myrtle already! For real, though. We could literally go on and on for days. There’s nothing for you to do but accept us for who we are.
3. Potter, is that you?
LOL, excuse us while we cry in a corner from laughing too hard. How on earth did this Whisper user think that the actor for Moaning Myrtle was Daniel Radcliffe? Is it just the glasses? Do you think they have similar facial features? We don’t see it. Not to mention how high-pitched Myrtle’s voice is and the fact that she has boobs. Of course, the producers could have done a voice over to get Daniel’s voice girly and high-pitched. They didn’t, though.
The actress that played Myrtle is Shirley Henderson and she’s—get this—51 years old! We don’t know what makeup she was wearing (or what skin care routine she follows), but she’s got it going on. We hope to look as young as she does when we hit 50! Anyway, this confession made our day, thank you so much.
2. The books are more useful than we thought
Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. We hope that you were able to read the book before tearing out one of the pages! Everyone that says “print is dead” has obviously never been in a situation like this. Books can be more useful than you think! While we don’t recommend tearing a page from our favorite books, this idea is pretty genius. When you’re desperate, you do crazy things.
What we’d like to ask this Whisper user now is this: was your experience more magical because you got high off of a book filled with magic? Perhaps, you started seeing hippogriffs and house elves. One last thing, go buy a new Harry Potter book. You can’t possibly have all seven books and one missing page.
1. All hail Rupert Grint
Same here, sister. Same here. A lot of people seemed to have overlooked Rupert Grint in favor of Tom Felton, but there’s something about this beautiful redhead that we can’t get over. He’s super attractive, has a great sense of humor and dreamed of having his own ice cream truck when he was older (and out of the Harry Potter franchise). What more could you want in a partner? We can’t think of anything. There’s nothing to be ashamed about with this confession.
Rupert Grint made the perfect Ron Weasley, and we are so incredibly happy that he came into our lives. Let’s hope that he brings his ice cream truck to our city soon!