The Lord of the Rings trilogy is a classic. It established the epic fantasy genre and set the tone for decades of writing. All of the standard fantasy-world peoples and creatures that we see in books and movies today (elves, dwarves, wizards, orcs, etc) are Tolkien’s version. The stories are simply extraordinary.
So of course we have to make fun of it. Lord of the Rings has been mocked, satired, and memed so many times, the jokes have their own country in the Internet within the LOTR Empire. I would say that some of them are deep and thoughtful, but that would be a lie. They’re ridiculous. This is a list of pure ridiculous and it only makes me fall in love with The Lord of the Rings that much more. Enjoy!
15. Worst Babysitting Ad Ever
Oh, geez, could you imagine? I almost feel bad for them. The Uruk-hai were designed and bred by Sauron and Saruman specifically for warfare. Obviously they weren’t designed very well, because they lost. Clearly the whole war thing didn’t turn out well for them, so it makes sense that they would try branching out a little. Babysitting probably wasn’t their best idea, but there are other options. Saruman said that orcs used to be elves, so maybe they could head to the forest or Undying Lands and be paid to help Legolas manage his hair. Arwen’s going to need some handmaidens when she becomes queen. Uruk-maidens? Yeah, that could work. Although, considering the fact that they love the idea of eating hobbit and orc meat, maybe don’t take them on as chefs.
14. OMG, Faramir!
All right, first we have to acknowledge just how awesomely ridiculous this one is. I almost fell off my seat laughing. I kind of feel bad for the Nazgûl. Then I started thinking about what the politically correct term would be in Middle Earth if Nazgûl was the N-word. Maybe Ringwraiths? But after the Ring is destroyed, that’d be obsolete. Ulairi is a cool one, but that’s the Elvish term. And after the events in The Lord of the Rings, there are only, like, two elves left in Middle Earth (well, two and a half once Arwen gives birth). They can’t be the Nine, because after the Battle of Gondor there are only eight, and then a bunch of them got splattered with lava. So, that leaves Nunbolg (?) and Black Riders; what do you guys think?
13. Bearie Gamgee
It’s. So. Stupid. And probably one of the best polar bear memes I’ve ever seen. I want to know where the last picture came from. A zoo? Did they find a really shocked bear in the wild? Were they filming The Lord of the Polar Rings (starring Elijah Snow and Sean Bear)?
Also the ending scene of The Fellowship of the Ring itself is a bit ridiculous. Not the fact that Sam swam off after Frodo (even though he couldn’t swim); that’s not nearly as stupid as going off to Mordor alone, even though you have no idea where it is (Frodo: “Mordor, Gandalf. Is it left or right?”). No, the ridiculous part is when Sam is sinking and Frodo grabs him. Apparently, his arm is fifteen feet long. It’s freaky, but it could’ve been very handy at Mt. Doom.
12. The Hobbit Song
It’s the hobbit version of “Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold!” Bilbo was probably singing it to himself all the way to the Lonely Mountain, while Merry and Pippin had to sing it to all the men during one of their tabletop performances. And can anyone else see Sam humming it while he makes rabbit stew with Gollum moaning over the loss of good meat? (“What’s chocolate, precious? What’s chocolate?”) I’d say bread with chocolate spread is a lot more valuable than a few gems half a world away. Bilbo thought the exact same thing; he was never interested in the gold or glory. He saw a bunch of people who didn’t have what he took for granted and decided to help them get their home back, because hobbits are awesome that way.
11. Book vs. Movie
He has a point, Tauriel. So many fans got ticked off when they saw Legolas and a completely new elven character in the Desolation of Smaug preview. I don’t know why; they both looked bad-ass (even though Tauriel only exists to cause romantic tension). Peter Jackson had a very good point when talking about why they decided to add Legolas to the movies. First of all, they’re elves. They live for centuries, and The Hobbit happened only sixty years before the events in The Lord of the Rings, which is like two months in Middle Earth time. While Legolas’s age is never specified, he’s at least a couple hundred years old. Second, the dwarves are in Legolas’s home of the Woodland Realm (Mirkwood), and they meet his father, King Thranduil. Since the King of Mirkwood plays such a large role in the story, it stands to reason that we’d run into his son.
10. Frodo’s Story Ain’t Frodo’s Story
Yeesh, Frodo. Show a little humility. Also, stop lying. The movies might center around you, but the fact is, The Lord of the Rings story as written by J. R. R. Tolkien is about Sam. Weird, right? But it’s the truth. Most people would say that it’s Frodo, for multiple reasons. The Hobbit was all about his uncle, Bilbo, so it makes sense to continue down the family line. And he is the Ringbearer, after all. But while he’s a major player, he’s not the main character. In the books, Sam is the first character we’re introduced to, the first one the readers attach to and identify with. He’s also the one who undergoes the most character development, from gardener to participating in a legend. And he’s the one who brings the story to a close (“Well, I’m back”). So suck on that, Frodo!
9. BAMF Legolas
Yup, Orlando Bloom’s a total badass. Or rather, a really unruly kid and young adult with minimal self-preservation skills. His left leg was broken in a motorcycle crash when he was seventeen, and his right was broken while skiing. The nose broke when he played rugby, which, considering how violent rugby can get, he got off easy with that one. Then he decided the skiing incident hadn’t been exciting enough, and went snowboarding, resulting in a broken wrist. The broken back happened when he was twenty-one and he was climbing up to the roof terrace of a friend’s house. He fell three floors and broke several vertebrae, spending four days paralyzed and eighteen months of rehabilitation. The broken ribs came while filming The Two Towers, and he got thrown from his horse. And because he’s awesome, he kept filming during recovery. Don’t mess with this elf!
8. The Ultimate Question
Oh, Jesus. That stupid dress debate. I’m a college student, and it completely ripped up my campus. Shots were fired, battle lines were drawn, blood was shed. My math class was a war zone. And the cafeteria? Better watch your step. That was just the school! Work offices were divided, siblings turned against each other, and the streets were chaos. I don’t even know how it got started. The Internet just confuses me sometimes. People get obsessed over the weirdest things. Bottle-flipping, rickrolling, Gangnam style, and then #TheDress. #TheDress was used for evil, sinister purposes. Can’t we have more Internet phenomenon like the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? That one raised $220 million worldwide in fundraising for Lou Gehrig’s disease research. That is memes at their best. No more wars like #TheDress! (In any case, it doesn’t matter. That dress was obviously white and gold.)
7. Deadly Hobbits
This is a very good point. Everyone hates on the hobbits because they’re small and don’t like fighting. But who does like fighting? It’s messy, dangerous, and sad. Besides, orcs love fighting and everyone despises them. You can’t win! The hobbits are right to stay in the Shire and just avoid the whole thing altogether. They have a great philosophy: you don’t mess with us, we don’t mess with you. And because people are under the false impression that hobbits are boring, nobody bothers to mess with them. But then a dozen dwarves and a wizard crash in on Bilbo’s house and end up with a burglar who baits a dragon and steals their Arkenstone. A few decades later, the Nazgûl come sniffing around for the Ring, and four hobbits get unleashed onto the world; one of them helps kill the Witch-king, one of them saves Faramir, one destroys the Ring and one kills Shelob. And let’s not forget what happens in the end of the books, when Saruman makes the mistake of invading the Shire. Hobbits are deadly.
6. Get Your Priorities Straight, Woman!
On this website, I’ve already mentioned my disdain for romantic subplots and the deplorable practice of writing in women characters for the sake of sexual tension. It’s insulting to me as a feminist and a writer – it’s just lazy writing, plain and simple. And it’s distracting. Case in point: this meme. After her intro in The Fellowship, Arwen does nothing but get sick and argue with her dad. Eowyn’s crush on Aragorn was completely unnecessary, and anyway she’s too busy getting ready to sneak into the army disguised as a man. In the face of the deciding battle of all that is right and good in the world vs. the forces of evil, nobody cares about the unoriginal, cliched romance. They just take up room. That’s not why we’re watching these movies. Romances and chick-flicks are fine. Just keep them away from my action/adventures.
5. The 27th Time Pippin Didn’t Listen to Gandalf
Okay, in fairness to Pippin, Denethor was going to find out about Boromir anyway. To not tell him about it would be the height of stupidity. Aragorn and Frodo, yeah, keep that one under wraps until the Ring is destroyed and Aragorn’s in the city. Denethor’s a jealous jerk who wants to keep Gondor to himself and use the Ring for his own purposes, so Gandalf made the right call on that one (even if he was wrong about Denethor not knowing about them already). But explain to me how giving Denethor the head’s up about his son’s death is “most unwise”. If Denethor hadn’t known and Pippin hadn’t told him, what exactly was Gandalf’s plan for when Denethor did find out? “Hey, I know I let you think that your eldest son was alive and well when in fact he died several weeks ago, but it was only because I thought you were a jerk and wouldn’t help us defeat the Lord of Evil if you did know.” Yeah, not buying it.
4. Professor Gandalf
Alex shall, indeed, pass. He deserves to pass. At least pass art class. I guarantee you, nobody else would’ve been able to see that in the graph. That’s pure imaginative genius. And I’d argue that honing a creative mind is a lot more important than testing whether or not he can read a graph about seat-belts and cars. We already know seat-belts are good for cars. They save lives, are fundamental safety features, et cetera et cetera. What the test question should be is Here is a topographical map of Mordor, including orc camps and towers. Find the best route to Mt. Doom. Or, if it must be about graphs, Use the graph of battles through the ages to determine which kind of army – Gondor, Rohan, elven, dwarven, or hobbit – should be utilized against an orc army. Eagles are not allowed.
3. Lunch Break Shall Never Come
There are few things in life more distracting and annoying than an empty stomach that you’re not allowed to fill, for fear of getting fired (or expelled, if you’re in school and you replace “boss” with “teacher”). Stomachs love to complain, and they make their displeasure known to everyone in the room. But because bosses are either too busy or don’t have a soul (sometimes both), they keep postponing lunch. Gollum looks like he’s already starving. Has he had any decent meals in the last five hundred years? Look at his ribs! That does not look good with his bikini-rag. It must be a side effect of the Ring; Frodo doesn’t eat that much, either, and he’s a hobbit. Maybe that’s why some bosses are just merciless about putting off lunch. They’re Ring-bearers!
2. The Strange Psychology of Frodo Baggins
Maybe it’s just the affects of the Ring, but Frodo does have a weird sense of trust and forgiveness. Gollum has tried to kill Frodo, tried to kill his uncle Bilbo, and Frodo knows the crazy, horrible things the Ring makes people do – including lying and framing others. But it’s not until Shelob’s lair that Frodo finally realizes; You know, this guy isn’t really trustworthy. Sam, on the other hand, has never lied to Frodo and has risked his life multiple times to save him. Yet somehow, Frodo believes Gollum’s word over Sam’s and tells him to go home, even though they’re on the edge of Mordor, hundreds of miles from the Shire, with thousands of orcs, evil men, monsters, and other dangers between here and there. Not one of Frodo’s brightest ideas.
1. Gandalf The Gamer
Few things are more suspicious in a video game than a sudden surplus of resources and complete lack of bad guys. It’s like they’re all lurking in a conference room next door and are trying to lure you into a false sense of security by leaving a trail of health potions and shiny weapons while they wait for their boss to tear you apart. Even more suspicious is when there’s a big, ornate door or gateway. Or when the place is suddenly all cleaned up; there are always bloodstains and rotting bodies in the rest of the caverns or lab or wherever it is you’re hunting bad guys, except in the big villain’s area. It’s like they hire all the zombies/skeletons/demons to clean up their living quarters. “Come on, guys! We’ve got another wannabe killer just two levels away from us. I want this place cleaned up before I splatter his blood all over the walls! Let’s move!”
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