The Sims has been taking over computer screens and peoples lives since the year 2000. Players get sucked into the idea of making families, building homes, and watching the Sim life unfold while trying to keep everyone alive, fed, and to the bathroom in time. But over time, The Sims have started to fight back. No longer will they stand there and complain about needing to pee; they’ll just go on the floor and leave it for the zombie maid to clean up. And no longer will they obey the laws of physics and the common decency of gravity; they’ll walk through walls or literally bend over backwards. Welcome to 2016 – your Sims are no longer under your control. They’ll get themselves in some incredibly uncomfortable and inappropriate situations and all you can do is sit back and watch it play out while trying to contain them. Good luck.
15. Shock To The System
Remember when Sims kids were all sweet and innocent? They would spend all their time playing computer games, swimming in the backyard pool, or reading books. And the biggest thing you had to worry about was getting them up, fed, and bathed in time to catch the 8:00am school bus. But now? These kids are on a whole other level of cray! They can now zap people. Yes, zap people. Who let them do that? Children should not be given dangerous powers. Isn’t there an age restriction on those? Well, there should be anyways. Because when you give kids the power to zap people, they think it’s hilarious to go and pull stunts like zapping a guy in the privates. But, to be honest, she was probably just zapping anything at eye-level. So it’s not 100% Maisie’s fault. Though she does seem to be getting some sick pleasure out of standing there and watching him in pain. Keep an eye on Maisie…
14. Is That Microwave-Safe?
Based on this screenshot, it looks like these Sims are living a pretty mediocre life. And by that, I mean they look like kids in a college dorm room. When I play the Sims, I only buy the most high-end furnishings and you can’t see the dining room, kitchen, ad living room all in one shot because my house is that big. Isn’t that how everyone plays? This is a dram land after all! I don’t make a family to leave them destitute. I used those cheat codes vigorously and built the dream house I wish I could afford in real life. But props to this player for trying to keep their Sims humble with a no-frills existence. But then, one day they decide to spoil their Sims with a modern day convenience: a microwave! My over privileged Sims wouldn’t blink twice at a microwave. Actually, they wouldn’t even touch it. We hire a cook. But these Sims decided to really get into their new appliance…literally.
13. True Love
Sometimes you go above and beyond for true love. If Kim K had invited you to her wedding and insisted you wear all white and fly to Italy, you would’ve done it. If Chris Pratt wants to recruit you for a flash mob he’s arranging to surprise Anna Farris, you shine your dancing shoes. And if Chrissy Teigen needs you to babysit Luna so she and John Legend can have a date night, you run straight over. So it only makes sense that these Sims were ready to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to watch true love unfold. No one is going to let a little heat take them away from witnessing a wedding. Combustion is only for the faint of heart. You will stand there and you will clap because that is what true love deserves.
12. Beware: Possessed Stroller Walker
I don’t even understand how this is happening. So many things had to go wrong for this to be the reality. Not only is she walking ahead of the stroller, but it’s following her. And instead of having her arms in front to push the stroller, they’re behind her in a way that I can only imagine double or triple jointed people can pull off. However it’s happening, I don’t like it. She must have some serious mom control to be able to command her stroller to follow her as she does a backwards zombie walk. And I love that she isn’t thinking twice about it. She’s just striding right into the house and magically using her demon arms to pull that baby stroller in right behind her. As much as it creeps me out, I’d kinda like to see how she does other stuff. What does driving a car look like? Does she even sit in the front seat?
11. What Service!
Now, this is what true dedication looks like. This man is committed to service. He’s not going to let a silly thing like being a member of the undead stop him from completing his duties. The laundry isn’t going to do it self, now is it? And I love that he is still maintaining his sense of professional style in that tailored tux. Not many zombies have that level of personal care going on. I bet he even eats his dinner of human brains on a plate with a knife and fork. Because this guy is as classy as zombies can get. He is going to get the job done and he is going to look good doing it. Where do I get one of these? I could definitely use some help with my laundry and have no problem fraternizing with the undead.
I cringe just looking at this! This poor Sim is really in for a world of hurt. And he doesn’t even see it coming. He got all dressed up in his tropical swim trunks. He oiled up his six pack abs. He climbed up the diving board. And he executed a flawless forward dive that even the Russian judge would have to give 10 points to. He just forgot to check if he was jumping into a swimming pool or not. Whoops? Sometimes those paved-over pools will really get you. Whoever the sadistic player behind this move is should have their head checked. They better hope this guy survives his spine-crushing dive into a flat concrete floor. Or at least hope he comes back as a friendly ghost. He can haunt pools for the rest of eternity as a lifeless life guard. Or he can turn into a zombie like the guy above.
9. You Better Work B****
What they say is true: sex sells. We’re not saying this guy didn’t deserve the promotion. He’s probably worked at his company for a really long time. He’s also one of the hottest Sims characters I’ve ever seen. He probably has a bunch of really valuable skills. He probably puts in a ton of overtime and really changed the face of business as we know it. We’re sure he’s more than qualified. But we’re also sure that showing up stark naked with that body didn’t hurt. No one is going to turn down a naked Ken Doll, am I right? I don’t even care what his job is; he’s doing it really well. If he’s ever looking to switch things up, I know a Sims family on my computer who would love to hire him. He doesn’t even have to do any work. As long as he struts around and lets us stare, we’re happy.
8. Time To Call An Exorcist
Parenthood is hard. There’s a lot you have to learn all at once. You now have a helpless human who is depending on you for absolutely everything. You have to master feeding, diaper changing, bathing, soothing, and getting them to sleep all within a few hours of each other. Plus you’re doing it all with the judgment of other parents and widespread wisdom of the internet. Oh, and you’re also incredibly sleep deprived. So we get it – you’re going to make some mistakes. But here’s one you shouldn’t make: letting your baby levitate so you can fall asleep on the couch pretending to hold her. You’re not fooling anyone by leaving your arms in that cradling position. We can see the baby floating over the hard wood floors! Also, it looks like your kid is missing half a leg. Let’s call this whole experience a #ParentingFail
7. Puberty Is Tough
Some people, cough Neville Longbottom cough, make it out of puberty very successfully. They get taller, broader, and better looking. Their bodies fill out where they are supposed to, their acne clears up and their voice finds a nice smooth register instead of cracking all the time. But others just don’t do as well. Puberty is not good to all. Sometimes you keep the exact same head as you had when you were a toddler but your neck gets really long and thick. Sometimes your shoulders decide to broaden but they don’t pass the message on to the rest of your body. Sometimes you get tall but you don’t get wide. But if you’re suffering from all of that, don’t let it get you down. You still have to walk in like you own the place – just like this BA Sims character.
6. Code Blue!
Now this is just plain eerie. Can you imagine if this happened in real life? You’re just sitting in a hospital waiting room, hoping someone will see you soon to deal with the ankle you sprained at soccer practice and then the Grim freaking Reaper walks through the front door. Suddenly, your swollen ankle is starting to look a little green. Oh my God, it must be infected! It’s too late to amputate. The infection must be in your blood stream. You’re done for! I’ll tell your mom you loved her and I promise to feed your goldfish. The best part is that the nurse at the reception doesn’t even look up. It’s not like the Grim Reaper really needs directions. He knows exactly where he’s going. And you better hope it’s not your bedside.
5. Get It Together, Faith
Sometimes Sims go down a bad path and there’s not much you can do. You try your hardest to give them admirable traits and teach them right from wrong but it’s all for nothing. In this case, it sounds like Faith has been hitting those hallucinogenics pretty hard. Or she’s in a really weird marine biology program and forgot to wear her glasses. Either way, Faith really needs to get it together. Maybe it’s time to come up for air, Faith. Lay off the drugs, hang up your scuba mask, and really take a long hard look at your life. The highlight of your days is when you mistook a manatee for a mermaid. That’s a problem. Maybe it’s time for you to take up a new hobby or get out there and meet some new people. People who don’t at all resemble aquatic creatures.
4. Grandma Genevieve DGAF
Oh Genevieve. We love that you are body positive and comfortable in your own skin. We totally support your confidence and right to rock your bod. And it seems like you’ve got a lot to be proud of under that flesh colored vanity box. But maybe outside on the sidewalk in public is not the best time. We’re thinking you could save that for the bedroom or a late night walk to the fridge for a snack. If you really need to go all out in public, there’s probably a nude beach or something we can find you. But the sidewalk outside your house in broad daylight? You know better than that, Gen. Cover up and wipe that smile off your face. This is a family friendly neighborhood. Go get your robe and save the nudity for some place a bit more private. Heck, even the backyard would be an improvement!
3. Someone Call Child Protective Services
So Catherine is definitely not winning Mother Of The Year. In fact, I think stepping on your baby pretty much makes you ineligible for the award ever. Not to mention stepping all over your helpless newborn baby! And what’s Catherine’s deal with babies anyway? From the looks of it, she might be responsible for three. And that baby in her hands doesn’t even look nine months old yet. So how is she possibly giving birth to another baby? Is there something you’re not telling us Catherine? Maybe one of those babies isn’t really yours. Also, who gives birth standing up, fully clothed while gently cradling another baby? In a pantsuit! Something isn’t adding up here. This whole things seems very suspicious if you ask me, but it’s so very The Sims. Don’t be surprised if you get a call from the authorities soon, Catherine. Someone needs to look out for those babies.
2. Interesting Fashion Choice
We’re all for bold and outrageous fashion choices. Want to mix animal prints? Go for it! Trying to rock a fashion forward pair of sweatpants with heels? More power to you. But we have to draw the line somewhere. Wearing another human being (well, a Sims-being) just seems wrong. We’re not even sure how the whole thing works. Is there a cutout in your dress that she puts her face into? Where do all your legs go when you’re trying to walk? It seems overly complicated. And from the looks of your fellow Sims, you didn’t need an elaborate Lady Gaga-esque outfit for this occasion. Everyone else is in sweaters, leggings, jeans and a flannel. So go on home and change out of that weird thing you’re passing off as a stylish dress. And please check to make sure that person you’re hiding under there is still doing okay.
1. Maybe Sims Should Just Not Procreate
I don’t even know where to start with this monstrosity. But I think it’s just further proof that Sims should not procreate. Nothing goes well when Sims decide to have babies. Best case scenario: you have another person you have to worry about keeping alive and make decisions for. I don’t need that kind of pressure! I can barely make my own decisions and keep myself alive. And then there’s the worst case scenario: you create a demon child with a missing skull, creepily long arms and fingernails, and missing legs. Oh and then to make matters worse, you put your demon child into a frying pan with what looks like hot oil. Uh, can’t say we’ve seen this before. Nothing about this is okay! How about you adopt a nice pet the next time you think about procreating? Let’s start with a goldfish. Or maybe just – don’t…
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