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15 Savage James Blunt Tweets That Are Actually “Blunt” AF

By: In: Pop Culture

James Blunt, who?

You remember James Blunt, don’t you? He’s that singer-songwriter from the UK who was popular way back in 2005. Remember when “You’re Beautiful” was on every radio station and played every time you walked into a store? Yeah, that was James Blunt. So what else has he done in the last decade? Not a whole lot. Well, he’s put out some new music, to limited fanfare. He’s gotten married and had a child. He’s been involved with a bunch of great charitable organizations. He’s opened a restaurant and bought a ski chalet. He’s even started writing a Dear James advice column in the local paper. But most importantly, James Blunt has been kicking butt and taking names on Twitter. Who would’ve thought the harmonic crooner from the early 2000s would have such a hilarious and savage Twitter game?

15. He Knows Where His Fans Are

James Blunt has a history of engaging with his Twitter haters, a policy most celebrities steer clear of. But James seems to enjoy the banter. He lives for the back and forth. Maybe it’s a self-deprecating thing or way to keep his ego in check. Whatever his reason, it’s hilarious. And you can bet his 1.24 million followers would agree. So when asked why he doesn’t spend much of his time engaging with actual fans, James still brings a does of humor. He claims that his fans belong to a generation that doesn’t use Twitter. Is he referring to a bunch of oldies who can’t find the power buttons for their computers? Probably. And he’s not wrong. My grandma is a pretty big fan and still plays “You’re Beautiful” off of her CD player on the regs.

14. He Doesn’t Want You To Get Tired

Isn’t that sweet? Good ol’ James Blunt is concerned about your well being and doesn’t want you to get tired standing up for him. What a solid guy. It’s nice to know that he’s aware of his effect on the general public and that he has a cure all ready to go. But sitting can be dangerous too, James! They say sitting is the new cigarette smoking, or something like that. The average person spends the majority of their day seated and slouched over. So maybe we could try listening to your music lying down? Or maybe hopping on one foot? Walking around the block? There are just so many opportunities to bust out a James Blunt hit. How do we choose? Guess we’ll just have to listen to your music all the time, James. I’m sure you’d have lots to tweet about that.

13. He Has Friends In High Places

So, a lot of James Blunt’s Twitter feed is him responding to hates in ways that are fairly self-deprecating. The guy definitely knows how to check his own ego and make fun of himself. But sometimes enough is enough and he has to set the record straight. He did still sell 20-million albums and get nominated for five grammy awards. Even if you don’t love him, you have to admit he is still a celebrity. And if you won’t admit it, James himself will remind you. Just like he’ll remind you that not only does he get invited to cool events put on by the royal family but he knows Prince Harry. Like, personally knows him. They’re texting buddies. You have to admit that being on a texting basis with Prince Harry is a pretty admirable level of fame.

12. He Has High Aspirations

Dream big, James! You could probably say that James Blunt is the UK version of Nickelback. He has that one song that everyone loves to hate and he hasn’t done anything relevant in about 10 years. But unlike Chad Kroeger and his boys, James embraces his one hit wonder status. In fact, he thrives off of it. He really embraces being hated. So much so that he wants to take the reigns from the most hated band in the world. So just give it up, Nickelback. James would do a way better job in your spot. His Twitter feed is already hilarious. Who knows what else he would cook up if given the power? I would sure as heck like to find out. Maybe an autobiographical coffee table coloring book? Or a insult of the day calendar? The sky is the limit.

11. He’s Bad At Technology

Only James Blunt could make a month-long Twitter hiatus sound like a personal insult against himself. But his Twitter fans seemed to really love this one as it was one of his most well liked tweets. How down on your own music do you have to be to block yourself? It’s not all that bad James, we swear. Sure, maybe your music is crap and you haven’t had a hit in over a decade. But you’ve got other stuff going on! Remember that advice column you’re writing where you keep telling readers, “No one is going to be more blunt than Mr. Blunt.” That seems like a good enough reason to follow you. And you were an X Factor Australia judge that one time. So sure, you’ve got a lot of good stuff happening. No need to block yourself.

10. He Knows Where His Career Stands

Okay, James. We were just being nice when we said you have a lot of good stuff happening. I mean, you have stuff happening, but it’s not all good. You’re still technically putting out music, which I guess still means you’re a singer-songwriter. But you’re not bringing in those Grammy noms anymore. So you’re definitely a little behind in the A-list world. But we’re so glad you already know that! Now would actually be a perfect time to cash in on those celebrity reality TV shows. You’ve already done X Factor. We definitely support you doing a stint on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. What about cooking on Worst Celebrity Chefs? Or maybe a stroll through your family tree on Who Do You Think You Are? And after you exhaust all of the reality shows, you can double back and try to host one of your own!

9. But He Also Knows He’s Better Than Most

So we all know James Blunt is a one hit wonder. The man says it himself all the time. It’s even part of his Twitter bio, for goodness sake! So do we really need to shove it down his throat every chance we get? Probably not. We all know he is still living off the royalties from “You’re Beautiful” and that’s okay. So for a guy who spends the majority of his time online poking fun at himself, you have to imagine that he has his limits. And it looks like @_idkmatilda found that limit. Don’t push James too far or he’ll snap. Sure, he’s a one hit wonder but he was still a famous singer. And yeah, he probably took advantage of that and used it to get friendly with a few models. We don’t blame him. But we’re not so sure that’s the message his wife or kid want to be reading a decade later online, so let’s not push James that far again, okay?

8. He Knows How To Show Off His Physique

So in this Twitter exchange, a fan was surprised to learn about James’ military career. And, to be honest, so were we. But it’s true! James Blunt served with the British Army from 1996 to 2002. He worked “in reconnaissance with the Life Guards, a cavalry regiment,” and eventually rose through the ranks to become a Captain. He even served under NATO during the Kosovo War in 1999. And after that, he was stationed in London as part of the Queen’s guard. So yeah, Mr. Blunt was a military man. But he kept his other interests alive during his service. He brought his guitar along and actually wrote and performed while stationed overseas. And as an avid skier, Blunt captained the Royal Cavalry alpine ski team. So it really is possible to be good at everything.

7. He’s Comfortable With His Sexuality

James doesn’t have time for your homophobic jokes. It’s 2016 people! Calling someone gay is no longer an insult. So grow up. And if @_brookesux genuinely wanted to know the answer, they probably could’ve asked Google instead of wasting James’ time. So we’re loving this perfectly snarky response he had. His wife, by the way, is pretty cool. Alexandrina Sofia Wellesley is a total hottie. And, she’s royal. Or royal adjacent, at least. Her parents are Lord and Lady Wellesley and she is the grand-daughter of the 8th Duke of Wellington. The couple have been married for two years and have a child. So it’s probably safe to say that things are going pretty well for them. And that Blunt is decidedly not gay but happily married to his wife.

6. He Might Just Give It All Up

Oh James, you kill us. After sending out countless self-deprecating tweets and engaging with all of the Twitter haters who bash his music, James Blunt outdoes himself (again). He goes so far as to state that not only is he out on his own music but he’s out on music in general. Jimmy, you’re too much! Well, turns out his joke wasn’t all that serious, because the man is still pretty involved in his music. He has put our four albums and announced last year that work had begun on a fifth. So unless someone has been bribing or coercing him into making music since 2003, we’d say it sounds like he’s pretty into it. But we appreciate the joke anyway, James! There probably are times when you truly don’t like music and we totally get that. Take a break, fight off some trolls on Twitter and then get back into the studio.

5. You Can Buy His Affection

You know how fans are always screaming crazy things at celebrities like, “I love you!” or “Marry me!” like it’s totally normal behavior? And then the celebrities answer back with silly things like, “Oh, I love you too, sweetie! I love you all!” C’mon now, that’s crap. Adele does not love you. Usher doesn’t want to marry you. Beyonce couldn’t give a crap whether you brought a handmade poster to her concert or not. So James Blunt is calling bull on the whole thing. He’s telling it like it is. You want his love? You’ll have to earn it. Actually, you’ll have to buy it. This man is not above bribes or other cons. He doesn’t owe you affection. His love costs money. So, pay up! Or don’t and he’ll probably still continue to give you the same amount of attention on Twitter. But who knows how far $20 could get you with Blunt?

4. He Wants You To Get The Facts Straight

So if you’re going to insult James Blunt and be the thousandth person to bring up that he is just a one hit wonder, you better get your facts straight. Don’t waste your time typing a tweet for all of your Twitter followers if you’re just going to mess up the facts. His hit song, “You’re Beautiful” was actually released on his 2003 album “Back to Bedlam.” It was the third single from the album and immediately shot to the top of the charts. And while it came out in 2003, it wasn’t until 2005 that “You’re Beautiful” hopped across the pond and made it onto American airways. He attended the Grammys in 2007 and performed his hit song on stage but alas, went home empty handed. Which makes 2006 the highlight of his musical career. Got that @K_Dick33?

3. He’ll Get You

I bet James Blunt loves Halloween. He probably goes all out decorating his house and making it look all spooky. He strikes me as the type who really likes to make sure that Halloween is scary, and not just a cutesy day to binge on candy. He’s more of a Blair Witch Project guy than someone who is screening Hocus Pocus every year. He’s more haunted houses than hay bale rides. So if you’re going to call him out on acting the part near his favorite holiday, he’s going to deliver. You think he looks like a serial murderer? Oh just you wait. He’ll show you serial murderer. Blunt is going to show up at your second-story bedroom window in the dark of the night with a butcher’s knife and a creepy mask. You asked for it.

2. He Won’t Take Credit For Someone Else’s Mistake

So, listen. James Blunt doesn’t care if you don’t like his music. And by music, we mean his one hit that is on replay all the time on those golden oldie radio stations or whenever you visit your grandmother. But he’s got to draw the line somewhere. You can credit all bad overplayed songs to Blunt. This is just another sad instance of getting your facts straight before you try to insult someone. You’d think @lenacoleman could’ve done a quick search on Google, or let’s be honest, her own iTunes account, to find out who sang which song. But she didn’t, so James called her out on it. If you’re sick and tired of hearing “You’re Beautiful” all day then sure, blame James. But sick of “Bad Day”, you’ve got to find someone else to take the blame on that one.

1. And He’s Brutally Honest

This one absolutely takes the cake. And you can see that Twitter agrees, since this is one of James’ most loved and re-tweeted tweets. It doesn’t get much more savage than the guy who made his millions off of singing “You’re Beautiful” for five years tell you that in fact, you’re not. If James Blunt doesn’t even think you’re beautiful we have a big problem. His hit song literally is comprised of the phrase “you’re beautiful” like 700 times. He even goes so far as to sing, “You’re beautiful, it’s true.” Was that all just a lie, James? How could you do this to us? My fragile self-esteem is resting on your 2005 hit single. I’m going to need to go lie down and think this over. How many other artists are lying to us? Does Taylor Swift not want me to shake it off? Is Macklemore going thrift shopping with someone else?