True love. That’s what we’re all after. Everybody wants their own perfect little love story. No matter how good your life is, it seems like it could be better if you were spending it with your soul mate. So you meet people and you date and you weed out the losers. After awhile, if you’re lucky, you find that “special someone” who you’d like to spend your life with.
You can pick your spouse, but you can’t pick your in-laws. It’s a crap shoot. In a perfect world, your in-laws would think you’re the bomb diggity, and you would all get along swimmingly. Sadly, the reality is in-laws can be a real nightmare. Cross your fingers and hope you don’t end up with one of these 15 in-laws who stepped over the line.
15. Mandatory diet mother-in-law
If you thought that all of your classmates in high school were pros at making you feel inadequate, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet, sweet cheeks. Just wait until you meet your boy/girlfriend’s mother. Oh, sure. Sometimes you luck out, and you discover that your significant other’s mom is sweeter than cherry pie. But, let’s just face it, most of the time, she’s an overprotective she-devil, hellbent on protecting her son/daughter—even at the expense of your feelings.
She’s not here to boost your confidence. She’s not here to make you feel good about yourself. Her job is to make sure that you’re constantly questioning whether or not you’re good enough for her child (spoiler alert: you’re not). Now quit crying about how your feelings are hurt and eat that salad she bought you.
14. The newborn barber
The minute she took the scissors out of top drawer in her son and daughter-in-law’s kitchen, this mother-in-law boldly stepped over the line. We have to say, we kind of admire her devil may care-ness. But, as much as we admire her hardcore couldn’t care less attitude, we don’t envy her lack of respect for her kid and his wife’s wishes. For real, stay in your lane, mommie dearest.
Honestly, like, WTF? What the hell do you mean the baby’s hair is unclean, lady? It’s not like the parents aren’t allowed to wash it. There is such a thing as baby shampoo, ya know. A baby’s hair might be icky when they’re first born, but you can clean them up. Now put the scissors down before things get ugly.
13. Time to buy a new spaghetti server
Welp. We know what this person is going to be doing tomorrow. Yep, that’s right. They’re going to be spending their time alternating between shopping for a new spaghetti server, and vomiting violently as the image of their half naked father-in-law scratching his back with their pasta utensil flashes before their eyes. That must be very hard for them. We’re keeping this person in our prayers. We hope you will, too.
The line was absolutely stepped over in this case. Heck, it wasn’t just stepped over. It was hopped, skipped and jumped over. This father-in-law was practically kicking his heels together as he sprang over the line. He has no respect for boundaries or his children and their spouses. And he for sure as heck couldn’t care less about spaghetti servers.
12. Queen of consolation
Trying to comfort someone when they’re in pain (physically or emotionally) can be difficult. Sometimes, it’s hard to figure out what to say to someone in that kind of situation. Some of us are better at it than others. But we think it’s safe to say that no matter how bad you are at consoling the suffering, you will always be infinitely better at it than this mother-in-law. In fact, everybody is better at consoling the suffering than this mother-in-law.
Look, lady. Could you set aside whatever dislike you may have for your son’s wife for a minute or two to console her while they discuss their newborn child’s surgery? ‘Cause this kind of morbid conversation is not going to help the new mom. Grow the eff up, woman.
11. To be fair, she was a very nice girl
Ah, yeah. See, this is a really popular tactic among mothers-in-law. If they don’t like you, they won’t tell you they hate your guts right to your face. They won’t be super blatant about any of their feelings. Oh, no. What they will be is incredibly passive aggressive in everything they do as it pertains to you.
If they give you a compliment, you can bet your sweet bippy that it will be an underhanded one. If they want to get your attention, they’ll call you by your boy/girlfriend’s last boy/girlfriend’s name. And instead of talking outright about how much they hate you, they’ll just talk about the other girlfriend, Rachel, who was really such a nice girl and who was going to medical school and who was such a great match for their son, Mark.
10. She always knows just what to say
Awww, that’s so sweet! It was so nice of this mother-in-law to reassure her daughter-in-law that she didn’t have to be ashamed of her body in front of her new in-laws. She doesn’t have to wear a jacket all the time. Her in-laws already know she’s fat. But it’s okay because they’re all family, now. Everybody should be willing to accept each other, warts and all. Oh, how touching!
Gee whiz, lady, back off already, would ya? Maybe your daughter-in-law isn’t trying to hide a spare tire under her hoodie. She could have a killer six pack, for all you know. Maybe she’s just covering up the scars on her arms left by a skin condition. Or maybe she just doesn’t want you to see the new tattoo she got that says, “I cannot freaking stand my judgemental mother-in-law.”
9. Um… no? Yeah, no. We’re going with that
This mother-in-law asked her daughter-in-law to let her new grand baby live with her because she missed her son’s childhood? Who is she, Gillian Darmody from Boardwalk Empire? How the heck is it your son and daughter-in-law’s fault that you were absent during your child’s youth? And, furthermore, just how is that supposed to be used as justification for your raising their baby? This is so twisted and weird, it’s not even funny.
If you wanted to raise a child, maybe you should have stuck around the first time. Don’t be coming around here trying to get your grand kid away from their parents just because you made a selfish mistake once and now you regret it. We stand behind this mom 100%. Bye, b*tch. Go get a baby doll if you want a kid so bad.
8. Fathers-in-law have no place on Facebook
Yes sir, there’s nothing sexier than a dirty old man who ignores your every attempt to spurn his unwanted advances. That’s a definite turn on, in our book.
Alright, this is the last straw. If nobody else is going to say it, then we will. After all, we’re all thinking it. Okay, here it is. It’s time to reign in the overeager fathers-in-law. They have way too much energy and they simply don’t know their place. They’re like old, borderline disgusting puppies. You need to figure out how to get them to expend their energy and you need to nip their bad behaviors in the bud. It’s the only way to make sure they become good dogs. So, if your father-in-law is like this Whisper user’s, try letting him play in the backyard and discipline him with a rolled up newspaper whenever he misbehaves.
7. The joy assassin
Not only is this stone cold witch of a mother-in-law an assassin of joy, she’s also a sheet-destroying homicidal maniac. We would be a bit more understanding if all that she wanted her daughter and her son-in-law to do was remove their blanket fort from her living room. We get that. But the wanton, flagrant destroying of a blanket fort involving knives seems like an unnecessary crime of passion to us.
Couldn’t you just ask them to remove the fort? We’re sure they wouldn’t have minded if you’d asked nicely. After all, you win more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, as they say. Now they have to shop for a new set of sheets. Do you know how much a set of Egyptian cotton king size sheets costs, you vicious old harpy?
6. Takes one to know one
This mother-in-law’s name better be Tom because she is petty AF. Seriously, couldn’t you at least try to like your daughter-in-law? Could you give it a shot? Would that kill you? Sheesh! These in-laws need to get a grip and stop acting like they’re a bunch of toddlers who aren’t getting their way.
Parents want to look out for their kids. And they should because that means they’re good parents. But at some point, your child stops being a kid and starts being an adult. When that happens, they get to make their own decisions. That means wearing clothes you may not like and spending money in ways you may not like and dating people you may not like. That’s just a fact. The sooner you learn to respect your children’s decisions, the better.
5. So much wrong
Old and/or used lingerie is in the top three on the list of things you don’t want to receive from your mother-in-law. We would tell you what the other two things are, but this is a family site, so we’ll leave it to your imagination.
This is just… this is wrong on oh, so many levels. For starters, this lingerie is used. And not only is it a set of hand-me-down sexy underwear, it’s a set of hand-me-down sexy underwear that belonged to your mother-in-law. On top of all of that, if you were to wear it (instead of doing the right thing and burning it in the backyard), your husband would inevitably be forced to imagine what his mom looked like in it, and, yeah, this is just really, really bad.
4. Homewrecker for hire
If you want to get arrested and charged with murder, you hire a hit man to take someone out for you. If you want the whole world to know what a gigantic ass you are, you hire a homewrecker to sabotage your son’s relationship with his fiancée. If you want our opinion, we would advise against hiring either a hit man or a homewrecker to do some dirty work for you. After all, you don’t want to end up like this terrible father-in-law. Or maybe you do, what the heck do we know?
Anyway, the point is, if you’re the type of parent who would pay some random chick $500 to throw a wrench in your child’s happy marriage, then you’re a piece of crap and you have earned your spot in this lineup of in-laws who stepped over the line.
3. Pregnant woman ≠ bell hop
Hmm. We haven’t spoken with the judges or anything, so it’s not like we have some secret inside information, but we are fairly sure that this woman won’t be winning the Mother-In-Law of the Year award anytime soon. It was close, we’ll give her that. We really thought she was going to go home with the gold for awhile there. But, you know, once you call your pregnant daughter-in-law a “snotty b*tch” for refusing to carry your suitcases? Well, it just doesn’t look good. Maybe she’ll do better next time (although we highly doubt it).
2. Witch or rhymes with witch? You decide
You can break up with your crazy witch of a girlfriend, but it’s just too bad that you can’t break up with your crazy witch of a mom. Although, you could dump a bucket of water on her, like Dorothy did to the Wicked Witch of the West, causing her to melt. ‘Course, if you make your witchy mom melt, the police are probably going to get involved at that point. May not be such a great idea after all.
You would really have to hate someone’s guts in order to call up your son’s ex girlfriend, light a bunch of candles, sit in a circle holding hands and chanting incomprehensible spells under your breath in order to curse her. This mother-in-law should step back for a minute and get some perspective.
1. A memorable introduction
The anticipation of meeting your in-laws is always a billion times worse than actually meeting your in-laws. Except in this case, where this Whisper user’s real introduction to her mother-in-law went so badly it blew all of her worst in-law introduction nightmares right out of the water. Having her accuse you of poisoning her son doesn’t exactly qualify as getting off on the right foot.
We’re just as clueless as everyone else when it comes to meeting the parents. We don’t know how to do it, and we don’t know anybody who does. Although we did hear about this one guy who, upon meeting his girlfriend’s parents, told them he was “a big fan of their work.” That’s pretty funny. We think that’s a better way to meet the parents than having your boyfriend’s mom accuse you of rat poisoning her son.