Nothing beats indulging in a high class meal at a restaurant after a hard day at work. It’s nice not to have to cook for one night, and it’s also nice to be able to afford a delicious but pricey entrée. And, as if eating out could get any better, when you’re finished with your main meal, you get to pick a dessert! A fresh slice of apple pie is the perfect way to wash down a steak and baked potato. That’s not just our opinion, that’s a scientific fact.
As great as eating out is, it’s important to remember that it wouldn’t be possible without the hard work and dedication of servers. Waiters and waitresses bend over backwards for us, and they deserve our appreciation. But, we’re not going to lie to you guys. These 15 confessions from waiters and waitresses will blow your damn mind.
15. Drugs and dinner
Aha! We knew our waiter at Chili’s last night was high! The minute he walked up to us, he was all like, “Welcome to Chili’s. I’m Brad. So, quick question before I take your drink orders, how did the people who made the first clock know what time it was?” When he came back with our appetizer he asked, “How come there’s no other word for ‘synonym’?” And when he brought our meals, he said, “You know, the nursery rhyme never said Humpty Dumpty was an egg.”
We swear, it was like every time he went back to the kitchen, he took a toke, but damn if he wasn’t the best server we ever had. That’s why we tipped him so well. So maybe this Whisper user is onto something.
14. Now that’s just mean
Another question our high waiter prompted us with last night was, “if you’re waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter?” So true, druggie waiter guy. So true. When we’re sitting in that booth with our friends, and we see our server walk out of that kitchen with a tray full of food, we get about as excited as a dog who’s owner just asked him if he wants to “go walkies.”
In that moment, your server becomes the most powerful being in all the world, because they have the ability to either give you that food, or take it to another table. Your fate rests in their hands. So when you read this Whisper confession and learn that some servers play mean tricks like this? It’s like a knife in the heart.
13. What a great idea
We like to sit here and pretend that we would never do this, but the truth is, we would totally do this. Petty? Sure. But if you show up to a server’s table drunk out of your mind, and the alcohol has only served to amplify your insufferability, then your sober ass better not be surprised when you find out you were overcharged for your meal. And don’t come over here with that “this isn’t fair” nonsense. You want to get the regular price for your food, don’t be a sh*tfaced jerk to your waitress. It’s that simple.
12. LOL savage AF
When life presents you with the opportunity to completely embarrass a teenager, you don’t just pass it up. You grab that sucker by the neck like a bottle of 99-cent wine. This hostess is masterful. A+ on the pranks, lady. The next time we need to get even with someone, we’re calling her, because she clearly knows how to make people sorry they were ever born.
We would take this a step further. We wouldn’t ask the kid if they wanted a kids menu, we’d just give them one. And then, when they tried to tell us they want the adult menu, we’d pull the kids activity sheet and a small box of crayons out and hand those to them, then just walk away. A little salt in the wound to toughen them up.
Remember that time you were at TGI Friday’s and you were seated right by the kitchen doors, and you heard someone sneeze really violently right before your waiter came out with your Bourbon Barrel Chicken? And do you remember how hard you tried to convince yourself that nobody had gotten boogers all over your food? Yeah, we have some bad news, fam. Somebody totally sneezed on your entrée. If you need some time to go vomit before you come back to this post, we understand.
We don’t want to criticize servers. They work hard, they get treated badly sometimes, they have a difficult job. But if they could just not give us booger food, that would be great. We would consider tipping someone more if they saw to it that our food was protected from snot.
10. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do
Getting ready for your next shift waitressing at the local diner is certainly a daunting task. You never know what kind of people you’re going to deal with. If they’re nice, everything will go smoothly. But if they’re rude? That just makes your job ten times harder. And what if the chef screws up an order? He gets grumpy when you ask him to redo it. Even after all of your effort, all of your refilling glasses and handing out silverware and trying not to punch people in the face, there’s still no guarantee that you’ll get a good tip.
9. Extreme budgeting
This is why you should always be super nice and polite to severs. In fact, you should be nice to anyone who waits on you. Whether it’s at a restaurant or a hotel or at retail store, you should always be kind to everybody. It’s just good manners. Nobody likes to deal with impolite people.
Anyway, the reason you want to be super nice to your server is because they might be in a situation like this. They might not be able to purchase food for themselves yet. They might be eating the scraps left behind by their customers, the stuff we would normally throw in the garbage. So always be nice to the person waiting on you. Also, please don’t pour ketchup all over your french fries. They get soggy.
8. Good to know
Another reason why you should be nice to your server is because if you’re not, they will totally go back into the kitchen and talk smack about you with the other servers. They might even spit in your food. Blech.
This reminds us of the time we went out with this guy who was a real douche to our waitress. The restaurant was busy, so it took us awhile to get our food, which made him mad. When his bacon burger with fries and a Coke came out, he bit into his sandwich and discovered that someone had put habanero peppers on it. He grabbed his drink and took a swig only to discover that someone had managed to get hot sauce in the straw. We never went out with him again. We did give the waitress a big tip, though.
7. We’d have done the same thing
We admire this Whisper server for two reasons. First, we admire them because they got back at a terrible diner in a hilarious, albeit disgusting, way. The second reason we admire them is because they were strong enough to lick a piece of chocolate cake without caving in to the temptation and just eating the whole thing. If that’s not skill, we don’t know what is.
We get the desire to get back at someone who treats you badly. We probably wouldn’t lick someone’s food, though, because yuck, germs. But we can’t say we fault a server for retaliating. We’re just blown away with the fact that this server only went so far as to lick the cake, not eat it. We totally would’ve eaten that chocolate cake. If you can resist chocolate desserts, you must be super human.
Even if you have eaten food that has fallen onto the floor back at home, it’s still gross to think that you might have ingested food that had been dropped on the floor at a restaurant. At home, it’s your germs. You know where your feet have been. But at a restaurant? That’s a public setting, and strangers are notoriously yucky. There’s no telling which restrooms they’ve walked into or how many slaughter houses they’ve visited.
Just knowing that servers are willing to give their customers floor food is enough to make our stomachs churn. Maybe it would be best if we could accompany our servers back to the kitchen. This way, we can ensure our food goes from the pan to the plate and then straight to our mouths, with no floor pit stops on the way.
5. Not cool, yo
*Reads this Whisper confession, shrugs* Oh. Huh. So, according to this server, that one time when we sent our pasta primavera platter back because it had a hair in it, all the waiter did was take it back into the kitchen, pick the hair out of it, wait five minutes, then he brought us back the same hair tainted dinner. *Eye twitches* Ha ha! It’s kind of funny, if you think about it! Ha ha! *Convulses, gags*
Man, all of these mind-blowing Whisper confessions are really chipping away at our desire to go out to eat. As people who eat out on a daily basis, it’s going to take a lot of counseling and a lot of curly fries to overcome this restaurant phobia we have acquired since the beginning of this post.
We are not in a Disney movie. This is not Cinderella, where mice capable of speaking English and singing songs with us while they help us finish up the household chores imposed upon us by our wicked stepmother. This is the real world, where mice carry the hantavirus and contaminate everything they touch. We love crème de la crème à la Edgar as much as the next guy, but the minute we find out mice have gotten their grimy rodent hands all over our food, we’re out.
There’s always that concern that the restaurant you’re dining at might have a nasty kitchen. There might be a bug problem or a rodent problem or both. We try to put those thoughts out of our heads when we eat out. After seeing this Whisper user’s confession, maybe we shouldn’t.
3. Hell hath no fury like a waitress scorned
Ah, young love. So sweet. So tender. So effing bitter when it inevitably comes to an end. Better look out if you go to the same restaurant that your ex works at. They may say that they’re over you and that they’re moving on from your failed relationship, but don’t buy that. They’re just covering for the fact that they most certainly are not over you and that they have not moved on from your failed relationship. This will become strikingly obvious when you look at your receipt and realize that you were charged double on everything.
Who the heck even goes to a restaurant where their ex works? When we break up with somebody, we break up with them, baby. We burn bridges. We lose phone numbers. We cut all contact with them. We’re serious about breakups.
2. Darn it
Well darn. For a minute there, we thought our waiter was flirting with us because he thought we were attractive. Looks like that was all a lie. Shoot. This is just so disappointing because, as it turns out, the only reason we get hit on by servers is because they’re trying to get tips. This Whisper user has just admitted, once and for all, that every flirt, every compliment, is just an attempt to up that tip. That makes us sad.
We’re kind of hurt that waiters and waitresses aren’t really into us. ‘Course, we can’t really say we blame them. When you’re a server, you get a base pay, but you make the real money off of tips. If flirting is what you have to do to boost that money, go for it. It’s just that our feelings are a little hurt, that’s all.
1. Oh sh*t
Yikes! Putting laxatives in a rude customer’s meal? That’s a serious revenge plot. We knew that servers had to be stressed, considering all that they have to put up with. But sheesh! We had no idea that waiters and waitresses (not to mention chefs) were standing on the brink of madness just waiting for someone to come up and push them over the edge.
We said it before, we’ll say it again: be nice to your server! It costs nothing to be polite, and it’s a great way to ensure that your waiter and/or waitress will refrain from spitting in your food, dropping it on the floor, deliberately getting your order wrong or tainting your meal with laxatives. Be polite and courteous. If you don’t, you’re in for a real sh*t storm Literally.
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