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Not Quite ‘The Rachel’: 15 Hilarious Celebrity Hairstyles That Didn’t Catch On

In: Pop Culture
Not Quite ‘The Rachel’: 15 Hilarious Celebrity Hairstyles That Didn’t Catch On

Celebrities, as we know, are a hugely influential force. We’ll go to see movies just because a certain actor is in them. We’ll choose foods based on the star who’s eating them in the commercial. We’ll even buy craptastic barbecue grills because Arnold Schwarzenegger told us we should on the Shopping Channel that one time.

I fondly remember insisting on Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast, on the fact that Hulk Hogan promised me they were better than a body slam in that cringey commercial from 1985. That was an actual thing that happened. That’s the raw social power that these people have.

As Spider-Man’s dear ol’ Uncle Ben told him, repeatedly, with great power comes great responsibility. If you’re going to influence the public’s hairstyles, then, you’ve kind of got to take care of your own. Sadly, these guys didn’t seem to get that memo.

15. Tim Burton

1- Tim Burton

Via: si.wsj.net

Now, let’s not be snarky here. I’m a huge fan of the brilliantly weird, wonderfully whacked-out movies of Tim Burton. Not to fanboy too hard, but I’m a real admirer of a creative mind, and you’ll find few as imaginative as his. Sure, what spews forth from it is usually the stuff of particularly bizarre nightmares (did Charlie and the Chocolate Factory really need those Hannibal Lecter-ish braces?), but some people dig that.

As you’d expect of a famous eccentric, Burton is instantly recognizable at a glance. His hair is a stroke of pure Albert-Einstein-with-a-dash-of-Don-King-struck-by-lightning genius. Very few people could pull that style off, that’s for darn tooting, besides some of the characters in Burton’s own movies. Was Edward Scissorhands’ hair based on the director’s, or vice versa? The world may never know.

14. Christina Aguilera

2- Christina Aguilera

Via: usmagazine.com

Now, you can’t argue with Christina Aguilera’s credentials. Singer, actress, TV personality, UN ambassador for the World Food Programme, genie in a bottle (you’ve gotta rub her the right way)… those are all the hallmarks of a legitimate Famous Person ™ right there. She hasn’t let it all get to her over the years and gone off the rails, either, which is quite a rare thing for those in the public eye. Good job, Christina.

That said, though, she’s still human, like the rest of us. She’s allowed to make errors in judgment. She’s allowed to look back at old photos, like we all do, and say things like, ‘Hey, remember that time my hair was snakes? That wasn’t the best, was it?’ Oddly, the Medusa look never became a thing.

13. Ron Weasley

3- Ron Weasley

Via: superiorpics.com

I know what you’re thinking, Harry Potter aficionados. It’d be a little unfair to single out one specific offender from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. After all, the fourth movie was the one that made some truly cutting edge, avant-garde decisions with regards to every male character’s hairstyles. Those decisions, for the most part, amounted to let’s just not do much styling at all.

Harry and his fellow fourth-year boys (and beyond) had some super long and unkempt hair in Goblet of Fire. I assume this was meant to signify their mid-teen rebellious phases. After all, this was around the time they were getting sassier, discovering that girls weren’t gross cootie-carriers after all; there were hormones ricocheting off the damn walls at Hogwarts. I suppose the who’s-assed-with-haircuts hippie look is just a natural side effect of that.

12. Shakira

4- Shakira

Via: Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images

As with Christina Aguilera, Shakira is a bona fide respectable celebrity. She’s encouraged the whole planet to come together and enjoy some soccer with Waka Waka (This Time For Africa), the official song of the 2010 World Cup. She’s inspired a super cute little bunny woman to pursue her dreams against the odds and become a police officer in Zootopia. Can you argue with that kind of a reputation? No, no you can’t.

That said, though, her hips don’t lie, and I can’t either: there are some things even the unstoppable Shakira can’t do. One of those things would be pull off cornrows. Granted, we can’t really blame her. Nobody who isn’t a nine-year-old girl on vacation can really do that either, but still. It’s a nice shot in the arm for us normals’ egos to know that these people aren’t infallible.

11. Russell Brand

5- Russell Brand

Via: 1.bp.blogspot.com

This controversial British comedian is never one to shy away from attention. What with his revolutionary political views, that two-year marriage to Katy Perry that fell apart in 2012 and his well-documented promiscuity and struggles with addition, ‘colorful’ would probably be the word to best describe Brand’s life.

You’ll never lose this guy in a crowd, that’s for certain. All of these traits are reflected in that magnificently unique hairstyle of his. Particularly during his years as the host of Big Brother’s Big Mouth, Brand’s hair was teased, gelled and coerced into a form that defied gravity better than any anime character you care to mention.

My question is, are these the later stages of a Tim Burton style or the early stages of a Marge Simpson style?

10. Wayne Rooney

6- Wayne Rooney

Via: thesun.co.uk

Soccer players are notorious for their crimes against hair, and there are some truly incredible sights to behold if you look back at the archives of the eighties and nineties. That’s a little too easy, though, because everyone had monstrously huge hair back in the eighties. That’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Instead, here’s the current captain of England’s national team.

It’s always super tragic for a man to start going bald young, that’s really not a point-and-laugh situation. Wayne Rooney, however, makes the list for his amazing attempts to remedy his receding hairline. England’s all-time greatest goal scorer has the money for unconventional treatments, a little more sophisticated than the traditional desperate comb-over. Whether we’re talking hair transplants, hair plugs or something else, he seems to have missed the mark so far.

9. Robert Pattinson

6- Wayne Rooney

Via: cdn.skim.gs

Whether he was getting his Edward Cullen on in Twilight or appearing as Hufflepuff house’s resident Good-looking One™, Robert Pattinson earned his share of adoration. There was a youthful, before he was famous/a half-assed sparkly vampire look about him when he starred in Goblet of Fire, and (unlike much of the cast, as we’ve seen previously) he spent much of his time on screen with nary a hair out of place. The same goes for many of his other roles.

In real life, however, things aren’t always so rosy. It’s not easy for any of us, not even Cedric Diggory, to get it right all the time every time. Should he have given Harry actual help with the golden egg, rather than a vague clue about going for a bath? Yes, probably. Should he have put a little more thought into this hairstyle? Yes, probably.

8. Miley Cyrus

8- Miley Cyrus

Via: IJG JPEG Library

Like many child stars and teen idols, it’s been quite the bumpy ride for Miley since Hannah Montana. That triple-platinum debut album in 2007, coaching on the voice, a film career… what a road it’s been. Too much attention too young can be a dangerous thing, but I suppose that’s the price of fame.

Some celebs can take these things in their stride. There are some who thrive on it, grow strong with it, and release controversial music videos of themselves swinging back and forth on a wrecking ball in the nude without a care in the world.

If you can do that, I doubt you’re the sort of person who minds being a little out there with their hair. Here’s Miley Cyrus, giving the system the old one-finger salute as usual.

7. David Beckham

9- David Beckham

Via: gq.com

Some celebrities manage to transcend fame. They’re just too big to be contained. For a lotof Pop Idol winners, stars of obscure TV shows and such, celebrity status is enough, but occasionally, the special few manage to become something more. They’re solid, pop culture events in their own right. British soccer legend David Beckham is one of these people.

Since his first taste of fame in the early nineties, playing for Manchester United, Beckham’s renown and influence has grown and grown. Marrying Posh Spice just added to that. He frequently features in sexiest men alive lists, but like everyone else, he’s not perfect. From the man-bun to the mullet, Beckham has rocked just about every questionable hair decision a man can, though this one probably stands out as my favourite.

6. Edge

10- Edge

Via: cdn3-www.wrestlezone.com

Next up, we’re taking a trip to WWE territory. This is another ripe source of amazing hair, and we’re not about to pass it up. There are many, many options here, but I’m going to plump for Edge.

Adam Joseph Copeland, as he’s known in the real world, retired from wrestling in 2011, making occasional appearances in the years that followed, You know, the way these guys like to do. At the time he left, he was the World Heavyweight Champion, and would be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame the following year.

At his induction, his iconic, luxurious because-I’m-worth-it locks were gone, which was a sad sight indeed. Whether they were the key to his success or something, I can’t confirm, but he’d grown it all back in time for last year’s 900th episode of SmackDown. All’s well that ends… hairily.

5. Katy Perry

11- Katy Perry

Via: lovethispic.com

I know what you’re going for here, Katy. I really do. Like a lot of pop’s biggest ladies, you’re going for the super colourful look. After all, if you’re going to make videos as epilepsy-inducingly flashy and bright as California Gurls, it’s just the logical thing to do. As far as rainbow-coloured hair can be considered logical.

A particular favourite of Perry’s seems to be this sicky turquoise. Still, it’s not all that unusual. As I say, in the general colourful cavalcade that is Perry’s world, you wouldn’t look twice at that sort of thing. To keep the shock factor up, you’ve got to go a little further. Hence this odd ocean wave, an effect you can only achieve by wearing rollers out the wazoo like the mom from Tom and Jerry.

4. Kyle Beckerman

12- Kyle Beckerman

Via: a.espncdn.com

While, of course, soccer isn’t the huge, all-consuming deal in the US that it is elsewhere in the world, the sport does have a dedicated following. Whichever way you slice it, this is a good thing for the game, especially if you’re a fan of players’ hilariously outlandish hairstyles.

When it comes to that score, there are few players that can beat Kyle Beckerman. Midfielder for Real Salt Lake and the national team, Beckerman sports one of the most impressive styles in the game. His iconic head of hair is part Predator, part Alien facehugger, all amazing. This is the peak of hair haute couture, the standards so many aspire to and so few can reach. He performed super strongly at the 2014 World Cup, but his hair’s performance was even stronger.

3. Shia LaBeouf

13- Shia LaBeouf

Via: Noam Galai/WireImage

Now, I have no beef with Shia LaBeouf (see what I did there?). I really don’t. He’s been horribly over-memed, it’s true; we’re talking Rickrolling levels of repetition, but can he be blamed for that? He can’t. The man just wants to spread his motivational message to the world. I’ve got myself through so many seemingly insurmountable tasks, just by borrowing a little wisdom from Shia. JUST DO IT!

The man’s an international treasure, I think we can all agree on that. At the same time, though, I think we can all also raise a quizzical eyebrow at this ballsy style he’s been rocking. The ponytail and… whatever’s going on at the top don’t seem to match, somehow, in a way I can’t quite explain. It’s not as blatant as clothes clashing in an outfit, but something’s off here. It’s unsettling.

2. Brad Pitt

14- Brad Pitt

Via: cdn.mademan.com

That’s right, friends. Brad Pitt. This renowned actor has starred in a huge range of movies, as diverse as Troy, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, World War Z, 12 Monkeys and Ocean’s Eleven. He’s been married to two similarly famous and beautiful women, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. He’s also, to top it all off, popularly regarded as one of the sexiest men in the world.

That’s the whole package right there, by anyone’s standards. Whether you’re straight, gay, bi or sexually identify as an attack helicopter, you wouldn’t say no to a bit of Brad in your life. Even so, it seems that there’s one thing beyond even his power. The man bun is one of the most divisive things in fashion today, and it’s so difficult to do it justice.

1. Ross and Chandler’s Flashback Styles

15- Ross and Chandler Flashbacks

Via: d.ibtimes.co.uk

As long-time fans of Friends will remember, The Rachel was a hell of a thing back in the nineties. It became a popular culture phenomenon along with the show itself. Hairdressers around the world were racking it in, with fanatics wanting to replicate Jennifer Aniston’s iconic look.

Funnily enough, though, you didn’t see nearly as many people asking for a flashback Chandler or Ross. It’s a running joke on the show that, whenever we take a look back in time, these two old college roommates have to be sporting a different terrible look. This rule applies to facial hair, too, including Ross’s legendary creepy guy mustache. All six of the gang were hugely influential back at the show’s height, but there wasn’t a sudden influx of dodgy disco afros as a result of these particular episodes.

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