You've made plenty of excuses for yourself: "it's just pregnancy brain" or "my hormones make me a little confused." But is that really all it is, or is there some other, more clinical explanation for the inexplicable things you do when you're pregnant? From forgetting everything to losing your temper, our list of pregnancy foibles just might be proof that pregnancy needs to be reclassified as a form of insanity.
10 You enlist your entire family to help you look for your keys, only to discover hours later that they were in your pocket the whole time.
Everyone misplaces keys occasionally, but when you call in the cavalry to track them down before you've actually thought to check your own pockets, well, that's an indication that your panic may be disproportionate to the actual problem.
9 You cry because you burned your toast, accidentally stepped on a spider, or because it’s been roughly 10 minutes since the last time you cried over something really silly.
It's true, your hormones make you emotional, way more emotional than you were before you started incubating another person. When was the last time one of your non-pregnant friends burst into tears because she got wheat toast with her breakfast order instead of sourdough? Um, never.
8 You plan all your family outings around the location and quality of public restrooms.
When "where will I pee?" becomes as important a question as "where will we have lunch?" and "what's our entertainment budget?—that's a pretty good indication that your pregnancy has taken over all the logic centers of your brain.
7 You crave jalapeños with ice cream and other things that would make even your garbage can raiding German Shepherd wonder if you need therapy.
You once laughed at that old joke about pregnant women and their unconventional culinary indulgences, and then you saw that jar of pickled jalapeños in your fridge and thought to yourself, "I could just murder a pint of Chunky Monkey with a little bit of that on the side." And then you burst into tears because you realized that you ate all the Chunky Monkey last night.
6 You hide in the closet with your jalapeños and ice cream so you can eat them without fear of criticism.
Just as secret drinking is a symptom of alcoholism, secret hiding-in-the-closet-with-jalapeños-and-ice-cream is a symptom of pregnancy-induced insanity.
5 You have to ask your BFF to screen movies for you to see if you can emotionally handle them.
Before you were pregnant, you went to the movies when you felt like it. Now, the fear of turning into a blubbering mess while watching a romantic comedy in a public theater has you buying advance movie tickets for your BFF, just so you can get a full report on any potential insanity-triggers in the new releases.
4 One second you’re laughing hysterically because your significant other stubbed his toe on the vacuum cleaner, and the next second, you’re screaming at him because he hasn’t gotten around to vacuuming yet.
Mood swings are a normal part of being a human being, but if your significant other starts comparing you to a certain green humanoid from those Avengers movies, it might be time to sign up for the anger management class that meets at the hospital right after your Lamaze class lets out.
3 Your partner says you look beautiful in blue, and you accuse him of making a metaphorical comment about your emotional state.
It's true that you don't always feel attractive when you're pregnant, but try not to forget that your significant other still thinks you're the most beautiful woman in the room. And also keep in mind that paranoia is one of the great hallmarks of mental instability.
2 You’ll sit patiently for hours while someone paints a picture on your belly, but you have a nervous breakdown when the lady in front of you at the supermarket pulls out a stack of coupons.
Maternity photos are one thing, but that belly painting is a huge time commitment for something you're going to wash off in the shower tomorrow morning (you are going to wash that off, right?) If you can sit still for several hours while a stranger paints her latest masterpiece on your uncomfortably huge belly, you may want to also try summoning up a little compassion for that old lady and her coupon book.
1 Your partner breathes, chews or blinks and it’s really, really annoying.
You know that ancient torture technique where they put you in a room and make you listen to the sound of dripping water for hours and hours? When your significant other's basic body functions become similarly torturous, it's time to accept your descent into pregnancy-induced insanity and look forward to that next pregnancy post-partum adventure in mental impairment: sleep deprivation.