It's easy to look back on the good old days when we started dating our boyfriend and say that everything was flawless. We never worried if he liked us, everything was like clockwork, and there were never any red flags that we had to think about.
In reality, we probably were pretty curious about how this new guy really felt about us. Did he like us? Was he thinking about a serious relationship? Was he super sure or did he have some insecure moments?
We tend to forget that there was a time when we wondered if we would even end up with this person. It can be hard to remember this when we think about how in love we are today.
When we're at the beginning of a relationship, there can be red flags that tell us that we should back far, far away... or signs that things with this guy are totally wonderful and for real. The trouble, of course, is that it's impossible to figure out this romantic puzzle when we're in the middle of it. Thankfully, there are some things to focus on that will crack the code.
Read on to find out 10 red flags his attraction is just physical, and 10 signs that it's legit.
20 Just Physical: He Only Comments On Our Appearance (Our Hair, Makeup, And Clothing)
To be totally honest, it's much better to have our BFF say that she wants to know what brand of lipstick we're wearing than to have a guy comment on our physical appearance. It can be impossible to tell if a guy is being for real or just trying to butter us up.
If he's always paying us these physical compliments, do we trust him? This is probably a red flag because it proves that he only wants something physical. He's not focused on anything else, after all. We would love to hear that we're intelligent and that we have fascinating opinions, not that our dress looks great.
19 Legit: He Says He Loves Having Interesting Conversations With Us
On the other hand, a sign that he's legit is that he not only will have great conversations with us, but he tells us that he likes having these interesting discussions.
When a guy says this to us, it feels amazing since it makes us realize that we really could have a chance at finding love with them. There probably are couples who don't really chat with one another, but most people want to find someone who they can always talk to, so being able to have deep conversations is a plus. He wants something serious and real because he loves chatting with us.
18 Just Physical: He Likes Bringing Us To Parties And Events As His Plus-One
Another red flag that it's just physical for him is if he likes to bring us to parties and events as his plus-one. Could he even stand going somewhere without having a pretty woman as his date? Probably not... and if people seem surprised to see him with us since they just saw him with another girl last week, that's not that awesome.
It's always smart to think about where a guy will spend time with us. While it's definitely a red flag that he only wants something physical if he's always inviting us over after a date, it's also a red flag when he wants us to dress up and be his plus-one all the time.
17 Legit: Each Date Lasts Four To Five Hours
We can tell that a guy's interest in us is legit when dates go on for a really long time... even four to five hours. When we gather with our girlfriends to chat about our dating lives and one of them shares that they just had a five-hour first date, we're definitely thinking that it's great news.
He's actually interested in us because he likes spending time with us. We don't have to do much, we can just sit in a restaurant and talk or walk around, and that's cool with him. It's awesome to find someone who we have fun with even when nothing fancy or super exciting is happening.
16 Just Physical: He Often Has Somewhere Else To Be
Guys who only want something physical will always have somewhere else to be. He might act like he can't sit still and he might also keep checking his watch or his phone. We might wonder if he's late for something and, honestly, he probably is. He could have a second date lined up tonight (which is really rude behavior, and proves that he's definitely not a legit love interest for us at all).
Guys like this will often make sure that they're going out with a few different girls in one night and they totally have one-track minds when they're dating.
15 Legit: He Texts Us First (And Even Chats On The Phone Sometimes)
We like to joke that our generation doesn't like to use the phone, but there is a certain old-fashioned charm about a guy calling us. When a guy likes us in a legitimate way, he's going to call us, and he'll also text us first. He enjoys being in touch with us regularly which is really nice.
We might think that it's funny that we will take a guy texting us first as proof that he likes us, but this is honestly true. When he has no problem talking on the phone with us, we can be secure knowing that he's legit, and it's going to feel awesome.
14 Just Physical: He Always Wants To Have Date Nights In
When he's only interested in something physical, he's going to want to have all of our date nights indoors. He'll ask us to come over to his place or he'll ask to swing by our apartment.
This is a huge red flag, particularly if we say that we want to go to a pub for dinner or something like that and he still insists that we should come over. Guys with a one-track mind will be very persistent, which is really uncool. He's just not the type of person that we're going to have a future with, and this is definitely a red flag.
13 Legit: He Puts Himself Out For Us, Like Making Us Dinner Or Traveling Halfway Across Town For Dates
A guy who really likes us is going to have to prove it to us. Although that might sound a bit harsh, we just mean that we've dated a lot of guys who claimed to like us but weren't trying to be our boyfriends. We want to know that he's legit.
And when he's legit, he's going to put himself out for us and show us that we're worth the effort. This could mean cooking us dinner, which is definitely a lot of effort (especially if he's not that savvy in the kitchen). It could also mean being willing to travel across town to go out with us or come over to our place.
12 Just Physical: He Makes Up Excuses When We Ask Him To Go Places With Us
We know that a guy's interest in us is totally legit when he loves going anywhere that we invite him. He'll hang out with us at our favorite pub, or at a party that we're going to, or go to see a movie that doesn't exactly interest him.
On the other hand, we know that a guy's only interested in something physical when he says no when we invite him places. He's not looking to actually be in a serious relationship with us so he doesn't see why he would want to go to a party or anything that we're inviting him to.
11 Legit: He Doesn't Let More Than A Few Hours Pass Without Getting In Touch Or Setting Up Another Plan
Does he make sure that he's getting in touch regularly and that a few hours never go by without him texting us? Does he always set up new plans for us, especially when one date is over and he's saying goodbye to us?
If we can say yes to these two questions then we know that he's completely legit. This is really great since we can be secure and confident that he's very close to being our boyfriend. He's showing that he's serious about us and that he wants to ensure that the start of this relationship is going smoothly.
10 Just Physical: He Talks About Himself Most Of The Time
We all know guys (and girls too of course) who won't stop talking about themselves. There must be people who don't mind listening to them... but the rest of us are thinking, "Will they just be quiet?!"
A guy who keeps talking about himself (his fave subject) will only be interested in something physical. He doesn't want to get to know us better and he doesn't want to ask us questions or engage in more traditional and common first date subject matter. We're going to wonder why he can't chat about literally anything else. It's that one-track mind thing happening again.
9 Legit: He's Always Attempting To Make Us Happy, Even With Lame Or Silly Jokes
Legit guys just want us to be happy, and if that means making silly jokes, that's okay with them. They'll make bad jokes with a smile and hope that we don't call them out on it (but we won't, of course, because this is too cute).
When he wants something more than just a physical relationship with us, he cares about us as a person and that means that he cares about our happiness. He might even ask us if we're happy with him and if he should act any differently (like texting us more often), which will be really cute as well.
8 Just Physical: He Won't Meet Our Family Or Friends
When we consider how open he is to meeting our family and friends, we can test him on how legit he is. When he won't meet them (and he probably has a handful of reasons why), he's definitely only interested in the physical.
He's not going to take the time because he knows that he's not going to be around for much longer. He could be dating someone else (or a lot of girls, actually) and that's also why he's not going to take our invitation to meet the people in our life very seriously. We'll probably be upset about this, which makes sense, but honestly, it's proof he's not legit at all.
7 Legit: He'll Talk About Next Week Or Next Month Because He Sees A Future
Legit guys not only see a future with us but they will definitely talk about it. If this feels like a departure from the way that guys typically act, then chances are, we've had some less than perfect luck with dating and we've been with guys who unfortunately didn't take us seriously.
Legit guys will ask us about next week and next month and they want us to know that they're not running away. They can talk about the future and they're not even going to sweat a lot or worry while doing so. It's a nice change, and we all deserve this kind of attention.
6 Just Physical: We Celebrate Holidays Separately (Same With Birthdays Or Special Events)
A guy who is legit wants to spend holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions with us. This is totally normal behavior and it's what we expect. Couples do these things together, right?
Well, according to a guy who just wants something physical, this isn't something that he needs to do. He's never going to spend birthdays or holidays with us. If our sister is celebrating a new job or promotion or our parents are retiring, he definitely won't come to the party. He's not going to put this kind of time into this because he's not interested in forming deep bonds with us or any of our 'people'.
5 Legit: He's Sweet And Tries To Be Romantic, Even If It Comes Out A Bit Awkward
Sometimes we see a really cute romantic comedy or an episode of a TV show and the guy is trying to woo a girl. He's not into the so-called "regular" kind of romance and he'll do something that's much more quirky.
Legit guys are really sweet and when they try to be romantic, it might be a bit awkward. He could be a bit clumsy or maybe he attempts a romantic speech but stumbles over his words and seems to forget what he was going to say. We love this even more because of how awkward it is, that's for sure.
4 Just Physical: He's A Smooth Charmer (And Our Friends Wonder About Him)
Guys who want something that is just physical are total charmers. They want to talk the talk and make us think certain things. This guy could tell us that he'll be our boyfriend soon, just not right now, or say something else that makes us think that will be happening.
He's a smooth talker and our friends might even say that they're not so sure about him and they don't think he's the best person for us. When he's a smooth charmer, this is another red flag that it's all about the physical for him. Our friends can tell that he's not legit, and we need to hear them.
3 Legit: He's Old-School And Believes In Holding Hands And Taking A Relationship Slow
Thanks to meeting people on apps and texting, it can feel like old-fashioned isn't a term that is part of the dating world anymore, and we might really dislike that. Isn't it nice when people act a little bit old-fashioned? We'll keep the texting, though, because of the convenience factor.
Is this guy actually pretty old-fashioned? Does he hold our hand and does he want to take things slow? This is a sign that he's legit. Since he wants to take things slow, he actually thinks that we could start a relationship. If he didn't want that, then things might be moving much more quickly.
2 Just Physical: His Idea Of Gifts Or Romance Are Cliche And Typical, Like Red Roses
When a guy brings out all of the biggest romantic cliches, like red roses and chocolate, he's not trying at all. He figures that we'll be fine with this since a lot of other people have been, and he probably uses these cliches a lot, so he figures it'll work once again.
We can see right through these things, and we can also say that he's looking for just the physical. Guys who want more than that will totally put in the time and effort to be more interesting. They'll buy us another type of flower or forget the flowers and do something sweet and quirky instead.
1 Legit: He Ensures We Know He Likes Us, No Matter What
When a guy is legit, we'll be able to tell because he'll always ensure that we know that he likes us. He'll also be able to tell when we're a bit insecure about this and he'll put those thoughts to rest.
A guy who wants something physical won't bother to say that he likes us because he's not thinking in those terms. A guy who is legit, on the other hand, will definitely tell us about his feelings, and we're going to enjoy the change if we've dated people who didn't do this.
Once we find a legit guy, it'll be fairly clear... and totally amazing.