There comes a time in everyone’s life where you reach that point that you looked forward to so much. How stupid could you have been? You actually wanted to be an adult? You wanted to have more debt and bills to pay than your income? You wanted to work 60 hours a week? You wanted to be responsible for every action that you made and many actions of others? Sure, there are perks. Like, if you can afford it, you can have ice cream cake at midnight while you watch Doctor Who on Netflix.
But, for the most part, adulting is stressful and overwhelming. Here are fifteen truths about adulting that are hilarious devastating. I’m so glad you had time on your lunch break to read it.
15 You Have To Make Your Own Appointments
You always took the fact that your mother made your appointments for granted. But now you wish you could go back to that time where not only did someone else make your appointments but they told you when you should make one. “That cough sounds a little too persistent. I set you up an appointment for Wednesday day at eleven. I already took off work to take you.” Geez, that’s a relief! Now I won’t die!
Or maybe, “I noticed you needed your tires changed, so I took the liberty, I hope you don’t mind.” Ha! I’ll let it slide this time. Woe is the day where that turns to, “You need to change your tires. Why did you let it go this long?” And that’s it. Leaving you there with no lead as to what you should do next. “Uh…so I call Walmart now? They do the car thing, right?”
14 The Definition Of “Late” Changes
As a kid, you would stay up as late as you could for no reason at all. But as an adult, you realize that sleep is valuable. Sure, you may torture yourself and go out, coming home at eleven. But, you really regret it and feel as if you know better. After you transition from the adulting phase, then you just really hate not sleeping. Like, your friend asks you to come over after dark? Um…do they know you work tomorrow? Do they know you already planned a Netflix marathon perfectly timed to end at ten o’ clock?
You now prefer afternoon dates to evening dates and really don’t care if you ever go out again. It would be nice, but, you know, is it really worth it?
13 When You Over exaggerate On Applications
Getting a job is hard. So, during that application phase you really don’t think about what you will do if you actually get the job. It’s just a game you play to see how good you can make it look. It’s not lying. It’s just highlighting and using choice words. This is why everyone comes to a point in their life where they get a job you are under qualified for.
Um…did I say I knew how to patch a radiator hose? Oh. I thought you meant something else. Oh. I didn’t say I took college courses in psychology. I said I took an online “only psychology majors can get 9/12” quiz. Oh. A black belt in karate? I thought you said, “do you own a black belt?” Sorry, but I did wear it to fit the dress code. It’s leather. Real, $25 leather! Totally worth the three hours I spent to earn it!
12 Checking Your Balance Is A Chore
We all have to do it. Check the balance. It may be before ordering pizza, while in the line at Target, or the day before payday as you sit at home wondering if there’s any ramen left. It doesn’t matter. But the fact that we all understand, “let me check my balance” and feel sorry for whoever said it, knowing a depressing fate awaits them. This should tell us something. The funny thing is, we all actually know how much we have in there. The check is just to make sure. You know, we could have miscalculated somewhere. We could have gotten that direct deposit early. Maybe the notification on our phone didn’t go through. Who knows. Not us, that’s why we have to check to see if we get to eat today.
11 The Experience Cycle
Another thing about applying for a job, and the reason we exaggerate, is that we have to have experience to get the job. But then, we can’t get experience unless we get that job. It’s an endless cycle leaving us with little to no options. Not all of us can afford to get a two-year non-paid internship. Working at a fast food chain or local department store is not going to say anything for your next resume.
This is awful. But it happens to us all early on. If you go to college, there’s a chance you’ll get placed somewhere straight after. Or there’s a chance you’ll never get to use that degree you worked so hard for. This is just another sad truth that every person struggling with adulting knows to be true.
10 Getting Your Own Groceries
Getting Your own groceries sucks. You never realized that stuff costs money. Like real money that you have to earn just to not die. There are two things that happen when you start buying your own groceries. One is you start eating really unhealthy. Two is you start looking for the cheapest food for one person.
That’s where ramen comes in. The cheapest food in the country. It isn’t healthy, no, but it’s better than nothing. When you were a teen you thought that when you bought your own food, your fridge would be full of your favorite fruits, ice cream, sushi, burgers, and somehow fully cooked fresh meals. But in reality, there are like three foods and seven condiments.
9 Toxicity Is Too Draining
You’d think that gaining friends and accepting their bad behavior is part of growing up, but it’s really not. It seems that the older you get, the less friends you have and the closer friends you have. If someone messes up, forgive them. Forgiving becomes easier after you learn we all make mistakes. But when you have toxic friend or relationship, you realize that you don’t have the time, effort, or emotional strength to deal with them.
So, you tell them you have no hard feelings, but you’re done, so go away. You may learn to be more mature, but you also learn what’s important. No thank you, toxic person, I’d rather spend my time with people who actually want me to feel loved and succeed.
8 Your Heart And Brain Can’t Agree
Your brain knows the truth. But your heart is still a child in so many ways. Your brain knows when it’s time work, how much sleep you need, what you should eat, how you should treat other people, and when it’s time to exercise. Your heart knows that staying up late is fun, eating a whole bag of Doritos makes you momentarily happy, telling people what you think us soothing, and that lying down feels better than standing up.
It’s up to you to choose who to listen to. I prefer a nice balance. But adulthood requires a little more brain than heart, unfortunately. Like, whoever decided they can’t get along? Why can’t we just go to bed early AND sleep in? Why can’t we make money and stay at home watching Netflix?
7 That 18th Birthday
You looked forward to your 18th birthday for years, but then it gets there and you never could have expected what it brought. Change. Not in the way you thought. You see, when you’re 16 or 17, you’re put down and told you are a child. You don’t get to have responsibilities. Your parents are in charge of your entire life. But then, you turn 18 and all of a sudden, you’re an adult? This makes no sense, and it’s really overwhelming. A month ago, you were wishing for freedom, being told, “no, you are a child and your parents make the rules.” Now, you’re asking for mommy and being told, “no, you have to do this yourself, you’re an adult.”
They should have like a year after high school where they teach you how to be an adult. A sort of transitional school.
6 Emotions Start Working
Never did you realize how sad Dumbo or Old Yeller was, until you started adulting. You spent your whole childhood smiling at it, and now you can’t get through one Disney movie without bawling like a baby. Somedays, you’ll get home from work, grab a bowl of ice cream and just sit on the couch and cry for no reason. That is, if the news doesn’t get to you first.
You see a homeless man, you may try to avoid him, but your heart will not forget. That could be you. You see a woman with a black eye, you can’t help but wonder. This could be one of the hardest things about adulting. If you happen to be one of those adults whose compassion actually kicks in.
5 Lather It On
What do we need? Stress relief. What else do we need? Money. Anything else? Sleep. Is that all? No, actually, we need energy, a drink, a new work outfit, a shower, and a home cooked meal. This is adulthood, a time when all of your needs are not met, handed to you on a silver platter. Everything you must do to stay clean, happy, safe, motivated, and alive, you give to yourself. This is the realty we are faced with.
You want to take a bath in at least one of these things that you need, but that isn’t going to happen. Although if someone gave you an inch, you may just take a mile. “Would you like to try a free sample of stress relief?” “Sure, I’ll take a few…”
4 Not Having Time For Fun
When you start adulting, you realize quickly that fun is literally at the bottom of your priority list. You see, there are the things you want to do, then the things that you need to do. You get to choose one. If you choose the former, you die. If you choose the latter, you are sad. It’s a tough choice but it’s one we all have to make. The plus side is that when you do reach this point, all of a sudden, you are much easier to please.
When your boss gives you off work an hour early, you may not know what to do with your life, but you may cry tears of joy. When someone brings you a nice meal, you may just…again, cry, because life is so good! Until you realize that it lasts like five minutes and you’re back to your normal life of Ramen again.
3 Receiving Mail
As a child, receiving mail was a pleasure. It meant you got money from relatives or some other fun, exciting thing. Later on, it either meant that you had a bill to pay or worse. The exception is that Amazon package that you get the notification that it arrived on your phone while at work. You spend all day anticipating it! Wait, never mind, it’s still bad, you realize it’s that gift that you felt obligated to buy for your great aunt’s birthday. That aunt that used to send you money but doesn’t anymore. Why do you still buy her something? Oh yeah, cause mom said to.
This is how it is, and it’s sad. But one day that Amazon package will arrive and you will get that joy that you deserve. It will make all of that suffering…almost worth it.
2 You Never Know What’s In
When you’re in high school, you’re not cool unless you know what is in, and what is totally lame. As you grow older, you may think you know what’s up, but after hanging out with teens, you really don’t. You work 40-80 hours a week, focusing on your career, and spend the rest of your time doing other things you don’t really want to do.
So, whenever you actually hear a “new” term you may cringe or misinterpret and make a fool out of yourself. “Oh, I…you mean that’s not what dabbing is? Geez, sorry.” Then you become that middle-aged person who doesn’t know anything. This hurts when you’re 28 and are constantly a year behind on the latest trends. You feel bad until you talk to other 28-year-olds and realize you’re actually normal. Now go make fun of some teens who know nothing about the 90s.
1 Naps Are God’s Gift
The literal best thing in the world as an adult, aside from food, are naps. They are rare, precious gifts that should never be taken for granted. When you were young you would curse them. Now, they are all you could ever want.
Naps make you happy, they relief stress, they take you away from the struggles of the world. When you take them, no one there cares if you shower, what you eat, if you go to work. Everything is perfect. Oh…wait, until you start dreaming about real life stuff instead of flying and monsters like when you weren’t adulting. If only you could control your dreams and go scare the monsters that you used to dread. All you have to do is hand over your responsibilities and they are gone. Trapped in the real world.