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15 Broken Cats That Just Don't Know How To "Cat"

Anyone who has tried to convince a cat to cuddle when it wants to hunt or tried to talked one into coming down from a wall when it’s determined to catch a bird (to leave as a gift next to your bed, obviously), knows how strong a cat’s personality is.

Garfield. Grumpy Cat. Lil’ Bub. Sylvester. Mrs. Norris. The most famous cats are loved as much for their identities are as they are for their (sometimes ridiculous) antics and weird food fetishes. Dogs just don’t get it.

We’ll never know whether they act weird to make us laugh, to drive us insane, or as part of an elaborate plot to rule the universe, but sometimes they go so far as to become not-cats. And sometimes they seem to forget how to go about being a cat.

Meet 15 cats that have forgotten how to cat:

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15 This cat that likes a good soak

Maybe it's because they're vain about their fur, or maybe it's because they hate looking stupid (and a wet cat is one of the most ridiculous looking creatures in the world), but everyone knows cats don't like water. Try to bathe them and they'll claw your face off. Leave them outside in a rain storm, and they'll claw your face and your arms off... unless the cat's name is Maggie. We're not sure how her owner figured out that she enjoys a good soaking, but she's the exception to the rule. Some cats unwind by plotting mice murders, others relax by falling asleep on your laptop. While you're typing. But Maggie is a different sort... her happy time is spent under water. She brings a whole new meaning to the word 'catfish.'

14 These cats that like the wrong part of the sushi

 

About the only time of day when a cat will show you how much they love you is right before you feed them. You know what they say... the fastest way to a man's cat's heart is through its stomach. Many owners talk about their cats being picky eaters – some will only eat dry food, some only like the cheap stuff, and others insist on gourmet wet food.

And then, there are these two. It's understandable that they are after some sushi – you know, because there's actually fish in it. But according to their owner, they can't keep their claws away from dried seaweed. There aren't even many humans who enjoy eating this stuff unless it's rice-filled and covered in mayo.

On the plus side: It's not catnip so at least they can't get cat-stoned.

13 This cat that thinks it's a dog playing catch

Here's another cat myth busted: Apparently, cats can be taught to catch. Who knows what incentive this cat's owner used to get him to this point, but it couldn't have been easy. Cats are notoriously stubborn. It's dogs that can be taught to handstand on a skateboard while barking the alphabet. Cats would hiss at the skateboard, force you into a handstand and hiss random letters.

If you've ever dangled a string in front of your cat's face, you know that they can reach out and, at lightning speed, bat it out of the air. Applying this logic, you'd think that cats would make decent tennis players. But you'd never suspect that they could play baseball.

12 This cat that loves the bath

... you turn on the water for him.

Other than the lack of slobber, one of the best reasons to own  a cat rather than a dog is that they don't swim, which means that you don't need to worry about the aroma of wet fur. (Spoiler alert: It's gross.)

They're also mostly self-cleaning. People who prefer cats like to point out how easily dogs get dirty. But every now and then, even cats need to get washed. It's a traumatic experience for everyone in the house – cat included. But this house has the opposite problem: Their cat begs for a bath. If all cats were so enthusiastic about getting clean – it would save everyone some skin. If only cats were motivated by approval the way dogs were... they'd be so much easier to train.

11 This cat that enjoys being wrapped up

They're so temperamental. One minute they're pawing at your feet begging to be held, the next they're clawing at your neck to stop you from holding them. It's a cat thing. They're not very good at accepting affection because they expect everything to happen in their own terms. This applies to every part of their lives - including the part that hates being covered up.

There are people out there who manage to get clothes on their cats - tumblr is full of photos of these patient pets. But for most of us, we have to accept that the cat knows best. In other words... don't try snuggle when they're not in a cuddly mood. And don't treat them like tiny humans - they don't like being babied.

Unless you own this cat. According to his owner, he won't sleep until he's a well-wrapped purrito.

10 This cat that can't eat like a cat

Cats are dainty eaters. While the dog is burying himself in his food and loudly gobbling every morsel it can find, the cat is quietly leaning over the food. They eat the way chefs tell us to eat: Slowly to savor the taste.

This cat has found a way to make eating food even more graceful – she's discovered that those claws (the same ones that dig into her owner first thing in the morning) are retractable forks. And once she'd discovered this, she found a whole new way to eat her food.

It probably takes her a generation to eat her food every night, but if there's one thing cats are not concerned with, it's keeping track of time. After all, they have nine lives. Is it any of our business if they want to spend eight of them eating?

9 This cat that's just too fancy

Cats are fancy. Or at least, that's what they'd like us to believe. It's why they walk as if they're on a fashion runway (Hey, it's called a catwalk for a reason). Even the ugliest street cat believes he's a king and should be treated as such. And we know it too. So we buy them the best of everything. We'll be eating ramen noodles, but the cat will be eating a gourmet chef-prepared meal.

There are always cats that take it to the next level. And this is the cat that took fancy all the way to scones and tea. 100% sure that the Royal family feeds scones to their Corgis. 100% sure this cat isn't a Corgi. Regardless, she will be fed like royalty, and fully expects to be treated to a high tea whenever possible.

Yes, that's a kitty-sized butter and cheese scone.

8 This cat that's forgotten it has front legs

You're never sure what kind of personality your cat is going to end up with. They can be anything from affectionate to hostile, and they will certainly make sure you know where they stand on this scale. What you should be able to expect is that your cat will walk on four legs. They're not chimps or humans, after all.

This cat didn't get the memo. Never mind a cat forgetting how to cat... this cat doesn't even seem to know it's not human! He walks better than a toddler and even knows to take a step down – something that would trip a less aware human up. With those eyebrows, he even looks like a very well groomed human. Is this the next step in the evolution of cat-dom?

7 This cat that has forgotten how to give gifts

You know what it's like to get gift from your cat. You're relaxing on the couch when the cat approaches you looking very proud of himself. Cats that are good at this game know that the best way to present their gift to you is to keep the whole thing in their mouth until they're near enough to surprise you with it by spitting it out onto your feet.

The theory isn't just that the cat loves you and wants you to have nice things, it's also that you are part of its family and it wants you to be well fed. Also, it thinks you're a pathetic excuse of a cat – you don't even go hunting. So cat will take it upon himself to do the hunting for you. In this case, it's definitely the thought that matters. But this family has found a cat that gives them better gifts: Ones they can use in the bath.

Unwanted sponge problem? Sponges in the roof? Sponges eating your trash? No problem! Cat is here to hunt those sponges and put an end to their devilry. Also, you should wash; you smell like human.

6 This cat that is weirdly sympathetic

Some cats are intuitive and know when you're having a bad day. They might even offer you some comfort. But, when you're doing something they think is ridiculous, they're going to make sure you know how stupid they think you look. They don't have to do much more than look at you, because a cat can communicate a million things with just one look (they're definitely masters of the side-eye). And just one head movement is enough to make you feel ashamed of whatever weird human behavior you're engaged in.

Apparently, crying while chopping onions is one of those ridiculous things they don't understand. Human, why are you crying for that mouse? It doesn't even smell like mouse. What's wrong with you human? Man up, human. Or maybe that head tilt is just sympathy for your fall from a predator to a cry baby.

5 This cat that's forgotten his place in the food chain

There's an entire television show about the war between cats and mice. It's called Tom and Jerry. It's based on a true story. You know, the one where mice run from the cat because a cat's reason for existing is to rid the world of all things mouse-like. In that world, the cats are at the top of the food chain.

But there's always someone that lets the whole species down. When this cat's owner walked in to find a mouse eating the cat's food, she probably expected her cat to pounce. But instead, he just watched as it feasted. Jerry wins this round. It's as bad as a lion watching a hyena eat an antelope.

At least he's made the effort to look ashamed of himself. As he should be.

4 This cat that forgot how to leap

Sometimes, cats jump distances that have to be seen to be believed. They can leap from wall to wall, and from roof to roof and make it look easy. It's what makes them so difficult to catch when they decide to run away with your half-knitted baby bootie. And, most importantly, they do it gracefully. Even if they're tumbling through the air, they'll land right-side up and walk away, proud of their routine.

Meet the exception to the rule: A cat that is so bad at catting that he can't jump. He can't even make the attempt look pretty... it's just a fail from start to finish. Someone needs to teach him that, in order to make a leap, his back legs need to actually leave the surface! He's lucky to have a human that feeds him, because we have a feeling he'd have a problem catching his own food. It's also very embarrassing to have your food laugh at you for failing to cat.

3 This cat that can't be graceful

You expect puppies to fall all over the place. And dogs are known to struggle with basic acrobatics – they're just not as graceful as cats, and that's a fact. It's one of the things pro-cat people like to remind dog owners all the time.

Cat dude: My cat can jump from the roof, perform three and a half twisting back somersaults in pike position, and land perfectly. He gets perfect tens all round.Dog guy: Well, my dog can, like, run forwards and stuff.

Everyone knows cats are the ones with all the gymnastic ability. Or, at least, that's how it's supposed to be. But here we have a perfect example of a broken cat. While mister perfect on the right does his best limbo, Tweedledum on the left is faceplanting into a stick.

2 This cat that forgot to pay attention

Cats always seem to know exactly where they are in space. They're known to walk along even the thinnest and highest walls without falling. You almost never have to worry about your cat getting injured during their high wire attempts... they have a sixth sense that keeps them upright at all times.

We're not sure what has this cat so distracted. Why is he trying to eat himself? But, clearly, it's causing his inner cat to malfunction. He's lost all spatial awareness and this doesn't look like it was an enjoyable tumble either. Ouch. And it's not even like this is an easy surface to fall off of – it's a huge counter. He must have spent the rest of the day hiding from his humans who, inevitably, have not stopped laughing at him.

1 This cat that can't choose the right box

If you do an image search for cats in boxes, you'll find cats that fit into egg boxes, cats that cram themselves into guitar cases, cats that fit into matchboxes and even lions sleeping in cardboard boxes (we're not sure where they find these). There's nothing a cat loves more than to rest in something box shaped.

While this cat has found a box he's interested in, he's clearly misjudged his own size. And just when he looks like he's going to be successful... NOPE. This is not a box made for a kitty. A clever cat would just stay lying on the ground in the box. If there's one thing cats know how to do it's how to make everything look like it happened exactly as they planned it.

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