We've all learned the hard way that we shouldn't add our parents on social media. They filled up our timelines with embarrassing comments and humiliated us in front of our friends on a daily basis, right up until we finally blocked them. Unfortunately, banning parents from engaging with us on Facebook and Twitter won't fully help us escape their savagery—they're just as brutal in texts, and the only way to shut them down may be to take away their phones altogether! We grew up with technology so we can't possibly imagine life without it, but the fire that our parents spit at us on a daily basis via text message makes us wish we could go back in time to before they were able to subject us to their cruel (and okay, slightly hilarious) virtual insults! Think your parents are cruel? Check out these texts from savage parents who have mastered the art of making fun of their kids!
15 Ruining the family name
When you're away at college and your parents shoot you a text asking you what you're up to, "studying" is typically the ideal response. You want them to think that you're working hard on your degree and not wasting all the money they're spending on tuition! This dad, however, wants his son to follow in his footsteps and trade the books for a more active social life. Dad here spent his college days partying it up and getting wasted, and would rather his son at least pretend he's drunk in front of his friends than sit alone in his dorm room getting ready for some lame upcoming exam. It's always embarrassing when your friends make fun of you for studying too much, but when even your parents join in... that's just the ultimate humiliation.
14 Not exactly the sympathy you hope for after a breakup
When you go through a breakup, you typically hope your family and friends will amp up the kindness and help you through your heartbreak. This text proves that some parents are just way too savage to be that sympathetic. Daleynee has been spending the whole day locked away in her bedroom, listening to sad songs and crying because they remind her of her ex. Instead of knocking on her door and offering her a pint of ice cream, her dad shot her a text telling her to turn down the music and shut up already. After all, Daleynee's ex is ugly, so there's really no point in shedding tears over him! There's nothing quite like your dad making fun of your emotions and your choice in guys, all in one brutal text.
13 The bond between mother and son is... disturbing
When this teenager's mom sent him a picture of NeverWet outdoor fabric spray, he was at a loss for words. Did the text mean she wanted him to pick the item up from the store? Was she merely alerting him that she was going to buy it, and if so... why? All he could respond with was "Ok" and hope that she would go on to explain the confusing text. She did, and while we're never going to stop laughing at her cruel joke, her son likely still feels this burn today. The NeverWet is like his girlfriend, because he just can't do it for her. Wow, that's brutal! We sort of admire that these two are close enough to make these types of jokes with each other, but at the same time... we don't think we could handle our parents being this savage.
12 Undercover Mom
It's super awkward to find out that your mom has been going to a dog park without a dog in hopes of finding a boyfriend. It's a lot worse if you find out your mom's been going to a dog park without a dog in hopes of finding a boyfriend for you. During one of her weird, dogless trips to the dog park, this embarrassing mom snapped a picture of a "cute Jewish guy" sitting on a park bench, and asked him some questions to see if he'd be a good fit for her daughter. The daughter laughed off the bizarre text exchange, but it must hurt to discover that your mother has so little faith in your game, she feels a need to find someone to love you herself.
11 This will definitely get him to stop asking
Pretty much every kid asks their parents a million times to buy them a car. It's only natural... no one wants to go on dates accompanied by their parents, and being driven to school and to parties by your folks gets super embarrassing once you're in your last few years of high school. You may get annoyed having to ask your parents all the time, but this text proves that they get even more annoyed hearing you beg on a daily basis. Some dad figured out the perfect way to get his son to stop asking—compare his son's pleas with his own frequent requests for anal sex to the boy's mother. Getting a car would be awesome, but not if it means you have to picture your parents doing butt stuff.
10 This backfired in the most perfect way
The only thing more amusing than watching a good prank play out as planned is watching it completely backfire in the prankster's face. This kid went into the settings of his father's phone, and changed "no" to "hell yeah!" He then asked his dad for permission to throw a party at their house that upcoming weekend, fully expecting his father to say no, and thus allow him to host the party once the response autocorrected to "hell yeah!" Unfortunately for the scheming son, that's not quite what happened. Instead of saying no, the dad savagely informed him that in order to throw a party, he needs to actually have friends. Got 'em! We can definitely see where this kid got his sense of humor from.
9 This poor kid is probably traumatized for life
Some texts, you can never unsee, no matter how hard you try. There's simply no amount of time or effort that can make you forget a message where your father calls himself your mother's "love machine" or discusses his new "man-thong." When this dad realized that he texted his kid instead of his wife, he didn't seem embarrassed at all, and issued a simple apology. His son then told him that he's leaving and never coming back home, but instead of being embarrassed by the blunder and apologizing further, the dad offered to send his offspring a picture of himself in his sexy underwear. That visual will forever be burned in that poor boy's brain, but hey... at least he now knows that his parents are still very much in love!
8 He knew where this conversation was headed
Your parents are always there for you when you need a favor. That's basically their job. Sadly, if you call on them for too many favors, they start catching on and calling you out on it. This daughter hit her dad up with a nice text, wishing him a good evening and reminding him that he's always been a "kind father" to her. Her dad knew immediately what she was up to, because she's clearly pulled this trick a few too many times. She was trying to butter him up so she could ask him for some money, a classic kid move. "What's up, my little gold digger" was the perfect response to make her realize that she wasn't going to get away with her diabolical plan. Not if she didn't want to accept her status as the gold digger he accused her of being!
7 Dinner isn't going to make itself!
It's tough being a kid sometimes. You have to go to school all day, and you only get to watch a few hours of television and text with your friends before it's time to do homework. That's why we expect to have dinner ready and made for us as soon as we're hungry enough to eat it. Sadly, we occasionally forget that our parents' schedules are also busy, and it's not actually their job to be our personal servants. This daughter asked her mom when she was going to be home, because she was really hungry and wanted her to make dinner. Big mistake. The mom was stressed out and tired of her crap, so she savagely responded with "then get some food, b*tch." Ouch!
6 Just reminding you that you're lame
Our parents always try their hardest to build us up and express their pride in us. Sometimes, though, they crack and admit that we can be huge disappointments who bring them nothing but shame. This mom was apparently sick and tired of her daughter being such a homebody and spending every Friday night sitting around her bedroom alone. When she asked her daughter if she had plans that night and learned that her teen intended to spend yet another evening by herself, the mom called her a loser. The depressing daughter was likely well-aware that she had virtually no social life, but getting made fun of by her own mom for it had to sting! But hey, that sort of brutal push might be just what she needed to actually go out and make some friends.
5 A father's love
This devoted son tried his hardest to wish his dad a happy father's day, but his dad's phone was turned off and none of his calls or texts were going through. Luckily, the dad eventually turned his phone on and was all excited to see his son's well wishes, giving the son a chance to make a playful joke about how even though he's the least favorite child, he has the best memory. You'd think that the dad would then tell him that he doesn't have favorites because he loves all his children equally, but you'd only be partially right—he doesn't have favorites because he dislikes his kids equally, each in their own unique ways. We hope this was just a joke, but they do say that all good jokes contain a bit of truth to them.
4 Well done, Dad
When you're away at college, it's always nice to get a text from your parents asking if you need them to send you anything. This clever son came up with an original way of asking for money, without actually asking for it. While he said that he "simply couldn't think of anything" that he needed, he not-so-subtly replaced every S in his text with a dollar sign, to make his aim as clear as possible. The dad caught on to the joke just fine, but responded with some cleverness of his own. He capitalized "no" several times in his follow-up text, so his son would know not to expect to receive cash in the mail anytime soon. If that wasn't clear enough, he ended the conversation with "get a job." Savage.
3 To be fair, he's not wrong
This thoughtful father sent his son a text from the store, asking him if he needed anything. He was likely expecting his boy to request something simple like snacks or some soda, but the son awkwardly asked for some condoms. He had a date that night and wanted to be adequately prepared in case things got a little hot and heavy. His dad apparently has no faith in his game, however, because he then felt a need to inform the kid that he likely wound't need the condoms because you can't actually get your hand pregnant. We're normally against parents making fun of their children's sexual inexperience, but we can't help but applaud this dad. Kid, if you need condoms, just buy them yourself! You totally deserved this one.
2 A conversation you never expect to have with your mom
We didn't think anything could be more humiliating than your parents walking in on you when you're watching some porn and, um... pleasuring yourself... but this text exchange proved us wrong. Having your mom recommend porn to you because she knows you're alone and have no sexual prospects whatsoever is SO MUCH WORSE. Here, a mom messaged her son to let him know that there's free porn on HBO Go. It's not hardcore porn, but it's hopefully enough to help him through his extreme loneliness. The son managed to laugh throughout the uncomfortable exchange, but judging by his dismissal at the end of the conversation, he was incredibly embarrassed by his mom's belief that he needs porn to stay happy. Even if she was right.
1 Who's funny now?!
It's always weird when our parents make jokes. They're nearly twice our age... it has to be against some secret law for them to share our inappropriate, dry and often brutal sense of humor, right?! This daughter tried shutting her embarrassing mom down by telling her that she isn't funny and should stop trying to make jokes all of a sudden, but her mom's response proved who the real comedian in the family was. "I made you." There's just no coming back from your mom telling you that you're a joke, and that's why we're not at all surprised to find that the daughter had no clever response to that savage text. She was too busy driving to CVS to pick up some much-needed burn cream.