The single life. It’s one we all know and experience for at least a period of our lives. It’s fun, thrilling and ever changing, but it also is chock-filled with some of the most uncomfortable experiences of your lifetime. It’s filled with stories we only tell our closest friends about because, despite the fact that we’re humiliated to have yet another embarrassing single girl moment, we know that one day, we will reminisce about that story and that date that made us want to tear our eyes out in our singlehood, and we need our friends to help resurrect that story for the laughs. So, although, we may not feel it now, in the heat of our single years, there is unquestionable humor lying in each and every one of these stories. So take pride in your single horrors, because as you’ll see below, they are some of the most cringeworthy moments of your life.
15 Spending Valentine’s Day on social media
When it’s Valentine’s Day and you go on social media to give yourself that brain break you’ve been wanting all morning, you are excessively more stressed out by all the love that’s being shoved in your face. There’s everything from the cheesy Hallmark actions, boyfriends who gave chocolates and teddy bears (who actually keeps the generic ‘I love you’ teddy bear in their house by the way!?), to incredibly romantic, weak at the knees dinners planned and sentimental posts written. It’s not that you’re not happy for all the loving couples out there, it’s just that being reminded that you’re single and haven’t found “the one," makes your whole body cringe.
14 Action figures take it too far
When you’ve been going on back-to-back dates with men from OK Cupid, Match, and sometimes even entertaining the odd Tinder date, cringeworthy moments tend to be abundant. Sometimes, you would even go as far as to say that the whole online dating process is cringeworthy. But in an effort not to be cynical and to believe that love can be found at any given moment, you’ve been working on your positive thinking and are gaining a restored faith in the game of online love. Or, so you were thinking as you sat at the table enjoying a delicious Wednesday cocktail that tastes even better because it’s hump day. Then, you see your date walk in. Your whole body cringes when you notice he’s in some geeky video game t-shirt, with a flannel thrown over, and despite the unkept look of greasy hair and un-showered body odor, he sits down and pulls out his action figures. Cringeworthy deal breaker!
13 Stuffed animals also take it too far
For the single girl active in the dating world, cringeworthy moments tend to be abundant. A friend was picked up for a date once, met the guy online and had already had a few great phone conversations, and even FaceTime chats, so she was feeling positive about the date ahead. When the guy picked her up, and she walked outside to his car, she noticed a lifesize, cartoon character stuffed animal sitting in the front seat.
Thinking that maybe this was a gag gift from a friend, she started moving the stuffed animal to the back seat and asked, “Do I even want to know the story behind this?” Deadpanned, he looked at her and said, “Oh, no this is my best friend, he goes everywhere with me, and you cannot put him in the backseat, he needs to know he still has priority in my life.” Processing what the hell was going on, she got in the back seat and continued the date. Upon digesting the fact that this was no joke, this stuffed animal was this grown man's best friend, things unraveled quickly from there as you can imagine.
12 Thirty-something and no significant other
After a certain age, almost all social events you are invited to include an extended invite to your significant other. So when you’re a single girl living in a 30-something world just trying to live your life, being the best version of yourself, feeling proud of who you are and how far you’ve come in life thus far, you find yourself dreading some of these said social events. You know your friends love you and they really do have your best interest at heart, it’s just that you have no interest in answering to the inevitable looming interrogation that occurs when attending one of these events….“why are you still single?”, or “aren’t you in your 30’s? When do you plan on having kids?” Well Aunt Linda, if I could find a man to have kids with, I could probably help answer your questions that you are so concerned about. In the meantime, I’ll be sitting over here with my boyfriend Red Wine and living my life, thank you very much.
11 No boyfriend? Must be a lesbian
While we’re on the topic of single girl questions—being the only single girl in a family of three women definitely has its perks. You never have to deal with analyzing or obsessing over if he’s the one, you never have a dumb drunk fight with your man when we’re all out having a great time, and the list goes on. The downside is answering the firing squad when you’re at a family function. You get used to responding to questions the same way—“yes I do deserve a great man," “I don’t know why I haven’t found someone yet, I agree I’m a great catch." Leave it alone, Aunt Ruth.
10 Deep conversations coming too soon
The first few dates with someone you’re really starting to like are the best! You have the wonderful kind of butterflies and almost always leave with a huge smile on your face. It’s all so exciting! You’re both still being so playful, haven’t had to go into the deep conversations yet and are just having so much fun! That is, you were having so much fun until you run into your ex, the one who totally ripped your heart out. These kind of butterflies are nauseating, and moving on with your new beau in this date feels almost impossible. Trying to act like your whole body isn’t shaking, let alone trying to just be yourself for the rest of that date is incredibly awkward. Now the looming “ex” conversation must be had, and yet, you’ve only been on a few dates! It’s way too soon to open up this can of worms, and yet you’re not sure you really have a choice since you’ve turned into the ice queen with no appetite. But sure, let’s talk about the breakup that shattered my soul.
9 Sexy, brainy and girly
You can’t believe it! You’ve manifested the man of your dreams, and everything works on paper: he’s got rugged good looks, a killer job that’s proof he has the brains and he even wants kids! You’ve already started designing your wedding dress, so you’re practically ready for the proposal. “Don’t get too far ahead of myself” you think, considering this is only a profile you’re basing this off of. You meet him in real life, you walk in the door to that coffee shop and it’s perfect, his smile lights up the room. Then, he opens his mouth. His brainy background doesn’t sound nearly as sexy coming out of this high squeaky voice that sounds like his voice box never dropped. Is it possible this man ever went through puberty!?
8 Left out
The first wave of marriages happens in our early to mid-twenties. These are the people who have been dating since high school, college or just after. It includes the lovers who have stood the test of time, the homemakers, the “I know what I want in life” couples, and maternal/paternal individuals who want kids at an early age. The second wave is the early thirty-somethings.
These are the people in their twenties who have yet to find a soul-shattering love, people who’ve had relationships with people they thought they would marry and the people who find it crucial to explore a deep sense of self before falling in love again. These people attend the first waves weddings solo, they are living with roommates and/or potentially picking up to travel the world. Regardless of where you find yourself fitting in, watching everyone around you make these major life changes can cause restlessness and uneasiness about the path you are on. Feeling like you’re left out of these waves, left behind as all your friends move their life forward, is the most cringeworthy feeling.
7 Two singles = the perfect match
When you’re a single girl living in a couple’s world, you start to see into the future, such as recognizing when the cringeworthy moments are going to appear. Family reunions, baby showers, going stag to a wedding, getting seated at the singles table and hearing about the two single men there that your friends believe you should clearly hook up with despite the fact that they themselves don’t even know the single men, that whole evening has potential to become a cringeworthy moment. Truly, there’s nothing more cringeworthy than your friends trying to set you up with their single male friends strictly because they’re single. But hey, when you’re both single, that’s clearly reason enough to believe you should get together, right? Who needs similar interests, attraction, or a desire to live in the same city, you got single-dom on your side.
6 The morning light
Usually, after a random hook-up (not that you’ve become a pro or anything), you wake up feeling satisfied with only a slight dose of embarrassment because you really didn’t want, or mean, to actually spend the night. But, as pleasure and booze had other plans, you find yourself in his bed after all. You’re hungover and ready to get out of there. Luckily, he’s still sleeping so you see the perfect escape route and start collecting yourself. When you pick up your shoes from his side of the bed, you catch a glimpse of his face, only to see that not only is he not as attractive as you had thought last night, he looks familiar.
Your judgmental self is fighting the repulsive feeling that’s stirring, but you have to figure out who he is. As you turn to leave, you see a framed picture of him and another girl. That’s right! This is your best friend's brother home from collage! Lovely! Better act fast, run and hide, before he wakes up and definitely before your friend sees you. Maybe if you’re lucky, he will have been drunk too and you can never speak of this again.
5 Swimming in the same pool
There’s an art to being a single girl dating in a big city. You must know all the appropriate tactics out there to help bring around the best possible bachelors. So, you cast a wide net, join a few different sites and say yes to interesting, yet outside your comfort zone social events to keep your options wide open. Then, when you catch someone that’s fairly interesting, good-looking and engaging, you tend to want to keep him around for a while. All the while, your single lady friends are navigating the single world in their own special ways.
When it’s time for your Unicorn to meet your lady pack, you can hardly contain yourself. You did it! You captured one of the good ones and you can’t wait to show him off! You’re at the perfect restaurant, the girls are feeling giddy with excitement over your new beau, he walks in and you can’t stop smiling. Things take a turn for the worse when you see your man's face drop before turning around and walking out. Now your girlfriend at the table has immediately burst into tears. The unthinkable has happened: he’s been dating both of you, and seriously dating at that. You never would have imagined you’re both swimming in the same pool, until it actually happens. Back to the hunt!
4 Drunk texting the ex
We all have our ex’s. When you’ve had a wonderful night out, likely with too much drinking involved, you wake up the next morning feeling terrible, but smiling over how much fun the night really was. You want to reminisce and go through all the funnies that happened. So you open your phone to call your bestie, and lo and behold, you did it. You texted your soul-shaker ex just three simple words, "I miss you." The fact that he’s married makes this much, much worse. Texting him anything would have really been cringeworthy, but this, ugh! Going to hide here in my bed for the rest of my life now, thank you very much.
3 Forgetting you're hairy
As love usually goes, we typically meet someone when we least expect it. Getting comfortable being single can oftentimes clash with the unexpected mentality. We don’t always want to leave the house looking our best, because doing so and then just having an ordinary grocery store trip is just a waste of makeup. So, this usually means going to the grocery store looking like crap and fully being okay with it. Of course, what then happens is you meet a hot, manly man in the checkout line. When you strike up a casual, yet brilliant and attractive conversation on your way to the car, you’re ecstatic. You never would have imagined it would progress so quickly into a really hot make-out session. You’re practically completely naked when you remember one slightly important detail. You haven’t shaved well, anything, in a long, looong time.
2 Aunt Flow
As we’ve learned by now, dating someone new is bound to bring up awkward occurrences. There’s the first time you connect intimately, the first time you have too much wine together, the first time you fight and then there’s more serious firsts like the first time you meet each other’s parents or move in together. Some firsts are fabulous, and exciting as you watch your relationship move forward. Others are straight-up uncomfortable, like having the ex conversation or that first fight when you can feel your shadow self rising and anger driving your every move, yet he’s never seen you angry before. But of all the firsts, there really isn’t anything quite like the first time you have to tell a new man that, well, sex and sexy time sounds lovely right now, but you’re just making sure he’s comfortable that Aunt Flow is in town.
1 One-night stands
One-night stands have their place in a girl's life. We all have needs, and sometimes your dating life has significant dry spells. Therefore, attending to our needs through an embarrassing night of fumbling over one another is sometimes the only option you have. You’ve been single long enough to accept this fact, and although you won’t consider just any guy, you have gotten comfortable with accepting your one-night stand for exactly what he is: not someone you’re looking to spend any real meaningful time with. You’ve even figured out how to get out quickly without spending the night so there are no sober awkward moments in the morning. So, when you’re skipping along, joyfully enjoying your day and get a call from your doctor letting you know that you have an STD, you basically could cry. This certainly isn’t a moment any girl in a serious, committed relationship has to deal with. Oh, the joys of being single!