What makes a joke a “dad joke”? There are three unique characteristics. For one, no matter what anyone tells you, you do not need to be a dad to make one. Sure, it certainly adds to the fun, but fair warning: anyone of us can tell a “dad joke”. Second, the joke has to be bad. It is redundant to use the expression “bad dad joke”. A dad joke implies that this is not going to be top caliber humor over here. The final requirement of a dad joke is the response of the audience. The only acceptable reactions are: groans, eye rolls and if an actual father is saying said joke - a loud “Daaaaaaaaaad”. I’ve collected 15 dad jokes that are so unbelievably cheesy, they’re actually pretty funny. Some have been told by actual fathers, others haven’t. You can repeat them at your own risk.
15 The Ewwww One
My dad told me he accidentally swallowed some scrabble pieces and he "wasn't looking forward to his next vowel movement." #DadQuotes— Kelsey Muske (@kejade) June 14, 2017
Okay, I have questions about this tweet. How do you accidentally swallow Scrabble pieces? Knowing fathers the way I do, I will go out on a limb and suggest that the father in question thought this one through for an obsessively long time. It’s one thing recognizing that the word “vowel” and the word “bowel” have only one letter difference between them. But it’s an entirely different kettle of fish to connect them to the world’s nerdiest board game.
Not for dads, though. You see, dad brains are not like any other brains. And when they’re searching for the right joke? Forget about it. They turn into supercomputers scouring their hard drives for just about any way to make the joke work. The result? A dad joke that includes a reference to poop. Thanks for that, dad.
14 The Awww One
My sister once asked my dad what he thought of her dating someone named Hansel, all he said back was "I bet you'd reGRETEL that" #DadQuotes— Hayley Thaxton (@haythax7) June 14, 2017
See, I told you these dad jokes are so cheesy, they’re actually gouda. (Come on, don’t hate yourself for laughing -it happened to me too!) Well, whatever cheese Twitter user @haythax7’s dad is eating, I want a bite. Any girl knows that some fathers have a teeny, tiny uncontrollable problem when they think about their daughters dating. Some get a tad over-protective while others get totally cool about it. This dad has his priorities straight. When even the the potential of his daughter dating is floated about, his mind does not go to the place of “Will he hurt my princess?” but to the more excellent place of, “How can I make a joke about this?”
13 The Repetitive One
Whenever I would tell my dad that I was going to the bathroom he would reply, "mention my name and you'll get a good seat!" #DadQuotes— Jay McArthur (@jaymcarthur1025) June 14, 2017
I’m sure @jaymcarthur1025 isn’t tired of hearing that one at all. Sarcasm aside, as far as dad jokes go, it’s solid. And as you know, dad jokes have a tendency to be repetitive. The joker does not only say the joke once. Nope, they’ll recite whenever and wherever they can. It’s like a signature -they think it only belongs to them. Think about the person in your life who is the King of Dad Jokes. Chances are high they have one joke they repeat over and over again. The “I’m hungry. Hi hungry, I’m Mike” is a classic example of this. (Confession: Even though I will roll my eyes at whoever makes this joke, secretly it brings me so much joy! Don’t judge! It’s cute.) As for “mention my name and you’ll get a good seat!? Excuse me while I add it to my repertoire of dad jokes to use at a later date. Admit it, you want to use it too!
12 The Presidential Dad Joke
When former President Obama performed the long-standing tradition of pardoning turkeys on Thanksgiving of 2015, he couldn’t help but throw in a couple of dad jokes. After naming the two birds, Honest and Abe, he pardoned Abe with this corny dad joke, "He is TOTUS - Turkey of the United States." Then after pardoning Honest as well, he continued, “He's second in the TOTUS line of succession." Flanked beside him were his daughters Malia and Sasha who were raised in the public eye, so they couldn’t exactly groan out DAAAAD! in the middle of a ceremony - ridiculous as it is. But there micro expressions go from acceptance, to bemusement, to pure horror. It’s a look that says “Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. Ugh, he said it.” Doesn’t matter if you’re the President of the Unites States, when you’re a dad, you’re going to make dad jokes. It’s almost a rite of passage.
11 The One Where Mom Loses Her S***
Mom:*talking to dad* Are you gonna be around tonight?— Demetra Jacobs (@JacobsDemi) June 13, 2017
Dad: Not if I lose a a lot of weight. #dadjokes 😂😂
Remember the Twitter account S**t my dad says? This dad joke from Twitter user @JacobsDemi make me think there should be one called, S**t wives hear from their husbands! This isn’t to say that women don’t say incredible things, only that when you combine dad jokes with everyday conversation about household chores, who’s going to pick up the children, feed the dog and other general organizational talk, they can get in the way. Which brings us to yet another characteristic of a dad joke: inappropriate context. Having dinner? Go all out tell a dad joke. Deciding whether or not to take your child to hospital because she’s broken out into a rash? Not the time to say, “Now, now, we don’t need to make any rash decisions.”
10 The Modern Family Dad Joke
There can be no dad joke list on the internet without including the King of Dad Jokes, the legend himself, Phil Dunphy from Modern Family. His portrayal of a cheesy AF father is spot on. Take this dad joke pun-athon that’s going on here. “Act like a parent, talk like a peer. I call it peer-renting.” Sure, it’s more punny than other jokes, but it’s a typical dad joke. What makes this one stand out, and what makes Phil stand out, is the expression on his face. This is the face of every person telling a dad joke. Look at that pride! Look at that glint of satisfaction in his eyes! Check out the next person who delivers a dad joke. Does their chest puff out a little more than it was? Of course it does. Because in lieu of fighting lions with our bare hands as we used, dad jokes are the next best thing to impress the world.
9 The One That's Lit
Face it. Nothing makes you feel like you can take over the world (and be good at it) than when you complete a task you didn’t think you could. Tasks included in this category: assembling Ikea furniture, jump starting a car and installing a dimmer switch. Most of us would complete the task, pat ourselves on the back and go on with our lives. But not Adam. Adam took the opportunity to make a dad joke illustrating yet another characteristic of Dad Jokes. Not all dad jokes have to have puns, but almost all puns are part of dad jokes. As you continue reading, there’s a couple more coming up that’ll shed even more light on this pun-omena.(SEE, what I did there?)
8 The One That's A Meme
There’s a meme for almost everything. The “One Does Not Simply” meme, “Batman slapping Robin” meme, and the “Most interesting man in the world” meme. So, after much extensive research, I found one for dad jokes. (There are upward of 40 in this gallery here.) The photograph that some genius on the internet picked to represent dad joked deftly shows the right way that dad jokes are received. Face in hand by all members of group? Check. Joke teller laughing out loud. Check? One guy who encourages the jokes to keep on coming? Check. As a dad-joke enabler myself, I will not apologize for applauding dad jokes. Rolling my eyes and laughing is actually my favorite type of laughter. First place obviously goes to squirting a drink out of my mouth kind of laughter.
7 The Dad Joke In The Press Release
Before the Beyhive exploded into frenzy on hearing the news that Beyonce gave birth to her twins, another power couple made headlines -and stole all the dad joke glory. (Sorry Jay Z!) When Amal and George Clooney released a statement to announce the birth of twins Ella and Alexander, George took the opportunity to make his first dad joke. The statement read: “Ella, Alexander and Amal are all healthy, happy and doing fine. George is sedated and should recover in a few days.” If you’ve ever watched an interview with George Clooney, you’ll realize that he isn’t only one of Hollywood’s most notorious pranksters, but is one of the wittiest and funniest actors. The transformation from high brow humor to classic dad joke is stunning. But it suits him.
6 The Obligatory Cheese Joke
Did you honestly think I would not include a cheesy dad joke in this list? Did you not read the title? I think of cheese pun jokes as amateur dad jokes. This is where you start practicing if you want to become a professional dad joker. Start practising with gouda and brie (they’re the easiest ones) and then level up with harder-to-pun cheeses like, “mascarpone, and parmesan” Hint: mascarpone sounds like pony, parmesan sounds like permasan. This one above though is one of my faves. It’s easy to remember, is guaranteed to make people laugh (okay, there’s a high chance they’ll groan) but the will laugh. Everyone likes a cheesy joke. And If they don’t, they’re lying and they’ll forever provolone.
5 The One You'll Want To Repeat
As I’ve been trying to explain, dad jokes aren’t necessary jokes told by men who have fathered little humans. Nope, anyone can tell dad jokes. Whether you’re a mother, daughter, uncle, aunt, dog-lover, opener of windows or oxygen breather, you are allowed to tell dad jokes. Now, don’t let my permission embolden you to go ahead and vomit bad jokes all over the place.There’s still a skill and mastery to the dad joke. Use dad jokes sparingly. And when you think you’ve overdone it, lean into the awkward silence that follows your pun and repeat, “I can’t pull off dad jokes, can I? I guess I’m a faux pa.” And if your audience doesn’t laugh at that? Run. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
4 The Awkward One
My first boyfriend played the saxophone in a ska band. When my dad met him, he told him to practice "safe sax" 🤦🏼♀️ #dadquotes— 𝖏𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖈𝖆 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖇𝖔𝖗𝖓 🖤 (@jessicazap14) June 14, 2017
After Jimmy Fallon put out the call for Twitter users to send The Tonight Show , their best #dadquotes, @jessicazap14 made everyone’s day a whole lot better by sending in this gem of a dad joke. The joke even made it onto the actual show where Fallon himself read it to his audience. Here’s the thing, while I am passionate over of dad jokes myself, I do believe that encouraging dad jokers, by airing them on television no less, is dangerous. What will society allow next? More knock knock jokes? Are we going to allow more jokers to make terrible puns? Where do we draw the line? Where does it end? Does it ever? Nope, just wait until you read the next one on this list.
3 The Best Dad Joke Ever?
When a Twitter user Jess shared this tweet back in 2016, she did not expect it to go viral. Newspapers like the U.K.’s Daily Mail quickly asserted that this, could potentially be, the very best dad joke of all time. According to Jess, her father was showing it off to everybody. Since then, no intrepid journalist has followed up on his saga. What happens when your dad joke goes viral? I need to know. Did he keep repeating the joke? Or did he spend the next year of his life trying to raisin the bar on it? What effect did his joke have on the currant exchange rate? I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, but I do know that the field is still wide open, for a new best dad joke.
2 The One With All The Survivors
In 2015, Nickelodeon released a hilarious PSA warning society of the consequences of telling dad jokes. Titled “Dad Joke Survivors” the video interviews a number of children who tell terrifying stories of the worst jokes their fathers ever told them. Case in point: “We were having dinner and dad spilled his peas on the table. He looks right at me and said, “Oh no, I have just peed on the table.” The stories continue as child after child shares the devastating effects of dad jokes. One kid can’t watch movies anymore. Another can’t enter an aquarium without cringing. The pain is real, people. Tell dad jokes, but please, consider if any little ear are around to hear them. Your joke could haunt them for the rest of time.
1 The Grandad Joke
What happens when a dad jokes’ children have children? They turn into gran-dad jokes. (Badum tish!) There’s nothing I like more than people who attempt to lighten the mood during life’s terrible moments with humor. So this grandpa who was at the funeral of his wife, and still found it in him to tell his favorite joke? Is my hero! I give him an A for effort and an A plus for showing me the value of dad jokes. Fair warning: This is going to get sentimental. Dad jokes may be terrible, they may make you cringe, groan, roll your eyes, hide your face or all of the above, but at the core they build and maintain positive connections between family and friends. So pick a dad joke, any dad joke and keep repeating it to those you love. Bonus points: It’ll annoy the crap out of them.