Y’know how you only make fun of the friends you love the most? Like the closer you are, the meaner you are to each other. Well, pretend mean. Anyway, that’s the way it is with Game Of Thrones. That show is just so ridiculous and unexpected and, sometimes, straight up horrifically scarring, that the only way to handle it is to laugh at the craziest stuff. Then with the Season 7 premiere airing (FINALLY) this Sunday, we just have to satiate ourselves with memes until we get the good stuff (aka new episodes aka fodder for more memes). Look, you can watch the Season 7 premiere on all manners of HBO platforms or Hulu but you can laugh at the most terrible GoT memes right here.
15. When “Anything Could Happen” Is Too Real
At this point, incest is practically normal in Westeros. Well, it’s still up for ridicule but it’s definitely happened before. It’s ground that’s been covered again and again. So ideally everyone would couple up with folks that weren’t raised as their siblings but… Our favorite Northern family has a lot going on! And a lot of stress! And y’know, we should just be thankful for the Starks we have left and for the prospect of possibly getting some more. On the other hand… it’d also be ideal if Jon Snow didn’t come back from the dead to be with his cousin. You got another shot, man. Shoot higher! We love Sansa, but this isn’t about that. It’s about your kids having freaky defects and how long you can hold down the Iron Throne when your chromosomes are all messed up.
14. When You Don’t Need Emmy’s or Enemies
Do awards even exist if you just blow everyone up? Because enemies sure don’t. Anyway, when you’re Cersei Lannister you pretty much win every award just by taking it. So it was just coincidental that Lena Headey couldn’t make the awards for “some reason”. Then again, how do we know she wasn’t sitting in her lair, drinking wine and smirking? Oh, because the Emmy’s didn’t end in catastrophe. Right, right. Well, that’s definitely for the best. We don’t need a Jumanji-style situation with the GoT players. Lena Headey seems way easier to get along with than her character, even if Cersei would probably make a show that wins every Emmy, Tony, Grammy and MVP of some Little League baseball team. She’d take that one just to do it.
13. When Life Mimics Art
Yiiiiikes. Fine, in the real world Nell Tiger Free and Dean Charles happen to just be two ridiculously good looking blondes with one shared acting cred. We all know they’re not actually the newly, tragically deceased heirs to all of Westeros. They’re just two people. Still, that’s a tough story to share with the grandkids. “So we were playing siblings, yeah siblings with very blurry lines between who’s their dad and their uncle and then y’know how it goes… fireworks”. You know what? Whatever makes y’all happy, go for it. Mazel tov! But also, here’s a quick suggestion and take it or leave it, maybe please take a DNA test or get some ancestry.com account going. Better safe than sorry, right? Do it for us. Please, just do it.
12. When You Have The Perfect Comeback
We’ll stop with the incest memes when Game of Thrones stops with the incest. So, never? Sounds good. If you get down to the core of this meme, it’s not about the incest. Not entirely. It’s about Brienne of Tarth shutting down Cersei. Just doin’ a verbal slam dunk on Cersei like only Lady Brienne can. Shut down like a Blockbuster Video store; as in, shuttered and vacant and never coming back from that one. No we’re just super grateful Brienne is still alive after delivering that massive burn. Keep her safe for us, George, from the boogie man that is Cersei’s long, long memory. We need her, Sansa needs her and probably any other character that will at some point let their guard down needs her.
11. When You Just Can’t Multitask-
Okay, imagine this for me. You’re just doing you, whatever you do. Walking on your street or whatever and the sky opens up and out falls one (1) unicorn and immediately after that one (1) brand new episode of Game of Thrones. Honestly, which one would you pay attention to? Okay, maybe not with the unicorn but isn’t that how every episode of GoT is? Even the old ones. They’re just so pretty! And shiny and full of pretty landscapes and people! How do you concentrate on anything else? You don’t. You just let it happen. Also, take a closer look at that meme. “JustBurglarThings”? Is this a group? Maybe Facebook should look into that. How badly are burglars burning for connection that they’re publicizing “problems only burglars have”?
10. When You’re Feeling Good About Your Choices-
Sometimes you just have to take credit. So there’s haters, whatever. Maybe your A+ messed up the bell curve for everyone else or you just rolled up lookin’ way better than everyone else. You did what you had to do, girl. Be proud and take that credit. Especially if it answers the decades long question (seventeen years, bae- 1.7 decades might not be multiple decades but it’s for sure not singular) that probably doesn’t exist in Westeros. Look at how smug Sansa’s looking. Wouldn’t you be, too? If winter wasn’t coming forever and Westeros wasn’t suspended in some weird eternal medieval ages that doesn’t go by our measurement of years, the Baha Men would probably be that girl’s summer jam. Actually, I think the Baha Men could be huge in Westeros. Imagine some Coachella style outdoor concert at Winterfell? Starkella, here we come.
9. When You’re Faced With A Decision
We’ve all got our go-to’s. For some of us it’s stress eating or make a list of pro’s and cons. For some of us it’s enacting hellacious fury onto our enemies or wowing with the party trick that is reciting our entire name. Really though, how long was it after Daenerys’s learned to read and write that she actually got her name down on paper? And then it just kept getting longer and longer. Her driver’s license would look like one of those gigantic checks contest winners get. But really, the answer is always dragons. Oh, unless the question was “how to conserve animals lower on the food chain than dragons”. Then like, maybe the answer is lock the dragons up and make sure animals have access to sustainable food sources.
8. When The Temptation Is Too Real
This goes back to the unicorn hypothetical. Really ask yourself-what would you do and where would you go to see new Game of Thrones like, months before it drops? If the answer you have is “oh, I don’t know something reasonable” then you’re not looking hard enough into the depths of your soul. Yeah, there you go. Are you uncomfortable with what you’ve found in yourself? Exactly. Anyway, the thing about crawling into the sewers to watch GoT is that the colors would look terrific in all that darkness. No weird glare or shadows, just a bunch of vivid landscapes while you’re hopefully not murdered by that absolutely terrible clown. The audio might be echo-y in your subterranean viewing chamber, but just bring your favorite headphones. Make it work.
7. When Life Threw You A Big Old Twist
How is it Game of Thrones makes consequences so real you kind of feel bad for the character you spent the entire show hating? Maybe that was just me, but that poisoning scene was real rough. And like, super duper long. Joffrey was just so blue for so so long. Yes, he’s an absolute monster but when the veins in his eyes were all bursting weren’t you kind of like, hey, that’s somebody’s baby… No? Yeah, good point. He is terrible. Whatever, Joffrey is me every time I get up the nerve to check my account the day after rent. A big old never ending GULP and the hope that the world will take pity on me despite my worst mistakes. Sorry if I’m holding up the ATM line. I’ll move in a sec, I swear.
6. When Your Innocence Is About To Get Shattered
Remember how good it was in the beginning? Okay it’s still definitely good, better probably, but I mean like… hopeful. And not so stressful. Oh man, remember how there used to be so many Starks you were like, wow how do I remember all these names and man I wonder what problems a ruler as pure as Ned Stark will have with this corrupt city. I bet he’ll make it work because he’s just that good of a guy. Oh boy, those were the days before everyone was an orphan and a lot of pets and innocent bystanders got murdered in awful ways. What an easy time. It makes you feel like everyone rode around on horseback in 2011 and left the house unlocked at night.
5. When The Universes Need To Crossover
Am I being ridiculous if I say Walter White could survive in Westeros? Just like, two seasons. I’m not that out of my mind. Oh sweet, Hodor. I know awful things happened to you but like… we’re still gonna make fun of you. Just know that you’re a sweet baby angel meant for a more perfect world. And that we’re awful and not as pure as you so yeah, we’re going to laugh at the one thing you can say. At least the one thing you can say is super helpful if, y’know, we’re carrying in a bunch of heavy groceries. But in that case, you take the groceries, Hodor and we’ll get the door. Let’s be real, even a bag with two gallons of milk is like nothing to you. Actually, just carry me carrying my groceries. Thanks, Hodor.
4. Again, When There Needs To Be A Crossover-
Can I just say something? Shireen Baratheon is a little girl made acutely aware of what any of us would be super insecure about left and right and her mom is super mean and she’s dragged along on the least fun family road trip of all time (aka the road to war with your dad’s army) and she’s still less mopey than Ed Sheeran. Does he have like two fast songs in a catalogue of 100? Would he even be cool enough to teach Ser Davos to read or just chatter Davos’s ear off with his girl trouble? Yeah, probably the latter. The fact remains; a fictional little girl is so much more cool than an internationally-renowned musician. Which is some Game of Thrones-level bizzareness.
3. When It Takes You A While To Get To The Point
Game of Thrones 100% tells an incredible story but it also… takes a while. Like it’s doubtful the winter that’s coming could be any longer than how long they’ve been talking about it coming, y’know? When the forecast takes multiple generations to be predicted, maybe we could put some hustle in our step. Like maybe not everyone would be dead before the season even changes if we just hurried it along. Okay, or they would all be dead because it’s GoT but at least there’d be some pretty snow on the ground. Sidenote; do you think in Game of Thrones-length winters there’s an extra long Christmas? And yes, I’m talking longer than Hannukah. A mega, super duper-sized holiday. Wait, are there holidays in Westeros? Probably not.
2. When You’re Only Competing Against Yourself-
Wooooow. When the worst man in Earth’s history (well, top 5) is a breath of fresh air from one of the top 5 worst guys in Westeros, that’s when you know stuff is bad. Well, at least he’s dead. They’re dead, I mean. But that moustache is even worse than the real world Hitler ‘stache. Ugh, it’s so long and sparse. Would we have hated Ramsay Bolton more if he had terrible facial hair? Hard yes to that, but it would have been too easy. Half the fun of hating him is definitely how clean cut he looks on the outside. A weird little lip worm would have been too much of a tip off to the monster inside. It’s like if Joffrey had a rattail-we’d have seen it all coming.
1. When You’re Not That Lucky
Oof. Sorry, Theon. It’s been a long, hard fall. Some folks have happy endings, or happy middles before the imminent end or at least they just die quickly. Then some of us… have a real rough road to whatever ending it is. Stuff has to be really, really bad for you to be as unlucky as Theon in the Westeros universe. No, but I’m seriously sorry Theon. Ramsay went overboard on that one. Or he could have just taken one. Or he could have taken something you didn’t need, like your tonsils. Actually, it’s kind of nice that Varys could be Theon’s role model but Theon’s not really on the road to manipulating the upper crust of society just yet.
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