To say that love is a mysterious thing is an understatement. When you discover how it is to love someone else other than those you’ve been with all your life (and even more than you love yourself!), you get this entirely new perspective on life. When you find that one person your heart beats for, you instantly know you can be the best version of yourself. With this special person’s presence in your life, you know you can do it all. And you can even endure just about anything—except perhaps a breakup!
With reactions that range from the mildly reasonable to the completely hysterical, these people are declaring that they (or their ex-lovers) aren’t over the breakup yet. Apparently, when the pain-due-to-breakup-train pulled into their station, they got on, found a comfortable seat and told the world about it.
15 I ain’t thinking about you
So it’s been four years since that day your heart sank and you felt like your world suddenly stopped spinning. That day he said goodbye was extremely painful to you, but the fact that he never looked back was the hardest thing. It’s your fourth breakup anniversary; four long years and to this day, you still feel like garbage. But you know you shouldn’t. You need to get up, get out there and do what it takes to feel empowered. You need to let him and the world know he is now completely out of your life. You are capable of moving on! Why not give him a call saying that in all these years, you haven’t been thinking about him? But be forewarned: you may risk looking desperate—even if you get Beyoncé to help you with that.
14 Moving on post-breakup should be illegal
Suffering from the effects of a bad breakup? Languishing in the coldness of your room without him? It is often during this time that you get to ask yourself serious questions as you weigh in the situation, all while holding back the tears. You wonder how and why it happened to you—the person who loved and only wanted to be loved back. Why do you hurt when it was your ex’s fault (or at least you think it’s his)? Why did he not even consider getting back together, while it was all you ever hoped for? Why does it seem like none of your memories mattered to him? And just as you asked the most profound questions, you find yourself slowly sounding more and more desperate—and hilarious. Just like this lady.
13 A breakup is a logic problem
The problem with most bad breakups? They defy logic. You see, you loved her and she felt the same way. You knew you were meant to be together. And just when you have gotten used to having her around, just when you realized the relationship was getting better and just when you had imagined a beautiful future with her despite being so young—she dropped the bomb: she wanted out. Imagine how it ripped your young heart apart. You had shared so much together! You were so optimistic and so hopeful about it all. You were just in high school then, all right; but why was it giving you such an unsolvable problem? Why on earth does the situation seem like, say, high school math?
12 Happy Birthday on the wrong day
So she has finally done it; she has left you. You’ve been alone for days now...or has it been weeks? It doesn’t matter; it’s all a blur now, you can't really tell. It was a pity you just couldn’t get past the petty fights and fix it all before matters went out of hand. And the memories, well, you have them all to yourself because she’s giving you no clue that she misses you (or even recognizes that you exist). And what about the special times you shared—like how she was thrilled that you surprised her for her birthday. Why not relive that day? Go ahead and wish her a happy birthday, but don’t sound so desperate—do it on the wrong day. Take it from this guy.
11 Been to my ex’s parents’ neighboring taco stand?
So you had met the family. They are gorgeous—just as the love of your life is. Or was, since it is now all in the past. You’ve broken up. It wasn’t exactly a good breakup but you’ve moved on. It’s been a while, after all. You are over the fact that you spent days in their home and thought about actually embracing them as family (or at least you hoped). You were devastated when it ended because your future together looked promising. Whether or not it was just you who thought that way is another theory altogether. But yes, you’re over the ex…and the ex’s family…and the ex’s family’s home—until you get to speak to someone from their state.
10 Sending you all pizza receipts
No matter how bad the breakup went, you can’t deny the fact that you had good times. Why, if you never thought she was worth keeping, you wouldn’t have pursued the relationship in the first place! You got to admit: it wasn’t all bad. There were moments that you thought you were destined for forever. Just like when you were watching a movie together, going to a party together or gobbling up together the dishes you both liked best. Say, pasta or pizza. But now that she’s gone, you simply don’t give up your love for…food. The breakup didn’t bother you one bit. You still eat as much pizza as you want. And wouldn’t it be even more satisfying to show her that—just like this guy did?
9 Drunk ex brings “I love you” road sign
You know what they say about drinking after a bad breakup: it numbs you and makes you forget about what it was that made you miserable. Instead of feeling the hurt until you pass out, you let alcohol do the work. Sure, you embarrass yourself with that wobbly walk, the baby talk and all the stupid antics you won't even remember the next day. You’ll have such a hard time getting up the next morning because of a massive, out-of-this-world headache, too! But the best thing about being intoxicated? True feelings are revealed and in many cases, they might just have a chance of making things happen for you. Just ask this lady who got the surprise of her life from a drunk ex.
8 I like your pajamas!
Picture this: you’re all alone in the best café in town, just chilling and being yourself as you take a few sips of your favorite latte. And then suddenly, something (or someone) caught your attention. For a moment there, you thought you were imagining things. And then it hit you—it’s the phantom you wished you hadn’t set your eyes on—your ex, with his new girlfriend. So, clearly he has moved on. "So have I," you tell yourself. Act natural, act normal. Act like a lady who’s got her whole life ahead of her—that should give him that message. Be the extra nice, bubbly ex who couldn’t wait to meet him and the new her. And one more thing: comment nicely on her dress. How nice you can get is up to you. Maybe get a clue from this ex-girlfriend.
7 Making a stranger cry
What are the most common feelings you get after a breakup? Anger, frustration, misery and despair. And what's the best, albeit temporary, remedy? Going out there and drinking as much booze as your system can take—all for this one good reason the brokenhearted would agree to: it helps to drown your sorrows. Even for just a brief moment, you want to let yourself go and never hold back. As much as the breakup is hard to accept, you want to feel the pain (and maybe be done with it the next day). But what if, in your drunkenness, you want to express everything you feel? How do you cry out loud to ex? Call him, that’s how. Just make sure you dialed the right number!
6 Dressed like my ex
It’s always a sight to see people who are in love. They enjoy each other’s company, look after each other and do everything together. Wherever they are and whatever they do, it’s always worth the time. Their presence is always enough for each other. The times that a couple spends together are the stuff memories are made of. As they grow together in their love, couples tend to be the reflection of each other. You can take that literally because some even end up looking alike! You would talk in an oddly (but amusingly) similar manner to your lover and have the same preference for food and clothing! That’s all cute. But when you’ve broken up for a time now, try not to look and sound a little bit creepy...and desperate.
5 Don’t go crumbling down
The stalker that you are, you visit your ex-girlfriend’s page and see what she’s up to. You do this every single day. You don’t comment, you don’t hit the like button, you don’t retweet—you don’t do anything except stare at her pictures. She doesn’t look any different from the time you dumped her (or was it the other way around?), but she sure is moving on. Just like you are...except you’re there browsing through several photos of her—and the current love of her life. Never mind; you’re just looking. There’s no harm in that. Until, by some lame accident, you become a fan of her escapades with the current boyfriend! It was accidental, all right, but can you imagine how hard she would laugh at this one?
4 Expiry date is ex’s birthday
It was so hard to convince yourself you wouldn’t be sharing a life with him in the future. He was everything to you. Likewise, you thought you were everything he hoped for. It was all heaven on earth for you and him—until you had to break up because you had to. You still aren’t sure if the breakup made him the least sad, but God knows how it tore you apart. But as all things come to an end, you have moved on! Thankfully, rare thoughts of him don’t leave you sleepless now. You couldn’t even recognize the smell of his cologne if it were to fill an entire room! You don’t remember it all anymore, you assure yourself. Until you associate a date with his birthday. And it's an expiry date, of all things.
3 Break up, take two
A serious matter—such as a breakup—requires the maturity of two people. When one speaks, the other needs to listen, even if he doesn’t want to. Expect to be told by your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend an entire tale of (lame) lines just to make the breakup reasonable or bearable. The words, “It’s not you; it’s me” and “I know we had some really good times but...” should top the list and you want to hear none of that. But even though your entire being is protesting the situation, just listen closely. Because when you’re too intoxicated to pay attention, there’s a huge chance you’ll end up being an embarrassment—and to someone who was supposed to be your ex, no less! See how this girl’s ex-boyfriend did just that. Or maybe, he wasn’t that drunk and thought they’d fix things up the next day.
2 I still have your Gilmore Girls DVDs
Has your girl stormed out of your apartment and showed no signs of coming back? Does it seem like she won’t ever need you with her as she does a weekly re-run of her all-time favorite chick flicks and television shows? Are you almost quitting trying to wait and wish for her to come back? Does she look like she has moved on completely? Does all that make you feel mad? What better way is there to piss her off than talking in codes and reminding her you have her life’s treasures? This guy has mastered that art but is he conveying the “I have moved on and I will get rid of your stuff” or “I need you back” message to her? The ambiguity is strong with this one.
1 Evaporate, will you?
Some breakups are just way too much to handle. There’s bickering and vindictive vibes all over. It’s that moment when you realize you love him so much, you actually hate him for it. You try to fix things, but you end up parting anyway, but not before you scream the worst words known to mankind at him. You just couldn’t bear the thought of someone giving you such as strong sense of regret. And when you’re all alone thinking about what just happened, something hits you: your life would have been better if your ex never existed. Heck, the world would even be a better place without him! But wishing him death might be too cruel, so you try to find a decent word for that, like this girl did.