I will be the first one to tell everyone here, outright that parenting is a crazy hard job. It’s not only one of the most important, if not the most important, job anyone will ever have (if they choose to have kids), but it is also a job that no one teaches us how to do. Winging it is often a crucial part of what it means to be a parent. Sometimes, winging it totally works, and they feel like a super hero for pulling off a massive feat off the cuff. Other times, however, things don’t go...quite as well. Try as one might, we are only human, and we are going to mess up with our kids at least once; probably multiple times. However, even the worst fail can be made funny if we don’t take ourselves too seriously. As is the case for these 15 parents who shared times when they kind of dropped the ball (sometimes in hilarious ways).
15 No Thanks
If anything about kids is true, it’s the fact that they definitely do not come with a manual, and will throw the craziest antics in their parent’s directions, to which the parents then need to improvise ways to deal on the spot. One mom from the BuzzFeed community figured this out the hard way when she caught her son indulging a very unusual, very gross appetite.
"My son was watching TV on the floor in front of me when I caught him eating turds out of his diaper like it was popcorn. I panicked and called poison control. This is how the conversation went:
Me: 'My son ate poop!'
Operator: 'Pardon me?'
Me: 'My son ate poop!!' (I was crying by then)
Operator: 'Animal or human?' (She said it so calmly it was like she got this question multiple times a day)
Me: 'Human! My son ate his poop!'
Operator: 'He will be fine, miss. Just brush his teeth.'"
14 Space Mountain Disaster
Redditor gperlman shared this tale of accidentally traumatizing his daughter by forcing her onto Space Mountain:
“We went to Disneyland when my daughter was just tall enough to go on Space Mountain. She didn't want to go, but we worked on her until she agreed. When my daughter saw my wife, she released my hand and ran to her with a sudden burst of tears running down her face. She now hates anything that mildly even resembles a roller coaster.”
To be entirely honest, and to run the risk of making us sound like terrible people, roller coasters ARE pretty baller. Space Mountain is one of the better ones out there. So can this guy REALLY be blamed for wanting to share something super cool with his kid?
Yes, actually, yes he can.
13 Do You Even Tooth Fairy, Bro?
Writer and blog mom Sara Lindberg has this to say about a potentially freaky dental moment:
"While searching on top of my dresser for their socks, BOTH kids found their baby teeth that the Tooth Fairy must have forgotten to take with her. In a desperate attempt to avoid a major traumatic event, I said that the teeth belonged to our dead cat and that I just couldn’t get rid of them."
There’s actually quite a bit to unpack here, Sara. First off, do people actually save their children’s physical baby teeth anymore? That’s more than a little freaky. But your save from a potentially traumatizing and shattering incident is in of itself pretty freaky. Like, if your kids believe that you keep your dad cat’s teeth around, what other weird AF collection habits do you have? Sounds pretty weird to me, if I'm being entirely honest.
12 Eh, Close Enough
The woman behind the Confessions of a Mommyaholic blog describes a time when she may have missed the mark, just a little bit:
"It was 10:50 a.m. when we pulled up to the school for kindergarten orientation. Right away, I was a bit thrown off by the fact that there was tons of parking right outside the elementary school, and we got one of the first spots. Something didn’t feel right and my stomach was churning. I pulled out the orientation 'Save the Date' card. And right away, I saw it. The card read: 'Sail into Kindergarten' and 'Save the Date — Tuesday, August 26, 2014.' Only, it was Thursday, August 28, 2014!"
Eh, those little things like being places on the right day aren’t going to be skills your kid is going to need to use in the future, anyway. I mean, who needs two of the most formative beginning days of your kid’s educational career, right?
11 Waste Not, Want Not
Alexandra Rosas, a Wisconsin based mom, remembers getting, shall we say, creative when she ran out of diapers:
"I ran out of diapers for my 13-month-old son, so I used a maxi pad and planned on going to the store later. I totally forgot and then dropped my son at a friend's house to babysit just a few hours so I could run errands, and came back to pick him up to her giving me a 'WTF' look and saying, 'Um, I went to change his diaper and um, well, there was a maxi pad there.' Yup. There was, all right."
Honestly, I can’t even say this is a parenting fail, because I so admire the ingenuity that went into it. No diapers? No problem. Just pretend it’s baby’s time of the month and you’re good to go. So what if you get weird looks from your friends when it comes time for a change? They’re probably just jealous of your sweet diaper replacing skills.
10 Bedtime Already?
Allison Heart, a New England based mom, shows how she gave her kids a lesson in time being relative from an early age:
"When my kids were little, we'd sometimes change all the clocks so we could put them to bed really early. This was particularly effective at this time of year when it gets dark early. We'd pretend 3:00 was 5:00 and feed them dinner and then have them in bed at the new 7, which was actually 5. Those were my favorite days."
This is actually brilliant, as long as you don’t mind straight up lying to your children about things as basic as what time of the day it is. And if you’re sleep deprived enough as a parent, or have kids that give you a hard time when you try putting them to bed, this probably becomes less of an issue...or so I now assume.
9 Flight Or Fight?
One mom shared the perils of letting your kid do their own packing for a trip:
“Unsupervised packing is not a good idea. Besides the trip where one of our sons forgot underwear, our most memorable packing fail came at the airport. In our infinite wisdom, we had decided to let the kids pack their carry ons for a trip to visit their cousins. Going through security, our youngest son’s bag was flagged, and we were pulled aside. A very unamused member of the security personnel pulled a toy gun and a pair of scissors from his bag. Needless to say, we were quite embarrassed. What kind of parent lets their kid pack this stuff? Note to self: check the bags before you leave the house.”Look, I know it’s good to foster independence and personal responsibility in kids, but maybe situations in which the actual TSA is involved isn’t the time to start in on that. Just a thought.
8 Same Clothes, Different Day
Sometimes it’s hard to sweat the small stuff, as this mom's confession from A Dish of Daily Life showed:
“I am not always on top of the little things, like monitoring what the kids wear to school. When my boys were younger, they often times got away with wearing the same outfit two days in a row because I simply didn’t notice until after the fact. And yes, that probably means they slept in those same clothes. I think I was overtired a lot back then. Anyway, that’s my excuse and I am sticking with it! My oldest took it to a whole new level when he went to school wearing two different shoes. No, I didn’t notice. I got a phone call partway through the day when HE noticed that he was wearing two different shoes. The funny thing was that they were two different types of shoes completely…one was a sneaker, one was a boot. Apparently he is his mother’s son…completely oblivious to certain details.”
7 Dude, Where's My Baby?
Sara Scomazzon, a Mommyverse Facebooker, describes a very unfortunate misplacement:
"I spent 10 minutes searching the house, calling out for him, imagining the worst that could have happened in the five minutes I was in the yard hanging out the clothes. Turns out he was wrapped to my back where he'd been since I started the washing."
Do you ever do that thing where you’re wearing sunglasses, and then go inside or someplace with more shade and less sun, and you put your sunglasses on top of your head, but when you need them again you have totally forgotten where you put them? You look everywhere for the sunglasses that are literally sitting right on top of your head, and you have NO idea. Yeah, well, this lady did that, but with an actual tiny human being. I have heard about 'Mommy Brain', but there's something about this that seems like it’s being taken to the next level. Here’s hoping she got better at noticing when a baby was strapped to her back!
6 Have You Tried...
“When we first became new parents, we had no clue what we are doing. If anyone needed a baby manual, it was us. We brought our baby home and were so relieved that he was such a good sleeper. In fact, he slept for hours upon hours in the vibrating crib, to the point that we became alarmed because we couldn’t wake him up. I think he slept for something like six hours straight, well past his feeding time. Panicked, we called our pediatrician and explained the situation. He must have holding back laughter as he said 'Did you try turning it off?' Yeah…that works.”
How many calls like this do you think pediatricians get on the regular? As I said before, babies most definitely do not come with instruction manuals, so of course people are going to think they’re messing up. But I’m also sure that once their baby started waking these parents up in the middle of the night, they were kicking themselves for messing with a good sleeper.
5 Different Kind Of Spa Day
A confession from A Daily Dish of Life shows why it’s important to supervise kids, especially when there is a toddler and paint involved:
“I was pregnant with my third, and we were building an addition on our home and my husband was painting when my preschool age son told my toddler daughter that she should pour a bucket of paint on her head. Not just any bucket of paint though, which would have been bad enough, but primer paint. Oh her beautiful curls…we had to cut most of her hair off. The curls never grew back in.”
To be fair, the preschool aged kid probably did get a good laugh out of it, and the toddler got a new hairstyle....so, if I am trying to cut this momma some slack, maybe this isn’t so much of a fail? Nah, who are we kidding. Primer paint on baby’s hair = fail. Sorry, girl, I tried.
4 Sticky Situation
This mom from Healthy Way teaches us that it pays to be prepared...
"What mom of little ones doesn’t have a good poop story? I still remember the day I attempted to get out the house for the first time as a new mom of two. I thought I had packed everything I needed, but realized as I was leaving the driveway that I hadn’t grabbed a spare outfit for the newborn. In a temporary lapse of judgment, I decided not to go back.
Of course, you can probably guess how the next hour played out. Within five minutes of our arrival at a local play area, my newborn and I were both covered in baby poop. To make matters worse, I ran out of wipes before I could fully clean up the mess. I could feel the pitying glances from the other moms as I packed up my naked newborn and my tantruming toddler (who didn’t even get to play!) and dragged my poop-covered crew back out to our minivan. I find solace in knowing that I’m not the only one with a crappy story to share."
3 Snip Snap
A mom from Healthy Way found out through trial and...well...error...that it's really not okay to leave the scissors lying around:
“After I caught my daughter attempting to take scissors to her own hair, I snatched them from her and returned them to the craft box in her bedroom closet. More than once, I thought I had better find a new home for the scissors but never got around to moving them.
One night, a few weeks later, I checked in on my girls (who share a room and were so quiet I believed they were sleeping) and found their floor was covered in human hair. My middle child, who had hair to her rear by the time she was a year old, had happily obliged when my oldest convinced her they should play 'hair shop' before bed that night. I was so in shock by the mess—and my daughter’s terrible haircut—that I called my best friend, a hair stylist, and cried to her over the phone.
She was able to squeeze us in the next day for an emergency cut, and my daughter sported a cute little bob for the rest of the summer.”
This mother of nine from Healthy Way shows how even the pros can fail hard:
“We went to eat at Burger King as special treat for the kids,' she told me. While I was feeding the littlest one in the high chair, the toddler picked up my king-sized sweet tea and proceeded to drop it, spilling it all over the entire section we were sitting in. As I collected napkins to try to mop it up, he then vomited right there in the middle of God and everyone.
I ran him to the bathroom, bathed him in the sink, and then had to put him in a diaper and one of the baby's onesies because I didn't carry a change of clothes for him! He looked so funny in that tiny onesie stretched across his torso like a catsuit!”
1 Monster Mash
There is a lot to be gained from being imaginative with your kids, but, as PrettyPictures from Mumsnet.com found out, that can quickly lead you into fail territory:
“A couple weeks ago, my son was refusing to get out of the bath, so I pulled the plug and went 'quick now, don't want the plug monster coming up!' In a jokey way (to clarify - he loves monsters with a passion! I wasn't trying to scare him!!). At the exact same moment the water made a massive gurgling sound. My son started to shake, his eyes went wide, and he started screaming as he attempted to climb out the bath rather quickly and almost fell head first over the side.
I grabbed him and wrapped him in a towel, hugged him close as he attempted to leg it out the bathroom butt naked and told him I was only joking, there was no such thing as the plug monster and mummy was being silly and didn't mean to scare him.
He calmed down relatively quickly and asked me what the plug monster was doing now. I repeated that there was no such thing as the plug monster and not to worry. Of course, the next time I tried to bathe him he became hysterical and in an effort to show him there was no monster I got 'magic plug monster vanishing water' and let him pour it down the plug (water in a bubble bath bottle). All fine and dandy.
Except today, I went to run his bath to find him sitting in it (empty) having just finished squeezing a whole bottle of shampoo down the drain. He looks at me innocently and goes 'Don't worry mummy, I scared the monster away!' and I nearly pissed myself laughing and didn't bother giving him into trouble as it was my own stupid fault.”