Every town has that one part that no one goes to because it's shady AF. It's called the ghetto, and it's filled with psychopaths who come up with insane conspiracy theories that they share with anybody they can, as well as drug dealing criminals who want to get people hooked on their goods. Interestingly, the internet also has a ghetto. It's called Tumblr. And the similarities between that site and an actual ghetto are scary.
Tumblr is a dark place, with lots of shadows for questionable people to lurk. It also has psychopaths, and it's got drug dealers, too, even if the drug dealers don't sell actual drugs, they just post a bunch of fandom stuff. Anyway, of those shady Tumblr fandoms, none compares to the Sherlock fandom. And after looking at these 15 epic times the Sherlock fandom took over Tumblr, it's easy to see why.
15 How to make a Sherlockian swoon
Just in case you were wondering, this is the #1 way to make any Sherlockian swoon. So, in the future, if you're trying to woo a BBC crime drama fan, you should definitely use this pickup line on them. Just don't use it while they're standing on a tall building, otherwise they might go so weak in the knees that they fall off of said building, just like Sherlock in "The Reichenbach Fall." That wouldn't be good.
Whenever you discuss the Sherlock fandom in depth, like we're doing here, it's always important to appease the Johnlock lovers by referencing their ship. We feel that this Tumblr post contains enough acknowledgement of the sexual tension between Sherlock and John that it is a more than adequate sacrifice to those insane shippers. So, please, Johnlockers. Don't hurt us.
14 Moriarty Rae Jepsen
We would give up our firstborn child if the writers of Sherlock would let Moriarty sing and dance to "Call Me Maybe" while the credits roll. They wouldn't even have to do it for every episode, just one! See? We're being so flexible! Besides, the writers give us, like, three to four episodes once every two to four years. We have totally earned this. You people owe us, do you hear that, Moffat? After the hellacious emotional roller coaster you've put us through, we deserve something nice.
Sometimes in life, things come together so perfectly, so seamlessly that you just know in your heart that there is a higher power. This is one of those times. And that higher power in this case is the weird ass Sherlockians on Tumblr who have let the multiple hiatuses get to their heads.
13 The Z snap of Sasslock
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"The Sign of Three"? That whole episode was legendary. So many iconic moments. So many hilarious quotes. So much happens in those ninety minutes. Sherlock throws a bachelor party for John. They get sh*t faced. Sherlock gets locked up and yelled at by Lestrade. John gets married. Some people get murdered. Sherlock dances. It's great. But we digress.
Back to the bachelor party. Like we said, Sherlock and John get absolutely sauced, and during that time not only does Sherlock go "cluing for looks" as drunk John calls it, but he also turns into Sasslock, and does the best drunken Z snap the world has ever seen. Hats off to Benedict Cumberbatch for that episode. That was some A+ acting. Not everybody can play a sassy, boozed up genius so beautifully.
12 That is one quali-tea pun
To the British, tea is the solution for everything. This Tumblr post makes that quite clear. Earl Grey, peppermint, licorice, you name it, the British love it. But don't you go thinking that the Brits have a monopoly on tea. Those pale Cockney ladies and gents aren't the only ones who enjoy a spot of tea in the afternoons.
Turns out, Irish serial killers are also fond of a cuppa. Take Moriarty, for instance. He may be an unstable psychopath, but blood ain't the only thing he's thirsty for. He's filled with murderous rage, sure, but even the most passionate homicidal maniac has to take a break for refreshments sometime. There's no better way to relax after killing someone than by sitting down with some chamomile and a few Custard Creams. Trust us on this one.
11 The otter Sherlock
Most people don't know this, especially people who aren't in the Sherlock fandom, but there's actually an otter Sherlock—and, yes, that pun was intended. There's also a hedgehog John, but we couldn't figure out how to make a pun for that one, so... *shrugs* Anyway, comparing Sherlock and John to two adorable little critters started years and years ago, back when the fandom was just a baby.
The trend started in 2012, when one Tumblr blogger created a photo set that compared Benedict Cumberbatch's various faces to one expressive otter. The resemblance was uncanny. Seriously, put an otter in a trench coat and a blue scarf, and he could stand in for Ben. Shortly thereafter, Martin Freeman became a hedgehog. And the fandom had something new to obsess over during the many, many hiatuses.
10 Son of a beach
Legend has it, if you post literally anything on Tumblr, whether it's related to Arthur Conan Doyle's famous detective or not, you can hear the sound of the thousands of members of the Sherlock fandom shoving each other out of the way just so they can be the first person to comment on it. This image proves that that is no longer a legend. It's a reality. It's a phenomenon. It's also very funny.
We suppose that to people outside of the fandom, our habit of hijacking posts and making them about Sherlock is hella annoying. And that's why we're going to kill those people first. We mean, uh, no! We're not going to do that! Ha ha. Don't be silly. We're not going to kill anybody. But we might take them on a trip to this beach.
9 *Rossini's La gazza ladra plays in the distance*
You can mock the Sherlock fandom all you want, fam. Just know that we are smarter, cleverer and more observant than you will ever be. We know things about people, and not just because they tell us, but because we can make deductions.
For instance, those dark circles around your eyes indicate that you're pretty tired. And that bottle of water you have on your desk? That means you're trying to stay hydrated. See? Our deductions are pretty impressive, huh? Thanks to Sherlock, we know how to do lots of things that we could never do before. We built our own mind palace. We know how to gather evidence. We know how to think outside the box. And we definitely know how to liberate $3 million from a couple of panes of bulletproof glass.
8 We know whose office this is
Mycroft is the slightly pudgy Holmes brother with an affinity for fattening desserts and a job working for the government. He's often (as in always) overshadowed by his baby brother, Sherlock. But we still love that big smart ass. Well, most of the time. Sometimes, he can be pretty insufferable.
Mycroft is a good guy, don't get us wrong. And he's willing to protect Sherlock no matter what the cost. But we're not going to lie, Mycroft is just a tad paranoid. He likes to know what's going to happen and he likes to be in control. It seems like a waste of money to install this many security cameras to us. But to Mycroft, it makes perfect sense. Maybe. We don't actually know what's going on in his oddly-shaped head.
7 That is SO Sherlock
Tumblr, you scamp! In case you didn't know, the Tumblr bloggers love to tease us with foreign phrases that sound romantic and deep, but, in reality, don't mean what the blogger says they mean. In short, Tumblr just loves to watch us make asses out of ourselves. It's that kind of selfish, inconsiderate attitude that's what's wrong with this world. Everyone on Tumblr is probably going to roast in hell for their shenanigans.
But enough talk of eternal damnation. Let's talk about this post. Boy, it sure is a good thing some random member of the Sherlock fandom thought to run this phrase through the Google Translate. Otherwise, we would have looked like a bunch of morons when we tried to communicate with the locals on our trip to the Netherlands this summer.
6 The definition of the Holmes brothers
If you thought that your relationship with your brothers and/or sisters was dysfunctional, think again, friend. Maybe your brother stole your girlfriend. Maybe your sister borrowed your favorite sweater without asking and stretched the neck hole out and your mom had to donate it to Goodwill because you couldn't wear it anymore, gee, thanks a lot, Mattie! You're the best sister ever!
Sorry. It's just we got that sweater on sale at Macy's, and it was so comfy and cute. We're still not over it. But whatever animosity we might feel toward our sister for her sweater stealing, it's nothing compared to the bitterness and hostility between Mycroft and Sherlock Holmes. This is the most accurate thing ever, because those two would kill for each other, but they would also kill each other.
5 Be afraid. Be very afraid
The Sherlock fandom is big. It makes up a huge portion of Tumblr. And when you consider the fact that most of the members of the Sherlock fandom also belong to other fandoms, we Sherlockians become even scarier. We're just a bunch of mad fangirls and fanboys, trying to trudge along through a seemingly endless sea of hiatuses. It's sad. And these long periods without new episodes has hardened us, twisted us into horrific monsters, unrecognizable when compared to our previous selves.
The other people on Tumblr see us. They notice how wild and savage we are, and they're afraid. Yes, that's right. They're terrified of us. And that's fine, TBH. We're glad we live in a world where all of those aesthetic hipster bloggers are afraid of us Sherlockians. It's just better that way.
4 This generation is circling the drain
This is so true. Kids these days just aren't worth a flip. This whole generation is just circling the drain, at this point. They're such a disappointment, with their iPads and their devil's lettuce and their underage sex. What is this world coming to? They say that the children are our future. For our future's sake, we hope they're wrong.
We don't want to sound like those old timers who think their generation was the best generation, but we totally think our generation is the best generation. This new generation stinks! Like, how many murders do you think kids today have committed? One? Two? Ten? Pfft! What a bunch of lightweights! We were on the lam the minute we turned five, and we've been outsmarting the police ever since, just like our mentor, Moriarty, taught us.
3 Two Words: Elf Lestrade.
Look, we don't want to ask any questions. We get it. Some things just happen, and all you can do is deal with them when they do. It's that whole "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" deal. So we're not going to scrutinize or criticize the origins of this Tumblr post. However, we would just like to say is that we are happy as sh*t that this picture exists. Thank you, blogger who saw their chance and took it. Bless you and your whole family.
Wow, the Photoshopping is so professional-looking. You can't even tell that this is actually just a picture of Lestrade's head superimposed over Legolas's face. And triple the points for that pun. We mean, Gregolas? That's the kind of wordplay we strive to achieve every day. Bravo.
2 Of course it's Sherlock. It's always Sherlock
The Sherlock fandom is one of the big three on Tumblr, along with the Supernatural and Doctor Who fandoms. But even though these three fandom gods rules the roost, that doesn't mean they're the only ones on the site. With so many fandoms running loose, any and every post is in danger of being hijacked by some fandom or other.
If you use any fandom's trigger words, they will be there as sure as the sun will rise in the East. So don't be surprised when you mention a tall building, and the Sherlock fandom reblogs it with a picture of Sherlock. And once that happens, people will totally ignore whatever philosophical point you were originally making in order to focus on a picture of a grumpy looking Sherlock Holmes.
1 Sherlockians: Masters of the Hiatus
Sherlockians are talented. We know how to make clever deductions. We know how to pick up on subtle body language, voice changes and word choices that other people easily miss. We know how to piece together evidence to solve a crime. And perhaps most importantly, we know how to fumble our way through the dark, bitter hell that is the hiatus.
Most fandoms only spend a few months in hiatus. Not the Sherlock fandom. We spend all of the months in hiatus. In fact, we usually only come out of hiatus for 12 to 15 days once every two to three years. You can't imagine the type of psychological toll that takes on a person. That's why we do things like this. And it's posts like this that allow us to take over Tumblr.