As children, all we wanted to do was hurry up and become adults. Sweet freedom was calling our names. No more bedtimes, room cleaning and veggie eating for us, because when we entered the magical adult years, we were going to do everything our way and it was going to be amazing.
Then we actually became adults and nothing turned out the way we thought it would. Being a grown up means slaving away at a thankless job, paying bills and gaining weight in places we didn't even know could get fat. Suddenly we find ourselves approaching middle age and realizing that we have devoted the rest of our days to raising children who pretty much hate us for buying them the wrong colored fruit snacks. Growing up isn't as great as we thought it would be. Let's all go back to being kids and savoring the simple pleasures that life has to offer.
These 15 kids are slaying childhood and we're so jealous. Being a kid really was the best of times, we didn't know how good we had it.
15 When stuff like this didn't end up with unemployment
Remember when we were a kids and could get away with being a total sassy-pants on a math assignment like this little comedian? All we ever got from the teacher in response to this epic answer would have been a half smile (because she secretly thought it was a little genius as well) and encouragement to go back to our seat and try it again. One day, we blinked and suddenly we're a 30-year-old grown woman working a 9-5 job. Yet, even as a productive, adult member of society we still want to respond to our boss' emails with some snarky spunk from our elementary years don't, right? Too bad that sending the higher ups a genius clap back will likely result in our termination of employment and a new residence in our parents' basement.
14 This used to be acceptable
No DNA test needed.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
I'm sure she's mine. pic.twitter.com/C1FntjdRUE
Toddlers can pass out on the couch in their undies while completely covered in Cheeto dust and it becomes the cutest thing we have ever seen. Look at how stinking precious this gem of a human is. She is all tuckered out from a long day of shoveling processed food down the hatch. Being 3 years old isn't easy, folks! So while this image is heart-bursting levels of adorable, when a partner does the exact same thing, it isn't cute at all. It's actually grounds for a break-up or a few months of sleeping on the couch in the very least. May the good Lord help a guy who has passed out in the family room, rocking only his briefs, while grasping a bag of greasy snacks. Kids really can get away with anything, thanks to their sparkling smiles and pudgy cheeks. Grown men? Not so much.
13 Because playing was all that mattered
Oh, brother. Little Batman here has come up with a fool-proof method for not having to stop his fun and go use the restroom. If there is one thing that kids hate with a fiery passion, it's having to halt their games and saunter off to the lavatory. Asking a young child to stop playing and go pee will result in a reaction from them that would be more appropriate if you had just asked them for their left arm and their eternal soul.
They will be equal parts mortified and offended at your simple potty request.
Their refusal to go wee will likely result in wet pants and more laundry for you. While this kid has masterminded a means to get around the whole "potty break" thing, pulling a stunt like this in our adult years would get us committed to a mental institution.
12 Living the dream
This kid really is living our grown-up dreams and he doesn't even know it. Adults that get struck down with a wicked case of insomnia have to take two melatonin and pray that the sleep Gods take them quickly in order to catch enough REM to see them through the next day. Us grown folks need our sleep because adulting is exhausting. Kids just say, "Can't sleep. Better throw a party." This baller rolled on out of bed at 3 a.m. and helped himself to all of the snacks in the house and some late-night television. Why not? He's a kid! What is the worst thing that will happen to him tomorrow? He'll get to take a nap. A nap, you guys! Naps are basically mythical occurrences once adulthood hits. They never happen, but you keep wishing for them all the same.
11 Sand: from friend to foe
Why on Earth do children love sand? Aside from feeling it underneath your feet on that one elusive vacation that you get to take every couple of years, sand is the devil's work. Any parent will tell you that once you kid sees sand, you will be seeing it for the next six months of your life.
It will live in your carpeting, your vehicle, your child's ears and your nightmares.
Once a child dumps sand into his hair, the sand basically becomes a member of your family. Sand is nearly impossible to fully get rid of, but kids don't care because they are savage creatures and stuff like this looks like the most fun thing in the universe. What once was a friend becomes a mighty foe in the adult years.
10 Cages were acceptable back then
Show us one person out there that wasn't held prisoner by laundry basket at least once during their childhood. You have to admit, laundry baskets make the ultimate cages. This game is a timeless classic played by siblings everywhere and hated by mothers all across the globe. Laundry basket cages always leave behind mounds of dirty (or worse already clean and folded) laundry in their wake and screaming siblings poised and ready to tattle.
You just can't put people in laundry basket cages when you are grown up.
It's too bad too because we all have that one coworker who truly deserves to be put back in the basket cage. Imagine how amazing it would be to have laundry basket cages still be an appropriate way to settle disputes and assert domination over one's rivals.
9 Childhood is just a collection of traumas really
Every adult out there has some lingering childhood trauma, courtesy of their loving parents. Let's go on a little drive through the animal park, they said...it will be fun, they said. Honestly, parents don't even feel bad when they subject their child to stuff like this because it's basically a rite of passage and heaven knows their parents did way worse.
Be thankful it's not a lion or a bear trying to eat your face, kid.
It's funny now because the things that traumatize you as an adult are far worse than a horse trying to give you a kiss through the car window. Don't you all miss the good old "forced family fun" trips that marked your entire childhood now? We sure do. We will settle for the animal park over office politics any day. Adults will take any sort of vacation they can get their hands on. We are a desperate lot.
8 If you didn't snap your arm, did you even have a childhood?
If you didn't fly down your staircase on a slab of cardboard as a kid, then you never really lived. We actually feel pretty sorry for you. This was one of the most fun things to do on a rainy day or really any day where mom was about to lose her ever-loving mind and you just wanted to push her right over the edge. It wasn't the most demonic thing we conjured up in our younger years, but it also definitely wasn't very safe. We flew down that bad boy and crashed into a wall just to get back up and do it again...like 10,000 more times. No one gave a rip about concussions. We had sprained body parts and never even knew it! If we tried this now, we would do it once and be bruised, battered and going to the Chiropractor for the next six months.
7 Best toy ever
Can we all just agree right now that the Slip n' Slide is one of the most fun and also most painful toys to ever be created? Children fly down those things at the speed of light and come out of the experience covered in grass clippings and big smiles. Look at the way this kid's body is bending. It's like he's in the Slip n' Slide version of the Matrix.
We mourn the days where we could find joy in an activity such as this.
If we tried to hurl our adult bodies down this backyard contraption, we would be broken. Adulthood is so much more painful than childhood. These days, we can barely bend down to pick socks off of the floor without aching knees and hobbling hips. We miss our Gumbi days.
6 The most random objects brought joy and comfort
Most kids have a stuffed animal or blankie. My niece has one of those plastic owls u put outside to scare away birds pic.twitter.com/U3CX3Gcb0V— pat tobin (@tastefactory) April 10, 2016
It's possible that toys were one of the best parts of childhood. Admit it, watching your children tear through Christmas gifts makes you 50 shades of jealous. Can you imagine being that pumped over plastic? It's not just intended toys that light up little ones' lives, they can make a favorite lovie out of just about anything. Take this kid, for example. Of all the dolls, blocks and Barbies that she owns, it's this clunky garden owl that makes her heart go pitter-patter. Grown people who sleep beside a plastic owl end up on that My Strange Addiction show on TLC or in therapy for their unconventional life preferences. Childhood really is a magical time where pretty much anything goes. Grown-up life just becomes so restrictive.
5 Do you hot dog princess
It was princess day at dance and one little girl came as a hot dog I have never admired someone more pic.twitter.com/iro5mL2Bvc— Grayson Lamontagne (@graysonl3) May 9, 2016
Behold the glory of The Hot Dog Princess. You have to appreciate children's ability to think outside of the box and be true to themselves. Sure, the theme at dance class is princess dance, but this girl marches to the beat of her own drum and that drum is telling her to channel her inner hot dog. We miss the "playing dress up" days. Dressing up in adulthood takes on a whole other meaning filled with uncomfortable shoes and restrictive undergarments.
Don't you kind of wish you could just say screw it and strut into the office rocking your hot dog suit?
Yes, you would get fired or forced to take a mental health assessment, but it would be so worth it to just see the look on your boss' face. Consider your hot dog suit next time a work email comes out proclaiming that Fridays are "casual days."
4 We miss free maid services
How did our parents even stand us? Think about how hard we adults try and keep a tidy home and then think about the number of times you destroyed your own mother's living room just so that you could create a couch empire. The mere thought of walking into our family room to see the couches overturned for the up-teenth time makes our blood pressure spike to alarming levels. Kids really do create magic and chaos with every breath they take, don't they? Don't you wish you could go back to the pillow fort days and consider that the greatest decorating feat in the world. These days we have to spend thousands of dollars reworking our living spaces. Next time our rooms need a makeover, we should just all make couch forts.
3 Bwahahahahaha. Blackmail
Nobody takes an awkward photo better than a child. Two things make them champions at poor imagery: they don't know what they are doing and even if they did, they wouldn't care. Everything about them is so free. Once you become an adult, picture transforms into a filter-laden and oftentimes miserable process. Just a simple snap of you standing on a beach will often entail multiple retakes, cropping, filtering, caption creating and even some Photoshopping.
Adults care far too much about what the camera reveals.
The grown-up world is judgmental and shady. Other adults are just waiting, ready to shame your not-so-perfect pictures. It's so stressful. Let's all go back in time to when we didn't feel pressured to have perfect photos.
2 Honesty used to be the best policy
Once upon a time, honesty was a character trait that was cherished and revered. That time was called childhood. Kids can say the most offensive and vile things about adults, and it's almost always funny and forgivable. This child is using his chunky papa as the topic of his journal writing and his honesty allows him to create a genuine picture as to how he perceives his dear old dad. Once you get older, you can't do these things. You can't write a work email that says, "This is my boss. He is an old pig who makes our lives hell and he has a problem." That stuff with get you fired where as writing something similar as a kid will get you a smiley face sticker.
1 Do it now, kids
Adulthood is filled with all sorts of unpleasant and mundane chores, and one of the worst is the constant cleaning we have to do. Once you fly the coup and start living on your own, you are responsible for all of the tidying up, and it sucks. These kids are making sure they take full advantage of the mess-making, non-cleaning days of their childhood before they grow up to become unpaid maids until they end.
That is pretty much what parenthood is in a nutshell anyhow.
You see, after they are done destroying this couch, their parents will punish them, send them to their rooms and then clean it all up. What we would give to have someone send us to our grown up rooms and then mop up our messes. That sounds like a dream world right about now. Kids have things so good.