Kids are…interesting creatures. They're probably not too many things on the planet that can bring the biggest laughs, the most frustration, the biggest questions and the greatest joy, as these small and lovable humans can. Some of the conversations and exchanges we have with these miniature people, while baffling and confusing at the time, really are hilarious in hindsight (and make for great stories to embarrass them later). Kids may say the darnedest things, but we, as adults, have some pretty funny responses. Here are 15 of those relatable moments.
15 A way to start(led) the day
As a parent, sleep is something that becomes more of a luxury than a daily necessity. Every so often, there are those rare and blissful evenings when the kids go to sleep at the time they are supposed to, the house has grown quiet and you finally get a chance at that long, peaceful sleep. However, something in your subconscious nudges you awake. Groggy, your eyes open slightly as you roll over and meet face-to-face with a small, shadowy figure standing beside your bed. Startled, you jump up, heart thundering in your chest, only to see that it is your little one, probably asking for a drink of water. Ah, the joys of parenting.
14 You've got two options
Small people have finicky tastes in food, to say the least. Trying to get them to eat their veggies is more like a hostage negotiation than pleasant meal time conversation. You work all day, manage to get through traffic to get home and you need to feed people of all sizes at your home. You do your best impression of Rachel Ray, making something amazing (considering the day you've had and by this time, you are probably running solely on caffeine), catering to the tastes of everyone in the family. It is finally ready. You call down the troops, expecting to be met with gratitude and enjoyment, but instead you are met with skeptical questions, complaints and maybe even a tantrum. You—a perfectly good parent and a kind, rational adult—have resigned this child whom you love, to starve. No judgment.
13 Snack snatching
As anyone with prolonged exposure to kids knows, meals are only a struggle if you (the parents) are not eating it. However, if the food is something you actually want to eat, the kids will definitely come out of nowhere, begging for it. You know how it goes: you finally manage to get something for yourself, whether it be a treat or a quick bite. As soon as the wrapper opens or the seal is broken on the package, those little ones will pop up up to see what you have, with more questions about it than a detective in an intense interrogation.
Sometimes, they do not even have to know what it is before they show up, demanding to eat it. Here you are, a grown and functioning adult, having to hide your snack (that you paid for!) and trying to eat it in silence, just because you know those greedy miniature humans have super human hearing when it comes to things they want. And any moment now, your blissful treat time will be interrupted by small hands and wide eyes that no grown-up can resist.
12 Wake up woes
The morning drama with the small people does not wait until eight a.m. to begin, like most adulting dramas. Nope, for you, dear responsible one, it starts long before you and the family are even able to leave the house. Before your alarm clock can wake you, the kids are usually up, with their first waking thought being to harass you. You can hear them, from the moment they place their tiny little feet on the floor and instinctively, your eyes shoot open.
Before you really have the chance to mentally prepare yourself for the onslaught that is about to overtake your peaceful bedroom, you can hear the little people. They're either having their first fight with each other, dropping something or yelling and laughing with each other. Or, if you do not hear them, you begin to freak out, worried that they have gotten into something they were not supposed to. Suddenly, there is the sound of their quick approach to your room and now you know that the day is getting ready to start, whether you are ready or not.
11 I told you so...
Your lifetime of accidents and incidents means nothing to the small people, who view your constant warnings for their safety as something to ignore. Something crazy happens when you are in charge of another person, especially those of the small kind. You suddenly have the capability of seeing perfectly normal, everyday objects as dangerous things. And, oddly enough, children have the capability of finding the most dangerous things to play with or do, as soon as we dare take our eyes off of them. We try to warn them of the danger, but they (with unbelievable confidence in themselves) do not heed our wise and well-informed warnings. That is, until they have been harmed by the very thing we have warned them about. And now, it becomes your problem. #facepalm
10 The moment you question your job as a parent
Kids have the unbelievable ability to imagine things that most of us as adults, for whatever reason, cannot. They have huge dreams for themselves and their certainty is inspiring and mind-blowing. That is, until they imagine something for themselves that is so completely ridiculous, you are left questioning your job as a quality parent. Seriously, this child told her mom that she wanted to be a giant reptilian creature that has been extinct for over 65 million years when she grows up. In her defense, dinosaurs are pretty awesome and at least, the kid did choose something that at one point was alive. We mean, it's a start. She could have said she wanted to be a gel pen.
9 Sleeping arrangements
There isn't a better way to describe sleeping with a small person than this post right here. Sleeping with your kid sounds good in theory. But this is what really happens: you and your sweet, small one cozy up after a movie or his or her favorite story book. You both finally settle and the small one drifts off to sleep. You start thinking how nice this is, how this moment is just so sweet and how much you love this darling little person. You drift to sleep yourself, only to be woken up by a surprisingly strong kick to your face or fist to the gut. Your sweet child, in his or her sleep, has become a thrashing Rock'em Sock'em Robot. In fact, this sleeping arrangement went from peaceful and sweet to a scene from some kung fu movie. There is always the option of sleeping on the floor.
8 Talk about high def
This mom speaks a truth so many of us have experienced with our kids, that it is damn near universal. Why do children feel that they must stick whatever it is they want us to observe at the moment—their crayons, latest art projects or Lego blocks—so close to our eyes? We actually fear the impending damage that they may inflict upon us in the process. Maybe they just REALLY want us to see it. Maybe they think the closer a thing is, the better we can see it. While we really do not know why little people feel the need to stick the thing they want to show us directly in our eyes, we can all agree that we certainly do not care for it.
7 Big feels about small things
Kids seem to find the most ridiculous things to be upset about. And their meltdowns never seem to coincide with the best timing. Here, this poor mom is just trying to get her baby girl to school. But, her daughter is thrown into distress. The source? Not a bump on her head or boo-boo. Not hurt feelings, either. Nope, it is a bump in her sock. Of all of the actual things to be actually upset about (and there are plenty of reasonable and rational things to be upset about), this child chooses to be distraught by a slight indentation in a piece of fabric. She gets so upset, she holds up the entire morning commute. This is one of those moments in which you'd be excused for serving your child a good helping of side eye.
6 The meltdown
As you have seen above (or you just know from experiencing a small human long enough) they have the emotional stability of a hungry ferret. This kid is upset because he believes that he has somehow lost his glasses. that in itself is a reason to be preserved, except for the fact that this kid does not wear glasses. This mom is just trying to present facts to her someone irrational toddler. This rationality seems to have the opposite effect than she intended on the little guy, because instead of calming him down, the boy becomes even more upset. Again, no one will judge your parenting skills if you choose to side eye your kiddo.
5 Weapon of mass destruction
It is amazing how these sweet, small humans can turn any activity into a massive mess. For example, eating a granola bar. This mommy reflects on a revelation that she would not have had, if she didn't have any children. The revelation itself is not anything super deep; rather, it is extremely honest and simultaneously hilarious. Think about it: the right snack is not only delicious but, when placed in the hands of a small, sometimes clumsy human, it can leave a wake of destruction so sticky, gross and enormous that it can destroy the decor, stain anything that can be stained and otherwise mess up what probably was a very nice space.
4 Why is this wet?
Have you ever grabbed the doorknob after someone has touched it, only to pull back your hand quickly (almost as if you had burned it), in gross realization that the doorknob was wet? For the rest of the day, you are sufficiently grossed out. No matter how many times you have washed you hands (because you did wash it more than once) or how many times you dunked it in hand sanitizer, it simply will not feel clean. This is the feeling that makes up 85% of parenting. From the hug from your small kiddo who may or may not have just spilled juice on their shirt, to the bite of food they want to share with you that may or may not have just been in their own mouth, be prepared to be grossed out by more sopping, wet messes.
3 The new norm
Every parent and guardian knows the woes of adult / kid misinterpretation (when an adult gives a child an instruction and the kid, who clearly hears the direction, chooses not to follow the direction for whatever reason—be it distraction or some form of cognitive dissonance). This mother expresses her frustration over directing her son to get himself dressed, only to find that the most clothing he manages to put on is a single sock. Be prepared to only be listened to when your kids choose to listen. Kids have a severe case of selective hearing, which is only really triggered when someone opens up some snacks (see post above).
2 Necessary conversations
Communication is a vital part of every human's life. However, some of the weirdest, most confusing or downright frustrating conversations take place when it comes to trying to talk to our kids. Let's face it—the small people's job is to try all of our patience and question all of our methods. They are probably the reason why we have rules to begin with. This post reflects that sentiment, where this parent actually considers the silly-sounding direction itself. Heard out of context, this might seem like something only a crazy person would say. However, when heard among fellow parents, this quote becomes both understood and a law in their own homes (if it wasn't already).
1 This pretty much sums it up
This post sums up the whole deal. Kids make you say and do weird things, but we made our parents say and do weird things, too. Some of these things include: accidentally calling our child every name of every person that lives in the house, randomly proclaiming new rules and splitting things perfectly evenly between the kids (or risking World War Three at snack time). Yes, kids are frustrating, hilarious and wonderful little walking adventures that, for better or worse, have changed our lives (mostly for the better). With their volatile tempers, quick wit and clumsy ways, our children have stumbled into our hearts, making such a beautiful mess there, we choose to call it decor. Yes, parenting is indeed the strangest party we have ever attended.