Abbi and Ilana are the lovely ladies of the hit show Broad City. It's impossible to watch them and not recognize a smidge of yourself in them. Abbi is a tad more reserved and cautious but she can go HAM when necessary. Ilana is the more outgoing one. She's inhibited, in every way possible. Both girls hate their jobs and love each other fiercely. They are the perfect duo. They represent the extroverts and introverts in us. The friendships that we cherish or even the friendships we miss or crave. They face a bevy (or maybe a Bevers?) of problems and they always seem to deal with those problems by facing them together. And let's be real, it's always hilarious. It's always relatable AF.
Here are 15 times Abbi Glazer and Ilana Wexler made you nod your head YAS YAS YAS.
15 Every Time Abbi Has Her Life Ruined By Bevers
He eats her labeled food. (It is the rare person who is not fiercely protective of their foodstuffs) He masturbates in the middle of the apartment. Please, no. He eats food in her bed, in sweltering heat, leaving food stains and sweat stains. *shudder* He is often naked in the apartment. He is never not home. He is a parasite. He is everywhere always, ruining things for her. He is the nightmare roommate. Except...he's not even her roommate! He's her roommate's boyfriend. Her roommate doesn't seem to exist though, so we are just treated to various episodes of Bevers driving Abbi insane. We've all had that person who has driven us to the brink while living with them. Bevers encapsulates all of them and Abbi is all of us.
14 The Time Abbi Couldn't Speak Around Her Neighbor
Abbi continuously makes a fool out of herself around Jeremy, her cute neighbor that she wants to fook. She inexplicably says embarrassing and incriminating things, her filter is somehow magically gone and she just says whatever verbal diarrhea comes out of her mouth. Her BFF Ilana stands on the sideline, grimacing, mortified for her friend and wanting to stop the horror. But we can't stop it can we? It's like a waterfall of poop and word vomit. We've all been there. We've all lost our marbles around an attractive person. And then we feel like absolutely idiots afterwards. If we were talking to someone we had no attraction to, we'd be mother effin' Shakespeare or Voltaire. Instead, although science has not been able to explain the phenomenon, it seems our neurons die when we encounter hotness.
13 The Time Abbi Was Drugged For A Dental Procedure
Most of us have, at one time or another, had the unfortunate experience of being put under to get our widsom teeth out. Or maybe it was for some other procedure. Maybe not even dental. If you haven't experienced this yet, I almost feel sorry for you. You literally become a child again. You are honest to others about what's on your mind and you are honest with yourself about what you want to do. You roll around on the floor, you do Happy Baby Pose, and it's perfect. Regardless, sometimes we feel the way Abbi felt and we aren't even drugged and at the dentist at all. It feels good to feel free. It feels good to give zero f*cks and act like no one is watching.
12 The Time They Talked About Good Poops
Listen, we can all pretend that women don't poop or don't talk about poops, but the truth is when we are amongst friends, poo is a topic of great conversation. We aren't sewn up at the butthole okay? That's ridiculous and medically impossible (Also gross). Some of us are greater aficionados than others - I have a friend who I think might have a notebook of her poops. But we are all aware that a good poop is a little slice of heaven. Ladies, don't be afraid. You don't need to pretend that you don't go to the bathroom. We are all humans, and pooping is a magical part of living. Nothing wrong with a dump. And even better when it's flawless. Just like you!
11 When Ilana Wanted All Her Medical Questions Answered
Ilana asks a veterinarian all her pressing medical questions. And we've all got the same weird medical questions that we tend to Google and get answered by WebMD. She just wants answers, don't we all? We all want to know if that rash is going to go away on its own. If our pee is supposed to smell weird after eating something specific. We want to know if we're weird or if it's totally normal. We don't talk about these things at a dinner party so how would we know? The Internet can give us some quiet comfort, but usually it just has us thinking that our bodies are rotting form the inside out. We just want to know if what we are going through is going to have us in a fit of anguish and hopefully we're not the only ones dealing with the ailment and with the fear of being alone.
10 When Ilana Thought It Was Friday...And It Wasn't
This. Is. The. Worst. Unfortunately. We've all had this experience. It's particularly common these days, since the lack of sunlight seems to meld the days together. But geez it really sucks when you think it's the weekend and you're free and then you get smacked with some truth. It's worse when you hate your job. Ilana is pretty awful at her job, she even leaves for hours on end without reason, so I guess she hates it? I'm glad we get to see her at work though, because it's entertaining. Chris Gethard as her boss is perfection. He just does not know how to deal with her. And Nicole, Ilana's disgruntled desk mate hates her with a fiery passion I have ever seen before. It's amazing.
9 When Abbi Fantasized About Mark Ruffalo
Abbi fell into a pit. The ladies opted to go sans-cellphone for the afternon and shenanigans ensued. She quickly lost her mind in the pit, especially without any kind of indication of time passed. Fantasizing began. The go to? Mark Ruffalo at a fancy farmer's market. I can definitely get on board with that. We all want to take our jute totes and re-usable produce bags and shop at the outdoor market with Ruffalo. We'll sample the homemade jams and listen to the musicians. We'll hold hands and pick out cauliflower and kale. We'll talk to vendors and choose the best chocolate for fondue. It will be a sunny day, birds will be chirping, people will be chattering way, children laughing in the distance (not too close to us, we don't want to be annoyed), and we'll stroll along picking out fresh flowers to adorn the mantle.
8 When They Were Asked To Smile And Responded With This
Abbi and Ilana have the perfect reaction to what I think is a nearly universal experience for women. A man asking you to smile because apparently it's your womanly duty to constantly have a pleasant look plastered on your face at all times? Fuck that. Don't tell me to smile. If I want to smile, I will. But I'm not going to smile for you. I'm not here on earth for your enjoyment. My resting bitch face is perfect the way it is. Isn't it better when someone shares a genuine smile? Why would anyone find a forced smile attractive? Go fook yourself. I'll smile when I want and for myself. The middle finger smile that Abbi and Ilana respond with is perfect and has been permanently added to my arsenal.
7 When Ilana Shopped For Produce
I can't be the only one who finds this relatable, right? Shopping for produce in a store where the fruit and veggies are displayed beautifully is an absolute treat. Shopping at a farmer's market is even better. Everything smells divine. Everything looks like it was painted with 100% color saturation. Ilana strolls through the store perusing the vegetables, she's pretty sensual with them and honestly if I were less self conscious and more alone in the grocery store, I'd probably do this. Maybe not lick things outright, but smelling the produce with gusto seems like the perfect way to really take in the experience. It's really the only way to suss out freshness anyhow. It's just being a good shopper! You choose the best of the best and waste less!
6 When Ilana Was Fiscally Aroused
Sometimes money turns us on. In this scene Ilana is actually explaining herself because she is seemingly "turned on" by the Jon Benet inspired beanie baby, which is of course extremely inappropriate. She explains to her bestie, who is a little horrified, that it's not the stuffed animal or the idea of it that is arousing her. What arouses her is the prospect of all the cash she can make off selling it! She turns to eBay to market the stuffy. It's apparently worth a buttload. We have all been there (in our imaginations), and we've all seen it in movies. If we were rich, we might just roll around in bed with all that money. We might rub it on ourselves. It's not sexual. It's fiscal.
5 When They Tried to Balance Their Lives
Being an adult is hard. It's tough to realize that we need to step up to the plate and be responsible for our shit. We need to do things that we might not always enjoy doing. But it's okay to sometimes throw that out the window. It's okay to take a break from being an adult sometimes. It's okay to binge watch Netflix and eat junk food. It's okay to find this balancing act tough and mind boggling. It's okay to feel like you're pretending. You're not the only one. You come of a certain age and you are able to drink, vote, drive, etc. But you don't magically grow an adulting appendage. You don't magically feel like a grown-up. It's okay to be responsible, but also take a breather stay in your PJs on a Sunday and watch Damages all day.
4 When Abbi Let Competition Get The Best of Her
Either you are Abbi and you are super competitive or you know someone who is exactly like her. The competition eats you alive. You transform into a different person and you are somehow ready to literally murder someone to win. A simple game that's supposed to be fun becomes a question of life and death. Usually someone gets hurt, physically or emotionally. If it's a sports-related game, you somehow become stronger, more physically fit. You feel no pain. Everyone is terrified of you. When it's over, you feel remorse and you don't fully remember what you did. It's a blur. You're Jekyll & Hyde. You cannot imagine the monster that was within you. You vow to never let that happen again. It happens again. Every. Single. Time. Especially when you're playing Cranium.
3 The Way Ilana Talks About Abbi
We all have that friend that we love so much that we can't help but rave about to everyone. We describe them in a string of compliments. They can do no wrong, they are our bestie. They are the light of our life, we don't understand why everyone else doesn't see the same thing as us. They are perfect to us! They are our shoulder to cry on, our confidant, our best bud. We basically never fight. We find ways to tell people about their accomplishments, achievements and feats. We tell strangers about the new job promotion they got. No one else cares, but you feel like the world needs to know about this wonderful human being. Chocolate brown eyes, ass of an angel, artist extraordinaire. Ilana loves Abbi like we love our BFFs.
2 When Abbi Became Ilana
Abbi takes on Ilana's persona so she can do some volunteer work at the coop for her. Ilana wants to stay a member and the rules are strict about volunteer hours. Let's face it, we've all spent so much time we someone that we start to become them. We start to take on a bit of their personality and mannerisms. We talk like them, we absorb their likes and dislikes and we lose a bit of ourselves to them. We also all have a best friend or even a partner or relative that we know so well we could pretend to be them for a day. We know how they would act in a given situation and how they would interact with people on a regular day. Abbi and Ilana's swap is the ultimate expression of love.
1 When Abbi Was Home Alone And Did This
Being home alone is the best for a multitude of reasons. But dancing around naked to supremely loud music is probably one of the top reasons. This is a rare time for Abbi when Bevers isn't around and she blasts the Lady Gaga and dances her heart out. She's pretty good too. I need to re-watch the whole sequence so I can try and re-create it. A big empty space is key and the right song is imperative. I'd like to see another scene like this one with a different choreography, it's too good not to want more. She's just so happy. And why shouldn't she be? She's free from the restraints of clothing, she's free from her unwanted parasitic non-roommate, the light is shining like a soft spotlight glow. Time to be a star.