While most Tinder users tend to just mindlessly swipe left or right based off of primary pictures, a select few less shallow users actually take the time to check out an individual's full profile before making any hasty decisions. Sure, pictures can help you gauge your level of attraction to a would-be date (or sexual partner... we don't judge), but bios do a better job letting you know whether or not you'll actually get along with someone. We've seen plenty of boring profiles which don't really let us know anything about the people we're checking out, but every now and then, we come across a truly unforgettable gem. These hilarious people are absolutely slaying the dating app game through their witty "About Me" sections, and we'd totally swipe right just for the chance to talk to them!
15 ISO a Fergilicious duet partner
There are a variety of acceptable reasons for wanting to enter a relationship. Some people desire a boyfriend or girlfriend so they'll have someone to cuddle with at night, some just want a partner to mess around with and apparently, some just want a companion who will sing the background vocals to "Fergilicious" for them! Sydney is sick and tired of having to do the "wooOOH" part of the song herself, because, immediately after that part, she has to get back into rapping... and the transition is harder than you think. She also wants someone to point to when talking about her witness that she's been working on her fitness. Sounds like a good enough reason to be on Tinder to us! We'd totally be down to duet with her anytime.
14 Until the LSD wears off
James is a simple man who loves taking long walks on the beach with his girlfriend. That sounds incredibly sweet... up until you find out that he doesn't have a girlfriend and that he doesn't live anywhere near a beach! In reality, he just drags a stolen mannequin around the parking lot at his local Wendy's. We really hope that this is just a joke, and assuming that it is, we really want to swipe right on James because he seems to have that sort of bizarre sense of humor that can turn even the most mundane date into an adventure. Is it weird that the cigarette in his profile picture is a bigger turn-off than the possibility that he's serious about frequently taking too much LSD?
13 Two inches less than expected
Way too many guys on Tinder either brag about the size of their junk or try to hide their shortcomings in that department behind fancy sports cars or an overly macho attitude. Matthew isn't most guys, however, and makes it perfectly clear that he probably won't live up to your expectations right from the start. In his bio, he states that he's willing to jump whenever his future girlfriend tells him to, but if she asks him to jump 3 feet, he'll let her down because he only has a 34-inch vertical. That seems like a fairly unusual joke until you hear the punchline that when it comes to him, girls have to be "willing to settle for 2 inches less" than they expect. That's just hilarious.
12 Put a ring on this girl ASAP
Skyler is going to be the perfect wife someday. Her profile picture is smoking hot, but that's not why we're so eager to give her profile a right swipe—her witty bio basically reveals that she's our dream girl! It's important to marry someone who is also your best friend and who makes you feel happy and loved, but in her opinion, it's absolutely essential that the person you marry is willing to have a quickie with you in the laundry room while the kids are distracted with a Disney movie and you only have ten minutes before you have to take dinner out of the oven. We definitely agree with her (almost weirdly specific) example and think someone better put a ring on her ASAP!
11 "I like danger"
Ryan may not know who his dream girl is just yet, but he's already got his dream date all figured out. It's super unusual and hilarious, and we hope someday some girl goes along with his plans and makes everything he outlined happen! Due to his love for danger, he wants to light some candles in his car, go to a fancy restaurant, and come back out of it to discover that his car is on fire. While some would consider this a devastating tragedy, Ryan would then whip out a bag of marshmallows to reveal that everything was actually going according to plan, and cook the mallows before kissing his date in front of his burning car. What?! You have to give this guy credit for having such a wonderfully creative imagination.
10 Free Chipotle
We're living in a world where people can accomplish some truly amazing things on social media. Last year, a man named Carter Wilkerson asked Wendy's how many retweets he needed to get free chicken nuggets for life, and after being retweeted by over 3 million people (and a bunch of major companies like Google, Amazon and United Airlines), Wendy's gave him a gift card for a year's worth of nuggets. Rachel clearly saw that and wanted to see if she could copy Carter's success by giving Chipotle some free advertisement on her Tinder profile. Her picture and bio clearly show her undying love for the popular Mexican grill, and while we doubt Chipotle will give her anything for this, we think she at least deserves to get a date out of this.
9 You must be my GPA
Some Tinder users try to appear to be more intelligent or successful than they actually are in real life, but Laura makes it perfectly clear to anyone browsing her profile that she's definitely not an overachieving brainiac. In fact, she's more of a huge slacker who compares her taste in men to her underwhelming GPA in college—she knows she can probably do a lot better, but she's way too lazy to actually try. You have to respect her honesty here, and self-deprecating humor is definitely our favorite type of humor. Also, we can totally relate to the idea of settling, both in school and in the dating world. Sure, we could try for better, but that'd require more effort than we're willing to expend.
8 Five star reviews
We all care way too much about what other people think. That's why, instead of just watching movies ourselves with an open mind, we rely on sites like Rotten Tomatoes to let us know what sort of opinions we should have about films before we even given them a chance. Faraz is very aware of the current state of the world, so he made sure all of his potential Tinder dates know that he comes with a number of glowing reviews from credible sources like the New York Times, the Washington Post and Dos Equis' infamous "Most Interesting Man in the World." Even Spider-Man considers Faraz to be his own personal hero! How can you possibly swipe left on someone who is clearly so universally beloved?
7 At least he's honest?
Okay, to be entirely honest, we're not sure if we're laughing with Dusty here... or if we're just laughing at him. Like, is he for real with that bio? He starts things off by making it perfectly clear that people just looking for a hookup need not message him, which is a breath of fresh air on an app where most guys are just looking to have sex. Unfortunately, he then adds that he's only really looking for a rich girl who will support his expensive drug habit and who will drive him around (since Dusy's mom won't let him use her minivan anymore since he ate all of her lean cuisines). There's a possibility that he's being serious here, but assuming this is just a joke, he deserves a right swipe for having such a quirky and comically twisted sense of humor.
6 If you're into chins...
Mahlon may not be the most attractive guy you'll find while browsing through Tinder, but you have to at least give him some credit for having a good sense of humor and some awareness about his appearance! A variety of bad genetics and his poor diet led to Mahlon having a neck that sticks out as far as his head, so it doesn't really look like he has a chin. That's why he wrote "if you're into chins, probably not the best place to start." Hey, he could have used Photoshop or clever camera angles to look better, but he made it clear right up front that he's severely lacking in the chin category of facial aesthetics. We respect that, and would swipe right just to commend him for the clever bio joke.
5 A+ sense of humor
Kayleen is doing an amazing job making the best out of her situation. She's handicapped and confined to a wheelchair, but she refuses to let that bring her down. In her Tinder bio, she said that she enjoys long walks on the beach... but unfortunately, she can't exactly walk and the sand at the beach messes up the tires of her wheelchair! Kayleen has likely dealt with some people on the app who didn't quite understand how to react to her situation, so this joke makes it perfectly clear that she's doing just fine, that she's able to joke about her handicap and that people should feel comfortable treating her like everyone else. The only thing we can see that's wrong with Kayleen is that she's a whopping 77 miles away.
4 No gag reflex
Some people assume that it's just guys who only go on Tinder looking to hook up, but it seems like Molly is totally open about her sexuality and desire to get right down to business in the bedroom. Instead of writing anything about her personality or interests in her bio, she immediately noted that she's single and that she doesn't need to chew when she eats bananas. We're sure she can't possibly enjoy consuming the fruits that way, so this has to be a reference to her, ahem, oral talents. We probably wouldn't advertise our lack of a gag reflex at the very start of our own dating profiles, but we're sure that helpful little tidbit of information has helped her get all of the dates (or rather, one-night stands) that she could possibly want! You do you, Molly.
3 Who's a good boy?
Taylor has a great smile, kind eyes that we could totally get lost in and absolutely amazing hair. The guy who's holding him is alright too, we guess. That's right, this Tinder profile is actually for the adorable puppy in the picture! If you recognize him, it may be because he also has a profile on Snffr, which is basically like Tinder but for dogs. We're not going to lie, we'd totally swipe right on this account just to tell Taylor that he's a good boy every day and would flirt with his owner (who, alright, is admittedly very attractive) just for the chance to play with him on our first date. We're normally not cool with pet owners using their puppies to pick people up, but Taylor is just way too cute to turn away.
2 Life with Nathan would never be boring
Being in a relationship isn't always everything it's cracked up to be. Everyone assumes that life instantly becomes exciting when you've got a boyfriend or girlfriend, but a lot of the time, having a significant other just means you have someone to be bored and watch Netflix with. Dating Nathan, however, would never be boring! In his bio, Nathan jokes about being married with kids and looking for some side action before revealing that he's actually single, his "kids" are really just Tamagotchis, and that he's mostly on the app just so he can find someone to bring to family events so people will stop thinking there's something wrong with him. He sounds hilarious to us, and that's not even considering the fact that he owns a giant taco costume that he puts on while wearing a duck mask!
1 Modern day Shakespeare
Guys, it's probably not the best idea to date a girl who is really into poetry. Not only do those types of girls typically expect huge gestures every Valentine's Day, anniversary and birthday... they're often such hopeless romantics that they'll low-key be disappointed if you don't show up to virtually every date wearing a nice suit with a rose in your hand. Evelien isn't one of those girls, though, and she makes it clear by pointing out how utterly clueless she is about poetry in her Tinder bio. Her best attempt at a poem is "roses are red, bacon is red, poems are hard, bacon." She's definitely no Shakespeare, and we're totally okay with that. We'd take her out for some bacon and a milkshake any day!