Some of us here at TheThings have had a Tinder for years, but have never been on a single Tinder date. Call us Nervous Nancys, but deep down we're always a little scared that we'll match with someone and have great chemistry with them in our messages, only to show up and realize that they're creepy or have not one thing in common with the person on their profile. It might be shallow, but we're not excited about the prospect of going on a first date with someone who looks nothing like their profile picture. These 15 Tinder date stories have us thinking that we've been right to stay away from actual dates all along. Some of them are funny, some of them are cringeworthy, and some of them are down right hilarious, but all of them will have you feeling like you should delete Tinder ASAP.
15 Are you my daddy?
Dating online, and especially dating via Tinder, can be tricky, because you usually don't know very much about a person before you go on a date with them. You get one or two interesting tidbits from their profile (like that they have a cat or enjoy hula dancing), but vital pieces of information can be left out entirely—like whether or not your potential new fling is expecting. Reddit user DasCthulhu found that out the hard way when he showed up for a Tinder date and learned that the girl was pregnant:
"Showed up to the date and the girl was pregnant, VERY pregnant. Like holy crap how did you get here on your own, should I be worried about your water breaking any minute pregnant. No mention of her being pregnant anywhere on her profile, not even a hint about it."
That's definitely the cringiest ice breaker ever.
14 A bad gut feeling
One major problem with Tinder (and all online dating sites) is that there's really no way to weed out the weirdos from the regulars. When you show up on a date, you can never be quite sure if you're about to meet a serial killer or the nice, sane guy from down the street. Once and while, the line is a bit blurred, and even after you've been on the date you're still not quite sure what kind of person you just went out with. That's exactly what happened to Redditor wait4apocolypse's friend who met a man she'd met on Tinder:
"My friend went out w a Tinder date late in the afternoon. It was going well, they got coffees to go and took a walk in the park. It started getting dark so she wanted to head back. He said he didn't want the date to end just yet, lets walk just a bit further, etc... getting darker... now he starts off in a direction that isn't an actual trail. Thank goodness she stood her ground and said, "I'm going back w or wo you." She was so frustrated because it really WAS going nicely but obviously he creeped her out."
Maybe that guy was just really into hiking and exploring, but it definitely sounds a bit creepy if you ask us.
13 It's a small world
Tinder is one of those things that's just made the world exponentially smaller. You'll go on a date with that cute girl you swiped right on, and find out that she was best friends with your college roommate's little sister. Or you'll show up to meet that cute guy and realize that you went to competing high schools and share mutual friends. Or, as in the case of SomeoneThrewMyShoe, you'll have a less than great first Tinder date only to find out that the guy actually lives in your building:
"One, I spent two hours on a date with a guy. He spent half an hour talking about his clarinet. Then he talked at length about the six year relationship he just got out of. Then, after two hours, we're leaving and he calls me Emily. My name is not Emily. Best part is that because he just broke up with his girlfriend, he just moved into a new apartment. In my building."
12 Cersei and Jamie
Sometimes people use Tinder to find others who share certain *interests* with them. Those sort of interests that aren't usually spoken about in public circles, or in broad daylight. Those sort of interests that once you know about them are sure to have you wishing you'd swiped left. Reddit user totally_not_matt found one such person on the app:
"Met with a girl and we actually started dating. She always seemed awkwardly close to her brother, and after three months she says: 'I can't hide it anymore, will you have a three way with me and [brother]? I've been looking on tinder for willing guys forever.' No, I didn't."
Bet ya he deleted the app after that horrific experience.
11 The first 'kiss'
If only there was an app that taught people how to kiss well. We've all been on dates with people from Tinder who treat it like it is kissing practice—they get way too handsy too quickly, and take every opportunity to practice various ways of jamming their tongue in your mouth. Redditor equusoddball went on a date with a guy who really could have used some kissing lessons, and who made her think twice about ever using the app again:
"I went on a tinder date that was fairly normal. He was polite and we had good flow with conversation. Dinner and a movie, alls well. He walked me to my car and leaned in to kiss me. I was like 'okay, lets see how this goes'. Worst face violation Ive ever experienced. It felt like he was encasing the entire bottom half of my face in between his smushy lips and then just started roving his tongue around. I could feel saliva pooling around my lips. I gave it five seconds and broke it off. Quite literally had to wipe the spit off my face with the back and front of my hand. I shudder when I think about it, even over a year later I can feel the phantom drool on my face."
10 A whole lot of NOPE
We're not sure where you all are finding these Tinder gems, but it seems that a lot of you have had some really unfortunate experiences. This one, that Saramanders, endured is particularly awful for so many reasons:
"Posted this before but, I needed a date to passover dinner with my friends. He wore a vest and a news boy hat, then introduced himself with a bow and a hat flourish. The night only got worse from there. He refused to eat any of the food because 'things on the plate were touching' (It was soup) and wouldn't shut his mouth during the 12 minutes of seder. When it came time for his train home, he purposely missed it so he could stay the night. HAHA NOPE. After a movie with uncomfortable levels of hoverboob, I convinced my friend to come with me to drive him to the nearest train station. During the ride he thought was the best time to tell me he was schizophrenic but didn't take medicine because 'it was the devil'. He tried to hold my hand saying that they were small and made him feel like a pedophile. The night ended with him telling me he was going to shit on the subway and write my name in it. There was no second date."
9 Not so good in person
Once in a while you'll come across someone who seems so wonderful on the app. The conversation is flowing, the chemistry is poppin' and everything just seems easy. It feels like such a good fit that you just know you have to meet them in person. But then once you get together in real life, it seems impossible that the person you'd been messaging for weeks could be the same person as the one sitting across the table from you. Some people just thrive behind a screen, which is exactly what B0bsteris found out when he met his Tinder date IRL:
"Girl and I talked a lot on Tinder and seemed to click very well, so we arranged to meet in person. When I got there, it was like talking to a wall. She spent the whole time on her phone, didn't ask me any questions or make any effort at conversation at all. After 10 minutes, she said, 'This isn't working out, I'm going home' and left. I drove 50 minutes for that, and I had to do the same drive back home."
Talk about a waste of a date.
8 The card guy
Lots of us decide to use Tinder because we aren't having a lot of luck in the regular world. Everyone we meet at bars is either boring or creepy, we've been set up with so many of our friends' friends that we couldn't bear to do it again, and we just aren't meeting new people in our day to day life. People on Tinder always seem to be so much more interesting than those we encounter in our regular lives. Seem being the operative word there. Yunperson had a Tinder date so dull that she deleted the app entirely, deciding it was better to bank on men she could meet in bars. What happened? "Guy talked about his business card for half the date. Got outta there before I could be American Psycho-ed." So dull we just can't even.
7 A troll-full date
There are those who meet their soulmates on Tinder, and know instantly. Their values and outlooks and personalities just align flawlessly. Then there are those who meet the last person on earth they'd ever consider marrying, and know that instantly as well. Tastyravioli met this second kind of person on Tinder and talks about it here:
"Messaged her back and forth for a couple days—she seemed pretty cool. Ask where she would like to meet up after discussing it; she doesn't know. Suggest a few chill bars/ restaurants in my area. She mildly shoots them down and suggests I'm a hipster because the area I live in and places I suggest. These are totally cool places devoid of hipsters... but I'm like ok, so finally we agree on a place. She shows up and oh man she's just a little ball of trollish negativity. Treats the staff horribly. Tells me she's not going to drink—ok I'm fine with this. I order a beer and it's a two for one and she rolls her eyes and asks if I might be concerned I drink so much. Hates everything I have to say. I finally get to a point where I stand up, beer in hand, and tell the waiter I'm moving to this other seat, and sit with a couple of ladies having fun. Hit it off with one of them. The glare of pure death I got as troll-girl stomps out was amazing. Truly awe inspiring."
6 A vegan disaster
If you go on Tinder assuming that everyone you talk to will share all of your interests and persuasions then you're sure to be disappointed quickly. Sherminator19's date sure was when they met for the first time:
"She was very very vegan. I don't really mind, in fact I started up a conversation with her about vegan mayonnaise from aquafaba and chickpeas (look it up on serious eats, it's amazing). She assumed I was vegan and flipped when I ordered a latte, calling me a liar, murderer and a cheat and screaming before storming off. Afterwards I drowned my sorrows in chicken."
Talk about an awkward time! Hopefully he took a Tinder break after that one.
5 When you're the problem
Sometimes Tinder dates aren't awful because of the person you're with. Sometimes they're awful because you make an embarrassing gaffe that you just can't recover from. Drf129 had such an embarrassing Tinder date that he deleted the app in order to hold on to his last shred of dignity:
"I went on a first date with this girl I met on tinder a couple of years ago. Everything was going great, we were at a bar and I was following the old rule for every drink have a big glass of water after the bar we went to a club in a part of town I wasn't to familiar with. On the way back to her house (she said she lived like 15 minutes away) I made a wrong turn then another by now my bladder was exploding I told her I needed to pee soooo bad so she was like 'oh thats fine just pull over in this neighborhood and pee on some bushes.' I pulled into a neighborhood and was about to explode I parked the car and at freaking 1:30am there are these 2 little old ladies walking their dogs so I panicked hopped back in my car and proceeded to pee my pants while she was sitting on the passenger seat. She looked horrified I drove to her house in complete silence and needless to say there was no second date."
4 Date or business venture?
This horrible date has Face-palmJedi went on has us laughing so hard, we're crying:
"Met a gal on Tinder. She lived about an hour away but we seemed to have hit it off so I made the drive up to find out if we did have actual chemistry. I pull up, we hug and before she goes to get in the car. She hoists this duffle bag out of her trunk and off handedly mentions she needed to drop this off at a friends before dinner and if I minded driving. No, of course not, hop in. We get to said friends and get invited inside. The duffle bag goes on the dining room table and gets opened. Turns out my 'date' sells scentsy oils, candles and sh*t and her friend is not really a friend but a client. They sat there smelling samples for 90 minutes!!!!! I pulled her aside and told her I thought this was inconsiderate and extremely rude. She said her time was valuable and I needed to understand her "career." I responded that my time is valuable as well and between drive time and her sales call she's wasted 3.5 hrs of my life and walked out. Hit the In n' Out before getting back on the highway and driving home."
Seems like he would have had better luck on LinkedIn.
3 The mansplainer
There are mansplainer's all around these days. They're totally unavoidable. Louloulouise matched with one on Tinder and went on a date so bad, it will make your blood boil just hearing about it:
"This made me quit Tinder for a few months. I just moved to Texas and I don't know anyone. I go out for coffee with this guy and he immediately pisses me off. He studies fashion but insists he knows more than me about cybersecurity, (a field I've been working professionally in for quite some time). So he keeps cutting me off with these comments that make no sense and I snapped at him. I said something about 'so are you going to let me finish my sentences or should I just leave?' and to my surprise, he chills out. About an hour later, we've had a good conversation and are talking about our extended family and he says 'do you want to hear something cool?' Of course, I say yes. He leans in and says 'I slept with my cousin once.' I laugh awkwardly and he gets all defensive. 'We were sixteen,' he tells me, 'we were bored and looking for something to do.' I nodded politely while calling an uber. He rolls his eyes and goes, 'What? It's not like I got her pregnant!' At that point, I got up and walked away. He texted me later asking if we wanted to go out again, I never answered."
2 When you can't take a hint...
Ugh, also people that literally can't take a hint seem to be everywhere. Even on Tinder. Chlorokybus met a guy like that, and shared this story about his horrible date:
"A couple of weeks ago, I went out with a guy from Tinder. He was 39 years old and lived alone. First time I meet the guy. During the actual date, it was ok, just a couple of red flags that the drunken me considered not much of a problem. Next morning, I woke up at his apartment. I only was hoping for a cup of coffee and a 'talk to you later' (not trying to ditch the guy, just taking things slow). Suddenly the guy asked me if I want to be his BF and that we could hang out at his mother house while she did his laundry... while criticizing me about my career choices and music preferences. I told him the first excuse I could think of and got out of there. However, it didn't stop him from texting me 10 minutes after I left his house, and stalking me in every online profile I had. Sadly the stalking also included a lot of unsolicited nudes..."
1 And the winner
We think spotjack's awful Tinder date takes the cake for 'worst Tinder date of all time,' The story's long, but oh so worth the read:
"He used pictures that were from his early twenties, where he looked a lot more attractive, and a lot more athletic. During our supper, he was drinking beer like water. He confessed that he was separated from his wife and she left him and took their three children with her. Turns out he's bipolar, and refuses to take medication, and also tends to get very angry. His wife left because he was a danger to her and their children. There were a million red flags going off for me, but I decided to be nice and stick it out.After food, we go for a drive in my car. We both smoke reefer so I offered him some of mine. (Usually, when I offer, I expect one or two puffs to be taken) He smoked everything in my full grinder (enough to last me at least over a week) and didn't offer me any (of my own stuff). Then, he opens the soda that I had in my cup holder without asking, and drank it all. At this point I'm visibly annoyed. I start driving back to his place, but he wants to play some music. Okay, one last chance. On the way, he puts on Simple Plan, and uses his phone as a microphone and sings at the top of his lungs, right by my head. I started laughing, because I honestly couldn't believe what was happening. I got to his place, and didn't say anything. He tried to kiss me before he got out but I put my hand up and blocked it. He then got really upset and started trying to make me explain myself. I told him to get out of my car and go home. He literally tried chasing my car as I left. I don't think I had anything to worry about regarding my safety, but this is by far, the worst tinder date I've had."
*Stories have been edited for length and clarity