Everyone has a favourite pick up line they keep in their back pocket for scenarios where you meet someone in a bar or have to break the ice on Tinder. Even if it’s just for a good, old pick up line battle between friends, some people have lists of smooth pick-up lines that they can rattle off one after another. There are plenty of pick up lines out there that are guaranteed a laugh, or at least a chuckle and shake of the head. Some are sexy, others earn a shy smile and a phone number. But what about those pick up lines that are so old, so cheesy, so…awful, that all you can do is groan? These are 15 pick up lines that should go back into the cesspool of bad pick-up lines of which they crawled out.
15 Pick up requirement: carry citrus fruits
10 points for creativity, -30 points for the groan worthiness. There is only a certain level of puniness that a girl can take, and this one crosses the line. Perhaps you give him a pity smile, knowing how much effort this particular pick up line would have required, the amount of preparation it would have taken the guy. It’s a three step pick up line: he needs a sharpie, a lime and the guts to use this line on a girl. And the poor lime, it didn’t ask to be used in this manner; it wanted to die honourably like its family members in a forgotten bottle of Corona beer. This pick up crossed the line from smile to groan. Or should we say, crossed the lime? There, two groans for the price of one.
14 The comparison to food fail: take one
Ugh… there are so many problems with this one. Who randomly creates conversation with bagels? Keep the talking topics to movies and music, keeps it simple. There are so many more options of creating natural conversation besides talking about bagels. We can't imagine telling our future children that we snared their other parental unit by making the connection between bagels and bae goals? Might as well remain childless, don’t want to pass those genetics to our children.
Well, you would remain childless if you use this pick up line, because anyone who uses groan worthy pickup lines like this will probably fail miserably at actually getting a date, and will have to slink away to their home. The poor excuse of a picker upper will have to eat the bagel all by themselves. Smeared with tears of loneliness.
13 bananas in pajamas and chill
The 1950’s called, and they want their pick up line back. This type of pick up line has been left rotting on the pick up line shelf, and it just needs to be thrown out. If someone uses this pick up line, just tell them where the nearest fruit stand is and walk away. You don’t need this type of negativity in your life.
If they cannot take the time to think of a fresher way of making a connection, then you don’t need to take the time to find out if there is a great personality behind that weak excuse of a line. There is something about being compared to a banana that just makes us want to groan, and not the good kind either.
Oh man, if someone wants to mention debt as an attempt to get into your good graces, just stop him by asking if he’s willing to pay off your debt. Because why mention it if they aren’t willing to commit financially, right? This type of line is not only groan worthy, but it brings up bad memories of student loan debt, mortgage and car payments and that $500 your ex best friend “borrowed” from your secret cash stash. So instead of being willing to have a flirty conversation with a stranger, you are now tempted to check your bank statements and call a financial advisor.
Next time, instead of using this pick up line, the guy should suggest helping us with our taxes. That would at least buy him an hour to really create a connection.
11 Ancient references no longer relevant
Balm=bomb. Bomb.com=a reference so old, you can suggest they call up your grandma and see if this pick up line would work on her. Anyone who still talks about things being “da bomb” probably still look up the 411 for information instead of Googling it like the rest of us.
This pick up line can cause the listener to groan so loud that it could be heard on Mars. Which is actually kind of impressive, considering how if you’re in space, no one can hear you scream. Perhaps that skill alone would tempt you to try conversing with a stranger who tried out this ancient pick up line, but it would be pointless considering your groan just caused his ear drums to burst. Would the injury be a painful lesson, or just make his inability to hear bad pick up lines even worse?
10 The lines that should drop bread
Why, why, why all the bread puns? Man cannot live on bread alone, and neither can a good pick up line. Is no food left sacred anymore? This line is like the ends of a loaf--no one but the surely desperate would fall for these tasteless morsels.
The only good thing about this pick up line is all the potential possibilities you can say in return to get them to leave, because you don’t want “naan” of that. But, that probably would encourage him more, so better to just avoid participating in the bread showdown. Don’t let him rise to the occasion otherwise he will be on a roll with the bread puns. It’s a slippery slope down to the land of puniness, and you are better than that.
9 Just stay within the lines
If he tries to use this pick up line, just read him his Miranda Rights. He has the right to remain silent, for this pick up line needs a groan and an eye roll. This pick up line is so old that middle schoolers won’t even say it in jest, it risks aging them too fast. And children need to live out their childhood. Perhaps once upon a time, this pick up line was considered a golden one to use on the ladies, but today is not that time. Not to mention that parking tickets aren’t exactly the type of ticket that a girl wishes for. Only if he was offering up tickets to Hamilton along with this groan worthy pick up line would you smile and go on a date with him.
8 Restraining order, please
Martin Luther King had a dream, and this pick up line wasn’t it. Maybe it has to do with the delivery of the line, but if a guy said this to you, there would be a groan and a grimace as if tasting something bad. If a guy came up and said something like, “I follow my dreams, and I’ll follow you anywhere”, maybe, just maybe, he would have a chance.
But there is something about how often family and parents are mentioned that makes it suspicious, because this is the type of line a guy uses only when his parents are forcing him to find a girl and get married quickly so that he can have a wife to take care of his aging parents while he goes and drinks with the buddies.
7 More food pick up lines? Really?
Are dates even a normal fruit to eat anymore? The only response to this pick up line is to give him today’s date and look away, swallowing your groans in hope that he will just think you didn’t pick up (ha) on his attempt to woo you and he will just go away. This is another word play pick up line that probably once was funny and charming, but now it’s the type of pick up line that's a hand-me-down that even the younger siblings should refuse to wear. This is the type of pick up line that someone tries and realizes that no one will fall for it, and it’s left on the donation pile with the rest of the unwanted items.
6 Ba da ba ba--banned
While the McDonald’s Jingle reference might have worked for Justin Timberlake (you know, since he sang the song), it will never work for anyone else trying to use it during a pick up line. Maybe we’re just being salty, but bringing up McDonald’s in a pick up line is just a reminder of the unhealthy relationship we already have going on with chicken nuggets. Maybe it would be best to leave any guy trying this line out by the curb with the other garbage with the leftover wrappers and fries that got too cold, too quickly. Because while he might think this pick up line is the greatest thing that will ever happen to his dating game, you know the truth. You know that no girl with self-respect will ever be lovin’ it.
This pick up line just needs to be shushed. There is no situation where this type of line is not groan worthy. Perhaps the person is trying to sound intelligent by making reference to a library, but you won’t ever fall for it. In the kid’s show, Arthur, there’s a catchy song about how “having fun, isn’t hard, when you’ve got a library card” but that doesn’t mean you are willing to have fun with any guy who tries to explain his level of attraction towards you by mentioning wanting to check you out.
You would rather spend your weekend in an actual library, because any man you can read about would be better than this boy in front of you trying a little too hard to make a connection.
4 Definitely some deficiencies here
You definitely are lacking something if this type of pick up line doesn’t make you groan. There is a level of intelligence to this one admittedly, for the guy would have to know what vitamins are, and how a lack of them is dangerous to a person’s health. But just because it has a degree of smartness to it, doesn’t mean it’s smart to use it in a pick up line. There must be a mutual agreement to a higher standard when it comes to trying to impress a potential fling, and is talking about vitamins the way to do it?
If someone uses this pick up line, it’s probably a good thing that they aren’t a part of your life, which means you aren’t actually lacking anything.
3 This doesn't compute
This pick up line makes it really tempting to throw out all technology and go back to the Stone Age, because this joke has been made for decades. Only before, it wasn’t about a computer, but a typewriter. You know, those things that secretaries used in old detective movies, that make a bell ding when they type to the end of a line? Well, hopefully you will end this conversation with the guy using this pick up line, because if he’s comparing you to a computer then the groans out of your mouth will sound just like a dial up sound.
After hearing this pick up line, suggest that he needs to be like a computer and upgrade his pick up lines to the next level.
2 Take me anywhere but here
Well, okay. If Will Smith is saying this line, maybe, just maybe, there would be a flirtatious giggle to this pick up line. Because if a celebrity is saying a groan worthy line like this, you aren’t really paying attention to the words but more about how a famous person is talking to you.
However, this line is over twenty years old, so if anyone else but Will Smith tries to use it, it’s time to actually call the cops and ask to go into the Witness Protection Program, because you witnessed illegal activity. Because there is no way that this pick up line is still able to be used without violating some human rights. All humans deserve quality living, and this pick up line threatens to destroy that. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $100.
1 Grossest form of flattery
Ew, just, no. Please, for the love of all that is good and pure on this earth, no one should ever have a positive reaction to a pick up line like this. Someone took a dad joke and mutated it into something disgusting in a poor attempt of flattery. Don’t even bother groaning about it in front of the person using this line. Just run directly to your closest friend’s house, lock the door, dash to the bathroom and share the story of this unfortunate interaction while scrubbing your ears out with bleach.
In case you’re thinking, “It’s not so bad”, then maybe you deserve to be compared to dried nasal mucus. In that case, go back to the bar and chat it up with the guy by sharing this little nugget. “How can you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogey in it.”