Twitter is great, right? It’s a place to follow all your favorite celebrities, tweet all your most important thoughts for the whole world to see, and most importantly, it’s full of hilarious people. I love seeing cool pictures on Instagram, but I just can’t stay away from Twitter and all the funny people who use it. Some tweets are funny for really stupid reasons. Whether it’s because they’re a ridiculous pun or they just make no sense, it’s hard not to laugh at them! It makes me a little bit jealous that I can’t be as funny as them. Still, it’s worth it to read other people’s funny tweets even if I can’t be as hysterical as they are. Keep reading to see 15 tweets that are so dumb, they’re funny.
15. Stop Lying, Miley
Miley Cyrus singing "I never came to the beach" like she didn't go to Rico's Surf Shop every single day the 1st 3 seasons of Hannah Montana
— abby barber (@abbylbarber) July 20, 2017
Being a celebrity must be crazy for a lot of reasons. Like the paparazzi constantly following you and your love life being all over the gossip blogs on the Internet. But also because no one will ever let them forget anything. As soon as a celebrity says something, it’s like people just start scouring their old interviews to find a time they said the opposite thing so they can get called out for it. That just sounds awful to me!
This Twitter user’s joke did just that, but they put a hilarious spin on it. In her new song, Miley claims she never used to go to the beach, but we all remember when she was at Rico’s shop on the beach every single day back when she was filming Hannah Montana. What is the truth, Miley?!
14. That’s A Little Dramatic
Applebee's marketing has shifted gears pic.twitter.com/GiA8sHJbSs
— ELDGE (@Sickayduh) July 14, 2017
I love Applebee’s, but not that much. Like, take it down a notch, guys. I can’t deny that Applebee’s chicken strips are among my favorites ever, but I’m not even sure I would go this far with it. But I appreciate their confidence in how good their food is!
Jokes aside, what is that billboard really supposed to be for? Is it supposed to be so ominous seeming? Because if I had to drive by this every day, I would be super creeped out. In fact, I think I would probably find a new route to work or wherever I was going. I’m sure the other side of it has more information that explains what this billboard is for, but they designed it horribly. This joke about it being an Applebee’s sign is so much better than whatever it really means.
13. Cannot Un-hear
*extremely blink 182 voice*
where r u? aziz ansari, i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonight
— BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL) July 22, 2017
Well, thanks a lot to this Twitter user, I’m never going to be able to hear that song the same again. “I Miss You” by Blink-182 used to be my favorite song in middle school and sometimes, when I want to reminisce, I listen to it still. Unfortunately, I’m just going to be able to think of this tweet every time it comes up on shuffle from now on. Whenever I hear someone talk about lyrics in a song that they misheard, it totally changes how I hear the song forever after that! Not that I mind that much, especially with this one.
When you get carried away pulling off that little piece of skin off your finger pic.twitter.com/doRAHLECsK
— JAMEER? (@TRAPTASTlCAL) July 19, 2017
I know Black Swan came out a long time ago and people are done talking about it, but the scene where Natalie Portman’s character did this still haunts me. Before I saw that movie, I used to just bite or rip those little pieces of skin around my nails off without a problem. Now? I’m too scared to even touch them. I always leave them alone until I can get my nail clippers and carefully snip them off. I’m not taking any risks!
I know that’s a super irrational fear, but seeing her peel her skin way down her finger in that movie really stuck with me. This tweet is hilarious and way too easy to relate to. It just makes me glad that other people share the same irrational fear as I do when it comes to ripping off hangnails.
11. Adulting Is Rough
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
— wint (@dril) September 29, 2013
Wait, is there a problem with this budget? Let me guess, they didn’t budget enough for food, right? My math is probably not perfect, but I think you could probably get around 350 chicken nuggets with that $200. I think that would be fine for a family for an entire month, but that doesn’t include drinks or fries or anything else to go with them. You’re welcome, Twitter user, I’ve solved your budget for you. I see no other problems, just allocate a little more in your food.
Seriously though, this is how I feel trying to be an adult with a budget. Except my “candles” fund would be “miscellaneous stupid things I don’t actually need.” That’s a really important section of my budget! I can’t get rid of it or downsize it, sorry.
10. Summer Goals
Yes, finally a swimsuit that allows me to sneak a ham poolside. pic.twitter.com/LHN2RP1UNx
— Amanda Mancino (@Manda_like_wine) May 29, 2017
Well, it’s official. I don’t understand fashion. I pretty much always knew that I didn’t, but this swimsuit is definitely the final straw for me. I used to wear all kinds of shirts with huge, billowing sleeves like this when I was a kid because I thought they looked so cool. I really loved the old episodes of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! from the ’70s, so I think I thought I looked like I was a member of Mystery, Inc. Looking back at old pictures, I realize I just looked kind of silly. I was horrified enough to see that shirts with these sleeves were apparently making a comeback, but a swimsuit? This is just going way too far!
9. Someone Help Her!
if there is a better stock photo narrative i haven't seen it. pic.twitter.com/r8nCIHD9ZU
— rob dobi (@Robdobi) July 19, 2017
Stock photos are seriously so weird. There are some that I really need more answers to. Like, why do they exist? Why did a photographer decide to take these pictures? And who did they expect to buy them later? I understand some stock photos, and I get that they’re probably super useful or businesses that need a super generic picture of something for their website or a brochure. But then there are some, like this super morbid photo shoot, that I just don’t understand. I can’t understand who would need a set of pictures like this, but I also don’t understand why the photographer would decide to take them. I love their creativity, but the actual execution of these photos is just too weird for me — not to mention morbid AF.
8. My Villain Name
Name's Bond, James Bond.
And you are…? pic.twitter.com/xN88D5KPj8
— Harry (@wroetoshaw) December 5, 2016
So, where’s this grocery store? Because I need to go. They have a whole aisle dedicated to biscuits and they really felt the need to specify that the cheese biscuits were there as well! That sounds like my type of grocery store. By “my type,” I mean that I’ll go with a whole list of stuff I need and then not get any of it. I’ll come home with bags of all kinds of other stuff and none of what I actually went for. But, hey! I’ll have biscuits. And cheese biscuits.
Signs like this in stores are hilarious. I hardly ever look up at the sign above the aisle that says what’s in it, but I love seeing pictures of the ones that are weird or wrong like this. I usually just blindly wander the aisles and wonder why I can’t find anything.
7. The Good Ol’ Days
fidget spinners are whack, when I was in 8th grade we'd shove a spoonful of cinnamon down our throats and try to survive for fun
— radey (@NathanRadey) May 25, 2017
Until I saw this tweet, I had totally forgotten about the cinnamon challenge. Let’s all just take a second to reminisce on how stupid that was. Seriously, how did that get popular?! A lot of viral trends are kind of ridiculous nowadays.
The Kylie Jenner challenge? Incredibly dumb and dangerous! Remember how many people ended up hurting their faces doing that? Either their mouth was just bruised and they looked stupid or they ended up cutting their own face up. The Charlie-Charlie challenge? Just plain silly and not much more than a good way to scare your friends. But the cinnamon challenge was easily the worst (and most dangerous!) Internet challenge ever. I’m just glad it stopped being so popular! Fidget spinners are so tame in comparison.
6. My Mind Is Blown!
It's weird to think people who are 5ft are only 5 subways long
— The Awkward Tweet (@TheAwkwardTweet) April 16, 2017
Technically, they’re a little over five Subway footlong subs long, because they’re actually not exactly 12 inches. Someone measured their ‘footlong subs’ once and it was actually around 11 inches instead of 12. Subway’s response was that it was just the name of that particular sandwich and wasn’t meant to be an actual form of measurement. Um, how?! Calling it a footlong sounds like it’s meant to actually be a foot in length, not just “kind of close.” Like, WTF?
Still, this totally just blew my mind. I’m going to start thinking about people in food measurements from now on. Next time someone asks how tall I am, I’m going to say, “A little under five footlongs and a six inch.” I can’t wait for all the confused replies I get.
5. Someone Combine Them
Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.
— blake (@Leemanish) March 24, 2013
I had never thought about Pizza Hut and Sunglass Hut like this before. I’m never going to be able to think about them the same way again after this tweet, though. How cool would it be if they were combined?
When I was a kid, my favorite restaurant was this one that had a little display of souvenirs by the cash register. I used to love to go look at all the keychains, shot glasses, and other cheesy things with the restaurant’s name on them. We need to make those a thing again, except have actual cool things for sale right there. Or put a shelf of them by each table so you can shop while you wait for your food! You’re welcome for all the ideas, restaurant owners. I’ll be waiting for these to become a reality.
4. Sorry, Wikipedia!
CO-WORKER: give me $3 to eat this old grape?
WIKIPEDIA: give me $3 to continue to provide you essential knowledge?
ME: get fucked
— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) August 31, 2016
First of all, there’s something about this tweet that is bothering me. Is an old grape not just called a raisin? It’s probably technically not. There’s probably some special method for drying out grapes to make raisins that separates them from regular “old grapes.” But if you’re paying someone $3 to eat one, is that really the place or time to get so specific and picky? I don’t think so!
I feel personally attacked by this tweet because it’s so accurate. I spend way too much money on stupid stuff that I don’t need at Target all the time. But when Wikipedia is having a fundraiser so that they can keep existing? I get annoyed by those banners asking for $1. I know, I’m the worst. I can’t help it!
3. That Is Kind Of Neat
I texted the phone number one above mine and pic.twitter.com/6RPm660Jru
— Jules (@Julian_Epp) May 22, 2017
So, is it bad that I want to do this now? As hilarious as this is, I’m worried that my number neighbor would be super weird or a huge creep, so I’m probably not going to do this. Call me paranoid, but I just want to be safe. Plus, I would feel kind of bad annoying a random person just because our numbers are one apart from each other. I did text the person who has my old number once, but they never replied. I just can’t deal with that kind of rejection again! Just kidding…that number was probably just never given a new owner so my text was never delivered. That’s a way better thing to think about than to just assume that I was ignored, right?
If you can have soup in a bread bowl there's absolutely no reason why you can't have a hot tub in a bigger bread bowl.
— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) June 1, 2017
Some ideas should probably be kept to yourself. This is not one of those. I fully support this Twitter user tweeting their idea for a hot tub bread bowl. Can someone get on inventing this? And then deliver one to my house, please? In fact, I would be fine if it was a giant bread bowl full of hot soup that I could just climb into.
Do you remember in older cartoons when the main character would get kidnapped by cannibals and they’d put him in a big pot to make soup? And they would have a joke where they started eating the other ingredients that were in it with them until they realized they were about to get eaten? That’s going to be me. Except I’m going to finish the whole bowl of soup and then probably eat my hot tub, too.
1. Feeling Fancy
Is this what private schools are like? pic.twitter.com/IrEriZsbvs
— HOLDEN (@holden_a_fork) May 17, 2017
Did anyone else’s school have one water fountain that was better than all the others? Or was that just mine? Because all water fountains at my school were not created equal. And unfortunately, the best one was in a weird place on the second floor that wasn’t near any of my classes. I’m pretty sure they put it there on purpose just to torment us. Meanwhile, all the bad ones that had warm water or barely any water pressure were right by my locker or by any of my classes.
This fancy lemon-infused water fountain is hilarious. Unfortunately, it looks like the lemon is really blocking the stream of water from coming out effectively. Plus, imagine all the germs! Those are not the added flavors I want.
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