15 Important Things We Actually Learned From Anna Kendrick’s Hilarious Tweets

In: Pop Culture
15 Important Things We Actually Learned From Anna Kendrick’s Hilarious Tweets

Anna Kendrick is pretty much God’s gift to the universe. First of all, she’s hella talented. Did you forget that girlfriend got nominated for an Oscar for her role opposite George Clooney in Up In The Air? But don’t worry. Even Anna doesn’t take herself that seriously. Because around the same time as her Academy Award nomination, Anna Kendrick was playing a minor part in all four Twilight movies. She wasn’t even the lead. Or a vampire, despite her pearly white skin. She was just some normal chick who had like, 6 lines throughout the whole thing. And that’s why we love Anna Kendrick. She can go from killing it in serious dramas like The Accountant to getting silly and belting it out in Pitch Perfect. Plus, Anna Kendrick is also busy being the voice of a generation on Twitter. Her twitter feed = the thoughts running through my head, just more eloquent.

15. If You Write A Book, You Will Get Animal Pictures Sent To You

If this isn’t a good enough reason to write a book, than we don’t know what is. Who would’ve thought that you become an author and BOOM people start sending you pics of their adorable animals cuddled up to your book? I don’t know about Anna, but I would have all of these pictures made into some sort of adorable animal-book collage. The reviews on the back of my book would say, “4 out of 5 dogs enjoyed gnawing on the edges of this book. Pick one up for your pooch today!” How fast can I get that publishing deal in the works? Anna, can you call in some connections for me? I want people to send adorable animal photos my way too! If I could make a specific request for photos of pugs with my to-be published book, that would be just perfect. Get your furry friends ready.

14. How To Appropriately Deal With Grief

Anna Kendrick is one smart cookie. You heard the part about her getting recognized by the Academy, right? So clearly, she knows her stuff. So I’m going to take her word on the right way to move through the grieving process. And lord knows we need this, based on the storm that has been 2016 so far. Okay Anna, I’m happy to report that I think I’m over my anger phase and ready to move into the cookie dough. In fact, I’ve got a roll all ready to go in the fridge. I assume it’s appropriate to eat it with a spoon while curled up in a onesie on my couch. And it’s probably fine if I alternate between hysterical sobbing and binging on Netflix, right? Great. I can’t wait to add booze into the mix and see where this takes us. If I pass out, someone wake me when it’s time for the cute animal vids. Maybe I’ll live-tweet the performance.

13. Do You Have This BFF?

God Anna, just when I thought I had my squad complete after studying Taylor’s all year, you’re making me question all of my decisions. Do I have a friend like this? Do I need a friend like this? I don’t know! What if I have one and she’s not saying anything because I’m on schedule? Or maybe she’s just shy? Or maybe she hates me and doesn’t want me to get laid? Oh, the insecurities! Okay Anna, how about this – you and I can be each other’s movie BFFs! I’ll encourage you to go out there and get some and you can do the same for me. We’ll be each other’s cheer laid-ers. Get it? C’mon, that was a pretty good one. I bet Anna would’ve laughed because she gets me like that.

12. Why We Need An SO

So I used to think the purpose of being in a relationship was someone to go halfsies on rent with and access to an endless supply of comfy boyfriend hoodies. But then I realized finding a roommate and shopping the sale rack of the men’s section at The Gap accomplished the same exact thing. So what’s the point in having an significant other? Oh right, so we can stay in watching TV and eating take-out and still consider ourselves social. Ordering Seamless and watching Masterchef alone on a Friday night? Sad and pathetic. Trading boxes of noodles back and forth while guessing which contestant is going to under-cook their chicken with your man or girl? Now that’s a fun date-night-in! Anna, if you’re ever in need of a Masterchef-watching buddy, just give me a call. You call for pizza and I’ll bring the booze.

11. The Importance Of Setting Big Goals

Anna likes to push herself. She’s always taking on new brave roles, starting big projects, and she even wrote her own book. So it’s no surprise that Anna wants to take on the biggest goal of them all: breaking Tom Cruise. The guy is never not smiling. Remember when he jumped on Oprah’s couch because Scientology told him Katie Holmes was that awesome? Or when he showed up to a movie premiere on a motorcycle with Katie on the back? The guy had a perma-grin for most of 2005 that resulted in a speedy courtship and baby. And then that all fell to the ground in 2012 when Katie realized Scientology was ca tad cray cray. But still, Tom was smiling! His movie tanks at the box office? Big grin. He hasn’t been spotted in public with his daughter in years? Smiling from ear to ear. So Anna, please knock this guy down a peg or two.

10. The Definition Of Grown-Up Is Fluid

Look, we’ve had about enough of everyone telling us what it means to be a “grown-up.” No, I don’t know what my credit score is. I’ll never know how to fold a fitted sheet (they are impossible!). And I’m sure the IRS is one crappy tax filing away from calling me and asking what the heck is going on with my life (I don’t know either, IRS). So yeah, it sounds like I’m failing on this whole grown-up thing. But not according to Anna! Anna just gets me. Yes, grown, mature women eat Pop-Tarts. In fact, the day they go on sale at the grocery store is a national celebration for me. You better believe I’m Snapchatting that news to all my friends. And grown-ups aren’t that great at hygiene either. So it’s really no surprise that a Pop-Tart wrapper will end up on the floor. And yes, it’s the floor by our bed’s because where else would we be eating Pop-Tarts?

9. No Real Pants Is The Best Way To Live Life

I still remember when Anna Kendrick was on a talk show to promote the first Pitch Perfect movie and admitted that her best nights were staying in and wearing sweatpants. I think that was the first moment I fell in love with Anna Kendrick. It was like she was speaking directly to my soul and giving me permission to live my true life. And since that day, I have tried my hardest to avoid wearing any pants with buttons, zippers or anything less than 90% lycra. It’s leggings or nothing on these legs! And honestly, my preference is probably nothing. And when I do have to bust out a jean or, God forbid, a pair of dress pants, my friend group is equally stunned and horrified. Our bodies just aren’t meant to be subjected to such cruel forms of torture. Drawstring or stretchy pants only, please.

8. Good Things Come In Small Packages

Anna definitely knows what she’s talking about when it comes to all things petite. The woman is only 5’2″! Sure, she’s a powerful and a feisty 5 foot 2, but the “little” in her book title, Scrappy Little Nobody, is not a mistake. She’s a shortie. And thus, she knows other shorties like our dear Bruno Mars. Do you remember when Bruno Mars was presented an award by Taylor Swift and the world realized how tiny he actually was while standing next to her? Bruno is a shocking 5’5″. Meaning, if Anna put on a pair of heels, she would be taller than him. And we don’t have a problem with that! Anna has more than proved that great things come in small packages. So Mr. Mars can keep crooning at any height. And the next time he throws a rocking party in the shire, we would love an invite!

7. It’s Okay To Be Honest About Your Sexual Desires

Anna is not one to shy away from her sexual desires. Girlfriend is a modern woman who isn’t afraid to hold back. If someone looks bang-able, she’s going to let them know. And that label happened to fit each and every member of the cast of Grease Live, which Anna, of course, was live tweeting along with. And we’ll have to agree with her on this one. That cast was smoking hot! Plus, they were belting out their little hearts and dancing their feet off. Add on a bunch of quick changes and the pressure of performing live – yeah, we’d tap all of that too. Vanessa Hudgens? For sure. Julianne Hough? Sign me up. Aaron Tveit? Yes, dear God, please! And if Mario Lopez is also up for grabs, we’d be pretty into that too. Anna, can you put in a good word for us with your Hollywood connections?

6. 21st Century Phone Etiquette

Listen, there’s a reason that you can contact someone through almost a billion different mediums these days. There’s good old fashioned text messaging, Facebook messaging, tweeting, Instagram direct messages, Snapchats – the list goes on. And if you really want to see someone’s face and hear their voice, you’re free to open up Skype or Facetime. But you know what is always off the table? Talking on the phone. Don’t do that to someone. Don’t just call them out of the blue and expect to have a conversation. At least with texts, we have a chance to think about what we want to say or respond when we feel like it. You don’t have that kind of luxury with a phone call. And what if I’m busy? Am I just supposed to pause my Gilmore Girls marathon in order to answer your call? I don’t think so, and neither does Anna.

5. Sometimes Our Food Fantasies Go A Bit Too Far

Okay, Anna. I think it’s time to turn off the Food Network and call it a night. This one is going a bit too far. Sure, sometimes they craft some truly delicious looking items. I can’t make it through any of those cake decorating shows without wanting to stick my hand in a bowl full of icing. And when they do that tight zoom-in on some delicious dessert with chocolate flowing out of it- you can practically taste it! Okay, now I’m salivating. Even those crazy basket ingredients on Chopped start to look delicious if you watch long enough. So Anna, and I say this with love, step away from your TV. Just take a little break and try to get back to reality. Do you really want to do the dirty with a souffle? Probably not.

4. The Truth About Diets

Finally someone has cracked the code on those flakey low-carb diets. We knew those ‘before and after’ photos just didn’t make any sense. Of course you lost 20-lbs and 10-inches in a week and a half; you’re literally not eating at all. Because what is the point if you’re not allowed to eat carbs? What is breakfast without french toast and pancakes? What is lunch without a ciabatta bun or tortilla wrap? What is dinner without rice or potatoes? And what is life without pasta? And don’t even get me started on pastries and desserts. So, while you’re on these low-carb diets, not only are you losing weight but you’re losing the reason to live. Don’t buy into any of that crap. Listen to your good friend Anna Kendrick and go get a Pop-Tart.

3. We Don’t Need People Second Guessing Us

Anna would know all about dealing with judgmental haters. She spends her entire life under a microscope with people commenting on her hair, weighing in on her fashion choices, picking apart her acting skills, judging her voice and hating on everything she does and says. So Microsoft Word, if you could just give Anna a little break from all of this judgment and second guessing, that would be great. Hasn’t she been through enough? Can’t you just accept that she wants to spell “nooodles” with an extra “o”? Seems innocent enough if you ask me. She’s too busy slaying the Hollywood game to worry about some silly spelling mistakes. Just let it go, Word. Pick on someone who isn’t dealing with the scrutiny of public life like Anna. Heck, I’ll take an extra underline if it helps take something off of Anna’s plate. You’re welcome, Anna Kendrick.

2. Always Strive To Be Your Best

Anna Kendrick is empowerment personified. She always strives to be her best self. And that starts with taking a good hard look in the mirror and recognizing who your best self really is. Are you at your best when your hitting sprints and dead lifting at the gym? Are you at your best when you’re tearing through your inbox at work? Or are you your best self when you’re slightly intoxicated and enjoying the high life in the skies? Anna knows how to play to her strengths. And we bet the other passengers in first class would agree (we wouldn’t know because we sit in coach). But we can only imagine what a delight it would be to be sitting with your extra leg room and fancy dish of caviar while a bubbly Anna Kendrick adorably spills champagne on herself and lets out a little burp.

1. Booze Above All Else

If there’s one thing that Anna Kendrick has taught us, it’s that your right to consume booze is important and should be honored on the regs. In fact, we’re pretty sure most of her tweets get composed while Anna herself is hitting the booze. And good for her! We could all use a little more vino in our daily lives. In fact, I’d like to end everyday by putting back a glass or three of wine while getting deep into an Instagram stalk of someone I used to go to middle school with who is now married and may or may not be pregnant. It’d be a lot easier to get through the work day if I knew I was coming home to that every night. Anna, if you need a drinking buddy, give me a call!

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