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15 Inappropriate Tumblr Posts About Pokémon That Cross The Damn Line

Let’s just come right out and say it: the Pokémon fandom produces some of the weirdest, nerdiest stuff on the Internet. However, this does not mean that we’re not totally in love with it. On the contrary, we actually love indulging our ridiculous childish jokes about the not-just-for-kids kid’s cartoon, game, cards, and general mythos or storylines we all know and love. However, when Pokémon fans are adults, sometimes, two things happen: they get partially, or even, totally ashamed of how obsessed they are with Pokémon and the Pokémon fandom. Or their jokes also become adult, and therefore, shall we say, become “inappropriate”.

Well, those who love to scratch that inappropriate Pokémon itch need not look further, because we have fans covered with 15 of the best of them. Get ready to bust out those Pokéballs and break out the Pokédex, because it’s about to get inappropriately Pokémon up in here.

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16 Why Did My Mind Go There?

To those familiar with the Pokémon fandom, and specifically the Pokémon fandom on Tumblr, this will not come as a surprise.But to the uninitiated, I have a little tip: there are a whole lot of people who talk regularly about having sex with Pokémon. I know, I know: gross, right? But it’s such a regular trope that it’s almost a mega joke in and of itself.

You know what they say about the Internet, if a thing exists, there is someone on the Internet who wants to have sex with it. Pokémon, alas, are absolutely no exception to this rule. Like, look how casually Tumblr user, lychgate, just dropped the “big enough to have sex with.” It was clearly already on their mind and just found a suitable outlet. Internet/Tumblr Pokémon fandom is a crazy, crazy beast.

15 TMI

One crucial thing to keep in mind when discussing or thinking about the Pokémon universe (including the television show, card game, and the multi-platform video games) is that they were all originally written by non-native English speakers. The two main creators, Satoshi Tajiri and Ken Sugimori, as well as the vast majority of people who worked on the creation and production of Pokémon, were Japanese.

This means that a whole lot of dialogue (specifically in the earlier Game Boy games) are translated from Japanese, and sometimes, things get a little lost in translation.

Take, for example, this interaction captured by Tumblr user svveden. It might not occur to a non-native English speaker that he is actually having Brock pitch a perfect softball into a “that’s what she said” joke when they wrote him explaining that his Pokémon were all “rock hard.” Or they knew what they were doing, and they just wanted Brock to look like a pervert. Either way.

14 Poke-PUN

I added this joke to a list of otherwise more NSFW-style inappropriate Pokémon jokes because it is such a terrible pun, that it's more inappropriate than even the worst cuss word or grossest joke about having sex with Pokémon. Seriously, someone got up one day, and decided that they were going to make an Elf on the Shelf joke involving Ash Ketchum and a trash can. (The pun, for those of you who were previously lucky enough not to understand it, is a play on the concept of ash cans — which is what some people call trash cans. GET IT? ASH IN A CAN...)

Yeah, it’s a horrible pun, and is so bad that I couldn't keep it all to myself. So I decided that I had to spread my horrible pun wealth and share this terrible joke with all Poké lovers. Aren’t you lucky?

13 Definitely Personalized

When the new generation of Pokémon games came out (specifically, Pokémon Generations X and Y), the game designers thought up a whole bunch of new features, as next generation games wouldn't have.

While thinking up new features, the designers came up with the idea of being able to personalize your Pokémon-training character. So instead of just being Ash,Misty, or Brock, players could be whomever they wanted. I can only imagine that in adding this feature, the designers were thinking that they could possibly bring a new layer of personalized experience to a child playing the game; it could make the fantasy of really being in the Pokémon universe and having all of those adventures with your Poké-training pals all the more real.

But what did fans do when we saw that wholesome gift the creators were attempting to give to children? They went and named themselves things like "swagmasta420." Because we simply cannot have nice things in this world.

12 True Tho

Among our legions of readers, I am going to assume that there are at least some of you out there who are ladies with, shall we say, bigger bust lines. There is absolutely no shame in that game. However, this joke definitely taps into that struggle in which we are very, very familiar with; a struggle that is specific to ladies with more going on in the chest area. In case you're not picking up what I'm putting down, when the twins go rogue every time a girl tries running without a sports bra on.

You wouldn’t really expect the Pokémon fandom to be the place where women can connect about the #struggle when it comes to boob motion, but, if this article teaches us anything, it’s that fandoms are definitely full of unexpected surprises. And the Pokémon fandom is no exception to that rule. Solidarity to all those who feel our pain when it comes to running, though. For real.

11 TMI, Part II

As I've mentioned before, Pokémon, by nature, are vulnerable to all kinds of inappropriate, adult, and NSFW jokes from the pervy hive mind of the Internet. One of the reasons for this is that “balls” (in this case, Pokéballs, the method by which Pokémon are captured, housed, and then summoned in Pokémon battles) are so central to the plot and the basic Pokemon universe. This fact creates ample opportunity for people to pull their Pokéballs out from a whole variety of places.

In this case (which is described by the omniscient narrator of the game), you kind of have to wonder if the creators actually knew what they were doing and added a level of innuendo for all the adult fans who love making these kinds of jokes. That kind of seems too easy of a layup for it to be an accident...

10 Amateur Philosopher

Okay, this response might seem a little overboard, but come on, this Tumblr user has a serious point here. Like, what is this little child talking about philosophy for? I guess he thinks with all of his extensive life experience throughout his three years of life, he’s going to throw down some dank enlightenment for us?

Yeah, how about you stay in your lane, kid. This is, like, middle schoolers who drink tons of coffee. Your work ISN’T THAT HARD, just wait until adulthood sidles up and hits you square in the face. This is like when that kid in the Matrix was all like, “there is no spoon.” The correct answer would be for Neo to be like, “nah son, you’re, like, 5 years old” and peace on out of there. This kid needs to not be talking about changing perspective and reality. Like, okay, please sit back down and go back to your apple juice — the adults have work to do.

9 EXCUSE ME

Another fun thing that the Pokémon fandom on Tumblr (and, let’s be real, everywhere else on the Internet) likes to do is to react incredulously when a Pokémon muggle (ya, I'm blending fandom words for a second) does not recognize a Pokémon as a Pokémon and instead, misidentifies it as something else.

In this instance, it looks like Tumblr user tuucker, was joking around with the misidentification of the Lotad, but you can’t even be sure, because Pokémon fans on the Internet are sometimes so serious about which Pokémon is which, that it’s actually a little extra.

Let’s just assume, though, that it was a funny Tumblr joke, and that tuucker does not actually think Tumblr user, isis, is an “uncultured sh*t” for thinking the Lotad was a platypus with six legs. If only I could imagine that we lived in a world where no one would actually, in all earnestness, get mad about that.

8 Giovanni, C'mon

This joke is great if you’re looking to feel some anti-Team Rocket hate. In the Pokémon universe, Team Rocket is an evil team who wish to sow chaos and exploit Pokémon to take over the world. Basically, they’re the bad guy and their motto is “Steal Pokémon for profit, exploit Pokémon for profit. All Pokémon exist for the glory of Team Rocket.” It's not great, right? Well, if you’re familiar with the show, the members of Team Rocket you usually see trying (and failing) to do evil stuff are Jessie, James, and Meowth (who is also a Pokémon, so it doesn’t really make sense that he’s part of this Pokémon-exploiting criminal outfit, but I digress).

Giovanni, however, is the actual leader of Team Rocket, so he’s the boss of the bad guys, and here we have a Tumblr user absolutely call him out on his nonsense point blank. All the best Pokémon jokes speak truth to power. Am I right or am I right?

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6 Rude, Ash

It would not be a far stretch to say that pausing the screen action at inopportune moments and therefore catching characters in movies and TV shows doing things that look rude AF, is in pretty much every fandom that has things on screen and the ability to press 'pause.'

However, Pokémon seems to be pretty rife with opportunities to do this. Maybe it’s because it’s animation, or because there’s a lot of “ball” jokes that are made. Maybe it's done for other reasons fans are unaware of yet, but it definitely a thing. We can all see a prime example of it above. 

What makes these jokes extra funny is that this is ostensibly supposed to be a show for kids, with a kid—Ash Ketchum—as its main protagonist. You generally don’t see a kid being described as “not an ass man.” And yet here we are, seeing Ash in all his pervy glory, and celebrating it on Tumblr. God bless us, one and all.

5 Also True

If you didn’t grow up with Tumblr, you may not know that one of the...well, greatest, and possibly worst things about it (depending on how you look at it) is that there are a whole bunch of people on there who are still in high school.

In the Pokémon fandom, a lot of fans fall into that age bracket — where they are still seen by the general public as "too old to be playing with Pokémon," but are technically still kids. It’s interesting to see the intersection of intense fandom stuff (like, in this case, memorizing the names of over 700 Pokémon) and the burgeoning duties of adulthood (also like in this case, the memorization of SAT words).

It begs the question of if we should be harnessing the apparently very powerful pull of Pokémon memorization for the purposes of standardized testing. 'Gotta catch 'em all' but for SAT scores... How have they not gotten on this yet? Bonus points for all the “b*tches” Pokémon has apparently gotten Tumblr user warumonzaemon.

4 Priorities, Anyone?

On the other hand, he DOES get to go on crazy adventures and hang out on flying horses soaring through the sky, and his best friend IS an adorable lightning rabbit of some sort, so weirdly-named Tumblr user, sexhaver’s, theory *does* kind of check out...but if there were any actual functioning child welfare system in the Pokémon universe, I feel like maybe a child would not be allowed to roam around catching feral animals with two random teens. Right?

3 Senior Moments

Pokémon jokes are great for a lot of reasons, as nerdy as they are. That nerdiness? One of the reasons in of itself. But one of the other reasons, which has to do a whole bunch with the nerdiness, is the attention to detail. This becomes really easy when it comes to a kind of cobbled together character like Professor Ash. The good Professor, who you meet when you set out on your Pokémon catching life in all the video games, seems to suffer from a series of senior moments (the most glaring and obviously most notable being when he forgets his own grandson and his name). But then we remember the little things...like, how the man came to work in slippers. Hey, Internet haters gonna hate, but for what it’s worth, I’d love to come to work in slippers. And if no one's caught onto this fact until now, then he should keep wearing slippers to make a point that shoes don't friggen matter.

2 Whoa There, Internet...

So, here is where stuff gets...kind of weird (as if it had not already gotten very freaking weird). Remember how I said that the Pokémon fandom online likes to make stuff about sex? And remember how I said that the Pokémon fandom online—especially on Tumblr—is primarily occupied by young people, specifically young men? Well, dear readers...this is the result.

Here, in this one very inglorious post, we have some straight up masturbation jokes about Pokémon in the house. Yes, I know they’re funny, but still. Beyond that, I kind of have the creative ethos of Pokémon jokes online (specifically by young dudes on Tumblr) in a nut shell, if you will forgive both sexual and Pokémon puns here. This inspiring guy on Tumblr  here (user dekutrickortreet) got creative with his water cannon skills by harnessing all that energy from his, uh, other activities. Well...done?

1 Yikes

For those of you readers who are novice Pokémon fans and like having jokes explained to you, you’re in for a treat, because here we go. Metapod is the mid-level evolved Pokémon between Caterpie and Butterfree. (These Pokémon are very, very inventively named, I know.) Basically, the Metapod Pokémon is in the cocoon stage of the Insect Pokémon, which was Caterpie, and will become Butterfree. Once this Pokémon is attacked, its primary defense is to harden. And what else hardens? Specifically what parts of the male anatomy that may or may not perform under pressure, hardens? Yeah. You got the joke. Congratulations, you filthy Pokémon lover. Now it’s time to go home and think about your life, your choices, and your future.

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