The Harry Potter series started as a simple whimsical idea bonking around in J.K. Rowling’s head. Even she did not anticipate what would become of a fictional book series about a magical boy with a scar. This series has brought us wonderful imaginary lands and creatures as well as unforgettable characters that are somehow relatable even though they’re witches and wizards. Long after the movie interpretations of the original books have been finished, people are still not over The Boy Who Lived. So, to keep the enchanted world of Hogwarts alive and thriving, people have taken to the internet to create fan-fiction-like content starring the characters from the series. One popular way people are keeping Harry Potter alive is through fake conversations between the characters – and they are absolutely hilarious. Check out the best ones below.
15 A life without books is a life not worth living
If there’s one thing you don’t mess with when it comes to Hermione, it’s books. She has an insatiable hankering for knowledge and she lets nothing stop her from reading up on any and everything she believes she needs to know. The only downside to this is that when you have an obvious obsession or something you love dearly, it’s quite easy to hold that against you when you’re really trying to do something. This incorrect interaction is an excellent example of this: Hermione wants to murder Malfoy, as many of her compadres have all thought about doing at least once throughout the series, and the only thing stopping her is the possibility of being sent anywhere that she will not have access to books.
14 The simpler option probably would've worked out better
In the grand scheme of things, you have to wonder why Voldemort went so above and beyond to get revenge on Harry. Honestly, can you imagine how much time and effort a plan like his had to have had? He dedicated his entire life to this bizarre and twisted plan to become a supreme ruler and when it’s ruined by an infant, what does he do? He complicates everything even more rather than nursing himself back to health and taking another quick whack at it before Harry grew old enough to realize he was so special. He literally splits his soul in seven pieces to make this plan work. You would think he would think of something quick and easy to get it back on track. Seriously, we know Voldemort doesn’t have a nose but does he also not have a brain?
13 Pretty much their entire relationship summed up
This quote originated from Nickelodeon’s Drake and Josh and, all things considered, it’s pretty funny. But the weird part about it is how applicable it is to the characters of the Harry Potter series. In fact, when you really think about it, besides the fact that Harry and Draco aren’t stepbrothers, this little snippet shows a striking similarity to a classroom scene at Hogwarts like this one. For instance, Mrs. Hayfer in Drake and Josh hates Drake and Professor Snape hates Harry. Those two aren’t comparable but Mrs. Hayfer and Professor Snape both pick favorites and they’re both kind of evil. Even though in the grand scheme of things Professor Snape turns out to be a good guy, he never misses a chance to make Harry miserable just like Mrs. Hayfer does to drake.
12 Who spit in his bean curd?
Following that great comparison of Professor Snape to Mrs. Hayfer from Drake and Josh, we have another crotchety authority figure that’s just really truly trying to beat down our protagonist. This quote comes from Mulan when she goes to meet the matchmaker. The meeting gets off to a rough start because, while taking role, the matchmaker calls Mulan’s name and she simply indicates that she is present, which is apparently the wrong move to make. The matchmaker says she is speaking without permission but how else is Mulan supposed to tell her she's present? The matchmaker sets Mulan up for failure much like Professor Snake does to Harry for the majority of the series. Perhaps these three should get together and antagonize each other rather than the characters we actually care about.
11 The pen is mightier than the sword
As we’ve already stated in this list, Hermione is nothing without her knowledge. She lives and breathes for learning in and out of the classrooms of Hogwarts. It’s pretty much what carries her and her team (Harry and Ron) through all the nonsense that happens in the books and movies. Her passion for words can often be rightfully intimidating. We would be just as afraid of Hermione with a quill as we would be of Harry with a wand. Okay, maybe not quite that much but she still has at least twelve grade level’s worth of knowledge more than us and you can’t anticipate what someone that smart is going to think up in a time of desperation. This is especially so because Hermione actually know what she's doing whereas Harry just wings it and hopes it works out.
10 When in doubt, blame Voldemort
We, as humans, usually don’t like to take responsibility for our mistakes. It’s just a fact of life. Even little mistakes like dropping your quill are embarrassing to claim because, let’s face it, none of us want to admit we are flawed. This goes double for The Boy Who Lived. So, what is one thing that wizards and muggles have in common? They both find a scapegoat to blame each and every one of our problems on. It’s not ideal but hey, it usually works out in their favor. In Harry’s defense, most of his problems are Voldemort’s fault. If you really think about it, Harry's life would've been pretty normal (and probably boring) without Voldemort's influence. So, what’s the harm in pinning one tiny more thing on him?
9 It was all luck
I think we can all agree on one thing – Harry Potter has had some pretty lucky breaks. In fact, he’s had a pretty lucky life, all things considered. Sure, his parents were slain and he has a mortal enemy who has sworn his entire life to diminish Harry from the very planet. Oh, and his adoptive family is just plain heinous. Besides all of that, Harry has been pretty lucky in terms of everything else. He has some great friends. He finds the love of his life through one of those great friends. He has a family and he defeats his mortal enemy. Through all of that, he manages not to get himself killed. It’s kind of impressive. But at the end of the day, you have to realize that most of talent, at least in the beginning, is pure luck.
8 None. Of. Your. Business.
Dolores Umbridge is perhaps the most evil, most foul, most horrific character in the entire Harry Potter series aside from Voldemort. She may be dressed head to toe in the prettiest shades of pink but there is not one singular redeeming quality about her as a person except for maybe all of her little teacups and plates with cute little kittens on them. But that is IT. Either way, she’s just plain annoying, especially when she starts implementing all of those crazy rules. It’s not uncommon for people to get up during class to stretch their legs with a quick lap around the hall. There’s nothing wrong with getting the juices flowing again so you don’t fall asleep and get smacked in the head with a book by Professor Snape. So, Umbridge, can you please get off everyone’s ass?
7 Breathe in and breathe out
Yet another zinger from a different show that is remarkably relevant to the Harry Potter series. Draco is known for his crap attitude and his tendency to make sure no one else around him is feeling any more positive than he is. If Draco has to be miserable, so does everyone else. Unfortunately, he is pretty much always miserable. The only time this kid smiles is when his inflicting his misery on someone else. This little number comes from The Office, specifically the episode where Stanley has a heart attack because he can’t seem to cope with the stress of having Michael Scott for a boss. Though Stanley has about 40 years on Draco, the amount of negativity Draco has emitting from him and hovering around him, I’d say he should keep an eye on his blood pressure, too.
6 He got away... again
We’ve already mentioned in this list just how convoluted Voldemort’s plan to kill off Harry Potter is. It’s good to be ambitious at first but, after a while without any success, people can get discouraged and discouragement almost always breeds laziness. Think about all the times you had a really great idea that didn't ever end up working out -- how long are you going to hold onto that idea before you decide it isn't worth it anymore? In fact, you can become so lazy from discouragement that you can’t even punish your minions properly. In this case, Harry Potter has escaped Voldemort yet again and someone needs to pay for it. In a way, this is almost crueler than Voldemort just punishing him because he pretty much as to repeatedly punch himself in the face until he’s told to stop.
5 Seven is ENOUGH
Molly and Arthur Weasley met during their first year at Hogwarts. The fact that they were both sorted into Gryffindor sealed their fate as lovers. The two eloped shortly after their graduation from Hogwarts and the rest is history. The two had five boys in a row (Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred and George) but Molly was desperate for a daughter. So, two more tries later, Ron and then Ginny came into the world. Molly finally had her wish and the family lived happily in the Burrow until it was viciously burned down by deatheaters. Either way, it’s still a very touching story. When it's all said and done, their family bond remains strong and that's all that matters. But can you imagine the tuition costs for not just one magic child but seven?
4 There is nothing worse than spiders
If you know anything about Harry, Hermione, and Ron, you know that they always has a plan. Granted, the credit for nearly all of those plans can and should be given to Hermione. But if you really know Harry, Hermione, and Ron, you know that most of those Plan A’s don’t turn out the way they want them to. Specifically, one plan that didn’t work out so well for the gang involved a lot of different shapes and sizes of spiders. Dark forests are creepy enough already but a dark, creepy forest in the middle of the night full of relentless flesh-eating, English-speaking magical spiders? Count me OUT. This trio doesn't always do the best job at executing a plan but you have to admit that they are a brave bunch.
3 Wizards are not good at scrabble apparently
With all the magic they have at their disposal, you would think that witches and wizards would spend their time doing super cool magical things or at least playing games that involve some sort of magical element. Quidditch, for instance, is like a weird charmed fusion of basketball and flying. If you had magical powers, why would you do anything but play magical games? However, it seems that some witches and wizards settle for a simpler hobby like playing a calming game of Scrabble. The only problem with Scrabble is that lack of vocabulary could sink your chances of winning. Of course Hermione is leading the pack in this game because of her large knowledge base. But no one said anything about using a little imagination like Draco.
2 Mother nature knows best
This simple, little fake quote from none other than Luna Lovegood had us in absolute stitches. For anyone who has had hair longer than about two inches, you know that the wind can be an absolute nightmare. How many times have you spent upwards of an hour on your hair only to take one step outside and have it be whipped around by the wind as it laughs at your ignorant attempt to defy it with pounds of hairspray and Bobbi pins? Yet, here is modest Luna completely giving in to the beauty of the natural world around her. She doesn't have a care in the world when it comes to impressing others. We just can’t get over the visual of someone actually enjoying their hair being thrashed around into endless knots.
1 Neville, you were so close
Though he ends up being extremely attractive by the end of the movie interpretations, Neville is picked on throughout pretty much the entire book and movie series. He’s quiet, timid, and doesn’t really know how to stand up for himself. But, like anyone else his age, he just wants to be liked and to be included. Part of inclusion when you’re in your teens is being invited to social gathering where you can show your peers you’re not just a tweeb with your head stuck in a herbology book all day. Some teens will do just about anything to feel cool, including secretly wishing death on their super popular friend in order to be invited to the funeral party (which is apparently a thing in Harry Potter).