It's every comic book fan's dream to see his or her favorite characters come to life on the big screen, but some comic scenes just aren't meant to play out on film. Over the years, everyone from Wonder Woman to Spider-Man has seen their share of over-the-top drama or embarrassing, unintentional comedy... and while we love comic book writers for all their hard work, we can't help but pray these insane moments never make their way onto a moive script. DC and Marvel, please don't make us regret counting down the days until your next films by recreating these scenes!
15 Spider-Man kills Mary Jane with his radioactive sperm
After the success of Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns, which followed an elderly Batman coming out of retirement, Marvel wanted to give Spider-Man a similar style of story. Kaare Andrews' Spider-Man: Reign finds Peter Parker at 70 years old, called back into action as Spidey after a corrupt mayor threatened the future of his beloved New York City. The story is well-told, but Andrews made a crazy decision to kill off Mary Jane Watson, Peter's wife. How did she die? Excessive exposure to Peter's radioactive sperm. Yeah, he went there! For whatever reason, MJ's skeleton gets exhumed, leading to Peter embracing her rotting corpse and crying about how he killed her. Marvel, Tom Holland is just a kid...please don't have him go around sexing people to death in the films.
14 Iron Man's armor falls in love with him
In the Iron Man and Avengers films, Jarvis has become Vision, so Tony's suit is now operated by a new, female-voiced AI-unit named F.R.I.D.A.Y. Hopefully, finally having a woman running the Iron Man suit won't lead to a repeat of the five-part, 1998 Invincible Iron Man story which featured the suit falling in love with Tony, taking him hostage and demanding that he stay inside of it permanently! Sure, the story had a slightly touching ending, with the armor resorting to ripping out its own "heart" to replace Tony's faulty one after he suffered a heart attack...but it's still not something any fans of the character want to see play out on the big screen.
13 Thanos wipes out half the universe with a snap of his fingers
Everyone's counting down the days until Avengers: Infinity War, not only because we're excited to see so many Marvel heroes together in the same film, but also because the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been teasing this big battle against Thanos for more than half a decade! Ever since we saw the first Infinity Stone in Captain America: The First Avenger and got a glimpse of the Mad Titan himself in Avengers, we knew we'd eventually get to see Earth's Mightiest Heroes fight against an Infinity Gauntlet-wielding Thanos. In the comics, the power of the Gauntlet allowed Thanos to simply snap his fingers and wipe out half of the life in the universe in an attempt to impress his love, the embodiment of Death herself. Infinity War is sure to be epic and super high-stakes, but Marvel would have to be pretty crazy to let Thanos take billions of innocent lives like he did in the comics.
12 Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver get their twincest on
A lot of fans are expecting Thanos to use the Time or Soul Stones to bring back some fallen characters from past MCU films in Infinity War, in an attempt to throw the Avengers off their game. This could lead to the return of Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch's twin brother. Hopefully, the potential return of the fan-favorite hero who died protecting Hawkeye in Age of Ultron won't excite Wanda enough to make her hook up with him, which is totally something she did in Jeph Loeb's run with The Ultimates. Loeb does a great job overseeing Marvel's hit shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Daredevil and Jessica Jones, but his Game of Thrones-style take on Wanda and Pietro in the comics definitely didn't sit well with us fans, and we'd rather Quicksilver stay dead than come back and engage in some Lannister-style loving.
11 Batman dons a uniform in every color of the rainbow
Being the "World's Greatest Detective," Batman is able to come up with some ingenious schemes to throw people off of his scent and keep the identities of the entire Bat-family a secret. Some of his ideas, however, are just plain stupid. In 1957's Detective Comics #241, Batman decided the best way to distract villains from the fact that Dick Grayson "coincidentally" injured his arm at the same exact time as Robin, was to wear colorful costumes so all attention would be on him. No one ended up figuring out the Boy Wonder's identity, but still...Ben Affleck's Batman is one of the bright lights in DC's somewhat unlikable film universe, and we don't think we could take him seriously anymore if he had a Batsuit for every color of the rainbow.
10 The Wasp gets eaten by a randomly cannibalistic villain
You'd think this cannibalistic scene would only make sense within the pages of Marvel Zombies, but now, it was horrible idea from Jeph Loeb found within the pages of Ultimatum. Wasp drowned when a tsunami hit New York City (which is dumb in itself since she can fly), and then, the Blob decided to eat her dead body. The Blob never ate a human before, and Wasp wasn't even in her tiny-sized form...he just ate her because he's fat and apparently, Loeb thought fat people are cannibals. The scene only got more ridiculous when Hank Pym walked in on the Blob, became giant-sized, and bit off Blob's head in an act of blind rage. Marvel will be putting out an Ant-Man & the Wasp film in 2018, and hopefully the studio knows fans don't want to see either hero get eaten.
9 Wonder Woman gets a job making tacos
At one point in the comics, Wonder Woman was down on her luck and had to search for a new job to make ends meet. Despite her wide variety of superhuman talents, the only place that would hire her was Taco Whiz (think Taco Bell but even cheaper). She was unsurprisingly really good at making tacos, thanks to her incredible speed and reflexes, but there had to be something better for her out there! Wonder Woman is the biggest badass in the DC films right now, and since we want her to stay that way, we'd like for the films to give her a job that actually matches her talents. We have nothing but respect and appreciation for fast food industry workers...but the princess of Themyscira should be out doing something that better utilizes her unique skillset.
8 Doctor Strange plays baseball with demons to save souls
Recently in the comics, Doctor Strange lost his position as Sorcerer Supreme and was stripped of the Eye of Agomotto, leaving him powerless. So when a group of people asked him to free them from demonic possession, the only way he could fight the demons was to take them on in a winner-take-all game of baseball. His opponent, Tul'uth the Lord High Incubus of Games and Chance, was able to cheat to completely swing the game in his favor... but when Strange's apprentice used magic to keep the ball in play in the final inning, the good Doctor was able to hit the game-winning home run. While this was a mildly amusing scene and we can't help but chuckle at the thought of Benedict Cumberbatch playing ball... we'll be pretty pissed off if a future Doctor Strange film ever tries recreating something this silly.
7 The Flash puts on a couple thousands pounds
In Flash #115, the Scarlet Speedster's incredibly smart, psychic ape nemesis Gorilla Grodd shot him with a gun which caused him to absorb the air's moisture when he ran and swell up to become impossibly large. All of that water weight kept him from being able to run off the extra pounds, and he soon became a sideshow act that people paid to point and laugh at. Luckily, he found his way into a dehydration room, and slimmed back down to his normal size. We'd love for DC to abandon their efforts to keep their cinematic universe super dark and serious (especially when it comes to The Flash, who is known for constantly cracking jokes), but this is just a bit too insane to recreate on film.
6 Superman sneezes a whole solar system out of existence
Mister Mxyzptlk would actually be a fantastic villain for the Justice League to fight in a future film, because the 5th Dimension imp can completely warp reality and really loves creating mischief for Superman and his friends. This storyline is a bit too crazy to make it into the films, though. Mxy released some magical sneezing powder on the people on Metropolis, and to protect them, the Man of Steel inhaled all of the gas himself. He forgot that while he's immune to most things, magic isn't one of them, so he had to fly to another solar system to sneeze so he wouldn't accidentally kill everyone in ours. His super sneeze did in fact end up completely destroying that other solar system, and since Superman already controversially killed a lot of innocent people in Man of Steel's epic battle against General Zod, he probably shouldn't add "destroyed a whole solar system" to his "heroic" resume.
5 Thanos finally gets defeated by... Squirrel Girl?
Since the Marvel Cinematic Universe has teased the fight against Thanos since Avengers in 2012, we're hoping that several characters die in the epic battle and the Mad Titan only gets defeated thanks to the combined efforts of the MCU's most powerful heroes. Can you imagine the outrage if the Mad Titan were to end up getting taken down by Squirrel Girl?! That's what happened in the comics recently...the young Great Lakes Avengers member somehow, off-panel, defeated Thanos with help from her trusty squirrel sidekick Tippy Toe. Squirrel Girl has enhanced strength, speed, agility and reflexes, but there's no way Marvel should even consider letting her be the one to bring down such an important and all-powerful villain on the big screen!
4 Hulk starts an evil hillbilly family with his cousin
Due to incredibly complicated conflicts between Marvel, Sony and Fox, Logan wasn't able to stick to the Old Man Logan storyline from the comics. It sucks that we didn't get to see him buddy up with a blind Hawkeye or slaughter his fellow X-Men because of some insane Mysterio shenanigans, but we can't say we missed seeing the Hulk gang on the big screen. In the amazing comic story, Bruce Banner had kids with his cousin, She-Hulk, to continue the Hulk legacy and survive in a world ruled by villains. His hillbilly inbred offspring were violent and stupid, and despite being a brilliant scientist, Bruce became just as dumb and aggressive. MCU Bruce Banner is currently wandering around space all lonely and depressed, so we have to hope they don't make him start procreating with family to fill the void in his life.
3 Peter Parker gets his body taken over by Doctor Octopus
We've only been treated to small glimpses of Tom Holland's Peter Parker in Captain America: Civil War and trailers for Spider-Man: Homecoming, but we've loved everything we've seen so far! Tom seems to have all of Peter's mannerisms down, from his nerdy awkwardness to his sense of humor and unwavering sense of responsibility. That's why, even though we loved the Superior Spider-Man storyline where Otto Octavius (AKA Doctor Octupus) took over Peter's body and became a more efficient yet more violent Spidey, we don't want to see it in the films anytime soon. The idea of Tom pretending to be an old mad scientist pretending a teenage boy just isn't all that appealing. Leave it to the comics, Marvel.
2 Deadpool meets and befriends the ghost of Ben Franklin
Deadpool was practically perfect in every way. It's R-rating allowed the Merc with a Mouth to be his violent and uncensored self, and Ajax made for a fantastic villain for him to fight in his first cinematic solo outing. We're not sure what new characters will be used in the sequel, but hopefully they don't try to change the tone of the franchise too dramatically by adding the zany ghost of Benjamin Franklin to the mix! That's right, ghost Ben has been a fairly regular character in Deadpool comics lately—he fought alongside Deadpool when the mercenary tried taking down some newly resurrected zombie presidents and moved into Deadpool's house after the battle was won. There are a number of fun and exciting characters to draw from for the Deadpool sequel...but ghost Benjamin Franklin shouldn't be considered one of them.
1 Captain America reveals he's been with Hydra all along
The comic book fan community absolutely lost it when Marvel revealed in Steve Rogers: Captain America #1 that Cap has secretly been an agent of Hydra his whole life. The dramatic reveal was explained and justified shortly after—readers learned that Hydra simply used the Comic Cube to alter Cap's memories and make him think he's with Hydra—but people who didn't stay with the title never got that explanation and still flip out anytime you mention Captain America comics. Thanos could definitely use the Mind Stone in Infinity War to make Steve Rogers go bad, and it'd probably make for some interesting drama...but initial reactions to this comic storyline prove that fans just can't handle the thought of an evil Cap. Don't go there, Marvel.