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15 Jaw-Dropping Confessions From Your Favorite Baristas

If you’re a Starbucks junkie or even just a fan of your favorite coffee shop around the corner, you might want to look away... Because these Whisper confessions might cause you to look at your baristas in a whole new light – and not a positive one. If Rachel from Friends has taught us anything, it’s that making coffee for a living generally SUCKS, and is a stopover on the way of becoming who you really want to be. Dealing with rude people all day who demand to have their specially-made drink RIGHT that second, standing on your feet for eight hours at a time, and wearing designated clothes that will automatically reek of coffee grinds are all part of the job description. But that doesn’t mean baristas take it lying down!

From adding a little extra something to your Frappuccino, to dosing you up on decaf (and other things that are definitely more shocking than altering your drink order), these 15 shocking confessions from baristas might make you reconsider that multi-syllabic order that costs double-digit dollars when you’re in a hurry.

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15 The First Date Viewer

via whisper.sh

Hey, making coffee can get pretty boring pretty quick, so who can blame this barista for enjoying a little first date viewing? Going for coffee is the ideal first date because it’s zero commitment. It doesn’t take as long as dinner, there’s no alcohol or poor judgment involved, and it’s a cheap opportunity to get to know each other (or maybe get out of there as fast as possible).

Coffee shop dates are also the spot of choice for blind dates or Tinder dates; which means there's bound to be some awkwardness. From the "not-looking-like-your-picture" variety to the "I’m-going-to-murder-my-friend-for-setting-this-up" type. Even though Starbucks locations can get pretty busy, I imagine that there have been enough lulls to give this barista more than a few hilarious stories to gossip about. The place was practically made for people-watching!

14 The Judgmental

via whisper.sh

If I’m being honest, I have definitely worried about being judged for ordering a drink at Starbucks that has four or more words in its name. (But the holidays are basically a free pass to order a Skinny Peppermint Mocha, right?) To offset any potential judgment for my ultra-girly order, I try to be as nice as humanly possible. With that being said, of course the baristas are gonna snicker behind your back for ordering a 'half-caf, triple-pump, extra-hot, no-foam, skinny caramel macchiato' – because wouldn’t you do the same? The culture of Starbucks has been co-opted by the #BasicWhiteGirl who Instagrams her drink and giggles over her ludicrously large Frappuccino. So it’s too easy for the baristas to laugh about your complex, $12 drink orders that contain more sugar than caffeine and more calories than your regular lunch order. Hope that caramel macchiato was worth it!

13 The Sloppy Speller

via whisper.sh

Aha! It has been revealed! A lot of people complain about Starbucks spelling their names wrong, and perhaps baristas like these are one of the reasons why. If you were working an eight-hour shift, making coffee over and over again, wouldn’t you look for a way to liven up the day?

Another reason baristas might be misspelling your moniker is you might be mumbling. Starbucks is pretty loud most of the time, and if you’re distracted or burying your face in your phone, it might be hard to hear you. After a few repetitions, it becomes pointless to ask again. Another theory: free marketing! With everyone snapping and Instagramming their misspelled drinks, Starbucks is getting publicity without even having to pay for it. Something to think about the next time you take a photo of your messed-up order!

12 The Decaffeinated

via whisper.sh

Take your power where you can get it, right? People who are rude to those who work in the service industry are pretty much the worst. So I can’t really blame this barista for getting their little jab in to retaliate. (Which is another reason to always, always, be nice to those who work in the service industry. Plus, you know, being a decent human being.)

This is just the first of a few confessions on this list where our favorite baristas get back at rude or obnoxious customers, and I almost can’t blame them. It’s coffee, people, not a matter of life and death, so calm yourselves. It’s gotta suck for the people who order those triple or quad-shot coffees, though. Because hoping for a jolt of caffeine and getting decaf instead is definitely a real downer.

11 The Pick-Up Artist

via whisper.sh

When looking at these confessions, a few bold baristas opted to write their  phone number on the side of the coffee cup if they thought a customer was cute. However, this confession seems like a little bit more of a shy Romeo rather than an outright Lothario. But I've gotta say, I’m not entirely sure how well this tactic would work. I feel like you would just end up pissing the girl or guy off. Plus, you’re usually working in a team at a coffee shop, so ruining someone’s drink doesn’t just waste the customer’s time, but also your co-workers, not to mention the rest of the people in line. I’d like to know how well this ploy has worked for this guy (or girl) so far, but I’m willing to bet it doesn’t have a very high success rate.

10 The Secret Menu Hater

via buzzfeed.com

Thanks to sites like BuzzFeed and online forums, so many Starbucks addicts (read: teenagers) have taken to their fave coffee chain to order obnoxiously complicated drinks off the so-called "Secret Menu." And, as it turns out, happens to be items most baristas have never actually heard of. I can’t blame this Whisper user for getting annoyed! It’s not a drink she or he is paid to know, and if the customer can’t even explain what goes into it then, sorry, but you’re not getting it! Asking for a “Cap’n Crunch Frappuccino” without explaining that it’s a Strawberries and Crème Frappuccino with added caramel, toffee, java chips, and hazelnut syrups—you’re just begging for a blank look. Not to mention total barista hatred. Wouldn't you behave the same way if the (coffee) tables were turned?

9 The Decaf Doctor

via whisper.sh

You probably already know that caffeine, like alcohol, isn’t good for pregnant women, especially in the doses that this particular customer was indulging in. However, it’s also not exactly the responsibility of the barista to monitor her customer’s caffeine intake, even if it was coming with the best intentions. Perhaps the drink she ordered was for someone else, and she was simply picking it up. Even if she enjoyed a few sips before leaving, it’s not the kind of thing that should cause that much concern. She wouldn't be going entirely overboard (unless she drank that triple-shot entirely, in which case it definitely qualifies as overboard).

That being said, perhaps the placebo the barista provided was good enough! Thinking you’re getting caffeine when you’re really drinking decaf is good for both customers—mother and baby!

8 The Truly Salty

via whisper.sh

Okay, ew. How would someone not notice salt in their coffee? And how would salt be so readily available at a place that sells pre-packaged food and makes expensive coffee drinks? I can't imagine there's a huge demand for salt there. These are the questions I ask myself, because I can understand why the barista would resort to becoming literally salty in the face of rude or bossy customers. Like the barista who gave snotty customers decaf, you do what you can when it comes to being the bottom link on one of the most successful coffee chains in the world. As if you needed another reason not to be rude to people who work in service (and especially those who handle your food), you might be getting a little extra salt in your Salted Caramel Mocha.

7 The Not-A-Baker

via whisper.sh

I’m of two minds with this confession. First of all, I love bagels. I pretty much love any carb—but bagels are definitely up there—especially when toasted, with a little bit of butter smeared on them. On the other hand, who the heck goes to a coffee shop and orders 12 bagels? Does this customer know that grocery stores exist? Or bakeries, like this Whisper barista suggested? Does this customer also know that it’s WAY more expensive to buy bagels from Starbucks or other coffee shops instead of a grocery store? Just toast them yourself! If this customer was picking up breakfast for the office, that's one thing. Maybe they're running late and a drive-thru worked better for them. But wait—that can't be right. The barista said it was noon.... Whatever the case may be, use this confession as advice, folks.

6 The Insta Blocker

via whisper.sh

Can we agree that a whole herd of teenagers is the worst? If you were a teenager, you know it to be true, and if you are currently a teenager, you must be aware that your voices (and levels of obnoxiousness) rise considerably when there’s a whole group of you in the same place at the same time. So, yeah, I can sort of understand where this jaded barista is coming from, because if you went to Starbucks and didn’t Instagram it, did you really even go to Starbucks? Sure, you can try and peel off the sticker from the mermaid, but it won’t look quite as good as it might have. And if Whisper has taught me anything, it’s that Frappuccinos are a pain in the butt to make, so these teens sealed their social media fate with a simple order.

5 Under The Influence

via whisper.sh

It may not exactly be heavy machinery, but it’s still probably not a good idea to handle an espresso machine when you’re under the influence of anything. BUI: Brewing Under the Influence.

Working as a barista has gotta be stressful. You’re up incredibly early to provide people with their caffeine fix, you have to deal with long, complicated orders and obnoxious people, and customers will yell at you if you get their complicated order wrong. Plus, add to that the fact that most baristas are in their teens or 20's, so of course you’ll have a staff that’s filled with young people indulging in some illegal activities. So, maybe keep that in mind if a barista is moving too slowly for your liking, and cut them a bit of slack! #BaristaLife means #StressedOut.

4 The Starbucks Stalker

via whisper.sh

Okay, this one is just creepy. I assumed people gave fake names to their baristas because their real names were too difficult to spell, but it seems like another very real possibility might be to prevent baristas – like this one – from stalking them later!

If you’re a regular at a coffee shop, you’re probably just happy that the employees know your order by heart and that you can enjoy a friendly greeting and a bit of innocent chit-chat. You’re probably not thinking that this person who’s foaming your milk is actually aware that your relationship status is “It’s Complicated” and that you have a habit of posting your results from every online quiz you take. Hey, barista! It’s weird what you’re doing, and it makes people uncomfortable! Stick to coffee!

3 The Frap Flirt

via whisper.sh

Hey, whatever works, right? When you’re in the service industry, it can pay good money to be a little extra friendly. Flirting is pretty much in the job description if you’re looking to make a little extra cash.

This poor barista, though. Trading on your looks can definitely be disheartening, and if she’s one of those “bikini baristas,” it can be that much more dehumanizing. Dear Whisper user, perhaps it’s best to look at the grand scheme of things to see how the ends justify the means in this case. Maybe this means you can save up enough for college, or pay off the student debt that's hanging over your head, or put you in a comfortable enough position where you can pursue what you really want to do once you don’t have to serve coffee! Big picture, sweetheart.

2 The Skinny Shamer

via mashable.com

This is so not cool. This is just one of many, many confessions from baristas who choose to serve their customers full-fat milk no matter what they ask for, add sugar despite the possibility of a diabetic condition, or pump in as many extra calories as possible just because. This confessor sounds a bit jealous for doing this to girls she/he identifies as skinny. Because it’s not as though these people have done anything rude or obnoxious that might warrant such an action! In other Whisper confessions, skinny saboteurs (like this one) are not only screwing over those who are trying to watch their caloric intake, but they're also messing with those who may be lactose intolerant, have a dairy allergy, or be diabetic. Your laziness or meanness doesn’t allow you to be a jerk to perfect strangers! For anyone who has counted calories or worked hard to get into shape, this is definitely a pretty brutal awakening.

1 The Regular Lover

via whisper.sh

Okay, your boss doesn’t know, but do your coworkers? Are you just doing it on a pile of coffee beans, or against the boxes that hold all the other extra Starbucks offerings? Is there a mattress of packaged biscotti that you’re rubbing up against? I’d like to know exactly how "busy" this Starbucks location is, because if this barista can do the dirty without anyone noticing, it must be located in a ghost town! Do they not have cameras back there, which could then capture every misdeed this barista is committing? Do the five regulars know about one another, or is it kept secret? Is there a code word, like ordering a drink extra-hot with extra-whip? (Ew.) I have so many questions! Hey, flirty barista above, offering up a sultry smile must feel like peanuts compared to this shocking Whisper confession!

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