We take for granted how much we’ve learned from stupid and painful experience. The very fact that we can walk, we owe to weeks of falling down on our faces while awkwardly trying to balance on tiny, stubby little legs. That fear of touching hot things is a well-earned lesson involving not sticking your finger into grandpa’s burning tobacco pipe. That fear of jumping inside the house comes from those scars where you cracked open your skull jumping off the bed the wrong way.
But we forget…we were all once practically morons that didn’t know any better. Also known as being a kid. That first time painful outcome you didn’t expect is a big surprise—but we guarantee you’ll remember next time.
15 Fountain girl
SAVAGE LESSON: Don’t look down the barrel of a loaded fountain.
We don’t know what’s so hilarious about watching young kids run around and unexpectedly fall down, but we could watch that for hours. This one is so satisfying. The little girl is curious about the fountain, she’s seen this particular stream go off a few times, so when it’s dormant for a few moments she leans her head in to get a closer look at where the water comes out.
And then she gets blasted right in the face with a powerful jet of water. It hits her so hard, it literally makes her do a backflip in midair. She lands unbloodied, but probably bruised pretty hard. Dad, to his credit, immediately scoops her up from the fountain, but the hilarious damage is already done.
14 Dessert decapitation
SAVAGE LESSON: All your pets will die, especially the ones made of cake.
This kid is too young to know that not everything with a face is alive. And because he’s still in this magical delusion of youth, he finds it really upsetting when he pokes the cake-rat (cake-bear? cake-lamb?) in the face and his head falls off. And it lands face up, staring the kid right in the face. We wouldn’t be surprised if its little button-eyes blinked.
So now the kid is traumatized, because he thinks he just murdered an animal by decapitation. And now he’s supposed to eat it? This, friends, is the fast track to veganism. If you can coax him away from the crying fetal position to ever feed him again, you can be rest assured it won’t be anything with a face.
13 Attack of the seagulls
SAVAGE LESSON: Don’t EVER try to feed seagulls at the beach.
Seagulls lived without us for a long time, but as we became more civilized, they pretty much figured out that where we go, food follows. And they’ve gone beyond begging at this point; they’ll straight up steal snacks from you if you aren’t looking.
And this looks like a girl that has never actually tried to feed seagulls at the beach, because she looks legitimately shocked at what occurs next. Though not as scary as getting swarmed by sharks, it’s still pretty traumatic when a mob of flying creatures with sharp claws and beaks swoop down on you. Her instinct to run was good, but she severely underestimated how unrelenting they are when they smell food. It’s a bad idea she’ll remember forever.
12 Explosive surprise
SAVAGE LESSON: Never ever trust your friends, especially with fire.
Well, everyone gets pranked a little on this one. The young guy holding the cake and balloons is a touch helpless here, because he got set up. His two female friends are telling him to look at the camera and then occupy both his hands with the flaming cake and the balloons. When his hands are full, they egg him in the face. Crude, but highly effective.
But then it literally blows up in their faces when the sparkling torch of a “candle” ignites the balloons and they explode in a dramatic burst of flame. Everybody does an emergency retreat and ducks off frame. Hope everybody is the mood for a birthday ride to the hospital!
11 How not to clean the fire pit
SAVAGE LESSON: This is called “blowback” and it’s not something you want.
The term “blowback” is most often used figuratively to describe a situation in which you were pushing for one outcome and ended up getting an opposite and more negative outcome than you had expected. But the word literally comes from physical descriptions of situations like these, where you blow hard on something and the dust blows right back into your face.
It’s clever of the children to improvise a leaf blower into a tool that can help them clean the fire pit. But they didn’t take into account what happens when you blow air at a curved surface. That’s ok though, the fire pit ash taught them everything they need to know. Good to see the kid’s running instinct is intact.
10 Lemon face
SAVAGE LESSON: Lemons are for beverages, seasoning and garnishing your cocktail—not for actual eating.
It must be tough being a kid and trying foods you’ve never had before. Nine times out of ten, you’re going to be disappointed, but you can’t stop trying stuff because you might miss something good. But lemons are particularly tricky—thy have an appealing bright color and they smell so refreshing. And they kinda look like oranges, so they must be delicious to eat!
It’s all too much for this kids as you see his taste buds, face and brain go into red alert clampdown mode trying to deal with a near fatal dose of sourness. His eyes are buggin’ out, man! His hands are shaking! He’s having a seizure! Get this kid some candy to chase that down, stat!
9 Popsicle tragedy
SAVAGE LESSON: Sometimes your dessert ends up on the floor.
Is there anything more tragic than losing your frozen dessert due to a senseless mishap? This little girl was super happy in her little blue dress, so happy that she did a little dance move and the popsicle slid right off the stick. The horror.
The girl stares after what happened, not quite believing. Then the crushing disappointment surges all over body. This is agony. To her, it is the worst injustice in the history of humanity. Never mind that another fresh popsicle is probably waiting in the freezer. This was the popsicle that captured her imagination and heart. And now it’s gone. No happy ending for anyone. Instead, cue the French black and white noir ending. C'est la vie.
8 Ice cream tragedy
SAVAGE LESSON: Sometimes your dessert ends up on the floor.
What’s worse than losing a popsicle in your backyard? Losing an ice-cream cone in front of the ice cream shop! Ice cream is the gold standard amongst kid’s desserts. Everyone loves it, it's magically delicious and you don’t necessarily get to have it every day. So having your very own ice cream cone when you’re out and about with your parents is kind of a big deal.
But it’s even a bigger, lousier deal when you drop it. Even more so tragic when you dropped it because you were doing some weird stomping dance. When it dawns on him that, yes, his ice cream is gone, he descends into a complete emotional breakdown. His face scrunches up, scream-crying ensues and then throwing down the remainder of the cone in a tantrum. Dude, we so feel you on that.
7 Red Label
SAVAGE LESSON: Handle your bottle of expensive alcohol as carefully as you’d handle a newborn baby or a water balloon.
OK, granted, a $26 bottle of scotch whiskey isn’t hugely expensive, but if you’re a kid, you’re probably not used to spending that much on a single bottle of booze. And we’re not even sure those kids are drinking age, they look like they’re 14 or 15. But in any case, they sure seem psyched to have a bottle of Johnny Walker Red label.
So of course, they have to showboat. One kid gets super exuberant and waves the bottle around, slapping it back into its box. Except the box’s bottom had already fallen out, so the bottle went straight to the pavement. You can almost seen him considering whether he should lick some of that whiskey off the street. Tough break, kid.
6 Friends are awesome
SAVAGE LESSON: Never ever trust your friends.
This lucky kid has three caring friends who are more than willing to risk his personal health and safety to see how much damage this riding-spring toy will do to him on the rebound. The boy performing the stunt looks old enough to know better; we don’t know what other outcome he was expecting.
As it is, he’s lucky he didn’t snap his neck. Fortunately, that soft tissue between vertebrae and his overall spine is still flexible and resilient. Try that as an adult and you might end up in a motorized wheelchair for the rest of your life. He’s lucky this time, but if it were us we’d think twice before trusting those “friends” near playground equipment.
5 Stuck between cows
SAVAGE LESSON: Don’t mess with animals at mealtime. Even cows.
In this hilarious scene, the kid in the foreground is being interviewed, while the kid in the background starts abusing the cows by slapping them around. The cows, even though their heads are stuck in feeders, get their revenge by scooting closer together and sandwiching the kid. The kid panics and screams for help.
The best thing about the whole little GIF is that the kid in the foreground has no idea the kid behind him is getting trolled by cows. He’s just jabbering on, as the kid drowning in cow flesh flails his arms about and desperately tries to free himself. Leave the animals alone, kid. They don’t put up with that kind of nonsense.
4 Pop goes the weasel
SAVAGE LESSON: Jump scares are scary.
You know, some might think that creepy music box music followed by a clown jumping out in your face is the premise of horror movie, not an entertaining children’s toy. We don’t care what anyone says, a jack-in-the-box toy is one of the scariest and most traumatizing plaything you could give a kid. And this little boy right here is having his first experience with it.
When the little monkey comes out, the kid recoils in horror and retreats to the far corner of the shopping cart. “Is it evil? Have I summoned a demon? How do we get it back in the box. Am I going to die?” These were all questions galloping around his tiny skull as the rest of his body went frozen in horror.
Jack-in-the-box is scary, little dude! Try not to have nightmares!
3 The hitcher
SAVAGE LESSON: Your little street bicycle cannot handle car-like speeds
Or perhaps a better way of putting it: YOU cannot handle car like speeds on your street bike. This kid got a lot more than he bargained for when he latched on to this car with his bike and went along for the ride. At first the kid is having the time of his life.
But it doesn’t take long for the driver to get sassy and pick up speed, dangerous speed for a mere street bicycle. The kid panics and lets go, but immediately loses control and wipes out on the street. Nothing fatal, but highly embarrassing.
The driver seems amused by the whole thing and we doubt he went back and checked if the kid was ok. Secretly, he wanted that kid to crash.
SAVAGE LESSON: Spinning too hard will make you fall down and throw up like the town drunk.
This looks like us trying to hold onto our barstool after six margaritas. It appears this is this kid’s first experience with hardcore spinning. You can see the shock on his face when he stops. He’s like, “what is happening. Dear Lord, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?” Unsure whether to throw up or try to hold on, suddenly the ground feels like it drops out from underneath him and he’s flat on his back.
Of course, rolling down the grassy hills when we were very young got us used to the idea of tricking your brain by spinning really fast. It was fun. This kid on the other hand had a little too much to spin. Somebody hide his keys.
1 Little man, big Jenga
SAVAGE LESSON: Nobody can stop a falling Jenga tower.
The genius of Jenga is how much anxiety and tension it’s able to produce from simple stack of wooden sticks. This anxiety quadruples when the set you’re playing with is bigger and taller than you are. You’re not just risking losing at that point; you’re risking getting buried alive by a giant Jenga set.
This kid makes the losing play, and we can see the hilarious panic set in on his face. It’s over, little guy! But he tries to salvage it by using his face to keep the tower from completely disintegrating. It will only work for a few seconds, seconds that ratchet up his fear to eleven for no good reason other than it’s freaky when things fall down and it’s your fault.