It’s been branded as the “Happiest place on Earth” enough times to make us forget the extravagant prices and wait times whenever we plan a trip. Iconic characters played by meticulously chosen actors greet us at each turn, from breakfast at the resort, to strolls through the theme park.
Many children can’t wait to meet their favorite characters, forcing their parents to buy autograph books and themed merchandise. However, for every child that enjoys their time at Disney, there’s another child screaming in unrelenting agony at the fact that a mouse with a permanent smile and bright red pants is acknowledging their existence.
The following 15 children have been taken out of their natural habitats, forced to endure family vacation, and are now bearing witness to actors who have worked through rigorous auditions in order to have their eardrums burst.
15 The Most Cavity-Ridden Place On Earth
When we're too short for some of the rides, we just tell Mickey and Minnie to force-feed us until the taste of sugar makes us cry! Actually, that might get us inches around our stomachs, not height. This looks like a scene out of Escape From Tomorrow. Their permanently smiling expressions go from charming to sinister pretty quickly when the context is changed.
Also, are those desserts made entirely out of whipped cream? The angles at which these formalwear loving mice are turned allow for the perfect backdrop of the Cinderella Castle. It shows how intensely on point these characters are at all times. They never miss a beat, even while poisoning us with cavities. What’s more expensive than a family vacation to Disneyland? A bill from the dentist!
However, it is nice to know that rather than eat their own food, Mickey and Minnie just love to share. They’re like our dangerous habit inducing grandparents that won’t let up on the fact that we're just just not hungry right now. It doesn’t matter if the food is good for us or not, as long as we're eating it. Maybe it’s time to remove those mouse ears and plot our escape.
14 Scrambled Emotions
If we give a mouse a cookie, or in this case, the regurgitated scrambled eggs of a child, they’ll want a photo op. Perhaps the child in the photo is the real celebrity here. They are absolutely fed up with people asking for photos and autographs at every inconvenient hour of the day!
This baby is just trying to eat his very bland breakfast, and Minnie has the audacity to waltz in and relentlessly ask for this family’s time? She’s over there in the corner giggling and batting her perfectly combed six eyelashes, giving no care as to how this kid is feeling. The parents seem to be coping well with this scenario, deciding that this photo is one for the memory books. And instead of shooing Minnie away to end their child’s worries, they’re just snapping away.
This kid is clearly wearing stripes in defiance of her polka dots, a natural warning sign to stay away. It’s like how poisonous insects are brightly colored to tell others not to eat them. However, Minnie gives no care to these signs, and she’s in it for the long haul. Another kid in the background is casually dining, unaware of the giant mouse that is about to approach.
13 Winnie The Who?
It is a bit suspicious that this bear is actually called a “pooh.” It can be a bit confusing at this age, and Winnie seems to find this humorous. He’s doing a coy little giggle, as if to say, “It’s not my fault you don’t like golden bears in t-shirts!” His eyebrows are permanently raised in just the right position to seem cute, but in reality he’s judging her. Winnie seems like an unassuming character. He's got very few facial features, a bare bones top, and just one color scheme for his body.
Perhaps he’s the original hipster!
He takes minimalism beyond just the things he owns, and has turned himself into a uniform blob for children to cry at over breakfast. It’s nice that the families in the background are just carrying on with their meals, no urge to step in and help this child. It’s like the show What Would You Do? and the answer is nothing. Is that a strawberry on the girl’s tank top? If this bear can eat honey, he probably isn’t opposed to berries either—the two pair nicely together. Hopefully her parents rescued her from the nonexistent claws of this Pooh Bear right after they decided it was an opportune time to take a photo.
12 The Imposter
They say, “don’t meet your idols,” and that's some solid advice. Dad is having a decent time, enjoying watching his child’s face grow redder at the thought of having to acknowledge this fuzzy mitten wearing imposter. Is it an imposter? There’s something that’s not quite right about this Mickey. Maybe it's an old mascot design.
What is it about mascot costumes that freak children out? Is it their inability to express any emotion that doesn’t involve bearing their entire mouth for the world to witness, or their bizarre fashion sense? Maybe the kids are just jealous that they don’t have the same outfit at home. Whatever the case may be, this kid isn’t having it. He wants to know why his parents would inflict such a monstrosity on him, and why his dad is about to sacrifice him to the cartoon gods.
The room is filled with bright colors to confuse the child into believing that he is somewhere safe, but they are sorely mistaken. If only he could get away on one of those tiny foot-powered cars pictured in the back. Mickey would be able to advance on him in an instant, so it seems that there is no way out. Farewell, child! We hope that the next kid in the family doesn’t end up with the same fate.
11 No New Fans
The way that this little girl’s shirt is wrinkling gives the appearance of the word “NO,” and that already says enough. While she may not be wearing the exact same outfit as Minnie, she is wearing something that has Minnie’s exact ensemble on it, and maybe she feels betrayed that Minnie would just upstage her like this and wear exactly what was predicted in the fabric of this pink blouse. Or perhaps she’s crying because it is no longer her turn to take a photo, and Minnie is allowing strangers into her space. This is Minnie’s house after all, so we’re apparently supposed to follow her rules.
It’s just hard to accept that your idols have other adoring fans.
How could there be a fan more prominent than one that wears your photo on their body at every chance they get? Perhaps this little girl designed Minnie’s iconic outfit, possibly in a past life due to her age, but still. Why is she not receiving the recognition that she deserves? Where did it all go down hill? Is that railing even real wood, or is it just plastic? Like Minnie’s heart seems to be when it comes to accommodating her number one fan? She even has denim shorts that flare out at the thighs! We’ve heard of bellbottoms, but what about belltops? This kid is truly innovative, and Minnie can’t seem to appreciate it. Her pain is felt by the masses that see this photo.
10 Sneezy, Awkward, And Confused
It would appear that no one in this photo understands what is going on. The children look like they headed straight out of Sunday mass, and into the asymmetrically sized hands of Sneezy, as he is mid-sneeze. Is the child on the left doing his best impersonation of what he believes a smile looks like, or is that just a tactic for handling his fear?
The other child is just trying to figure out what he’s looking at, staring into a wrinkled hat that looks suspiciously like a second face. Why is Sneezy stuck with this facial expression? I thought that Disney characters were supposed to be filled with unrelenting joy and passion for their own existence.
His clothing is a bit aged, even for that time, and his beard has become quite unruly. His eyebrows are not on fleek according to any fashion decade, and how does he eat with only two teeth? The life of Sneezy is a complex one, riddled with bizarre design features and a head that is too probably breaking the shoulders of whichever poor employee was forced to wear this. How are you supposed to express anything with a face like this? I guess that’s why, unlike other Disney characters, he isn’t even attempting to put a hand on the shoulder of these kids. It’s better off this way.
9 Bending The Knees
They say that your ancestors’ fears are passed down through genetics, embedded in our DNA to predispose us to avoid certain things and scenarios. This photo explains why children today are afraid of the modern, cute Disney characters. They were once actual monsters. Although the true origin of this photo is unknown, search for old shots of Disneyland and you will find some questionable costumes. First of all, why is this kid kneeling while Mickey and Minnie (if you can call them that) lean on his shoulders ever so slightly? Is this so that the child cannot leave?
What kind of sinister look is this?
I guess this is before Disney got their happiest place slogan, and if it’s actually from a birthday party or Halloween event, that still doesn’t make it better. This looks like a picture that the new would use right as they announce that “this was the last photo taken of (insert name here) before his disappearance.” It wouldn’t be shocking if that was the case here. Also, why is Minnie wearing a skirt, tiny hat, and shoes, but no top? This was clearly before Disney became too PG to care about the logistics. Luckily for us, these costumes are not trending in Disneyland anymore.
8 The Princess And The Goof
The rains have just passed, her hair was nearly destroyed, her dress isn’t waterproof and was exponentially more expensive than what it cost to make, and Goofy is just not giving her the time of day. Reasonably frustrated and finished with this princess-themed park that’s only enabled a day for peasants, this mini-Belle has every right to pout. Even if she moved over, she wouldn’t be in Goofy’s line of vision over that giant snout.
Dogs are supposed to be our best friends, giving us their undivided attention throughout every moment of life. This one, however, is not even interested in taking a quick photo! Even her cute rainbow shoes can’t make this day better, and her parents are just cashing in on the opportunity to force her to keep this memory for years to come. In “Bound 2” Kanye West said the line, “How you gon’ be mad on vacation?”
This is apparently a fair example of how that. There is no one dining on the terrace behind her in a typically packed atmosphere, so clearly the family had poor timing on this trip. Maybe next time they should take her to an actual castle where she truly belongs.
7 There's A Monster Hiding Over My Table
Typically, monsters are the ones hiding in wait: in closets, under beds, in a perfect position to appear in your rear view mirror as you adjust it in an abandoned parking lot. However, when the monsters are bouncing around at breakfast, giving not a care in the world, it is you who must seek shelter. Tigger probably has very limited vision, and crawling under the table is a great way to get him to avoid you. Who wants to listen to him cheerfully exclaim the joys of his days? We prefer Eeyore.
He’s soft and mellow, and you can remove his tail and use the pin as a weapon of self-defense if it ever comes down to that.
The rest of the family is playing into his tricks, and his eyebrows that conveniently blend in with the rest of his stripes. They aren’t wearing their sunglasses yet, but his neon orange fur might force them to put them on. Adults never listen to kids’ fears, always brushing them off like in horror movies where the child sees the furniture fly across the room, only to have the parents say it was just the wind. Maybe it’s time to start listening, or face the wrath of a neon tiger.
6 No Compliments To The Chef
It looks like this restaurant patron has sent the food back a little too many times, and now has to deal with the floppy-eared chef. Goofy actually looks disappointed, wondering why his meals have not been to the liking of this baby. He also looks like the Big Bad Wolf in a way. My Goofy, what interestingly exposed teeth you have! That sure is a strange outfit for a dog.
He appears to be in mid-clap, or is that maybe just him smacking his hands together to reprimand his least favorite guest. He’s sick and tired of being sick and tired, working too long for unfair wages. Of all his years working as a chef, he’s never had a customer complain this much about his food. After all, he’s a dog! Who would complain about a dog that can cook?
Clearly this kid has been at it for a while, crying until his entire body lights up red. Instead of leaving him to be with his family, Goofy is just hanging around, giving him this look. Best case scenario he’s just playing rock, paper, scissors, and is about to offer this kid a new meal on the house if he wins the next round.
5 Lend Me Your Ear
Dumbo is probably not the best name to give to a character that children are supposed to admire. His eyes are permanently frozen in that elephants on parade mode, and his ears are basically wings to transport you to his lair. I heard a rumor that his trunk always points toward the most expensive annual pass package. It’s a good thing that this elephant is serving its creep face to the dad, because it would be infinitely worse with the kid, who looks apprehensive to be shrouded by an unwarranted pair of ears.
Perhaps it was rainy that day and the umbrellas were too expensive, as is always the case.
What is it with Disney characters and weird eyebrows? These look like Sharpie marks! Dad is also carrying way too much equipment. Perhaps Dumbo is trying to rob them. It might be a relief on dad’s back anyway. This child just wanted to enjoy some rides, not be lost in the folds of circus animal ears. It’s just a questionable atmosphere all around. Some people line up to wait for their favorite characters, but for the unlucky few that don’t want to be bothered, these guys approach you faster than an employee in a store that you don’t actually want to buy anything at.
4 Lean On Me
Disney Land: home of the most disproportionately sized body parts on Earth! Is that a hula-hoop under his pants, or are those just some nice hips? It looks like this girl is trying to give him something, like a piece of advice on how to not instill shock and fear into the hearts of children with his paper mache face. It looks like someone came in to strike a punch to Mickey’s face already, which is unfortunate. Or is he just deflating?
His hat is probably the item that is weighing down his head, but I guess that's the one thing that's an appropriate size on him. His pupils are so low that the only thing he can do is stare cross-eyed at his nose, which means he’s not really paying attention to these guests.
Also, there's no denying that this girl is in a state of mid-regret, wishing that she had just chosen to enjoy the rides rather than approach this guy. He’s about to crush her with his face, and they’ll topple over and roll down into It’s A Small World, riding it hundreds of times until they become mad and join the animatronics forevermore. Hopefully that didn’t pan out, but you truly never know.
3 Snow White Finds Grumpy
“No, I don’t have any apples for you, but I wish I did so you’d leave me alone.” This girl isn’t afraid like so many other children. She’s inconceivably annoyed that a woman wearing a dated gown would approach her while she’s trying to eat. Similarly to telemarketers, they always seem to get you just when you’re enjoying those first bites of food. They just charge in and take over the scene, pausing the meal. In this scenario, the family actually paid to be bothered.
So this little girl is even angrier that they would condone such behavior.
Why is Snow White so excited damn to be intruding on this girl’s valuable time? They say that you have all the time in the world when you’re young, but this little girl knows that things have to get done early in life if you want to enjoy the fruits of success. Snow White only enjoyed the fruits of poison. This little girl is smart, blocking out the negativity, and going to continue on with her meal. Hopefully it was cooked to her liking. In the future, she’ll have to remember not to make reservations at places with nosy people like this. The nerve!
2 Mulan's Face Says It All
Mulan appears to share the same feelings as this baby, and they both just want to go home and take a nap. That kid isn’t even wearing proper Disney attire—clearly this kid isn’t trying to make an impression, and is wondering why the family decided to go on this particular vacation. Mulan isn’t adhering to the typical Disney code of always keeping a shining attitude in the face of adversity.
She knows that the family understands the uphill battle that is getting a child to take a decent photo. Hopefully everyone involved will enjoy this memory at some other point in life. Mulan isn’t here to hold babies. She wants to go back to her life of being a symbol for independent women who realize other values in society!
She’s a modern woman, and she doesn’t want to waste this kid’s time unlike the many other mascots that have been featured throughout this list. Perhaps the kid sees a piece of Mickey-shaped ice cream melting on the bench, and just wants to crawl over and reach it before the ants do. Anything would be better than posing for photos that you never asked to be in.
1 No Photos, PLEASE
When Mickey pulls you back to watch Goofy twerk, and you’ve just had it with paparazzi today. This kid just wanted to enjoy some Mickey waffles, Mickey ice cream, and various other Mickey-inspired treats that confuse you into wanting to eat your favorite characters. He’s just trying to grab those Fast Passes before the wait times become too much, and Mickey and Goofy are back at it with their regular shenanigans. It’s just too much to bear!
Goofy was never meant to be a competitive dancer, let alone a dog who busts out the latest dance moves for what was supposed to be a sweet family photo!
Mickey has an extremely disturbing face at this angle, and his large pupils are attempting to hypnotize this kid into telling his parents to buy $200 of merch in the Disney store to get a 5% discount. Something like that. Whatever the case may be, it’s too much to handle all in one minute. Luckily he was smart and shielded his face from the camera, blocking his parents from getting a decent photo and forcing them to move on. Hopefully the rest of the day was better, and without surprises from twerking animals in human bodies.