Kids can be a lot of fun. Their young minds offer fresh perspectives on life's many troubles, while their vivid imaginations open up a whole new world. Yep, kids sure do a lot of neat crap that grownups enjoy. But kids have another side. A dark side. A side that freaks out over the tiniest little thing. It's a spastic side that is blind to reason and cannot be placated.
Kids have got a real Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde deal going on. It's a little creepy. They can go from nice and sweet to infant hell beast in .02 seconds. Their ability to blow things out of proportion is so intense that we're actually jealous. That's why we have major respect for these 15 kids who literally can't even right now.
15 Doughnut party freak out
We can't really blame this kiddo. We mean, if someone brought us a doughnut cake and then sang "Happy Birthday" to us (whether it was our birthday or not), we would lose it, too. We would cry like this youngster, but ours would be tears of joy.
If someone brought us a doughnut cake, we'd be all like, "You brought us a pyramid of chocolate glazed Shipley's doughnuts with sprinkles on top? Oh, man. This... this is too much! You're the best friend ever! We mean that! We love you, man. We would do anything for you. What's that? You want a doughnut from our cake? Hey, am-scray, alright? Go get your own damn doughnut cake." Maybe that's the real reason why this little boy is upset—because he has to share his precious doughnut cake.
14 Be careful what you wish for
Is this kid upset because he wanted to walk the dog, but now he doesn't want to walk the dog and he has to walk the dog? Or is it because he wanted to walk the dog and got to walk the dog and he simply cannot believe his luck? We can't say for sure. It's been a long time since we were capable of understanding little kid logic. We don't know why they cry about half the sh*t they cry about. And, if we did, we would probably just laugh harder at these pictures.
Doesn't this boy realize that there are thousands of kids around the world who would love to have a dog to walk? Walk your doggie with a smile on your face, boy. And do it fast, because that bulldog is #OverIt.
13 Mum, how could you?!
What?! Another name?! How could this be?! Your name must be Mum! It's what Julia has been calling you for all two years of her life! What kind of monster has a name other than Mum?!
Poor kid. We laugh, now, but we were in her shoes at one point. The day we learned that our mom and dad had actual names like everybody else was a real turning point in our lives. When we found out Mom and Dad were actually Susan and Daniel, we felt years older. That knowledge matured us. We may have been toddlers, but we felt like slightly older toddlers. That's what some information will do to you. It'll blow your mind, rock your world and make you have a major meltdown, just like this girl.
12 Easter Bunny conspiracy
Wake up, other kids in Timmy's daycare. You all mocked him for his beliefs. You called him a conspiracy theorist. You laughed and pointed at him and made him eat dirt on the playground. Well, no more. You see this? You see what's happening? The Easter Bunny has come into the classroom, just as Timmy predicted! That formidable rabbit is here to hide eggs and steal souls—and he's all out of eggs. The impending apocalypse is nigh. All hope is lost. Goodbye, fair friends of Sunnydale Daycare. See you all in hell.
Remember how we said kids really like to blow things out of proportion? That's made obvious in this picture. Poor little guy. He can't even right now. That's understandable, though. Even we think guys in giant costumes are creepy.
11 The most effective form of birth control
This picture doesn't do much if you're trying to convince childless couples to start a family. In our experience, the whole "Hey, you two should have a kid because he/she will throw up all over their high chair and then you'll have to clean it up to prevent him/her from playing in it" argument is ineffective. In fact, the one time we did use that stance to try to persuade a few of our friends to have a baby, they unfriended us on social media and we never spoke to them again.
It's a good thing kids are so cute and funny, because they are also hella gross. Seriously, kid. Playing in your own vomit? That's disgusting. You just be glad you have parents who are good enough to put up with that sh*t.
10 Petting zoo catastrophe
This is reckless parenting, is what this is. We can't believe a mom and dad would be so careless as to take their young son to a petting zoo. What poor judgement they must have to have purchased him the little Dixie cup full of livestock feed. And, more to the point, what sort of sadistic minds must those parents have to allow these adorable goats to eat said livestock feed from the palm of their precious child's hand? We find this outrageous, and frankly, it will not stand.
Someone needs to sit down with this little boy. It's time for "The Talk." That's right. Others may disagree. They might say he's too young to know about that stuff. But we believe he's plenty old enough to know that you can feed the animals at the petting zoo.
9 Fruit snack packet betrayal
Okay, can we just talk for a second about how this kid looks like he's nearly thirty-two? You should quit crying about your irreparably damaged fruit snack packet, because you have got bigger problems than that, friend. You're wearing footie pajamas and living at Mom's house when you should be starting a family of your own. Time to hit the pavement, pal. Time to start looking for a job. Put on that suit and tie your dad bought for you and start circling want ads in the newspaper. You're old enough to be buying your own fruit snacks.
All kidding aside, we've felt like crying when this happens to us, too. Why? Why can't the wrappers just tear along the top the way they're supposed to? *Sniffs* It's just *sniffs* not fair!
8 Grin and beer it
Come on, Dad! Give Junior a beer. Daycare has been a real b*tch, lately. He may be less than a year old, but even infants need something to take the edge off every now and then. Let's see you deal with snot-nosed, paste-eating runts all day and not knock back a couple of beers just to cope.
What is up with this age limit on alcohol consumption, are we right? Chill out, Dad. It's not like Junior's going to drink and drive. Hell, he can't even talk, he's not going to go blabbing about this. What could possibly go wrong? Look, just be a dear and pop a top on one of those lagers, pour it into a sippy cup and leave it where Junior can reach it. It'll be your little secret.
7 Time to buy Johnny some toys
What do you mean he can't take his unwrapped tampon with him to run errands? He's not hurting anybody. Besides, that Playtex tampon is just so darn absorbent! What if something happens while you're out? What if something needs to be absorbed? What if someone needs eight hour protection? You never know when an open tampon might come in handy.
We hate to criticize a child, but Johnny's fascination with feminine hygiene products is starting to get a little creepy. Like, it was funny when he stuck Mom's pantyliners all over his body, and he got a chuckle out of everyone when he started keeping pads in his pockets, but this is over the line. No more feminine hygiene products, kid. Ask Mom and Dad to by you some Legos.
6 Maybe she needed it for her taxes
Little Cindy lost the receipt that her parents got from the Shell station down the road, and now her friends will never believe her when she tells them that they got gas for $1.20 a gallon. We're not sure why a bunch of toddlers would care about gas prices, but whatever. Like we said, we're not well versed in little kid logic. Discussing the prices of petroleum based products might be a favorite past time among youths, for all we know.
Also, shout out to the guy in the background with the little girl on his shoulders. Hey, you two. Thanks for participating in this toddler's meltdown photo. It might sound like we're being sarcastic, but we're not. The puzzled looks on both of their faces turn this amazing photo into a masterpiece. This belongs in a museum.
5 Mom and Dad are such joy kills
Moms and Dads have this reputation for being "uncool," and they can never figure out why that's the case. So, if you're a parent, and you're reading this right now, take a good look at the picture above. You want to know why your kids think you're lame and non-awesome? It's because you joy kills won't let them drown in random ponds. Honestly, it's like you don't trust them, or something. It's not like this toddler was making absurd requests, he just wanted to cannonball into that body of water and drown. What's so wrong with that?
Ugh. You parents. You're just so overbearing. "Don't play with matches," "Don't run through the house," "Don't drown in that pond." Let the kids have some fun every once in awhile, would ya?
4 The price of not cutting the cheese
"Noooooo! Mom, don't you know anything? You're supposed to cut the cheese, not break it! We're not savages, here, okay? We have butter knives we can slice stuff with. There's no need for such uncivilized dairy tearing. Your lactose intolerance is disappointing. It shows a greater underlying contempt for food groups. I know we're from different generations, Mom, but being born in the '80s is no excuse for being prejudiced against cheeses."
This little boy's mom tore some cheese apart. Why is that a bad thing? Did this cheese tearing signal the end of the world? If we look out of our window, are we going to see that everything is on fire? 'Cause unless muenster ripping is the final seal that signals the start of the end times, this kid should probably calm down.
3 Another good bath time goes down the toilet
Now, if you ask us, we think Mom was perfectly right in preventing her adorable daughter from washing her face with the sponge the family uses to clean the toilet bowl. Indeed, we think most people will agree with us on this. Germs exist, and they are something that you definitely don't want around your kid. So, keeping the toilet sponge away from children is a fabulous idea. But, if you want Nancy's take on this, she couldn't disagree more.
You see, the toilet sponge blue, and blue is Nancy's favorite color. As it happens, sponges are also her most favorite things. As you can see, Nancy has a solid argument for being allowed to use the toilet sponge on her face. However, we've spoken to the judges, and the "toilets have germs" argument still stands.
2 Why does the world hate Kevin?
This is Kevin. Kevin has a problem. Kevin has been up since four this morning, and it's now one o'clock. He climbed up on the counter and found Mommy's secret Red Bull stash. The buzz lasted for a good while, but now he's coming down hard. He's sleepy, he refuses to be put down for a nap and, as if it could possibly get any worse, his egg carton won't fit perfectly into this plastic tub. Kevin is having an undeniably hard time. Now, here's our question to you: why does life hate Kevin?
If only Kevin knew that life only gets worse from here. It's all downhill from this egg carton in tub incident. Save your tears for later, bud. There will be plenty of reasons to cry when you become an adult.
1 Doggone it
"Dammit, Mom! Why can't you understand that this is important to me? It isn't enough that I can fit through the sliding glass door. If I can't wedge my infant ass through this too small opening, then I don't even want to live in this cruel world. Now, quit taking pictures of me for the internet, and go grab the Country Crock. If I can rub my entire body in butter substitute, I think I'll be able to squeeze in and out of this doggie door as easily as our chihuahua!"
We thought about trying to explain to these kids that all the stuff they're crying about is trivial and meaningless. However, we doubt they would understand. Besides, watching them lose it is hilarious. Thanks kids! You guys made our day.