Summertime is here, and there's nothing we can do about it. Now, some people are thrilled about this weather. They see the temps rising, they see the sun's unrelenting rays beating down on the world, but instead of hiding inside and cranking up the A/C to do double time, they don their swimsuits, grab their beach towels and head out for some poolside fun. We admire their willpower, we really do. They look at that sweltering weather and see, not a good reason to stay inside and eat Popsicles while having a movie marathon, but a great excuse to go outside and get sunburned while sweating uncomfortably.
To us, it's amazing that anyone would ever willingly venture out into that heat, but they do. Every summer, these people flock in droves to beaches to build sandcastles and splash around in the ocean. It's cute, almost, the way they refuse to let the sun defeat them. So precious. But also, highly unrealistic—at least, it is for us because there's no way in heck we would be caught out there. Call us crazy, but we're not too excited about summertime—and here are 15 memes anyone who feels the same way can relate to.
15 Summer definitely isn't goth-friendly
People like us who dislike summer know that it can't stand up to superior seasons, like spring, fall, winter or that one season of The Office when Jim and Pam got married. And because we love these other seasons so much more than summer, it's a lot easier for us to find clothes suited to those cooler seasons. And let's talk color, too. Colors like black, dark gray, dark brown, dark...dark? Well, whatever. Point is, wearing dark colors in the summer is a bad idea because a) it looks silly and b) these colors absorb the heat—and, as we've already established pretty well by now, the heat? It's so *groans*
Still, even for those of us who can't stand the summertime, there's this pressure to get out there and enjoy it. TV commercials, magazine adverts and even our own friends are constantly nipping at our heels: "Time to go outside, it's summer! Get out there and enjoy the sun, it's summer! This *amazing* weather won't last long, it's summer!" And we don't want to let these people down, so we try to have fun. But in the end, we just wind up ridiculous and sweaty in our grim reaper costumes out there in our flamingo floaties.
14 We'll just keep what little cash we have in the bank, thanks
Living costs money, and as the season change, the way we spend our money changes, too. During the fall, we spend our cash on fall-related stuff, like gourds and comfy sweaters and Halloween candy. In the winter, we use our money to buy holiday presents and Christmas candy, and in the spring we use our money to buy cute springy outdoor décor and Easter candy. Huh. We never noticed this before, but maybe this is the real reason we love the other seasons more. It's because there's holiday candy in fall, winter and spring, but none in summer. Come on, summer, get with the program!
But we guess the reason there's no summer-specific candy is that it has other treats associated with it, like root beer floats and ice cream. It's also got another treat associated with it, but it's not something that can be eaten, only something that can be experienced. It's called a "summer vacation", and, sure, with a word like "vacation" in the title, that makes the concept sound pretty swell! Sadly, it's not, because vacations cost money, and while most of us can cough up enough cash for holiday candy, we can't all afford a four-month stay at a Sandals resort.
13 Summer involves exercise? Ugh!
Summer is so hot. It's the hottest season there is. In fact, that's its defining quality. And while we would say that summer's heat is a great excuse to stay indoors with a box fan pointed directly at us, by society's twisted standards, summer is the perfect time to get outside and get physical. Personally, we think summer should be about trying to stay as cool as possible. But, no.
Every stereotypical summer activity is fitness related, and, consarnit, that is just ridiculous!
In the summertime, one doesn't even have to move in order to break a sweat, but apparently, that's not good enough for the summer rule enforcers. No, no, no. What we all need to be doing is getting up off our lazy backsides and doing stuff. Run along the beach, Baywatch style. Roller skate down a boardwalk with a bottle of Coke in each hand, like you're a car hop and this is the '50s. Swim until you no longer know if that liquid dripping in your eyes is ocean water or your own sweat. And, if you can't swim, then tread water for a few hours, you non-summer loving piece of crap. Just shut your cake hole and do it, you're spoiling the fun!
12 Extra adipose tissue isn't summer-friendly
Hey, how come everyone has to accommodate for summer? Why is everyone always like, "I have to exercise now that it's springtime because I want to be toned and fit for summer!" Oh, yeah? Well, what has summer ever done for you? What has summer done that it deserves to see you looking at your best? All summer ever did was make going out of doors unbearable, and you want to repay it for that?
Meanwhile, the superior season are over here shaking their heads. Fall, winter and spring never asked us to get smokin' hot bods. There they were, accepting us for the imperfect piggies we are, telling us to cover up our lack of physical fitness with extra layers, and yet we all essentially flip them the bird by choosing to get in shape for the barbaric season that is summer. That don't make a lick of sense! Summer, we don't like you. Not one bit. You're so hard to please, and on top of all of that, you don't even reward our hard work with decent weather, you just make us sweaty and miserable. Well, you can shove it, summer, because we like the extra 20 pounds we gained over the winter. Suck on that!
11 Silly rabbit, summer vacations are for kids!
And, you know something else? Even if we were summer lovers, and even if we would love nothing more than to say "surf's up" unironically, there's still no way that we would be able to. Why, you ask? Because we're adults. We're grownups. We haven't known the hidden pleasures of a summer vacation in years! Only kids can enjoy the summer because it's the only time of the year when they're out of school (save for the other, smaller vacations they get in between). Kids are still kids, they have no real responsibilities, they can have a carefree summer. Us adults, on the other hand, cannot.
As grownups, our summer vacation plans include not having summer vacation plans because we have bills, and they won't pay themselves.
We don't like summer. You probably figured that out by now, and chances are if you're here, you feel the same way. But, we mean, like, who wouldn't rather be building sand castles and hunting for seashells and running through sprinklers than stuck inside behind a desk all day? We would like a little personal holiday, too, but we're not kiddos anymore, which means that we have to deal with these icky responsibilities. It's pretty blah, but it's also whatevs.
10 It's summer, so prepare to be moist
Hmm. Just going over our list of things that we wanted to complain about regarding summer here really quick. *Flips pages on clipboard, checks off a few boxes* Yeah, uh-huh. Looks like we're right on schedule. Oh, hang on. Actually, we just remembered another beef we have with summer that we're not sure if we've mentioned yet. Our biggest issue with the summertime? THE HEAT. Alright, okay, so we were being sarcastic. We know we've gone on and one about the sweltering temps, but it's just so. Freaking. Hot outside. How are we supposed to survive, let alone have a good time!?!?
Summer means sweating from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep, and possibly in between, but thank goodness you're not conscious so you don't have to endure the suffering. At least there's a small respite from the moisture, even if you have to be asleep in order to get a break from it. Anyway, this meme is so us when people start detailing what they're going to do this summer and how they're so excited about it. We mean, we're happy for you and all, but, sorry, we can't hear you through the buckets of sweat dripping off us right now.
9 It's 2018, and science still hasn't figure out how to fix this
We figured we would jazz things up a little, so instead of complaining about summer right off the bat, we're going to fight the urge and complain about something else instead. It's called science and the state of technology. Don't get us wrong, we think all of these techno gadgets are the stuff. Thanks to all of these wicked awesome modern inventions, we can converse with people thousands of miles away from the comfort of our living room. We can engage in name-calling with complete strangers and get into pointless arguments in which neither side has any intention of learning anything from the other, all from our overstuffed armchairs at home.
Yet, in spite of all of the cool things scientists and tech-innovators have done for us, they still can't figure out how to make the seat belt clips stay cool in summer.
Listen, how about instead of giving us another new iPhone, you guys just work on keeping those hunks of metal stay cold even when they're sitting in direct sunlight. Every time we reach for that thing, we end up going to the E.R. for treatment for third-degree burns. Let's get this fixed. The nerve endings in our hands thank you in advance.
8 Sadly, that's not even an exaggeration
Say, in all this talk about summer, did we forget to mention the heat? Because that's definitely the biggest factor at play here when it comes to loathing that season with every fiber of your being. You guys, it is as hot as the underworld out there, and if you think we're just engaging in hyperbole to make point, take one look at that weather forecast up there. Sure, somebody probably just made a typo, but you step outside at any given time during the summer months, and if you make it back indoors alive, then just try to tell us it doesn't feel like it's 936-degrees out there.
It's so hot, one of our friends left a leftover box of Peeps from Easter on the dashboard of his car, and when he came back a couple of hours later, the Peeps were gone. They had turned into a sugary, marshmallowy soup of sweet sadness. We mean, he still ate them because, you know, Peeps. How can you resist them, even when they've melted, right? But still, it's a flipping oven out there, and summer lovers still have the nerve to get excited about this season! We're just sick of it, is all. *Turns on handheld fan mister*
7 We're melting, melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!
Summer rolls around, and even if you're like us and you can't stand this season, life still goes on. Time marches along like it's not a billion degrees outside, which doesn't seem the least bit fair, by the way, because it's easy for an intangible concept like time to keep ticking when it's not physical or tangible in any way and, therefore, incapable of feeling the effects of the heat. Still, the fact remains, life doesn't get put on hold just because the mercury in the thermometers are starting to rise. Unfortunately.
At some point during the summer, we're all going to be forced to face our greatest fear: doing things.
We're sorry to say it, but just because it's summer doesn't mean you won't have to go outside. Your friends and coworkers may very well be summer lovers, even if you're not, and they're going to invite you to things like backyard barbecues and birthday parties and other outdoorsy shindigs, and at some point you're going to run out of excuses as to why you "just can't make it" there. At some point, you're going to have to endure the heat, and that's when you'll think of this meme and internally go, "SAME."
6 Summer really bugs us—in more ways than one
Bugs are icky on a good day, but they level up from a 10 on the grossness scale to a 50 when they start swarming around you on a hot day when you're already drenched in sweat. Come on, mosquitoes, we know bloodsucking is your thing, and we know we've all got a job to do, but why now? Why are you going to bite us when we're soaked through with our own perspiration? This situation is bad enough, you're doing nothing in the way of alleviating the discomfort. Indeed, you're making this significantly worse.
There are two places to stay in the summertime where you're guaranteed to remain free of sweat and bug bites: in the house and underwater, and since you have to go outside in order to get underwater (unless you're super fancy and have an indoor pool, that is), then your best bet is to just lock your doors, turn the thermostat down a couple hundred degrees and hunker down until this whole "being summer" thing blows over. We mean, if you want to risk getting chewed up by all manner of disease carrying insects, then by all means, head outside. As for us, we'll just sit inside with our push pop and chill.
5 When even your air conditioner can't save you
Summer takes its toll on all of us, but do you know who really ends up taking one for the team during those stuffy, humid months? Our air conditioners. Whether you've got central air conditioning or you rely on window units and portable A/C's to cool your house down during the hottest time of the year, you need to pause for a sec and go thank them for their service. If it weren't for our air conditioners, we don't want to be melodramatic, but we're pretty sure we'd stop being alive.
And to think, hundreds of years ago people didn't have air conditioning. Instead, what they had was extra layers of stifling clothing to help keep them cool.
Can you see the flaws in that logic? Because apparently people a long time ago couldn't. Seriously, how did anyone do anything back in the 1800's and before, with their petticoats and hoop skirts, and their wool jackets and flannel waistcoats? These are the thoughts we think up as we lay awake in a pool of our own sweat at night because, even though our A/C is on, it's still so hot outside that we can't even tell. It's so hot. It's just so stinkin' hot...
4 Getting a good night's sleep in the summer is well nigh impossible
Alright, here's the deal. We need to stay cool at night, what with it being a hundred degrees outside during the day. We need to stay cool in order to fall asleep. We also need to be under the covers when we sleep because, reasons. However, snuggling up under the covers is sure to result in our becoming uncomfortably hot, while not snuggling up under the covers will keep us cool, but is sure to result in our becoming uncomfortably not snuggled up. Do you see the conundrum that we face? Do you understand the struggle we go through each and every night? Because it's enough to drive a person mad.
If summer is going to force us to be sweaty from dawn 'til dusk, then the least it can do is lay off at night and send in some cooler weather so that we can get the good night's sleep we need to face another day out in its sweltering wasteland. That's not so much to ask, is it? We don't think we're being unreasonable, we just want to get comfortable enough to go night-night. But it seems nothing short of camping out in a meat locker at night is going to make that happen.
3 You think we're joking, but you're wrong
Oh, say...maybe we don't have to camp out in a giant walk-in freezer to cool off, after all! Looks like all we have to do to cool off is stand half-nude in front of an open refrigerator. Sure, it'll make things a little awkward when your roommate unexpectedly brings guests over, and you're standing in the kitchen in front of the fridge with your robe open, but just give those random strangers a polite nod and a good ole "how ya doin'?" and that should smooth things over in no time.
Look, at this point, we don't care how many strange looks we rack up from people we don't know. We'll do anything to cool down. ANYTHING!
We love our air conditioners. We wouldn't be able to make it through the summer without them. But sometimes, like right after you come back in from being outside, or like when you're trying to cool down enough to cover up and go to sleep, the air conditioner just doesn't have what it takes to lower your body temp. Sometimes your A/C doesn't have what it takes to get the job done, and that's when you have to bring in the big guns. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
2 Actual footage of us every dang day during the summer:
Summer's rough. We've gone over the reasons times enough by now, you don't need us to keep reiterating them. But, somehow, you make it. You just take it one day at a time, and before you know, summer starts waning—and we don't just mean "raining" with a speech impediment, we mean summer finally makes it's way out, and you can go from being this guy, who steps outside, realizes it's not worth it, then immediately turns around and goes back inside, and you can be you instead. Sounds great, right? Summer is tough, but it can't last forever. Or...can it!? No, no, wait, it can't. Just got a little carried away, there. Sorry.
Summer seems like it goes on and on, but at some point, it makes its way out. It's then that we can all finally dare to venture outside. Even a slight break in the unrelenting heat, like going from 90-degree temperatures to 80-degree temperatures, can act as an oasis in the middle of a bleak and hopeless heat desert. Now, summer may not be making its grand exit yet, but rest assured, it will. And when it does, then it'll be our time to shine. In the meantime...looks like we're going back inside.
1 *Waves wistfully at fall*
It's too soon to say adios to summer now, but the day's coming. All we have to do is try not to have a heat stroke, because fall is right around the corner! Kind of! Well, not really, we've still got, like, four more months of this crap, but then it will all be over, you mark our words! And when the above ground pools are disassembled and the kiddos are put on buses and shipped back to school, that's when we'll take our too-big sweaters out of storage, grab a mug of cider something and start living life on our terms one again.
Summer may have knocked us down, but it'll never take us out. Why? Because Mother Nature's got a secret weapon that'll nip summer in the bud. It's called fall. Or autumn, depending on your preference.
As much as we can't stand summer, we keep all of that extra, unused portions of our love in an overflowing reservoir of adoration for fall. We can't shower summer with affection, it's just not in us to love something that mistreats us with unbearable heat and bugs and blah, blah, blah. But fall? Heck yeah! That's something we can get behind! Halloween, here we come!