We literally cannot surf the web without an ad coming up on the side of our browser with clothing or items that tickle our fancy. How on earth do they know that I would be looking exactly for that item once Friday evening hits and I'm a three-glasses deep in Chardonnay?! I mean, my wallet doesn't know it yet - but my web browser seems to know me all too well. How is this so? Cookies, cookies, cookies. No, not the delicious chocolatey dough balls you put in the oven, but a web cookie that remembers web URL's you have been on which will later connect you to other similar sites from your browser history.
Although these web cookies are totally creepy, they are super helpful when it comes to us who love to dangle in online shopping. Why get dressed and sit in traffic to shop when you can sit at home with one hand in a bag of Doritos and the other on your MacBook? If you're totally on my page, here are 15 memes that describes anyone who shops online.
15 We Don't Want To Pay For Shipping
You're a liar if you said you didn't care about the price of shipping. There is nothing more frustrating than treating yo' self to a $500 online shopping spree when all of a sudden you need to pay an addition $15 for shipping and handling? Excuse me? What exactly does $15 in shipping and handling actually get me?! Will the package be in my arms within the hour? Will be it be handled by people who wear gloves made out of gold? Do I somehow become a FedEx valued member for life? It's atrocious. There should be a universal flat fee.
I hate come Valentine' Day or family birthdays when I want to send a bouquet of flowers from Groupon or some online seller. The flowers are $19.99—score! Oh wait...there's a $30 sipping and handling fee. *Closes browser.*
14 Sometimes, We Don't Follow Through
We all have those days where online shopping seems like a good idea. One minute you're checking your emails, and the next thing you know you're browsing Etsy and have 15 items in your bag. Do I really need a shelf hand crafted out of cedar? Eh, probably not. Should I really but three sweatshirts that say "Boy, bye" in three different colors? I'm gonna go with no. But it's the rush of finally finding things that ring true to you! We want to treat ourselves and somehow create reasons as to why we deserve these 15 items. Unfortunately, once we check out the total (everything on Etsy is handmade, you know) we give ourselves a sad pat on the back and laugh out loud as we slowly shut or MacBooks. Goodbye old friend, maybe next time...
13 Why Does There Have To Be "Seven Business Days"?
Who doesn't love when the products they just bought online will be on your doorstep in a week or less!? It's the ultimate high. Even though the email confirmation says we should have our package in 3-7 business days, we're feeling pretty lucky that we'd get it on the third day. But, to our misfortune, our package doesn't reach us until the last and final day.
The jig is up, e-commerce! Just be honest with us and say it will take seven days to ship! And hey, if it actually takes less than seven days, it's not like we would be mad. If anything, it would please us and we would most likely buy from you again for your speedy delivery. C'mon, guys. Show us you care and just get two-day delivery to escape all of this unwanted anticipation.
12 When The Item You Bought Looks Nothing Like The picture
The horror! There are tons of these kinds of pictures on the Internet. And though we all laugh at the comparisons, it's honestly unfortunate that companies get away with this. Does the dress on the right have an elastic band on the waist or thick straps? And the color is ridiculously off, along with the sizing. This poor girl on the left probably thought she was getting this bomb dress for a cheap deal and ended up with a potato sack that held frozen hash browns (presumably, of course). But that's the dice you roll when you online shop and buy what you can't try on. My rule of thumb is if the deal is too good to be true, it probably is. If you're looking at a website and the prices are totally unbeatable, do yourself a favor and Google their reviews, comments, and social media pages. See what other people are saying before you end up like this girl on the left...
11 No Bra, No Makeup, No Problem
There is something so comforting, so romantic, so freeing about online shopping in your robe with a glass of pinot. (And your MasterCard.) There are no other shops in the world that would allow this kind of personal behavior. Thankfully, practically every store we love has an option to buy their goods online. Can you imagine walking into Primark or Forever 21 with a cotton robe, sans the bra, and the baggiest sweat pants you own? And instead carrying a shopping bag, you're carrying an 8oz glass of wine. "Whoops - sorry, is this not allowed?" No, it's definitely not allowed, but it is allowed in the comfort of your own home where there are no other random customers to judge you. Just you, your online shopping bag, and elastic clothing.
10 The Only Acceptable Lie In A Relationship
There aren't many rules when it comes to online shopping. But there is one: never tell your significant other how much you spend. Ever. Under any circumstance. For starters, even if you don't have a joined account - they're going to judge you hard. Some people just don't understand the need to shop online. It's convenient and you don't have to be stuck between crowds of people; where's the harm? But for whatever reason, wether you pay $5 or $500, a pair of rolling eyes are coming your way. I can never tell if they'e just jealous or if they truly think we have some kind of addiction. So the next time they eye all those bags and boxes in the corner of your room and ask how much you spent, just say "those aren't mine" and change the subject. Boom.
9 Window Shopping Can Also Happen Online
Pinterest, food, and online shopping are all connected. Here's the breakdown: it all starts when you're in the mood to buy yourself or your loved ones some goodies. You pop onto Pinterest and star browsing your boards to see things you're constantly pinning but never buying. But whoops! On your way to your "Jewelry" board, you stumble across your "Dranks & Food" board and you can't just ignore that recipe for a handmade margarita. So, you click the recipe and at the bottom of the ingredients list is a link to a shirt with avocados on it. "Ah! I can totally wear this avocado shirt while making my homemade margaritas from Pinterest!" And all of a sudden you have five tabs open between alcoholic ingredients and styles of clothing that somehow match the fiesta you have planned in your head. It's a downward spiral that can take hours to get out of. Just close the browser and walk away slowly....
8 RIP Unpurchased Bag
I get emails weekly from random sites. No, they're not sending me coupons or love for being such a valued customer. They're reminding me that I had 20 items in an online shopping bag but never purchased. Stop emailing me! There's a reason I never purchased those items! I have a problem, okay!? I wanted to go all in and buy all those goodies, but once I saw the time and the total amount - I froze! If I really wanted those items in the cart, I would have bought them okay? I understand you're just doing your job and creepily remembering what I had in my cart, but the time has passed and I'm not longer in the mood to online shop. Leave me alone or I'm sending you ass right to my spam folder!
7 This Needs To Be A Thing!
Yes, yes, YAS. Things can really hit the fan when you first move in with your significant other and they find out how much time you spend online shopping. Worse yet, how much money you spend online shopping. However, if every company had an option where it offered a note that said, "Congrats girl, on winning this item!" This could avoid every major fight on our list! This way, your lover would just think you're really lucky when it comes to giveaways and free promotions. He/she doesn't need to know that you actually paid a dollar extra to have this note placed inside the box... But I'll tell you what, if this was an option, it would be the best dollar I've ever spent.
6 Wait, I Have To Pay?
Online shopping can be such a high. It's almost like a catalogue for everything we could ever want. Okay, that's exactly what it is. And once we see those four little letters blinking in bolded red: SALE, you bet your bottom dollar we're clicking that first. Sweaters starting for five dollars!? I'll take four, please. Once you take your eyes off the computer screen, you'll notice how giddy you are at all of these potential purchases! That is until you see how much it's going to cost you and your dollar amount still doesn't exempt you shipping costs. Rats!
There are some keyboard warriors who will still purchase what is in their bag, regardless of the price (God bless 'em). But there are even more of us who totally ex out of the browser once that totally flashes across our screen. As if we had NO idea the things we wanted cost money. #SMH.
5 Online Shopping Has No Strings Attached
Where are all my parents at!? If you have infants, toddlers, teenagers, or young adults - the struggle to shop or run errands is as real as it gets. A simple trip to Target to grab some kitchen utensils and throw pillows turns into a hide-and-seek game with you and your kids. "Where the eff did they run off to!?" Avoid the conflict, the yelling arguments, and the search party by staying home and shopping online. Come on, you can get everything you need from Amazon Prime and have it within TWO DAYS! Just thinking about it gives me chills. Trash cans, underpants, shoes, paper goods - someone please school me if there are things they can't find on Amazon Prime or by some other online store. Don't be like the meme above. Stay at home, folks.
4 Those Three Little Words: Out For Delivery
The words: Out for delivery, might as well be called Christmas morning. If we're at work, we're constantly checking the tracking update. And if we're at home, we're looking out our window like a dog does waiting for its owner. But if you're like one of the unlucky ones (like me), then your email will say, "Your package has been delivered!" and when you get home, your package is no where to be found. Uh, what gives!? You call the company and you're told someone needs to be present in order to accept the package.... WHY!? Just leave the package and get off my driveway. Trust me, I appreciate them wanting to make sure the package is in the right hands, but now my hopes are up for no reason and I have to wait until the weekend to sign for my package.
3 Thank You, Jesus!
On the contrary to the meme number four, it's one of the best feelings when we finally receive a package from our online shenanigans. If only the UPS person offered us a tissue when they delivered our gifts to us. Tears of joy and anticipation cover our cheeks as we sign for our package and run inside to rip apart our box. Thank you, life! It's at this moment we don't even care how much or how little we spent. It's the act of getting gifts during random days of the week that are totally worth it! Even if we bought them ourselves, there's no harm is buying ourselves some gifts is there? After all, self-love is the best love. And if that means gifting ourselves gifts because it's Tuesday, so be it.
2 This Needs To Be A Law!
Like, how is this not a law yet? Every website should tell you the options for shipping before you make your purchase. Once you select your goodies and check out your shopping bag. There should be three options for shipping; standard, expedite, and ground. If we're online shopping and need the items by Tuesday, then sure, be prepared to pay a hefty amount for shipping. But If there is no rush for when you receive your items, then the website should tell you the $3 or whatever it is for ground shipping. You should not find out how much shipping costs AFTER you bought your items! That's just cold blooded, and I refuse to buy something when there are hidden fees that I'm unaware of.
1 The Inner Battle With Ourselves
One of then biggest arguments we have when it comes to online shopping isn't with our significant other. No, it's with ourselves. Just look at Kermit the Frog having a deep conversation with himself. "You don't even need this. You have a problem. You need to stop..." Instead of listening to himself - he does the opposite and adds the item to his shopping cart and buys it! Ugh, Kermit, this is so us. No matter how many times we tell ourselves to stay away from lululemon, Zara, or Etsy, or somehow keep checking back for sales, discounts, or reward systems. If only our parents still paid our credit cards and didn't ask any questions. Like, "honey, is it true you spent $150 on coasters from Etsy?" Uh...this is awkward...no...yes...okay, it was a mistake....it was a mistake telling you...