Showering is probably the best part of the day, or the best part of every second (maybe even third in the winter) day if we're being honest here. It's the only time in most of our lives that we get to truly be alone. I can't answer any phone calls or power texts when I'm rocking out with my shampoo bottle microphone to the whichever song comes up next on my shuffle. But the best part of the shower is the last part of the shower where you just stand there and think about everything in the entire universe, your place in it, and how everything works. Yet the magical spell of genius ideas somehow ends when you turn off the faucet and all the brilliant ideas all circle down the drain. Luckily a few users at /r/showerthoughts were able to hold on to their shower musings and were good enough to share them with them world. So here are 15 of the most genius shower breakthroughs.
15 "Above our houses, there is no solid surface for many light years." -/u/Erikvd19
Other than gravity, the atmosphere, the stratosphere, and other science-y things if we lay on the roofs of our homes, there is nothing between us and the infinite cosmos. If all of those aforementioned science-y things stopped working what would keep us from falling upwards threw the sky and into space. If space wasn't a oxygen free vacuum death trap, we'd float among the stars, being illuminated by the beautiful light of the moon, and existing in the quiet solace for all eternity (that's ignoring the total chaos and science stuff that would cause death very quickly and painfully if we ever were to wander into our galaxy without the proper protection that has been tested against simulated space conditions and been stress tested by NASA ).
14 "Laptops should have a 'clean mode' button that disables the keyboard temporarily so you can wipe it down."-/u/thousandmilejourney
The only thing in my apartment that's dirtier than my laptop screen is my laptop keyboard. Sometimes I try to blow the screen or coax the little crumbs out with a Q-tip but I always end up hitting a miasma of keys and somehow my punctuation keys are now symbols from foreign languages, sticky keys (what ever that is) has been turned on, I've begun a video chat with my mom, opened 19 new tabs and closed the 5 I was using, stolen the declaration of independence, 'begun a land war in Asia and gone in against a Sicilian when death is on the line', sold my soul to Satan, and auctioned off my first born to the highest bidder. What I would love more than anything was a little button I could press to keep all of that from happening.
13 "When I play a video game, I go out of my way to talk to every person I see. In real life, I go out of my way to avoid talking to every person I see."-/u/Steakarino
People in video games have things to offer me, like jewels, side quests, cool weapons, and new skills to learn. People in real life only offer social anxiety, a chance of rejection and the humiliation that follows. Which would lead me to spend my trip home reviewing and obsessing over everything I did wrong and to sit on my couch with my cats while Netflix is streaming. But my glazed eyes can't see the screen because they are focused on this afternoon when I accidentally said "you too" when the waitress told me to enjoy my meal. Why am I allowed to speak- or even go out in public? Or even worse, I could run into a "sort of friend but not really because we haven't talked in 2 years but we occasionally like each others social media posts, wish each other happy birthday, and would be bummed if we found out the other one died" and have to awkwardly laugh my way through a conversation neither of us want to have until someone thinks of an excuse to leave without sounding like a jerk.
12 "If you're reading a book in public you're sophisticated, if you're reading the newspaper it's still socially acceptable, but if you're reading an article on your phone you're just another person glued to your phone."-/u/gcool7
"These gosh darn kids today with their farkakte technology! Back in my day we used to ignore people the old fashioned way (i.e. the right way) with books and newspapers and the like." said everyone old person ever. The snobbery goes even further than this. If you're reading a young adult fantasy or romance novel (or just the "wrong book" in general) you're vapid or whatever other word we use to insult teenage girls with. Reading on public transportation is a great way to pass the time, but somehow as soon as we place the media on a mobile device it becomes lazy, dumb, and wrong. What if I am deciphering the rosetta stone for fun or reading the bible in it's original latin? You don't know me, you don't know my life, you don't know how I like my cereal.
11 "The only place my cats have ever been outside of my apartment is the vet. I wonder if they think I go to the vet for 8 hours a day and feel really sorry for me."-/u/Eflood
You know when you're playing an RPG style video game that has the map on the bottom of the screen that gets filled in the more you explore? The only locations on your cats map is apartment, sunny spot I like to nap, shady spot I go when the sunny spot gets too warm, and vet. Your cat has no idea that there are beaches or amusements parks. Imagine explaining our government or public education system to him, or calculus (I don't even understand calculus what is my cat going to think of it); he would be completely blown away by our big human world. The only time where this isn't mind blowing is if you work at a vets office or from home.
10 "Gyms would be the best place to create a man-powered generator."-/u/dancingbanana123
Why isn't this a thing? If the gym members were aware of it, it wouldn't be considered slavery. Maybe they could get paid and people could work as human generators and power our modern world. Solar power is just so expensive to implement on the grand scale that we would need to make it a plausible alternative (and then we have to think about climates that don't get a lot of sun) and many people complain about the ugliness of wind farms so this seems like a legitimate option. Maybe we don't even have to tell the gym bunnies that they are powering all of the worlds electronics and just slip it into the terms and conditions of their membership form. Nobody reads that section anyway.
9 "The clog remover I just bought is literally money going down the drain."/u/Anacon989
After a night filled with grown up juice and adult fun (we watched R rated movies and stayed up way past our bedtimes) my old roommate decided that the bathroom sink was a far better place to unleash the entire contents of his stomach that the traditional option (the toilet.) Some shabby amateur plumbing work, 2 bottles of Draino (2 very expensive bottles of Draino), and a mighty jerk on the exposed pipe, we fixed the sink! Just kidding. The pipe disconnected and sprayed water all over the bathroom and my expensive hair and beauty products that I kept under the sink. We poured quite a large amount of money down the sink that fateful day. A day I will never forget.
8 "The Milky Way could very well be the galaxy with the most milk in it."-/u/PokemonPlayer9001
If you're like me and you think the idea that humans are the only life form that managed to evolve in the entire ever expanding known universe is ridiculous, then how reasonable is it to then assume that other milk producing life forms may or may not exist in other galaxies? However, it is slightly unrealistic to believe that those other life forms would evolve so similar to us as to feed their young with the same substance. Aliens may just feed their young with what we call slime and give to our children to play with. Maybe aliens play with milk and put slime in with their Coco-Puffs. Is the term "Alien" racist? Do you think the over citizens of the universe get offended when they see our films and media interpretations of them? I have to sit down now.
7 "Going on a blind date is like buying a scratch-off lottery ticket. There's the possibility that it could change your life forever, but chances are it won't have any effect on your life at all."-/u/justainsel
I've never been on a blind date (I'm one of those weird people that found someone they thought was cool in high school and then decided to hang out with them forever) but I have seen a lot of romantic comedies and we all know that television is the truest most accurate reflections of our human lives. And what I know about blind dates follows this statement quite actually, they are either comically awful and oozing conventionally unattractive traits like body odor strong enough that all of the overused axe in a middle school boys locker room couldn't mask or oddly hair moles. Or they are beautiful and charming but someone hurt them in their 20s and they are just learning to open back up to love and you have a beautiful montage where you wear overalls and throws bubbles or paint at each other then fall into a sofa laughing and looking at each other like you've never been happier.
6 "Shampoo, body wash, and conditioner should have grips on them so you don't drop the bottles on your foot, or break the caps on impact."-/u/xlcex
One of the greatest parts of showering (other than the amazing mind blowing barrage thoughts that we are currently knee deep in) is the unparalleled fun of the aforementioned solo musical number/imaginary concert you perform for your piles of bottles and other shower products. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm telling a hilarious anecdote on Ellen while I'm deep conditioning. And the only thing that would make this fantasy greater than it becoming a reality is the presence of grips to prevent the bottle from slipping from my hand and clattering noisily to the floor and having your mom knock on the door asking if you're okay in there honey. Or even worse, falling on my toe, causing my to slip and fall, knock myself unconscious, my butt will somehow block the drain, the tub will fill up with water, and I will drown. My mother will cry at my funeral and my father will curse out the beauty industry for refusing to put grips on their products. My cats will have to avenge my death and Sheldon can't hold a sword.
5 "The only reason celebrities always tell people to 'follow their dreams' is because they're part of the small percentage of people for whom that actually worked."-/u/probably_not_serious
It always bothers me when celebrities forget about how luck and chance is a huge factor in their success. Yes, it takes determination and hard work but not everybody can quit their day job and spend 10 hours everyday in open audition after open audition. If Scott Borchetta hadn't given Taylor Swift a record deal, she might still be in Nashville handing out demos at record labels. I know so many insanely talented people who weren't in the position in life to dedicate their time to their dream. Them not making it doesn't mean that they aren't as talented as those that do, or that they are inferior in anyway, it just means that someone gave the successful a chance to show the world what they have to offer.
4 "Mars is the only known planet to be inhabited entirely by robots."-/u/_Bandza
Hey! People who say no other planet has life forms on it! Guess what amigos? You're all wrong (well the little robot friends aren't technically alive but the Mars rover signs itself happy birthday and we've anthropomorphized it enough that this idea makes me sad so I say he is alive) because, thanks to NASA, humanity has created the universes first ever planet solely occupied by robots...to our knowledge. And if we keep ignoring the messages in our blockbuster sci-fi films and continue working on progressing our artificial intelligence programs (which both I and Stephen Hawking advise against) Earth may become the second planet solely inhabited by robots. Since the robots don't need oxygen to survive, maybe they could invent a space highway between Earth and Mars to see their brethren. I wonder how bad traffic would get on the interplanetary speedway during the space holiday season.
3 "Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon."-/u/Disco_Drew
It's not the worst thing that can happen to you. It doesn't affect much outside of the moment. It just really sucks for a bit. It ruins your moment. Everyone feels bad for you for a second and then you have to go get a new one if someone else doesn't replace the damaged goods first. One reason that spilling your beer is better than popping your balloon is that I'm not frightened by the sound of beer spilling. However the child who is crying because their balloon just popped doesn't know about taxes yet and thinking about taxes makes me cry so now I can't console the child because we are both crying and that doesn't help anybody. Man, I wish the biggest problem in my life was worrying about my balloons popping.
2 "Before record players, no one had sex to music without seriously weirding out the musicians."-/u/hikemix
However there is a bright side to this. The musicians didn't stop halfway through the playlist to yell ads at you at top volume because somehow, no matter what the medium is, ads are always a million times louder than whatever you're watching. Unless musicians used to stop their sets and pump out their sponsors. "You know, I am sure thirsty. And nothing quenches my thirst better than Davy's signature hard liquor. Can be used as a drink, an industrial lubricant, and blood stain remover." But fine dining is awkward enough, what with all the forks, the lack of spaghetti and meatballs on the menu, the weird looks the waitress gives you when you use your napkin as a bib, etc., without the added discomfort of trying to hold a conversation while the couple behind you are doing things that I am not at liberty to describe.
1 "Star Wars takes place a long time ago because we're watching a Galaxy far, far away and the light from that Galaxy is taking a long time to reach us."-/u/westleysnipez
Did you know that if aliens looked at our Earth right now through a telescope, they would see dinosaurs? And that the radio broadcasts that are being transmitted from Earth into the universe is only now getting to shows like "The Honeymooners?" I read these facts on the internet which means that they have to be true. This is the kind of shower thought I like; the kind that makes you want to lay on the ground, have an existential crisis, question everything, and slowly groan like Tina Belcher until I feel better. But maybe those dinosaur transmissions are a good thing. Maybe the aliens will see those ferocious beasts and think that the Earth is still inhabited by these monsters and will stay the space away from us. Or maybe the dinosaurs were the true owners of this planet and humans are the alien species who invaded, wiped the dinosaurs out, and took over.