Are you sitting comfortably? Because I'm about to tell you guys a horror story. This one starts off like any other. Generally, we're all pretty civilised, nice people. We go about our daily business. We're polite to the mail man and smile at people in the street. When someone knocks into us, we say sorry even though it wasn't our fault. We laugh at our coworker's unfunny jokes and nod even when we can't be bothered to really listen. It's fair to say that we're all 'good' people. And then... Something terrible happens.
When we haven't eaten for a while, all the politeness and niceties go well and truly out of the window. It's game over. All of a sudden we become a new, nasty, cruel shadow of ourselves. There's nothing we can do about it; we're hungry AF.
15 When you can feel the hanger coming
It starts as a little twinge in our stomaches. We can be sitting and relaxing or in the middle of work, and it will come. That little hunger pang might seem like 'no big deal' at the start, but you know that it's about to grow and grow. There's no way around this one. You frantically try to think why you're feeling peckish. You never normally let this happen. You're always so damn careful about it. And then you remember. You were in a rush this morning and you had to leave the house without eating breakfast. Nightmare.
The worst part is that you know things can only go downhill from here. You can see what's about to happen before it does and it's not a pretty thing. A mild form of panic comes over you.
14 But you try as hard as you can to be positive anyhow
But, you do your best to be polite. After all, you don't want to 'hulk out' at your friends and family. You don't want everyone to see what a terrible human being you are when that hunger strikes and you just can't even cope. So, you fix your face with your biggest, fakest smile and try to carry on. You act like nothing has happened; like being hungry is something that just happens to people now and then. You try to think about the most positive thoughts and remain as calm as possible.
Even as you're doing all of the above, you can feel the hanger bubbling beneath the surface. You may be smiling on the outside, but in your heart and soul rage is brewing and you just can't stop it. It's about to explode soon.
13 And then it takes full effect and you just can't
And then it really does. Your hanger takes full effect and you know that there's no saving you (or, frankly, anyone else around you) right now. Perhaps you could have done something a minute or so ago. Perhaps you could have made it all go away with a mere cookie or some chips. That time is over, though. Right now, the only thing that will make you happy again is all of the food in the damn world. You want tacos, pizza, fries, and burgers. What's more, you want all of the above right about now.
You look around the room. It's time to pick a fight. You wonder who your first victim will be and how things will go down. You can't say for sure, but you know that this day is about to get messy.
12 When you just try to sleep it off
If you're at home one thought crosses your mind. You could always just sleep it off, right? I mean, people aren't hungry when they're sleeping. They aren't even conscious. Save from making food, this is the best option right now. When you wake up, you will have the energy to make all the food in the world, but right now, you just can't even face it. It sounds like the best idea ever... Well, that's until you actually try it for yourself.
You lie there, in bed, thinking about snacks and food. Fantasizing about all the great stuff you could be eating right about now. It's a special form of torture that you're doing to yourself. You can't be bothered to get up and actually make something. But, on the other hand, lying here is basically hell on earth.
11 When you have to try to make small talk
On the flip side, if you actually have to be around people right now, there's one thing that will drive you actually insane. Trying to make small talk when you're hungry is like walking a tightrope over shark infester waters. One wrong move, and you're gonna end up falling and screwing everything up. It's going to be a blood-bath. You're not 100% sure whether people can tell that you're hungry right now. You can't judge your acting skills here. Are they buying the way you're acting? Or can they see right through this game?
It starts to occur to you how inane their chit-chat is. Anything that's not to do with food is basically irrelevant at this point. They should know that you don't give a damn about the weather or their cute new puppy.
10 But you only really want one thing
Because, at the end of the day, there's just one thing that you really want right now. You stare at their faces and their lips as they move. You're paying no attention to the words that they're saying. Instead, all of your focus is on not yelling at them. Really, what you want to do is open up your mouth and scream at them to get you some food. You know that that would be rude but it's still the main thing running through your head right now. There's no way you can avoid thinking about it.
You know that it's kind of illogical, but what you need right now is for this person (whoever they may be) to go out and get you something to eat. You wonder what it would take to make that happen.
9 When listening to people is just too much
Still, because of social conventions (or whatever), you know that you can't just walk away from the situation. You can't just stand up and leave during a conversation . That would be 'rude'. You're not sure why you're complying with this nonsense rule, but you were raised well, and so you're just going to have to sit there until this person is done with their story. It's excruciating to listen to them because they have nothing of use to say right now. Unless the words that come out of their mouths are 'I made tacos! Help yourself', you really don't care.
You don't want them to know that, though, because it might upset them. So, you try really really hard to care about what they are saying. You squint at them and try to listen to their dumb story.
8 When everyone around you is annoying AF
But, no matter how hard you try, there's one thought that keeps popping up in your mind. "Oh wow! This person is seriously annoying. How did I never realize this before now? They are the worst!" you think to yourself. Suddenly, every single person around you is annoying AF. You look around the room and just see a bunch of people that really get under your skin. These people used to be your friends, but now you're not so sure that you even like them at all.
You try to rationalise things. Perhaps this is just your hanger talking, right? You know it might be true. But you've started to notice the worst things about the people here. Like the way Karen always chews her hair when she talks. Pfft... Stupid Karen. She's the worst.
7 And then you start to get really, really mad
And then you just snap! Someone says something that you just can't handle. Maybe they are a little rude. Maybe they say something that you don't really agree with. Maybe they just breathe too damn loud. It doesn't matter what your trigger is, it's already too late. In an instant, you start to get seriously annoyed. There's no way that you can hide it anymore. You end up saying something in the meanest way and then everyone just turns and looks at you like you're the actual devil. *Gasp!* "How could you say that to Karen? She's always so sweet!"
You realize that you've made a mistake but there's no going back. You can't deal with this right now, and so you leave in hopes of finding food. That's the only thing that can solve this problem.
6 When a restaurant is WAY too busy
So, you get to a restaurant nearby, but low and behold, it's busy AF. (Of course, this is lunch time, and so everyone and their wife wants to eat something!) You stand in the queue for all of a minute and then it really starts to get to you. You being to act totally crazy. You start sighing at the people in front of you like it's their fault that the place is busy. You glare at the waitresses to let them know just how you feel. Basically, you're a terrible human being to everyone around you.
Then, when you realize that there's just no way you're gonna get food in the next five minutes, you leave. This was a waste of time and you know it. You need to check out your other options!
5 Oh, and the diet goes out of the window
You go home and see what's in the fridge. Then you remember that you were meant to be 'clean eating' this month. Damn it. No wonder you're basically starving all of the time. This is a real nightmare. You start looking through the things that you've got. There's nothing good in here. You've got some kale (gross), quinoa (yuk), avocado (gag), and some other fruit (boring)! You know that you're meant to be being good, but when you're hungry all of that goes away. All you care about is getting fed and eating something as soon as humanly possibly. It's so freakin' hard.
Finally, you just end up thinking 'ah, screw it'. Going on a diet might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but you knew then that it was never going to last.
4 So you decide to just order some takeout
So, you reach for your smartphone and do the unthinkable. You start to look at takeout places in your area. It's not like you fancy anything in particular. You just want something that will fill your belly and make you feel somewhat human again. It's a hard slog. You get even madder because you're looking at all this food online and none of it is in your tummy just yet. It's frustrating. What's more, there's too much choice. You don't even know where to begin. There are just so many restaurants out there! You can't pick just one.
You decide on a cuisine style - pizza it is! Then, you have yet another challenge; you need to decide what food you want. Who are you kidding eh? You want ALL the food on the menu.
3 When you can't be bothered with utensils
You sit at home patiently waiting for just one little thing. They said it would take 20-30 minutes and you've been staring at the clock on your phone ever since. It's been about 22 minutes so far... and counting. You don't understand what's taking them so damn long. You're about five seconds away from calling them back and then you hear it. When you hear that all too familiar knock on the door, you jump up from your seat. You can barely contain your excitement. This is IT! They have finally brought you some food. Hurrah.
You pay the guy and he leaves, but then you open the box... They haven't cut the damn thing. AGHH! What is this nonsense? You have no time to look for utensils so you just reach for the first thing nearby. You hunt for something that is vaguely sharp and rounded. You really don't care what. Ah, a CD... That will do the job nicely.
2 And when you're finally about to get food
When you finally get to reach for that first, cheesy slice of pizza, all your worries melt away. It might have taken you quite some time, but you got there and that's all that counts. Biting into that slice is like a special form of heaven. You know that everything will be okay from now on. Since you're so damn hungry, you eat the whole thing as fast as possible. You just can't help yourself. One minute you look down and there's a massive 12-inch pizza sitting in front of you. The next moment, you check, and it's gone forever. Yikes.
Still, you tell yourself that the diet will start again tomorrow. Today was just a blip. You couldn't help yourself. You needed sustenance and sometimes, we all go a little crazy when we need food, right?
1 Oh, and then you have to apologise to everyone
After the food coma has worn off, there's just one thing that's left to do. You need to go ahead and say you're sorry to just about everyone. You said some kind of mean things when you were hungry (especially to Karen... Poor Karen!). Now, you need to make things right with the people that you hurt. Sure, it won't be all that easy, but you hope that they will do their best to understand what has happened here. You're sure that they have been hungry before now. After all, who hasn't?
You go to them, with your tail between your legs, and explain that you are oh so sorry for the things that you said when you were hangry. You know that it's not okay, but you honestly hope that they can find it in their hearts to forgive you. And maybe, just maybe, they will do just that!