By this point, people are pretty familiar with Michael Scott. He's was the main character on the show The Office. The show provided its viewers with a great sense of what it's like to work in a dead end job, with no other prospects in life, and how your office becomes your family away from your family. Sadly, in every family, there's always that relative you can't get away from. This is Michael Scott. He fancied himself best friend, partner, and father to every one of his employees, much to their chagrin.
Every story below could easily have fit on The Office. This is primarily because a lot of the stories include the necessary "cringe" factor.
If you want us to believe your boss acts like Michael Scott, there needs to be a significant lack of social etiquette.
Please enjoy the stories below, and be happy your boss doesn't do anything like this.By this point, people are pretty familiar with Michael Scott. He's was the main character on the show The Office.
15 The Severed Head
To say this could be a scene from the show is an understatement. Elements of this story actually exist in multiple episodes. The idea that the boss would peek out from behind his doorway and watch his plan unfold is pure Michael Scott. If only there was a camera there to provide this redditor with a little respite.
I can't imagine that this severed head looked anything close to real. I mean it's a severed head. If people can't pull that off in the movies, why the hell would the boss think he could? Plus, I'm sure this redditor is used to this sort of thing, considering the next few stories also belong to him.
Maybe one day the boss will catch him off guard. I actually hope that happens, because we'll get another great story out of it, and maybe also the way to recreate the perfect severed head?
14 Mr. Bayer and Mr. Lyon
Mr. Bayer and Mr. Lyon. This is a joke that Bart and Milhouse might've played on The Simpsons. That is not a compliment. I see where this redditor is coming from. There's really nothing more satisfying than realizing you're being pranked, and refusing to give the prankster what they want – a reaction.
Here ,the boss left a note for the redditor that asked him to call "Mr. Bayer and Mr. Lyon". They can be reached at the Philadelphia zoo. You see where this is going... The boss has written a bear and a lion. It's one thing for the redditor, flustered and coming from lunch, to see a note and quickly get back to work (in fact, that's what a good employee would do) but to get enjoyment out of this in the way the boss seems to; the "giggling." Just disturbing.
So Michael Scott-esque I can't believe it.
13 The Fish
Ah, the old fish down the toilet trick. It's a classic, isn't it? Until it grows too big to actually work, and then you've got something deformed resting in your office toilet bowl.
Once again, this boss takes the Michael Scott cake. He sees a fish in the office tank has died, he takes it, and disappears into the washroom to flush it down the toilet. All good... except the fish is too big. Later, when the redditor goes into the washroom, they see a co-worker staring inside a stall. It's the fish. It's "pretty gnarly" but it's clear it's the fish.
The best part of this is when the redditor confronts their boss, the boss knows immediately what he did wrong, which is perfect for acting like Michael Scott (Step 1: Act like a kid).
I bet later on, he sulked in his office and looked up new fish to buy for the tank –probably smaller fish.
12 Small or Medium?
The level of cringe here is out of this world. What makes this awful is the boss first tries to do a good thing. The boss and the redditor meet with the assistant of one of their clients and the assistant compliments the boss on his jacket, explaining she wants one but it's out of her budget. He says he can get her a deal on it, he just needs her size. She responds "small or medium." Here's where he messes up. He doesn't take her at her word. He scans her like Predator and decides she should be a medium or large. Later, in the car with the redditor, the boss explains he didn't want to give her a jacket knowing it would be too small! It's a waste! This is understandable, but the level of disrespect here is kind of amazing, and it provided the redditor with a great story I'm certain they'll tell this one for years to come.
11 Smile Box
Let's consider how long it takes a boss to come up with a morale-booster for his or her employees. Let's imagine the average time it might take to come up with a decent idea (fully thought out) is half an hour. Now, let's consider how long it took this boss. My guess is they pulled a Dory, and didn't even stop to consider the fallout from this plan. To boost morale, the boss thinks of a "smile box". It is filled with a dollar, and you can have one if you stand by the box and smile for a full sixty seconds. As the redditor reports, everyone was still miserable, and all the dollars were gone in a matter of hours. My guess is people were actually even more miserable than before because their cheeks hurt from smiling. If we take a look at this with a wider perspective, the boss was paying their employees for happiness. I don't exactly know if that's morally wrong (I mean, that's kinda how being paid for work is already kind of like), but it's something I imagine a writer could include in a dystopian novel. Look for it in the next Divergent.
10 Eyes For The Clerk Girl
Ah, unrequited love. This actually provided The Office with must-watch material. Everyone wondered whether or not office flirts and best friends Jim and Pam would finally tell each other how they felt and beginning dating. SPOILER: They do, and they get married, and they have kids, and it's incredible.
Here, things go a different direction. You know the old adage, "if you're nervous to get in front of a crowd, just imagine them in their underwear?" Well, the boss explicitly states that's what he's doing when he stands in front of his 250 employees, and then he stares directly at the clerk girl and thanks her. This is a new level of cringe. I'm certain he had to attend multiple sexual harassment seminars if he kept his job at all. I just hope the poor clerk girl didn't feel too uncomfortable with the whole thing. According to the redditor... it was a pretty tough room.
9 "Please, introduce yourselves!"
This boss decides the best way for everyone to get to know each other is by introducing themselves. Okay, sure, with you there. Usually, you sit or stand in a big space, form a circle, and go around the circle telling the group a little bit about yourself. In this workplace, apparently, you state your name, your position in the office, and WHERE YOU WERE ON 9/11. Talk about morbid. As if people want to relive this horrific moment. Sounds like these employees were probably a lot more miserable than the Smile Box ones, although, I wouldn't put this 9/11 tactic past that boss either.
If I can offer a tip to any bosses reading this: Watch The Office. It's basically a guide to how not to manage an office. I genuinely think it will open your eyes to the trials and errors you shouldn't ever try in the first place. It might also inspire you.
8 Going-Away Party Sheet Cake
Everybody likes a good cake, so I can't totally blame this boss.
This redditor's boss bought himself a cake for his own going-away. Bold move, but I guess you want to make a splash when you leave so that your employees remember you. I don't totally blame this boss, because chances are he wasn't terribly great in the first place, but a cake for yourself might not be the way to go, especially because apparently, he didn't know how to share. I mean, come on! That's just bad manners.
I feel like even Michael Scott wouldn't be this selfish. In fact, as much of a... special boss... as he is, he cares about his employees. I mean, I wouldn't put it past Michael Scott to order a cake in a flavor no one wants (but himself), or to buy a cake that is way out of budget... but to not share it at all? That's going pretty damn far.
7 Those Classic Inappropriate Workplace Jokes
Another inappropriate joke for the office. First we got (if we want to call it a joke) the "imagine your audience in their underwear" and "thank you" joke. Not great. Not great.Here's something even worse. When a joke ends with genitals in mouths, it's going to turn the whole office off, no matter how much you might even like your boss. Now, in fairness, it doesn't sound like this boss was in particularly good graces with his employees anyway.
An inappropriate joke is a Michael Scott staple. You can't be like Michael Scott without it. Here, this might be worse than anything Michael ever said. Michael pokes and prods his employees until they give him even the smallest pity smile or laugh, but here, it doesn't sound like anyone was laughing, or even smiling for that matter. I imagine a room full of people staring at their shoes, and one lone boss grinning ear to ear as he looks from employee to employee, straining to find any semblance of a positive reaction.
6 Never Anything Work Related
This could be Pam, as one other redditor points out. On The Office, she worked as the receptionist, which basically meant Michael Scott used her as his personal assistant for everything from getting him lunch or pushing meetings, to slipping him fake post-it notes as an excuse for getting out of meetings.
Here, this Pam, this redditor, goes on to explain she never had to do anything "work-related" at all. Most of her job consisted of driving cross-country, creating schedules for the basketball team the boss coached in his spare time (I don't even want to think about what the team suffered), and shopping for ridiculous things.
If her boss was anything like Michael Scott, this redditor must have driven cross-country to go buy magic supplies so that he could perform a magic show to boost the morale of his baseball team. Pam, is that really you?!
5 Corporate Comes and Tries To Help
Corporate. This is an evil word to Michael Scott, despite the fact that throughout the series, he engages in an on-again, off-again relationship with one of the higher-ups, Jan Levinson, much to her own disappointment.
Someone coming from corporate usually meant (to Scott) they were stepping on his toes, and trying to usurp his oh-so-incredible position as regional sales manager. He gets territorial. He acts like a child. He can't help himself.
Here, this boss comes down to talk about racism in the workplace, sexual harassment, and so on. This is probably necessary if this boss is anything like Michael Scott and/or the other bosses that have been shared so far. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's an episode where Toby does try to organize a very similar talk.
This particular boss wants to take this opportunity to have her employees speak up about any times they felt uncomfortable in the office (because of the aforementioned racism or sexual harassment). When no one speaks up (of course), the boss calls out one of her overweight employees and asks how she feels when the rest of the office makes fun of her for always eating fast food at lunch. The employee begins to cry. Of course.
Oh, Michael... or should we say, Michaela?
4 Petsmart and The GM
Here's another tale of incomprehensible thought process.
At Petsmart, a boss notices that the welcome mat (inside the store) keeps moving in the way of the automatic doors. When the boss gathers all the store's employees to ask what's wrong with this, and no one speaks up, the boss doesn't say "someone isn't paying attention" or "this is just negligent behaviour, and it shows our customers we don't care," the boss instead says "more people are leaving than coming." This makes absolutely no sense when you consider every customer must come and go from the store. None of the employees pipe up to explain this (fair enough) and instead take the misguided instruction from the boss like champs, and go back to work. Maybe the boss will figure it out one day... Maybe one day, when they're headed out, they'll have an epiphany and gather the employees for a triumphant speech. Wouldn't that be something?
I'm not certain Michael Scott did anything exactly like this, but his thought process is frequently warped throughout the series, providing the office with a lot of entertainment (and headaches).
3 A Demonstration In The Office Kitchen
Whenever a boss gathers everyone into the kitchen, it's never good. This is what I've learned from this story and others like it.
Here, the office boss wants to teach his employees how to make coffee. I assume that because it's an office, most of the employees are at the very least 18 or 19, and understand how to make coffee. If they're in their 20s or above, this boss is incredibly unaware of his surroundings.
It's stories like these that make me wonder about the current office system in place. How do people like this continuously upwards. It's really a marvel, and deserving of a tv series and at the very least a reddit thread.
The best part of this story is the boss thinks he's teaching them the secret way to make the perfect cup of coffee. Of course, there's really only one way (that we know of?) to make instant coffee. Hey, if he figured it out, good on him. We're all missing out (apparently).
2 Always Falls Asleep
This is a long one with many parts so I'll give you a quick run down of all the elements that make up this glorious failure of a boss, à la Michael Scott.
He falls asleep mid-conversation, spills coffee on himself, hangs up on his daughter without congratulating her on getting into medical school, and spills yogurt on himself, constantly looks disheveled (buttons misaligned), loud conference calls with door open, responds to generic company emails with "reply all," and (here's 100% the best one because it's both hilarious and the most like Michael Scott) mumbles incoherently to get out of arguments with other department heads. I cannot understate how much I love this last one. Oh my god. It's so, so, so Michael Scott. All you need to do is add the odd glance into the camera (with serial killer-level discomfort) and you're set.
I hope dearly somebody tapes this man.
1 Gives Herself An Award
This recalls "The Dundies," an award show Michael Scott creates for his office. He gives his employees different awards (for example, one year Pam receives "whitest shoes" – not as in race, as in colour).
This boss, apparently, gave herself an award and then proceeded to show it off to people in her office, including those who are higher up than her. If the people above you didn't give you the award, don't show it to them – especially if you gave yourself the award! The lack of concrete thought here is pure Scott and I love this boss for it. The audacity to parade an award around that you gave yourself is itself deserving of an award. Maybe she could just get the reason for the award changed on the award itself and have an even bigger ceremony where she invites all the higher-ups.
I hope to see more stories like this very soon.