For many of us, we spent a good portion of our childhood daydreaming about our future wedding. We thought about our future spouse and what they would look like. We wondered which gorgeous wedding dress we'd wear. How our hair would be done, and who our bridesmaids would be. We thought about the location. Did we want to get married in a church, by the beach, or in some exotic destination? But never in all this daydreaming did we picture what our divorce cake would look like.
Well, not until now.
The statistics are out. One out of every two marriages will end in divorce. It's a sad and unfortunate truth. But for many divorcée's, they are turning this time of doom and gloom into a celebration, and they're starting it off with cake! Here are fifteen divorce cakes because why not?!
15 Ken not required
Obviously, this is a woman who needs very few words to convey her feelings. Here we see Barbie holding a large bottle of champagne. She is also wearing her sexy little black dress, obviously ready for a night on the town. Her pink heels perfectly distract from... wait, is that what I think it is?! Is that blood?! Uh, Barbie... what did you do?!
Well, we definitely know how this divorcée feels here, don't we?! She definitely does not require a man for her happily ever after. And she quite possibly axed him. Hmm. Anyone else a little disturbed by this cake?! Maybe it's just me, but I think this guy's head sort of resembles the dude from Terminator. "I'll be back!"
14 Six feet under
I'm not sure who started the divorce cake fad, but I can almost bet that it was a man who started it. Then again, I could be wrong, but it just seems like a guy thing to do. Doesn't it?!
For starters, this cake looks absolutely delicious. Right?! At first glance, I really wanted to dig in and give it a taste. Then I realized that the ex-Mrs. is lying face down in the cake. Six feet under-like. Apparently, that's how this newly single guy likes em'. I didn't even know that you could find a mini rake, shovel, and wheel barrel. I mean, where do you even find that stuff?! Well, peace be with you buddy. Peace be with you!
13 Taking out the trash
I like this! Please tell me that I am not the only one who thinks this cake is adorable? At first glance, I was completely distracted by the design that I didn't realize the actual message. And that's because it's actually done very well.
If there were ever a classy version of a divorce cake, if that's actually possible, then I would say this is it! There are no cheesy slogans, no morbid illustration, or distasteful decorations. It's simple, very simple. I like the items hanging from the trash can with 'just divorced' written across the bottom. I don't get the impression that this was a horrible experience for the ex-spouse. It was just an experience that started and now ended, and now we move on. Isn't that the way it should be?!
12 New life
When I look at this cake, I have a vision. The vision starts off with the future ex-Mrs. in a kitchen with all her friends standing beside her. A song starts to blare over the speakers, and then this cake emerges from the heavens before her. Because, "It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new life for...." And then she shouts from the top of her lungs, "ME!"
You know what I like about this cake?! It's simple. The message is simple, encouraging, and inspirational. It does not make me feel like she despises her ex-husband, or can't wait to be free. I just feel excited for her. And I am totally digging that black ring pop at the bottom. Nice touch, ladies!
11 Written in the stars
I love Star Wars. I don't know very many people who don't. So, I think it's fair to say that this cake could be used by either sex. Which is totally awesome! The design on this cake is absolutely fantastic. Whomever made this did an excellent job on Anakin (Darth Vader) and Padmé. At least I am hoping that's who this is because otherwise, this creative genius needs a lesson in their family tree.
Despite the possible discrepancy with the characters on this cake, the message is very clear and in all honesty, pretty darn awesome. "May divorce be with you..." In short: we tried, it failed, and now we move on.
10 Basic math
Like many, I appreciate a simple message placed with a simple design, and just a pop of color. Which is exactly what I love about this cake.
I love the pink cake. I love the contemporary design that the creator used. And the font that very clearly gives you the message, "Problem solved. Enjoy." When this is translated, it simply means, "I'm so glad that you finally dropped that loser! Your life is about to get amazing, have fun! You deserve it!" I also like that this cake can be easily customized for a male. Just substitute the color blue for pink and switch the roles. Boom! Divorce cake, done! Want to learn how to make this cake? Check out the creator's page now!
9 Done and done
For those of you who are over the age of twenty-one, this cake may look a little familiar. For many years, another version of this cake has been used to celebrate a ladies 21st birthday. A birthday that symbolizes alcohol, freedom, and true adulthood. Well, we like to think it does. For a divorcée, this cake symbolizes freedom, alcohol, and re-introducing yourself into the dating pool because you are now FREE!
You can easily customize any cake with this design. First, you will need a stylish Barbie, or doll. You can shop for one at your local dollar store. Seriously, one dollar! Then, buy a couple of the divorcée's favorite shooters from your local liquor store. And then with a cake marker write in, "I do. I did. I'm done." Now, that's a party!
8 At last
This is another version of the cake above, but this cake uses a little more detail and gives a very clear and extended message. One look at this cake and we know that this divorcee is "finally free." We also know that they do, did, and are done because they are "divorced at last!"
The red heart is also very telling of a broken heart. And the broken ball and chain, to me, says that this cake could quite possible belong to a male. Because, let's be honest, how often do you hear a woman refer to a man as the old ball n' chain?! If that's the case, come on dude! You could have done so much better!
Why?! Why would anyone think that this is necessary?! Why would you even want to have a cake like this?! Do you really hate your ex so much that you wish death upon them?! Or, do you just enjoy the idea of them falling off a tall object, to only see this bloody mess trailing down to their bloody body. I don't get it. Why?! Did they hurt you THAT bad?! Did they ruin your life?! Please, tell me why!
I think you should always keep it classy at the end of a marriage. This is coming from a divorcée, so I get it to a degree. And this cake is definitely NOT classy. It's not even funny. It's just morbid and unnecessary. Next!
6 Let it go
I have seen so many variations of this cake over the years. And I've seen it done with many different variations of partners, which is one reason I like this cake. Anyone can use this design! Also, taking out the garbage tends to be a famous slogan when it comes to divorce. Because, well, you know. You got rid of the garbage in your life and now you can start brand new!
To make this cake feel a bit more personal, I suggest customizing it a bit more. Add personal pieces to the cake to symbolize the things that you have lost or gained in the marriage. Maybe you got rid of your wife and her annoying little dog? Or maybe you got rid of your awful ex-husband and that stupid car he loved more than you. Well, draw it up in the cake. It will for sure bring laughs to your gang!
5 Witchy woman
This is a tale old as time. A tale that has been told again and again, from decade to decade, across seas and foreign lands. A story that has been shared on various bar stools between strangers: Ding-Dong! The wicked witch is gone!
I'm not sure when men started referring to women as witches, but when I think of witches, I think of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, or the Charmed sisters, who were all totally awesome! But for many newly divorced men, they are opting for this simple cake that very clearly gives the impression that they were not married to a very nice lady. Let's just hope they don't cross paths with her after seeing this cake.
4 I'm free
You can't go wrong with another Barbie cake! This cake, though, is a bit more simple. Instead, this cake uses very little cake and a whole lotta' pan! The message is clear, 'newly unwed' can be seen with a simple broken heart. Oh, and we almost forgot... You can also see Ken's legs underneath the cake. Looks like he was in the wrong place at the wrong time when this cake came crashing down on his poor soul.
For smaller groups, this cake would be perfect to make. Hell, you wouldn't even really need to bake the cake. Many grocery stores are now selling these smaller circular cakes for cheap. Get that dollar store Barbie and call it a day. Cake day!
3 Horror movie
Once again, I must ask, WHY?! Until death do us part? Is it really necessary to have a cake with body parts draped inside of it?! Do we really need to see fake eyeballs, fingers, ears, and toes?! What exactly are you wanting to convey here?! What message?! That you are part of some Italian mafia gang that has decided to go cray-cray on your ex?! Oh, yes, I almost forgot to mention. Nice touch with the fake rat.
People, there are better ways to do a divorce cake. We don't need to eat an cake and wonder if indeed, this cake includes some body parts. Because you know, we all haven't seen your ex in a few months. Ugh, no thank you! Next!
Finally, a cake that I can really appreciate! You may not know it, but yes, this is a divorce cake. I swear! The cake sits inside a cage that is beautiful and feminine in design. And in one word completely conveys the message, "freedom." Enough said, right?!
This cake is a wonderful reminder that we don't really need to diss our ex, our marriage and relationship, or go crazy with metaphors, to say what we need to say. Yes, maybe your newfound single status is absolutely amazing because your ex was a (insert bad word here). There really is no reason, no matter how horrible the relationship was, to be petty, rude, or vindictive. Why can't we all just eat some good cake and move on?! Am I right?!
1 Happily ever after
One of my favorite parts about a wedding is being able to devour a beautiful and tasty cake. A cake that looks so beautiful that you can't help but snap photos of its intricate and tasteful design. A cake that you think about for days after the event. A cake like this!
Yes, this is a divorce cake. Beautiful, huh?! A divorce doesn't always have to be about doom and gloom. Nor does it have to be about the extreme happiness that you have experienced since you dropped the witch from your golden brick road. Sometimes, a divorce is about two people deserving more and moving on, happily. And sometimes those two people are in complete support of each other. You go, girl. You WILL live happily ever after!