With Valentine's day upon us and store windows overflowing with everything related to love, many individuals are hyped up and ready to relish in the annual holiday celebrating lovers. While there are plenty of people who are looking forward to February 14th, there are many others who are still single and the only thing they're looking forward to are the funny and relatable memes and tweets cropping up on the internet.
We're not sure how a day that was intended to celebrate a saint was turned into a holiday to celebrate love, but we are confident that it's a gimmick and an attempt to make us single folk feel bad (yes, we're making it about us). Despite our single status, every year we still search for ways to either celebrate V-day or find the upside in being single. We may not like Valentine's day, but we do kinda like the fact that we can throw ourselves a pity party with a large pizza and no one can judge us for it, drown ourselves in alcohol as we question why no one wants to date us and watch whatever we want on Netflix. It's also quite comforting to know ahead of time that we won't be getting a present and do not have to be in the dreaded position of a spouse who may or may not receive something from her significant other. So you see, it's not all bad.
Here are 15 funny tweets from people who see Valentine's Day for what it really is. You can probably relate to them.
15 When your Valentine's Day priorities are straight
Although, it may not be the most pleasant experience to be single on Valentine's Day, one way to make yourself feel better is to check in with what matters to you most. Chances are, when you scan your list of desires, love may not even be in your top three priorities. The truth is, there are more important things than having a Valentine, like having a fast metabolism and a lot of money.
This man on Twitter clearly has his priorities straight and knows that he would benefit much more from money and weight loss than a Valentine who may or may not even get him a present. The thing is, even if your Valentine does give you a present, who's to say that it will be good? Perhaps, they'll get you a box of white chocolates (who even eats those?) or a cheesy card. Or maybe, they'll just give you a hug. The expectations and pressure are too much on Valentine's Day; that's why we agree with Pakalu Papitto and we would also much rather get money and a fast metabolism than an unreliable valentine.
14 When Valentine's Day reminds you of your heartbreak
There's nothing that can hinder your progress of getting over an ex more than Valentine's Day. Just when you start to forget about the way they smelled, the clothing they wore, the sweet way they would crinkle their nose when they weren't happy about something or the way they would hold you when they knew you were scared, or the way they would kiss your forehead for no reason (please take us back?), Valentine's Day rolls around. Suddenly, after months of not seeing or speaking to your ex, you find yourself watching romantic movies as you scream at the television screen that there's no such thing as love and throw an old box of chocolates that you got from your ex last year at the couple on the screen. Elle Woods in Legally Blonde is our spirit animal when we are single on Valentine's Day.
13 When Valentine's Day divides us
If you go into virtually any store leading up to Valentine's, it's pretty clear who is in a relationship and who is not. While the individuals in love (or pretending to be in love, if they haven't had the heart to break it off yet) are perusing the chocolates and card aisles, the rest of us are hovering over the alcohol, looking for something potent enough. If we are not going to have a romantic time this Valentine's Day, then we may as well get drunk enough to forget what day it is. We don't know why we feel such immense pressure to be in a relationship on Valentine's Day, but perhaps it's the copious amount of hearts, teddy bears and chocolates being flaunted in front of us. It also doesn't help that on the holiday itself, everyone is walking around the streets practically hitting us with their large bouquets of flowers. So if you're not loved up this Valentine's Day, don't worry, neither are we. So, we'll be sure to think of you when we crack open a beer and devour an entire box of chocolates to make ourselves feel better.
12 When Valentine's Day turns you into a love Grinch
What better way to feel better about being single on Valentine's Day than to sabotage other lovers on cupid's favorite day of the year? As the old saying goes, "If I can't have it, neither can you" (we're not sure if this is an actual saying or if we picked this one up from the bully in elementary school, but either way, it's basically how we feel). We think Twitter user Ruthe Phoenix has cracked the code for having an exquisite time on V-day even if you're single. Her plan seems pretty legitimate. Who says that being a love Grinch is awful? Based on this plan, it sounds pretty fun. While you may have a few angry faces staring back at you, you may be doing some people a favor who want out of their current relationship. What better way to end a failing relationship than with an accusation of a false affair? It sounds like it's a win-win for the Grinch and the person that wants out. You can thank Ruthe later...just not with a box of heart-shaped chocolates.
11 When it pains you how expensive flowers are
Why are flowers so expensive on Valentine's Day? Well, it's simple: because it's the easiest thing to buy on Valentine's day without your significant other being upset with you. So, mostly you're paying for overpriced flowers as a sort of "stay out of the doghouse" insurance plan. Spending $60 doesn't sound so bad anymore, does it? It also helps that flowers are sold everywhere and that when you inevitably forget to buy your girl a present, you can scoop them up at any old corner store and still look like you care (she doesn't need to know that you bought them out of a trash can on the side of the road). As this Twitter user points out, it's also a nice way to show off about what you used to have in your bank account. When your significant other receives those flowers at work, everyone will know that you just dropped $60 on flowers that will probably be dead in a few days anyway. Ah, Valentine's Day, the holiday of love and spending too much money on things that are only temporary (like our love, if you don't get us flowers).
10 When you point out the best part of Valentine's Day
As this Twitter user says, the best part about Valentine's Day is when it's over and candy goes on sale the following day. There's nothing sweeter than overdosing on half-priced candy on February 15th. In fact, February 15th is like a day of celebration for single people everywhere. Not only did you not have to spend too much money on things to "prove" your love, but you also got to give yourself the same feeling of being loved for half the price. On top of that, you can eat as much candy as you want without having to share with anybody (you best believe if your significant other is spending $30 on a box of chocolates he's going to want to eat at least half of them himself). Also, once you are done eating an entire box of chocolates by yourself, you don't have to worry about any weight gain because who cares? No one's looking at you naked until summer anyway, so you are in the clear. Life is like a box of chocolates, it's better when you don't have to share.
9 When your Valentine's Day plans are lit
The good thing about being single on Valentine's Day is that if you go to a bar or a nightclub, you're bound to find many single individuals looking for love. This search for love, coupled with the copious amounts of alcohol you're no doubt consuming, will also make the search for "the one" that much easier. So, not only will you be having the best time ever as you're in a drunken haze, but people will also look a whole lot more attractive to you and you'll save time by avoiding awkwardly asking people if they're single. If you go to a bar on V-day, it's assumed that everyone is without a plus one, so how much better are your odds then? Significantly better if you ask us. So if you're single this Valentine's Day, hop on over to your closest establishment with alcohol and start your search for love. Who knows? Perhaps by next year, you'll be one of those couples sitting at a restaurant together and pining for those days that you used to bar hop and have a good time on Valentine's Day (only kidding couples, we're just jealous).
8 When Valentine's Day makes you reflect on your past
Valentine's Day is a great day to get poetic and reflect on your past relationships. Sometimes, we are single only because we cannot find someone we are compatible with. Other times, we are single simply because we dated a jerk who made us have trust issues that made it near impossible to get into a healthy relationship. Thanks a lot, Brian. Caprice Crane nailed it with her beautiful Valentine's Day poem. Valentine's Day can be an entirely painful experience if it consistently acts as a reminder about your demised relationships. It also becomes especially difficult if you've ever been cheated on and then you find out on social media that your cheating ex is dating someone new and seemingly treating them well. So if you're like Caprice and find yourself alone on Valentine's Day, don't worry, we're pretty sure that the number of single people outweighs the number of coupled people. And no matter how much candy and flowers are being sold, we can almost guarantee that alcohol sales are even greater.
7 When you try to figure out why you're single
Valentine's Day acts as a potent reminder that you are single so it's natural that you're going to try and figure out why that is. Why are you single? Is it because you have high standards and everyone you meet doesn't live up to them? Is it because your man radar is off and you pick people to date who are rude, alcoholics, workaholics, party animals or possessive? Is it because you have a terrible flirting face and somehow never make it past the first date? Is it because you have no time to squeeze in a date? Or is it because you live in an isolated part of town where there are no men? Let's face it—it's probably the latter. No matter what your standards are and how bad your luck is with men, there are nice boys to date too. They're just usually floating around in the friend zone. So, it's highly possible that you are just not in close vicinity with eligible bachelors, just like Twitter user Megan Amram. We got you, girl, that's totally it.
6 The real reason for buying overpriced gifts
You don't need Valentine's Day to show your significant other that you love them. The truth is that you have hundreds of other days in the year that you could do that just as effectively, but society dictates otherwise. Why does society place so much value and emphasis on Valentine's Day so that you'll end up getting into trouble if you don't buy a gift? Because Valentine's Day is profitable and it's one of the only days of the year that corporations can get away with forcing you to spend too much money on average flowers and chocolates just to avoid a fight. The masterminds behind Valentine's Day have marketed it so well that there's no escaping a woman's wrath if you don't get her a gift. So, as Twitter user Brian Gaar points out, do yourself a favor and spend that hard-earned $200 on a Valentine's gift or risk being ignored sporadically until next Valentine's Day.
5 When pretending to be in a relationship is equally as satisfying
If you ask us, pretending to be in a relationship is providing you with the best of both worlds on Valentine's Day. Not only do you get to brag to everyone about how hot your girlfriend or boyfriend is (the beauty of an imaginary significant other is that they can be anyone you want them to be), but you also don't have to spend any money on them. So you look like a hot shot to all of your friends and family while saving hundreds of dollars on pointless gifts that will die or get eaten within the week anyway.
Apparently, Twitter user Law Blob has it all figured out and knows how to do this holiday the right way. The only troubling thing may be explaining to your friends and family why they never get to meet this imaginary lover of yours, but hey, it's your story so you can say whatever you want. We suggest saying she ran off with an actor whose name you cannot pronounce or that you just got over her because you're not just about the superficial (then show them a photo of a Victoria's Secret model). That will no doubt set your real dating life up for the rest of the year.
4 When Valentine's Day is a challenge for more than one reason
We're over our exes until we drink or until Valentine's Day is in front of us and all of the lovey-dovey merchandise gets us reminiscing. When you are alone on Valentine's Day, it can be increasingly difficult to avoid reaching out to an ex. You used to spend this overrated holiday together, pretending to be interested in one another by buying each other useless cards but now you have to spend it all alone so of course, you're going to miss them. The good news is they're probably watching their phone waiting for you to message first and contemplating if they should do it too (probably not, but it had you feeling better, no?) so don't worry about it too much. While it's okay to want to reach out to an ex, it's not normal to bombard them with 50 messages until they answer, so do yourself a favor and just put the phone down. Put your cell phone down, step away from it and don't touch it again until February 15th. You're welcome.
3 When you have the best valentine in the world
So you may not have a Valentine's Day, but you have the pizza guy's number and he'll bring you what you actually want anyway. Who needs a boyfriend when you can get a large pizza delivered to your door just the way you like it and without having to share with anyone? Let's face it—flowers and chocolates are great, but they're not nearly as satisfying as a warm, cheesy pizza filling up your belly. So if you're feeling down about being single, don't you worry because you can always rely on your local delivery guy. He'll be on time, he'll bring you exactly what you ask for, there won't be any surprises and he'll leave you satisfied every time. Seriously, who even needs a valentine? The next time someone makes you feel bad about being single by pointing out how loved they are, just tell them that your valentine brought you a gift. Perhaps, leave out the part where you say you paid for the gift yourself and that your valentine is your pizza delivery guy. That'll teach the naysayers.
2 When you have regrets on Valentine's Day
No, you don't regret that you said no to a date with that guy from your office that you are not attracted too, but you do regret overeating. While it's fine to eat your dinner and your would-be valentine's dinner, you may want to first think about how it will make you feel. Sure, eating away your emotions may feel great in the moment, but is it worth it in the end? Is it worth it to eat two plates of pasta and then lay on your back, unable to move because you have overeaten and struggle to pick yourself up off the floor where you lay crying? See where we're going with this? We suggest that the next time you want to eat for two people, just don't. Or if you must do it, why not pretend your imaginary date is a vegan and would order a salad? At least that way you'll feel good about the food you overeat when the feast is over.
1 When you get the last laugh on Valentine's Day
While some people may rub it into us single folk on Valentine's by posting incessant photos on Valentine's Day, we're above all that. You can try to make us feel bad about our single status all you want, but the joke's on you because we already feel bad about it every day. There's nothing that can make you feel as good as owning your emotions. So, if you're feeling down on Valentine's Day, just own it. Why not scowl at couples when you walk by them, troll some other couples online in their comments section, or remind your friends of that one time their partner looked at someone else? We're not encouraging you to be a miserable love Grinch on Valentine's Day...actually, we suppose we are doing that. Misery loves company, right? So the next time someone tries to make you feel bad about being single, just laugh it off. On the bright side: at least you don't have to get anyone a present or sit through a movie you hate to please your partner. Who's winning now haters? Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!