Change.org is a very unique corner of the Internet and for that, we're eternally grateful. The site was once described by its Chief executive Ben Rattray as an open platform and a means to empower people to "create the change they want to see". The site does not advocate for campaigns, instead the bulk of petitions on change.org, are created by socially conscious individuals with a legitimate concern they truly believe in. People post their petitions hoping for a measure of justice, or at the very least, they aim to raise awareness for various social issues.
The thing is, anyone, and we really do mean anyone, can start a petition on Change.org. That being the case, the site's open door policy lends itself to a wide assortment of campaigns. Aside from those who are serious about their causes, there's also a murky wasteland of hopelessly misguided people and some very obvious trolls. That’s the yellowish, cloudy pool we’re dipping our feet into today. What follows are 15 of the most hilarious petitions from Change.org.
15 The Petition: To Shut Down Rotten Tomatoes
Lets kick-start this ridiculous collection with a change.org petition that demanded Rotten Tomatoes be shut down due to bias DC movie reviews. The petition caused so many waves that an obscene amount of sites covered it across the Internet. Businessinsider, Variety, Collider, USAtoday, Indiewire, Ew.com, Time, Washingtonpost; we could go on and on citing the attention the petition received. It was as if the petition was a mystical cure for every modern disease known to man.
Although the petition is closed, it will live in infamy for the geeky flame-wars it ignited and the comedic ammunition it gave Marvel movie fans. Going forward, any DC movie fan who dares suggest critical bias is now open to the ridicule of being told "go start a petition". The author of the petition himself, likely feeling the massive weight of an insane amount of media attention, clarified the following: "In fact, I started this petition to gather DC fans to express our anger just for fun. I didn't mean it to be taken that serious." Not that serious? Clearly superhero movies are VERY serious business pal.
14 The Petition: To Shut Down The People Who Wanted To Shut Down Rotten Tomatoes
Yup, we're only two entries deep and we're already slipping into embarrassing Inception-like territory. This petition, titled: "Rotten Tomatoes: Shut Down Idiots" was hilariously started as a direct reaction to the previous petition. The intention is quite clear based on what the author states upfront. "If you could remove every moron on the Internet, that would be great. Maybe start with people who think your website is somehow biased against DC movies, and isn't an aggregate that collects various opinions from different critics to make up a sum total?"
Now, it goes without saying, neither Rotten Tomatoes nor any website could ever truly remove "every moron" from the Internet. The Internet and morons form a parasitic/ symbiotic relationship that can never be broken. With that in mind, if someone creates a third petition as a reaction to this petition, then the holy trilogy of nerdom will be complete.
13 The Lesser Known Petition: To Construct A Death Star
A few years back the Internet collectively cheered at the official petition that was started on the White House's "We The People" site, which urged President Obama to begin construction of a Death Star. "By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense." Clearly Star Wars fans put time, thought, and effort into the petition and even gathered enough signatures that the White House responded. "The Administration does not support blowing up planets."
However, not many are aware of this alternate petition to get a Death Star built as featured on change.org. Perhaps this petition isn't as widely known because the joke was already tired. Or maybe the simple description, "We NEED a Death Star" was too 'on the nose' for anyone to rally behind the cause. The difference between the two petitions is quite evident. The official petition was like a professional comedian telling a kick-ass joke and everyone laughing. However, the change.org petition was the equivalent of someone's drunken uncle stumbling through the joke set-up and then slurring the punch-line as he struggles to keep himself from vomiting on the barbecue.
12 The Petition: To Change The Name "Fire Ants" To "Spicy Boys"
Good news for anyone hoping to change the name of an ant species to something a little more interesting. As of this writing, this petition to change the official name of "fire ants" to "spicy boys" is currently still open. If you require context for this seemingly bizarre demand then let's toss a few thousand of our brain cells into the blender and read the author's description. "I saw a fire ant while pooping and I thought of a better name. Spicy boy is better. I also threw toilet paper at it. I didnt want it to crawl into my pants and underwear."
11 The Petition: To Change Donald Trump's Name
We're not legal experts but we're fairly certain that an Internet petition started by someone from Dildo, Canada (*snicker*) probably can't force the President to change his name. Especially in this instance where a change.org petition is demanding that Donald Trump change his name to "Donald Stupid". Setting aside political leanings, we have to acknowledge the fact that this petition was either written by a kindergartner or a person stealing their comedy from a kindergartner.
Still, we're forced to wonder if Donald Trump will tweet a response to this obvious personal attack? We hope so... we REALLY hope so. Please for the love of everything awesome, we hope Trump responds to this petition. At the very least Trump can just change his name to "spicy boy", that would also be acceptable.
10 The petition(s): To Get Donald Trump To Show His Manhood...
We stumbled across three - separate - petitions each demanding that Donald Trump reveal his junk to the world. Uhh why? As of this writing, all three change.org petitions remain open, so if the size and appearance of Donald Trump's man-parts is something you are remotely interested in seeing, feel free to show your support.
All of the petitions seem to indicate that they are calling out Trump (aka "spicy boy") mainly for boasting about the size of his member while still on the campaign trail. To put the demand in even cleaner terms, the author of the first petition closed with the following statement: "Please, The Donald: Release The Johnson! America's future demands no less...than eight inches, with proportional girth." Having to even reference this subject isn't so much humorous as it's nauseating.
9 The Petition: To...Free A Banana...Or Something?
At this point in our change.org research we developed a love/hate relationship with the site. Sometimes you'll stumble across a seemingly obscure petition about renaming "fire ants" and you'll discover it's actually a whole viral sensation and a developing story. Other times, you'll come across a petition to 'free a banana' and you just sit there and wonder how humanity has survived this long.
Is this petition an inside joke? Is it a meme we somehow missed or maybe a failed art project? If we do anymore than a minute worth of research trying to figure this out we fear our keyboard will become sentient and mock us into oblivion. By some creepy cosmic coincidence we do find it legitimately hilarious that a petition about freeing a banana is following up an equally ridiculous petition about Trump freeing his Johnson.
8 The Petition: To Make A Funko POP! Of ALF
Just to offer some perspective, if you visit the main page of change.org, you'll see petitions relating to vital social issues; such as anti-bullying laws, clemency to women serving life-sentences, and congress extending healthcare to first responders. However, with a deeper search you'll also find this, a petition for Funko POP! to create an ALF figure.
Now don't get us wrong, change.org is obviously a valuable tool for anyone to use as they see fit and that's a good thing. It's just that when you look at the big picture you can't help but be somewhat surprised at the variety of causes. That said, who the hell wouldn't want a Funko POP! of ALF? For those of our readers unfamiliar with ALF, here, you're welcome...
7 The Petition: To Abolish Usage Of The Word "Ma'am"
This closed petition from a devoted member of the manners police was not one of the most successful petitions we came across in our research on change.org. Why does this even exist you ask? Well, according to the author, that is if you take her seriously, "women all over are silently getting their feelings hurt by this awful and gross sounding word. By deciding to call a woman anything but this, you are saving her from having a good chunk of her day ruined."
We're not here to declare who should or shouldn't be allowed to be offended by random old-time greetings, however, we do feel it's necessary to point out there are exactly zero ways to enforce abolishing a word. If we're going to suggest banning words though, lets start with the word, "phlegm". Aside from what the word actually describes, it's practically a word that almost makes you sick just saying it. Go ahead, repeat it to yourself a few times... you'll see. It's vile.
6 The Petition: To Ban The Word "Moist"
Aside from the word "ma'am," apparently the internet also has a problem with the word "moist" - as this petition clearly demonstrates. Earlier on we mentioned that many people hope to bring about serious change for whatever their campaign relates to. However, others are content to simply raise public awareness for their issues. With only six measly signatures, this particular petition was closed. So much for raising public awareness!
The existence of this petition speaks volumes. And by "volumes," we mean it indicates someone was bored enough to create a ridiculous petition and hoped others would join their rage-party against the word "moist". Fortunately, they can always try a new tactic, remake the petition and lazily re-word it. Speaking of which...
5 The Petition(s): To Cancel "Be Cool Scooby Doo"
Luckily, this change.org petition to cancel the Cartoon Network series, "Be Cool Scooby Doo," is not nearly as tedious as our previous word banning petitions. Rest assured though, it's equally goofy. Why cancel this show in particular? Is there something about it that's extremely offensive or inappropriate? Nope, as the author awkwardly states: "The animation is awful, they're faces don't look like the originals. The faces plain are ugly."
Well there you have it. A terrible reason mixed with strange grammar.
Clearly the petition maker has an ongoing beef with the series because they actually posted a second petition and SURPRISE, it's another demand to cancel "Be Cool Scooby Doo". No joke, its virtually the same petition just worded somewhat differently. The thing is, why not just wait this one out patiently and ignore the show? No matter how good or bad a series is, eventually it will be cancelled anyway. Except for "The Simpsons," that show will last for all eternity.
4 The Petition: To Bring Back Hot Mustard And Chipotle Sauce
If you thought the previous few petitions were a pointless waste of time, then prepare to have your time utterly obliterated by an even more embarrassing change.org petition. Here we have a petition demanding that hot mustard and chipotle sauce be brought back to McDonald's. Our heart truly breaks for this person who emotionally declares that they have eaten hot mustard on their McNuggets for 29 years and without the sauce they cannot eat nuggets.
The fact that this petition is closed is clearly a tragedy of epic proportions. Sadly, we may never know if the author was able to consume nuggets with hot mustard and chipotle sauce as the fast-food Gods rightly intended. Seriously though, what category would this petition fall under? Obvious troll or just a misguided individual? Apparently, change.org in the hands of some people is like giving firecrackers and roadkill to a bored teenager.
3 The Petition: To save America From Aliens
Don't worry readers, you've made it this far, you are almost at the finish line. Here, we have a change.org petition to save America from aliens. As the author states: "Many times people have died in the United States and the EU from aliens. Please let the people of America kill them."
Wait... just wait a damn minute change.org petition maker. You mean to tell us there are confirmed incidents of American citizens being murdered by alien invaders from space? Why the hell is this intergalactic crime spree not being reported on CNN or any major news networks? Furthermore, we're not even allowed to kill the same aliens who are running around secretly killing us? Who made up that counterproductive rule, some anti-survivalist freak? Voila, I took a questionable petition and dragged some comedy out of it. First the ALF YouTube video and now this. Once again, you're welcome.
2 The Petition: To Make Tupac Number One On The Billboard Magazine List
When we came across this change.org petition demanding that Tupac (2pac) be made number one on the Billboard Magazine list, we could only think of one thing; finally, a meaningful change.org petition we would actually take the time to sign! Although the petition is closed, (damn) it was pretty much flawless in its execution. Here's the petition description directly from the author: "Because we don't play that shit". If you've ever heard a better argument for a rap artist to be placed atop a magazine list then by all means let us know.
In all seriousness, Tupac was arguably one of the greatest and most influential rap artists of all time. If there's any prominent rankings of greatest hip-hop artists, then Tupac belongs right up there at the top with Nas, Eminem, and the Notorious BIG.
1 The Petition: To Shut Down change.org
Alas, we've come full circle with a change.org petition demanding that change.org shut itself down. We guess its only fair that a site where people vent their frustrations and desires to shut down Rotten Tomatoes, cancel Scooby Doo, and ban words, also features a petition like this. The author of the petition had this to say prior the petition being closed: "I'm tired of hearing about people starting a change.org petition for every damn little thing. The solution is simple: Shut down change.org once and for all."
We wonder if the irony of this campaign is lost on the creator of the petition? The person is using the same tool he's against as a means of expressing his dislike of the tool itself. This petition is the equivalent of taking a hammer, going out into a public space, screaming "HAMMERS SUCK!" and then proceeding to use the hammer to bang nails into a wall as a show of protest.