If you want to get along in life, then it helps to get along with your neighbors. We're not saying you have to agree with everyone all the time (or that you should, for that matter), but if you can stay on congenial terms with people, then so much the better for everyone. Besides, being on friendly terms with others provides you peace of mind, because people with lots of enemies probably don't sleep too well at night.
We should all endeavor to love our neighbors, but honestly? Sometimes our neighbors are dumb. Like, really dumb. And while dumbness isn't a good reason to hate someone, it certainly doesn't make loving them any easier—cue these 15 people who are making it really difficult to "love thy neighbor".
15 Whole Foods is just *asking* for a butt whoopin'
No. Just, no, sorry, but we can't handle this. Guacamole is just fine without your garbage leaves, thank you very much. At this point, it's like you're just eating for nutrition, taste be danged, and that's not healthy. Well, healthy for the body, perhaps, but not healthy for the soul.
We wonder how many years these kale corrupted foods have shaved off of our life? It's got to be at least ten, but that was only counting before we found this image. Now that we've seen "kaleamole", we could be one foot in the grave for all we know! Although, if everyone's going to insist on shoving bitter, green leather lettuce in perfectly delicious meals, then a lovely dirt nap would be a welcome respite from the stupid.
14 We didn't need to see this
Gasp! How did this guy know that we all wanted to see pictures of him "makin a deposit", as he so poetically describes, in a public bathroom?! Wow, first the kaleamole, and now, this? It must be our birthday or something!
Bathroom selfies are bad enough as it is, buddy, but we do not need photos of you, sitting on the porcelain throne like the King of Crap. Nobody wants to see that. Besides, you chose to eat at Taco Bell, so what did you think was going to happen?! You can't eat something that might be beef, but probably isn't, with a side of refried beans, and expect to have exceptional digestive health. You ate Taco Bell, not Chobani, fam. A painful trip to the bathroom was inevitable.
13 Notice how nobody seems to have ordered any. Hmm...
Never, in the time between the first picture in this lineup and now, did we think that we could possibly witness anything worse than kaleamole, but, lo and behold, it has happened. Pumpkin spice salmon. Because, hey, who hasn't tasted pumpkin spice and immediately said to themselves, "This would be perfect on fish. Not in muffins, not in cakes and coffees and desserts. Fish. That's what I want to taste this flavor in."?
Ah, sure. Go ahead. We hate fish. It tastes like licking the wall of a dirty aquarium. As far as we're concerned, fish is already ruined even when it's unseasoned, so if you want to batter it and deep fry it in pumpkin spice (barf, by the way) for dinner, then you just knock yourself out.
12 A job well done
We don't know what this person is complaining about. The delivery update clearly says that their package was left near the front door or porch, and that's what it looks like is going on here. What do they have to be upset about?
Besides, what does "near" mean, anyway? It's all relative! If your definition of "near the porch" excludes everything beyond that fancy ornamental grass you've got in your flower beds there, then, yes, it would appear that your package is not near the porch. But, if you look at it another way, this package is closer to your porch than some other things, like the Great Wall of China, for instance, or Britney Spears. See? It's all about perspective. Just adjust your mentality a little bit.
11 How NOT to spend your kid's child support money
Oh, how nice! Your baby daddy finally sent his child support, which, by definition, is supposed to be used to support his child, and you went out and bought yourself some new boots and got your nails done! Great color, by the way. SOOO nice. Way to be a responsible parent.
Alright, okay. So, let's just cut this girl some slack. Maybe she had to dip into her frivolous funds to pay for new clothes or food or medical care for her kid, and she's just replacing that money with the child support her kid's dad owes her. But, still. Getting that child support check in the mail, then going out and blowing it on stuff that's in no way supporting your child? It's pretty hard to defend that move.
10 Well, at least he tried
This is why, in addition to our cellphones, we also keep a carrier pigeon on hand at all times. Just look at what happened to this guy. His cousin, Brandon, lost his phone, but he had no other means of contacting Brandon except via his phone and, consequently, he ended up looking like a fool.
But, with our handy carrier pigeon backup system, when our friends lose their cellphones, all we have to do is write up a note, tie it to the leg of Walter (our beloved pet pigeon) and set him loose. Couldn't be easier. Sure, the absurd level of bird poop all over the floor and furniture is a slight problem, but there's no better system for contacting people when cellphones are off the table. Trust us.
9 Spring can't come fast enough
Have you heard the news? This snowman just signed a multi-million dollar contract, and is set to star in a franchise of three Christmas-themed horror movies. This is great, sure, and we're super happy for him and all. We're just slightly confused because, just by looking at him, you would never expect him to be the sort of guy who would break into your house in the middle of the night in order to consume your soul as you were sleeping, would you?
Whoever decided that Grandpa's teeth deserved a spot in this snowman's face needs to be taken aside, like a little kid in trouble at school, and given a stern talking to. In the meantime, whatever you do, don't stare into those beady little black eyes.
8 Gonna need some aloe vera for this burn
What did any of us do to the driver of this Element to deserve to be abused in this way? We don't remember cutting him off in traffic, or stealing his parking space, or pulling in front of him to take his spot at a gas pump. We have done nothing to him that we can recall, yet here he is, dragging our saint of a mother into whatever perceived spat he's conjured up in which we're the antagonist. Where is the justice?
Tell ya what, Mr. Element, since you think it's so funny to insult people you don't even know. How's about we slash your tires and key some swear words into that shiny orange paint job you got there? Two can play at this game, pal.
7 *Bangs head against desk*
Uh-oh. It's happening! We're having a brain freeze—and not the kind of brain freeze you get from drinking a Dairy Queen Blizzard too fast, the kind of brain freeze that comes from seeing intense stupidity, causing your brain to freeze up like a computer that needs to be rebooted because it simply cannot comprehend all the ignorance. Maybe we should unplug our brain for a minute. Hold on a sec. Be back in a minute.
Nope, that doesn't seem to have helped. The fact that millions of Americans think brown cows are capable of internally manufacturing sweetened milk with cocoa powder all by themselves is too much for our mind to cope with. Should we call Geek Squad or a therapist to fix this issue?
6 They stumbled upon a brand new conspiracy
Everybody's looking at this person's tweet, facepalming so hard they're flirting with a concussion, meanwhile, the flat earther nut jobs are all high-fiving each other, thrilled that they've got a brand new club member to add to their numbers.
We guess we always took it for granted that we're able to put two and two together to summarize that the ends of the map of the world actually conjoin. It never occurred to us that there are people out there who have trouble grasping this concept. Maybe we should feel bad that this person is so stupid—and we do, to be sure. But it's more that we feel bad for us for having to deal with it, and less that we feel bad for them for being ignorant.
5 Just throw it out and get a new one
This computer desktop is in such a state of disarray, we just contracted OCD. Our inner neat freak is having a conniption fit over this, and we'll give you this much for free: whoever committed this devilish prank is going to stay plenty warm in the afterlife, if you get our meaning.
Don't look at this for too long, or, before you know it, the thousands of programs jumbled up like that will start to look like that spinning top at the beginning of The Twilight Zone, and you'll start hearing the theme song in your ears and then you'll hear Rod Serling's voice coming outta nowhere, talking about how you just entered a dimension "not of sight or sound, but of mind" between drags on his cigarette.
4 Yeah, what is his deal?!
"Son, come here, we need to talk about your eating habits. They're out of control. Squash, celery, bananas. You eat these healthy foods for every meal, and you're completely blind to what it's doing to the people around you. I'm telling you now that if you continue on this path, you're liable to live a long, healthy life—is that what you want? Do you think you're going to increase your risk of developing childhood obesity the way you're going now? Because there's no way. Your constant consumption of 'produce' is a disgrace to us, to the nation and to America's beloved mascot, Ronald McDonald, himself. Now, grab that size small Dr. Pepper, shove some fries on your heart attack burger and eat your Happy Meal like a real American!"
3 We got news for you: this ain't gonna stop us
Kudos to the little boy whose mom was complaining would only eat healthy foods. We wish we could be more like him. Sadly, we cannot. We mean, sure, we haven't exactly tried, but to try to eat good, wholesome foods like him would be difficult, and why would you want to do something if it's difficult? Give up when the going gets rough, that's what we say!
Okay, enough farting around. Back to healthy diets. See, the thing is, healthy eating is good for you, but it's a commitment. It takes some real cajoling to convince you to whip your diet into shape, which is why scientists have to present us with studies like these. Too bad for them, it's not working. *Shoves handful of shredded cheese in mouth*
2 *Casually calls a tow truck service*
Bad parkers make us want to scream into our metal trashcan (which we've nicknamed "The Abyss") until we're hoarse. If you can't figure out how to wield that "I only take this to Starbucks, I don't actually go on any real adventures" SUV-wannabe of yours so that it fits inside of a pair of lines in a parking lot, just the same as all of the rest of us, then how in all 18 layers of our Aunt Bertha's famous chocolate torte did you manage to pass your driver's exam? Because, we're not mathamagicians over here, but something isn't adding up.
We're gonna go breathe into a paper bag, now. Maybe that will help silence the voices in our head that are telling us this driver's a failure.
1 waht hev u dunn
After years of sorting through thousands of fails, all while putting together our expansive fail encyclopedia, our side-eye game has become wicked strong. So strong, in fact, that we don't even have to be in your presence in order for you to feel its effects.
This means you can take comfort in the fact that, somewhere out there, the person behind this fail is glancing over their shoulder, paranoid, trying to spy the eyes that are cutting into them with a deep, unbridled loathing. But, will they find them? No, because those eyes belong to us, and though we're nowhere near them, our icy stare of rage is so advanced, it's broken the bounds of time and space to deliver really weird, but totally deserved, justice to them and fail doers like them everywhere.
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