For most people, makeup is all about self-expression. It's your chance to control the way you're perceived and the way you perceive yourself. Artistic expression, we guess you could say. But for others, it's a personal challenge to see how much Maybelline and Cover Girl they can cram onto their face before they've contoured and highlighted themselves into oblivion.
We all admire a good winged eyeliner, and who among us can resist a killer smokey eye? Makeup is something of an obsession for a lot of us, but the important thing is not to lose your head about it, because the last thing you want is to wind up like one of these 15 people who need to learn to put the makeup brush down.
15 She should put an ice pack on that
Oh, honey, no. We hate to be the bearer of dreadful news, but, no, that is not a good smokey eye. That's a contusion. If your eye looks like that, then you need to get off the internet and drive to the E.R. for a medical evaluation, because something is bad wrong—either with your eye, or with your hand-eye coordination, because ain't nobody should be making their smokey eyes look this bad on purpose. That's got to be a sign of some kind of underlying issue.
Oooh, ouch! They say that beauty is pain, but this thing looks like it really hurts! It's one thing if your high heels make your feet ache after a few hours of walking around in them, but this looks serious.
14 If your makeup can be used as an emergency airbag, you're wearing too much
Thank goodness this girl's thick cushion of makeup protected her on impact! If she hadn't applied that fifteen pounds of makeup to her face this morning, this car accident might've been far worse. She could have been seriously injured! Why, she might have walked away from this car accident looking like that one girl with the bruised smokey eye we just saw a second ago, and it would be such a travesty to have to trade one makeup fail for another.
If the force of a car accident took off that much of this girl's makeup, how much pressure must she have to apply when she takes that stuff off at the end of the day? She really needs to learn when to put down the makeup brush.
13 From blemish to bling
After years of sitting at the back of our closet, today must be our old Bedazzler's lucky day, because we're going to go bring that sucker back into the light and use it to start fixing all of our skin problems. Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, fam. All our blemishes will be spectacularly bedazzled. Why, oh, why didn't we think of this before? It's such a fabulous solution!
You don't think this is too much, though? You don't think if we cover our zits with sparkly sequins that we'll come of as extra, do you? We mean, we don't mind being extra, it's just that by the time we cover every pimple we have, our face will be nothing but sparkles, and we don't want it to look too gawdy.
12 Her makeup is giving us the bird
A good winged eyeliner is hard to find, but they're so few and far between that their rarity makes us question why winged eyeliner is still even a trend. If hardly anybody can achieve the perfect curve, then why does everybody still insist on trying? We'd rather walk around makeup-less than with a makeup fail. Maybe that's just us.
We guess it's possible that this isn't an accidental makeup fail. It could be that this girl is trying to send subliminal messages—maybe to her parents or to her friends or to her boyfriend—that penguins are her favorite animal. It could be that her birthday is coming up and she's trying to drop subtle hints that she loves penguins, meaning penguin-related gifts would be appropriate. It could be.
11 What do you need two sets of eyebrows for? That's just greedy
Remember that scene in The Lion King when Rafiki does a finger painting of Simba on the wall of that cave? It looks like that particular image is what this girl based her makeup look on.
We don't know if this girl is going to prom or homecoming or what—heck, we don't even know if she's a girl at all! She may be a, 80-year-old man underneath those five tons of makeup! But, never mind, because however old she might be, it looks like she's on her way to a fancy affair, and this is how she chose to dress for it. Every single person in her squad must be mad at her, otherwise they wouldn't have let her step out of the house looking like that.
10 Her pants are on fire even as we speak
We're glad that this girl posted these selfies. Not because they're particularly good or anything. In fact, they seem to indicate that she has some delusions of grandeur when it comes to her makeup applying capabilities. but the reason we're glad she shared these with us is because they help prove a very valuable point, and that is that you should always dream big and believe in yourself. If this girl still believes that she can become a convincing and employable makeup artist, then there's no reason why you shouldn't have faith that you will achieve your far-flung hopes, too. We're rooting for you!
It's a good thing this girl was inadvertently inspirational, because if she hadn't been, then all these pictures would be is woefully full of fail.
9 Doing your makeup shouldn't give you smoke inhalation
Instead of posting this disastrous makeup selfie to her social media accounts, this girl should be doing two things: dousing her entire face with extra strength makeup remover, and replacing the batteries in her smoke alarms.
Not trying to drag anybody down, here, and maybe this is an outlandish opinion, but "I left my garlic bread in the oven and then fell asleep on the couch, then woke up to the sound of fire engines and a voice telling me to inhale deeply, and when I opened my eyes again, I was out on my front lawn with an oxygen mask over my face looking over at my burned down house" is not a theme you should use for your makeup. Sorry. But that's just how we feel.
8 Someone's having a rough day
We had a terrible migraine one time—auras, blind spots, the whole shebang— and it was the same day that we had an important interview for a job we really wanted. We had no choice but to pop a couple of aspirin and hope for the best.
So, we started getting ready. We'd put on the outfit we'd set out the day before and did our makeup as well as we could, then took the bus to the interview location. In the middle of our interview, our vision came back. That's when we realized the interviewer was looking at us funny. Once it was over, we pulled out our compact mirror and saw this face staring back at us. Needless to say, we didn't get the job.
7 Like sock monkeys weren't scary enough
We don't care if this was meant for Halloween, it's scary and it needs to be thrown into whatever pit of despair it managed to monkey climb its way out of. Maybe you don't think this thing is spooky, but close your eyes and imagine it loping toward you in the middle of the night down a long, deserted street, far away from home. Seems pretty terrifying now, doesn't it?
Looking into the soulless eyes of this sock monkey lady is like staring into the fiery depths of hell itself. You look into that face and within seconds, that disturbing sock primate has convinced you that there is no hope at all, and that you may as well surrender your soul to it now and get it over with.
6 Good one! Very funny
LOL! Ha ha! Nope, that's okay. We still haven't finished laughing at the squiggle brow trend, we can't really afford to take on a new ridiculous fashion fail right now. Sorry to disappoint you. We'll let you know if we ever start running short on things to mock, though. Thanks anyway.
Halo brows? What is this? What are you smoking and how much of it are you toking that makes you think this crap up? This isn't a halo brow, this is just a unibrow in cursive. Having a line of hair going across the center of your forehead like a hairy river of fail is a bad idea, and if you can't figure that one out on your own, it's time to put the makeup brush down.
5 Aliens? Drag queens? Alien drag queens?
No! Oh, no! Ahhhh! It's happening! We knew that this day would come, but there was so much we wanted to do before it got here! Unfortunately, now, we'll never get the chance to achieve any of our major life goals, not now that the race of alien drag queens has finally invaded! Oh, the humanity! Everybody, quick—run for your lives, before they capture us, tie us up and do our makeup poorly without blending or contouring any of it!
These two needed to put their makeup brushes down about three years ago because this is too much. They're wearing as much makeup as we have ever purchased throughout the entire course of our lives. That can't be healthy, and it's definitely not nice to look at.
4 We bet makeup doesn't even have her number
It's like the girl with the penguin eyeliner and the other girl who said she was a part time makeup artist, but whose word on that we highly doubt, had a baby. A horribly makeup handicapped baby. Darling, no! What is you doin'? Drop the makeup brushes, quit embarrassing yourself on social media and go find a new hobby. You know, one that you're actually good at.
Look, we're not trying to dropkick this girl's dreams, but if she's serious about doing makeup for a living, she needs to at least watch some YouTube tutorials or something. She can't continue down this wayward path and expect to end up at excellence's door, because the road she's walking down currently leads to the door of the unemployment office.
3 How the turntables
What's this? A guy wearing makeup? How peculiar! Not that we have anything against men wearing makeup. After all, we women can wear it, why not guys, too? But it does seem that the tables have turned.
We don't know about you, but every time we log onto Twitter, we're bombarded with tweets from annoying little losers posting pictures of women with makeup and without makeup, joking about how guys should always take girls swimming for the first date. First of all, waterproof makeup is a thing that exits, so suck on that. Second of all, y'all doin' your makeup too, Mr. I Want Abs And A Girlfriend But I Can't Even Afford To Go To The Gym Because I'm Unemployed Because I'm A Jerk And Nobody Likes Me.
2 Eyebrows by BIC ballpoint pens
"They still look lovely"? Uh, what? Excuse us? What is with this "still" business? Which lying SOB had the cruel insensitivity to tell you that those eyebrows looked lovely at all, let alone still? You point us in their direction, honey, because somebody needs to put the hurt on them for this. If they'll lie to you by telling you that your clearly horrendous eyebrows are lovely, then they're capable of anything, and they need to be stopped before they do something truly devastating.
On the plus side, as awful as this girl's angular eyebrows are, at least they've distracted us from the fact that she has no idea what she's doing with her eyeliner, as well as the fact that her lipstick choice is too pale for her season.
1 The price we pay for perfection might be too high, actually
Eww, that doesn't look too good, but, we've been there. Some days, it's like you've never held an eyeliner pencil before in your life! You try and you try, but you just can't get that stuff to wing properly. You have to keep wiping away the mistakes until you finally say to yourself, "Alright! That's close enough," but by that time, the skin around your eyes feels like when you were first learning to ride a bike, and you kept falling off and skinning your knees on the asphalt. Ouch.
Makeup companies should put Neosporin in their products, since so many people don't know when to put their brushes down. If they put antibacterial ointments in their products, we could slay infection as well as slay in general. Win-win!