Aw, humans. Gotta love them. Humans are the same geniuses who invented rocket ships, mobile devices and sliced bread. While human ingenuity has indeed achieved some dizzying heights, the universe is full of checks and balances that keeps things on an even keel; and so it seems that to counteract all those smart, useful things of this world, we are also due some equalizing doses of stupidity.
Enter these 15 images of folks redressing that balance. Here they are, making sure Earth’s brilliance/idiocy ratio doesn’t fall so far out of whack that we get sucked away from our celestial orbit from everyone’s brain cells lighting up at once, or something, (said no astronomer, anywhere, ever.)
Well, whatever. Simply behold these 15 foolish people and their shenanigans:
15 Checking his phone with a woman in his arms
Now this dude seems to have scored. He’s got his honey for the evening locked and loaded from the initial glance at this pic. He doesn’t have a thing to worry about. There’s no hot, brooding sultry actor/model/waiter waiting in the wings to squire her away because her eyes are getting restless and her attention’s wandering. No, she’s focused right on him at this moment and right away, you also see he’s potentially putting his whole evening in jeopardy. All kissy girlfriend has to do is check over her left shoulder and see that he’s coolly multi-tasking: kissing her and checking out what else is going on. Then again, maybe she’s aware he’s checking his phone to see where their next party’s at and doesn’t mind one bit.
14 What magic is this that makes a blind man see?
Most of us have to make a living somehow. There’s no way around it. We’re can’t all be trust fund babies, unfortunately. Some of us have to put on three-piece suits or uncomfortable uniforms and make like an executive or someone taking responsibility (ugh!) for at least eight hours every day, five days a week. Some of us occupy corner offices and others make sandwiches behind a counter.
But what if no jobs that meet our skill sets are available? We still have to live. Well, one money-making idea is to feign blindness (make a neat, well-lettered sign reading “BLIND MAN”) and put a collection plate out. Remember to check your phone in private, though, because that’s a dead giveaway and totally blows your whole cover.
13 Talk about performance anxiety
Who says bathroom walls can’t have a sense of humor? This bathroom wall has strategically placed photos on it of people with incredulous, excited and anticipatory faces that look directly at whomever is coming in to do their business. Do these photos promote performance anxiety? Does this make whatever was about to come out crawl back up as soon as you see these faces? Do strangers looking on as one does their business give visitors the creeps? (We’re getting some decorating ideas here, ourselves.) Would you have an urge to rip these pictures down or turn them over so you can’t see their faces like you do with your parents’ photos on your bedroom nightstand whenever you’re in there getting hot and heavy with someone? So many questions.
12 Looking on the bright side of this situation…
This guy in the black and white shirt may regret that this underdressed, sleeping guy’s his seatmate for the trip, but let’s look on the bright side: dude will probably sleep the whole way. Look at him—he’s primed to catch some serious ZZZs. He’s totally prepped for slumber land; all stripped down with his head already resting on his oversized pillow. Hopefully he stays in one place, doesn’t snore and never dozes on his seatmate’s shoulder. Best case scenario: he’ll sleep quietly the whole trip and his seatmate will only endure fleeting glimpses of those navy Fruit-Of-The-Looms. As a bonus, his sleeping arm could probably be gently shoved off any shared armrest once he’s in deep so his seatmate can at least have that for himself.
11 This guy’s not owning the gag mustache on his forehead…
He’s not owning his look one bit in this picture. His hair’s supposed to be a joke, right? You know how he’s shaved it all except for the comical Victorian mustache smack in the center of his forehead? He doesn’t seem in on any joke—at least not in this mugshot—since he has such a badass look on his face. He looks like he’ll shank everyone in the prison yard once he gets there. Maybe he’s in the wrong era, is angry about it and needs a time machine. He brings thought of vaudeville, not a 21st century inmate posing for a mugshot with a deadly look—yet he has a carefully-cultivated forehead joke ‘stache. What are we to make of that?
10 Sure cure for a rough day
Laughter makes everything better, doesn’t it? This guy with a watermelon helmet doesn’t mind looking the fool at all to make someone else smile. Maybe he intuited this Taco Bell staffer was having a rough day, saw people yelling out their car windows into her drive-thru booth that they asked for salsa verde not hot red salsa; and maybe some jerk even tore her a new one when she broadcast through tiny speakers that their tortillas were not entirely gluten-free. Gawd, what do these people streaming by her window and taking paper bags of food expect from her anyway? She only works here.
Enter this tall glass of water wearing a watermelon helmet with a cheerful thumbs up. While the girl next to him looks mortified, he's definitely making someone's day brighter.
9 Owning it
Some people are unaware of their stupidity. They actually think they’re smart. They think outfitting a Harley with a sidecar piano which they play naked as their super-supportive partner steers them down the street is a great, money-making idea. They think inventing a tomato slicer which dispenses perfect ½ inch tomato slices directly in one’s mouth is going to win some Inventor-Of-The-Year Award. In fact, they’ve already applied for a patent which you hope to God will be nixed by some sane governing body since isn’t wearing an open blade on one’s face a threat to public safety?
On the other hand, sometimes, people know they’re stupid and own it, such as this guy with “STUPID” conveniently tattooed on his forehead so we know what to expect from him.
8 Asleep on the job
If you happen to work at FedEx or any place where there are a ton of boxes lying around, this guy’s snoozy shenanigans might be an idea worth stealing. He’s not doing the lying-down kind of napping, (which is the deep napping where you’re really sleeping and hard to rouse), he’s staying upright and in a seated position so he can just nod off. Maybe they have a covert shift going for workers where, for every half hour or so, they rest in the box undetected for a bit of “me time” before returning to their desks, refreshed and ready to tackle more shipments.
The concern here would be being bunched inadvertently with other boxes being shipped to the other side of the world while you’re catching your afternoon ZZZs.
7 Eric might actually be on to something…
On the surface, Eric looks like a fool with this question. D’oh! Everyone knows “The Rock” and Dwayne Johnson are one and the same person. Or are they? Wait: what if “The Rock” and Dwayne Johnson are actually identical twins only pretending to be one guy? Think about it. “The Rock” gets lots accomplished: tons of movies, hosting SNL; he tweets and Instagrams and clearly still works out regularly. He’s always everywhere plugging his latest projects. He’s even still semi-connected to wrestling. In other words, “The Rock” (aka Dwayne Johnson) is one suspiciously busy guy (or is he really two busy guys?). He certainly gets enough done for two men. Maybe some scientist has secretly cloned him. Our only question in this scenario is: who’s the original?
6 Safety last!
So these guys are fixing what looks like some kind of air conditioner or outdoor piece of machinery in a dangerous way, several floors up. Uhh…do their methods look safe? This is literally a snapshot demonstration of every safety violation known to man. This is textbook stupidity, people. They literally have a hold of the fix-it guy they’re dangling out the window by his legs around one guy’s shoulders and then there’s clearly the backup harness plan of grasping his belt or belt loops. Hope to God those stitches hold tight long enough for them to fix this. Love the guy on the right leaning dangerously out of his window to lend his support by hanging onto the guy’s belt loops, too. Safety last, people!
5 Who will fall for Christian’s seductive ploy?
Does Christian make you curious, just going by his brief profile? Do we think he’s up to shenanigans or is he truly in earnest and 100 percent real and genuinely, seriously trying to hook up with someone here? We guess he’s spoofing because his tagline (or whatever you call it) reads: “My 3DS XL isn’t the only big thing in my pants,” which sounds pretty tongue-in-cheek to us and isn’t exactly a seductive phrase designed to appeal to the everyday woman. Christian’s clearly looking for a particular type of woman—one who gets his references for one thing. He’s looking for a woman just like that S&M Christian character from Fifty Shades of Grey was looking for a woman—except possibly without the S&M.
4 Learning early
This kid has the late-night TV binge watching down at an early age. He’s like a little adult here. Where did he learn? Instinct? Did he wake in the middle of the night with an inexplicable urge to go down to the TV, see what cartoons are on and open every snack bag or box within reach that wasn’t child-proofed? It’s not as if his kid’s never seen this behavior before, right? Maybe he’s gotten scared on past nights, went to his parents’ bedroom and found them watching TV with snacks like this. Maybe now when he wakes up in the middle of the night and he’s not scared but happens to be in the mood for cartoons, he finds his own TV downstairs.
3 Subway hammock
When you have to sleep and there’s no suitable place to lay your head, sometimes you climb up on the handrails to have a rest up there. It seems terribly uncomfortable, though, and it looks like quite a balancing act, though this guy’s nuzzling his cheek to the cold metal and has found a convenient armhole for his arm to dangle through.
It’s unlikely anyone would choose to snooze there when there’s a perfectly decent vacant subway bench seat right beneath where he’s passed out. Our guess is this guy’s unconscious (probably from drunkenness) and his friends put him up there as a joke.
Here’s your gag photo, Frenemies, now get him down, take him home and let him sleep it off in comfort.
2 Taking in the sun at four floors up…
Imagine if some fool snuck up behind this guy while he was sitting there with his whole body hanging out of a fourth floor window, just chilling as he seems to be doing here? And imagine if this joker who came into the room to scare this guy spooked the living daylights out of him and he jumped out of his skin? We can only hope he’ll fall backwards if that were to happen because falling forwards would be one short, hard fall directly on concrete and ugh—no one wants that. This guy’s so chill and nonchalant that we don’t feel like he’s in any immediate danger or anything, though. He’s just taking in the air up there and enjoying a big mugful of something.
1 This is how to walk the dog on lazy days
It looks like a nice clear day and good weather wherever they are, so that seems to be no excuse not to be walking the dogs on foot. It could also be that these dogs (who look like larger breed dogs) might need really good, fast, exhausting runs that sometimes their humans on foot are simply not up for. Maybe they’re not so super-fit; maybe they’re sick or hungover. On those days when their humans can’t keep up, they can simply replace their dragging feet with wheels and let the dogs run alongside their slow-moving truck for exercise. The driver and passenger can sip coffee, play fave songs, enjoy the breeze and effectively walk the dogs all at once. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.