Being in a relationship can be hard, but I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm one of the many people in the world who are cursed with Single AF Syndrome, which means that we're chronically single AF for what feels like all of eternity. Symptoms include (but are not limited to) trying to do anything to fill the void, daydreaming, complaining about being single on Twitter, and having your friends cancel plans on you last minute to go on dates. Sure, the single life can be great since you don't have to do anything for anyone else, but it can be lonely sometimes. If anyone's ever feeling down, just look at some of the posts other single AF people have made, and it might make them feel better... or make them cry because of how relatable they are.
15 I Gotta Love Myself Because Nobody Else Will
When you're single for so long, you just kinda have to come to terms with yourself that maybe you're not meant to be with someone else. Well, I think that's total BS, but the odds are just not in their favor right now (or ever), so it's about time to stop searching for love and just start loving yourself.
Now, I'm not saying that you didn't love yourself before, but I'm saying now you gotta take it to the next level. As in the level of you loving yourself is so high, that you pay for someone to take engagement photos of just yourself; maybe even hold an un-wedding ceremony to celebrate you spending the rest of your life with the only one that matters: you. Depending on the crowd, you might get a new set of plates out of it or something.
14 Single Level: DMing Yourself Memes
One of the best things about having a significant other is that you always have someone to share weird memes with, because one, they're always going to answer your messages, and two, they won't judge you for your weird sense of humor. Sure, you can also have friends for that but if you're single for long enough you'll find that your friends are less single, and the joy of sharing memes kind of goes away. To do it right, the both of you have to be each other's #1 at memes, and when your BFF is in a relationship, you're always going to come up #2 at best. As they say: desperate times call for desperate measures and sometimes to fill the void, you just have to send yourself the best memes to cheer you up a bit.
13 Please Someone Grab Me Soon
Damn. I been on the market for so long, feel like I’m bout to go on clearance. pic.twitter.com/Tk2WXoJ6Qc— Lame Impala. (@jamKartel) October 10, 2017
For most people, it feels like they can get out of a single funk fairly quickly if they just put a little bit of effort to it. But there are some of us out here who have been single for so long—and in some cases, have only ever been single—that it feels like we can never get back into it. Optimists like to say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but there's probably a fish out there who has been ignored by literally every other fish out in the sea; and that fish is me.
I've been on the market for so long that I'm not just on the sales rack, I'm the pack of Hit Clips from freaking 2007 that you're wondering what they're still doing in a Walmart clearance section 10 years later. Those Hit Clips may only be 50 cents, but they're totally useless and irrelevant and they're just going to sit on those shelves forever.
12 It's fine, I guess
Some of us are single in the sense that we haven't ever felt the warm, gentle touch of another human being. However, other people like to complain about how they're single, even though they get some action every once in a while, but just don't have an official relationship status. I'm not bitter, I'm just stating the facts. Like, I get it, we're both single in a definition sense but I don't see how we're feeling the same kind of pain. Sure, you're ghosted and have to deal with some real f*ckboys, but I don't know... It would feel nice for someone to give you more attention than, like, a lamp or something every once in a while. I feel your pain that nobody is in love with you, but it could always be worse. You could be me, after all.
11 Sometimes you just have to make do with what you've got
Being eternally single doesn't mean that you are just 100% fine with being completely on your own, even if all your "I love being by myself" Instagram posts say otherwise. There are some things in relationships that you can still live without, like having to decide on a restaurant to eat at together, but there's no denying that you'd just like the presence of another person next to you. You know that your single level has gone to a new level when you spoon with your stuffed animals and try holding your own hand. I've been there, and it's just not the same as the real thing — not like I know what the real thing is like but I can imagine it's pretty darn great!
10 One Of The only Benefits Of The Single Life
There are some benefits to being single. Most single people like to point out in a way to fill the void of their hearts, and one of them is the lack of pressure to shave for your beau. The thing with me is that even if I had a boo, I still wouldn't feel the need to shave except for about once every two and a half months because I'm lazy and my skin is sensitive AF. If someone wants to love me, they're going to have to love hairy me. It may be this exact mentality that's keeping me from being single. There's been quite a few instances of me going to the club wearing short shorts and having a nice fur all down my legs. Once when I told this to my co-worker, she said I was gross but I think I'm just doing my part to fight the patriarchy.
9 There Is No News
Ever since I was, like, 13 years-old, my aunts would always ask me during holiday parties if I had a boyfriend, and for every year since then, I've always disappointed them by saying, "Nah." At first they probably thought I was just an ugly and awkward teen. Then they probably thought I was gay and just in the closet. Now, I'm 23 and they're just glad that I'm pretty funny on Facebook every once in a while. It's annoying when you get the boyfriend question every year when you're single, but it's just a blow straight to the feelings when they stop asking you if you're dating because they already know the answer and have less hope than you do. At least I'm consistent, right?
8 There's No Winning Here
There's also this common misconception that people who are single AF are desperate and will date anyone just because they want to be with someone to feel whole again. This is true, but only in theory. As soon as someone comes in saying "hey," even the most single of people are going to be hesitant; the people who like us may not have any standards, but hell if I don't keep my own, completely unrealistic standards high. Nobody may love me, but I'm not going to let anyone love me if they don't meet certain criteria. Do I fit any of those standards for myself? Absolutely not, but it's not like we're talking about me here.
And don't tell me pickers can't be choosers — I'm ready to have high standards and complain about being single for the rest of my life and nobody can stop me.
7 Seriously, Deborah
People: why are you still single?— l a v a (@velcrovolcano) October 23, 2017
Me: because I only date guys that will date me
Friends may have the best intentions, but sometimes their words fall flat and that especially rings true when they comment on your single life. My friends are always so surprised that I've been chronically single since birth; and they wonder if it's a personal choice or something. Nobody chooses to be alone their whole lives while all their friends move on, Deborah. The thing is, you can't just date people through sheer power of will. That is not called dating, that's called a crime. To be not-single, you need someone else to want to date you, and for some of us, that's really hard to find. Most people can get out of a single slump through a little effort, but for the rest it's a lost cause.
6 I Relate More To This Textbook Than My Friends
My textbook and I have a lot in common pic.twitter.com/mTom7iqUYJ— zackisontumblr (@Zackarad) September 9, 2017
It's a sad day when you're able to personally relate to a label on a used textbook, so it's been a sad day for me for a few years now. Movies, television, books, music, none of that stuff is ever that relatable to you because a lot of that stuff is based around the concept of love: something that you have never experienced.
There are sure a lot of sad songs about breakups, but there are very few (if any) songs about how you're just trying to live your best life (along with feeling lonely). And I'm pretty sure there's no songs about significantly lowering your dating standards in hopes of finding some sort of connection but to no avail. There aren't many movies where the main character is a total nerd and remains a virgin at the end of the movie. The common narrative is that people get the happy, loving ending, but when that's just not you, you can turn to the label on a used textbook.
5 Never Get Your Hopes Up
Have you ever ended up actually talking to someone at a party who seems mildly interested in you? So you start thinking that they're "the one" and start planning your whole life together, only for that person to stop messaging you after, like, a day? Yeah, it blows doesn't it? There's something about when you're single for so long that you honestly can't tell the difference between someone wanting to get with you and someone just being a genuinely nice person. So you end up falling for someone who made the mistake of having nice eyes and listened to what you had to say. It only takes about a week to realize that you're not getting an S/O anytime soon and it's back to the drawing board.
4 Future Goals
Now that I'm in my 20's, I have a good handful of friends who are married or are about to get married, which means that their future plans and mine are completely different. They're thinking about getting a house, having kids, and maybe even a dog, and I'm just hoping that I can continue binge drinking on the weekends without getting too hungover. This will probably continue for about another decade before I get shamed out of my social habits. 10 years is a long ways away, a lot could happen, but I like to get realistic about these kinds of things. Sure, in 10 years it's possible that I could get married and have a child, but while it's possible — it's not very likely. And I don't even think those goals are wanted; my goals are a tad smaller. Living by myself, drinking wine, and having a dog sounds like everything I could ask for.
3 So Unqualified, You're Over-Qualified
As a single person, I've spent a lot of time by myself because my friends end up dating someone and end up forgetting all about me until they break up with said person. All of a sudden, I'm suddenly important again. Since I have so much time to observe and reflect, I pride myself in having pretty solid relationship advice as someone who is cold and impartial. A lot of my friends say, "What do you know? You've never been in love!" which hurts, but it also makes me the best person to give you advice. It's not my fault that all the best advice just ends up being able to stay single for a while and just depend on yourself. Just look at me, I've been doing just fine! (*ends up sobbing*)
2 Just Wanting To Be Loved
I focus on my friendships so much because other than myself, there aren't that many other options for me to focus on, and man, is that a disappointment sometimes. They don't really understand the struggle of being completely on your own; they still have optimism for me because really, all of their opinions about the subject are pretty half-baked since they're too focused on their own relationship lives. That's fine, but here's a nice infographic to show your friends the next time they start giving you self-confidence lessons and tell you that you have to wait for your prince/princess to come and sweep you off your feet. They act like there's just one person out there, but I'm gonna make it even easier to count and just say that there's zero people out there for me.
1 Everyone Else Gets More Love
when you realize candy has a better love life than you pic.twitter.com/3cOMDS98Is— sarcasm (@ThatsSarcasm) February 3, 2016
When all you have to occupy yourself are your own thoughts, you start taking more notice to what everything around you is like. Because there's nobody that you can exclusively be looking at with loving eyes, you can use your eyes to observe how other people are living their lives instead. What you'll find is that pretty much everyone appears to be less sad and lonely than you are — even if it isn't true, that's what it looks like. Heck, even candy bears have a luckier fate than you do. Sure, they're about to get chomped on and digested in hydrochloric acid, but they're about to die this gruesome death with each other, and that's more of a connection than you can say you've ever had with another person.